This Is ScoMan

thisis Necessary

2010-10-04T12:01:00.000+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

I've decided I need a break. A break from blogging. A break from commenting. A break from social networking even.

I've just been so.. tired lately. So I think I need to spend less time on the computer for the next few weeks. Plus, it's nice spring weather here now. I should be outside walking, not trapped in here with.. with you...

And it won't be a complete break. I'll still social network. I'll still check in on the bloggosphere. Just not every day. Maybe even once a week. Maybe not. Just whenever I have the free time and feel like checking in.

How long will the break last. Who knows?

When will I be ready to come back. Who can say?

My creative juices haven't been flowing lately, so I think some time away from the world in complete isolation (other than going to work) should do me good.

I'll rest. I'll get my creativity back. I'll come back and be awesome again. You'll see, it'll be fun.

But before I go a quick shout out to Karen at Karen's World.

John Grisham fans you need to get over there and check out the details of her giveaways because it is like.. John Grimshamfest right now.

And while you're there check out my confession that won me a prize in the first round of giveaways. Yes, that's right, even with the creative juices struggling, even with me being less than my awesome self, I still won something.

Which I think goes to show, even tired and worn down, I'm still pretty awesome.

"So why then, do you need a break?" I hear you ask.

Because I said so, that's why. Now go to your room.

Thinking of you always,

ScoMan

PS Comments are off because I'm not after a whole lot of "Come back soon" or anything like that. I'm just letting you know I'll be gone so you don't send a search party looking for me, or so if you notice I haven't been commenting on your blogs, you won't think it's because you suck. You don't suck. I suck, and I'm weak, and I'm tired.

thisis How you deal with a dodgy mechanic

2010-09-27T00:01:00.000+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

"Would you grow up? There's no room for truth on the Internet"
Howard Walowitz - The Big Bang Theory

I have been having trouble with my mechanic lately. I went in and saw him in May and about two weeks ago he started sending me accounts telling me I didn't pay him on the day. Accounts which were for totally different (lesser) amounts than the ones I paid, and which completely different invoice numbers to the one I was given.

As you can imagine, I got quite angry about the whole situation. I've been running around town badmouthing the place, telling coworkers and clients not to deal with them, I've written letters to the local papers telling them about the situation.. and I've even written letters to not so local papers.

On Friday I went in there and I didn't care that there were customers he was talking to as well as others waiting, I walked right past him and told him exactly what I thought of the stunt he was trying to pull.

I told him I knew I always paid him on the day, and he must have been fucked up on something to think I wasn't going to check a/ my bank account and b/ the previous invoice when he started sending me demands for payment. I called him a con artist and asked him how many other people he had scammed pulling this stunt, who couldn't be bothered double checking and just paid their account because it came in the mail.

He became quite flustered and kept stammering and backtracking and mumbling and really didn't have any answers.

And now for the truth...

I have been having trouble with my mechanic lately. I went in and saw him in May and about two weeks ago he started sending me accounts telling me I didn't pay him on the day. Accounts which were for totally different (lesser) amounts than the ones I paid, and which completely different invoice numbers to the one I was given.

As you can imagine, I found the whole situation quite humorous. I've been having a bit of a laugh with some people about it (mostly people who don't live in the area, but with those who do I'm careful to never name the place).

On Friday I went in there and I waited patiently while he dealt with the other customers who were there before me, even though one of them just seemed to be an old guy who was up for having a chat and not actually doing any business. I walked up to him and nervously pulled out my original invoice as well as the accounts he'd been sending me.

He checked the computer system and told me my original invoice was for all the work done to my car on that day, and that someone had raised a second invoice for some unknown reason which was for only part of the work done. He apologised about 1,000 times and I told him "It's okay. These things happen. No system is perfect and we all slip up ones in awhile"

He seemed to be a bit embarrassed about the situation, but told me he was going to look into how it happened. (I hope I didn't get anyone fired)

I'm not the sort of person to get to worked up about things or abuse people for mistakes. We're all human, we all make them, and my way still gets results.

Thinking of you always,

ScoMan

thisis Wordless Wednesday #2- Help!

2010-09-22T19:45:00.004+10:00

Yes, it's Wordless Wednesday again, which means I talk and you all SHUT UP!... I mean, sit quietly and listen. There's a good reader.

Hello ScoFans!

Remember a few weeks ago when I posted that list of things we hate, and I hinted there was a lot of ScoPoints on offer?

So congratulations to Nic for showing the rest of you losers that a little Scrubs knowledge goes a long way. She just won herself a bazillion ScoPoints. Had she added "How dare you?" it would have been a bajillion.

Why does my spell check accept "Bazillion" but not "Bajillion"?

Oh well.

Anyway, enough of that, now I need your help.

Yes, that's right, I just called you losers and now I want something from you. If there was some magic button I could press to take back the horrible things I said I would, but unfortunately, as far as I'm aware, no such button exists, so we'll just have to leave it be and move on.

I have recently started drinking tea at work, and as such I need some fancy cup which says "Leave me the hell alone".. but not "I'm an asshole so feel free to treat me like one".

Oh, and it should also say "Dexter is an awesome show".

I've narrowed it down to these three..

"Normal people are so hostile."

"Human bonds always lead to complications. Commitment. Sharing. Driving people to the airport."

"So I hear a rumor you're tracking all our internet activity. So is it true? 'Cause I can explain all that she-male stuff".

Okay, so I lied about the last one. I am going to get that for our IT guy for Christmas though. The mug says it in words I never could.

So anyway, what I need you to do is kindly cast your vote at the polly thingy over there, and shape what my coworkers think of me.

It might be obvious from this post I really don't care what they think of me.

Thinking of you always, (kindly.... most of the time)

ScoMan

thisis The Secret to Success

2010-09-13T00:01:00.000+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

** This post was inspired by a vlog Vince Caso posted this week. I might refer to it from time to time throughout this post. I don't know yet. I don't know where this is going. It could be exciting, or it could be breathtaking. I don't know**

When you hear successful people talk about the things that got them where they are today, similar themes are common amongst most of them:

hard work
taking a chance
luck

So there's nothing new there. So far my "Secret to Success" sucks big ones. But now we're going to realistically work through those points.

If you ask anybody you meet if they work hard, chances are they will tell you "Yes, of course I do".. especially if their boss is in earshot, so I don't think "hard work" REALLY seperates us.

But after listening to Vince speak passionately this week about the second point (there you go, I did mention it), it made me wonder "Do I have any goals? Is there something I would rather be doing, but the only thing holding me back is an element of risk or the potential for me to fall flat on my face?"

My first response was "No. As stressful as my job can be at times, I work with some amazing people who are happy to support one another and work as a team - plus they have a good sense of humor for bonus points" (and none of them read this blog, so for me to say that with none of them ever knowing I've said it.. it just goes to show you how I feel about them)

Anyone who's worked in an office knows co-workers make or break your enjoyment of your job.

But after dwelling on it for awhile, I thought, "Yes. There is something I would rather me doing with my life. I would rather be spending my days at home playing video games and watching DVDs without worrying about work"

And the only thing holding me back is taking a chance.

But let's go back to the first point, "hard work".

In order to live my dream, I need to maximise my cash. The sooner I maximise my cash, the sooner I can live my dream. There are a number of ways people have done this in the past, but the main two are sound investments and gambling.

Sound investments take a long, long time to gain sufficient funds for me to live the rest of my life on, so that leaves gambling.

Now I have to decide "Do I take everything I have to the casino and put it on black.. then black agian.. then red.. then black.. then red.. then red.. then red.. then black" until I have enough capital to suit my needs? Or do I take the slower approach of putting my fortnightly pay into lotto tickets until eventually, I win a jackpot large enough to meet my requirements?

This is where the hard work comes in. I need to monitor the chance of winning different games at the casino and compare that against the chance of winning the lotto, and then I need to look at the payout from each. How many times would I need to win a particluar game at the casino to reach the same amount of prize money I would get from winning a lotto jackpot?

What are the chances of winning the game that many times in a row?

What if I minimised the risk at the casino but limiting my outlay each time? The prize money received for winning would be less, and therefore I would need to win more times.

What about betting on sporting events?

Is there some sort of system I could develop to maximise my winnings whilst minimising my losses?

Now we come back to the second point - taking a chance.

Whatever system I develop, whatever I come up with, I have to move through the fear and trust my system.

I have to be prepared to lose everything, so that I may gain even more.

Did I just say I'm gaining more than everything?

I believe I did.

Is that possible?

Of course it is. I'm currently reading about a method of having more than everything.. right here.. on my blog.

Finally comes luck. With the system I develop I'm sure I won't require much luck at all, but I guess luck is an element in everything we do. Especially bad luck. Say for example, I forget to carry the one in one of my formulas. That is just bad luck.

So there you have it. I have put my dream out there, as well as a blueprint for how I'm going to get there. It will take a lot of hard work and taking a risk, there is no denying that, but now.. I think I'm ready to get what I deserve.

Wish me luck.

Thinking of you always,

ScoMan

The views presented in this blog do not reflect the views of Vince Caso nor do they reflect the views of the author of the blog. The advice contained within this blog should not be followed by anybody.

If however, you do follow the advice contained in this blog and you are succesful, the author is entitled to 20% of your earnings, and will provide PayPal details for payment to be made into at a later time.

thisis Time to Bond... James Bond?

2010-09-06T00:00:00.002+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

"It's easy to bond over hating something together. The Internet is total proof of that"
Codex - The Guild (Series 3, Episode 2)

As anyone who follows me on Twitter knows, I have been watching quite a bit of The Guild the last few weeks. Yes, that's right, I've been spamming your feeds. What, you wanna fight about it?

Anyway, I heard that quote and I realised "She's right. Blogging shouldn't be about entertaining people or making them laugh. It shouldn't be about sharing our lives or connecting with people. No, the Internet is about people who hate things joining together and complaining about those things."

Okay, so there's also quite a lot of porn on the Internet too, but other than porn, the Internet is mostly about hatred.

So I thought, this week, we'd take the opportunity to do some real bonding and strengthen our electronic connection by hating a list of socially acceptable things to hate, collectively shaking our fists and venting our frustration at the below listed things.

Things like cancer. I mean, cancer, what's with all the killing people, really. It's a damn inconvenience.

And also, that .1% of germs that no household cleaner is able to kill. Damn you invincible germs! It's your fault we get sick!

Oh, and cleaning products manufacturers. For years you've told us about your "new and improved" formula, but you've also been telling us your product kills 99.9% of germs. If you're not killing any more germs, how exactly is your product "improved"?

And politicians. I hate them so much.

And don't even get me started on lawyers.

Oh, and what about bad drivers. Am I right? Don't bad drivers suck?

And then there's teams that beat the Essendon Football Club. I know none of you know nothing about the AFL, but you do know me, and you like me, and you want me to be happy.. right?

... at least.. you don't want me to be unhappy..

And what is the deal with mean people? Don't they get that we all hate them? Seriously people, a bit of kindness goes a long way.

Unemployment. That's another bad thing. Because not only is unemployment bad, but when people get really desperate it also leads them to burglary and drug trafficking, which is also bad. That's a three for the price of one right there.

While we're on the subject of crime, rapists, pedophiles and murderers. What is your problem? Most criminals for that matter. You make so many peoples lives unpleasant. We don't like you either.

Bad TV shows also suck. Especially bad TV shows that are advertised a lot, so you're reminded of your anger towards the show in each commercial break, and that just makes you angrier.

Ummm.. what else is pretty awful?...

People who spam your Twitter feed. We don't care what show your watching, either say something interesting or don't tweet at all. (Yes, sometimes I do hate myself, just a little bit)

People who use their Facebook status to seek attention.

People who say w00t.

People who don't spell properly.

People who don't get it.

PeoPleE wHo TyPe lIke ThiS.

People who use social networking to constantly remind us all how much they love their significant other. If you love them so much, get off the damned Internet and spend some time with them.

People who be hating on my game.

People who diss my peeps.

People who are annoying.

People who complain too much.

People who are always happy.

Noisy children.

Crying babies.

Dusting.

Ironing.

Domestic violence.

And of course, Hugh Jackman.

Well, that's all I can come up with. How about you? Do you have anything else we can hate together?

Thinking of you always

ScoMan

PS There is the chance to impress me and earn some serious ScoPoints here.

thisis How to get your passport in Australia

2010-08-30T00:01:00.001+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

I just want to start today by pointing you over to Shanimal's Crackers to read about some awesome anonymous pranking. I thought I'd done a pretty good task of my anonymous prank, but I know when I'm beaten, and while she might call it a "good deed".. I think there's definitely an edge of prank to it.

Anyway, as some of you saw on Twitter a few weeks (months?) ago I was looking for advice on how to get started with organising my passport (and as much as I would like to say it's to visit Cher because she told me she could get me tickets to the world premiere of Griff in Toronto, Cher of course it's mostly to visit you... everyone except Cher of course it's mostly to see Griff.. I have been waiting for that movie for a long time), unfortunately that isn't the case.

And it's a good thing that's not the case, because this is a long process and there's no way I'd have it in time for the premiere. Plus, because it's all so hard, I'm really dragging my feet.

So here's how it's happened so far:

- Several of you told me on Twitter to go to the post office and get an application form, I did that .. Monday.. two weeks ago. I also needed to get my photo taken for it, for some reason I decided not to do that on the same day (I think doing two things in one day can be very tiring)

- Two Saturday's ago I started filling out the form and saw I needed my birth certificate as proof of ID. I didn't have that so I texted my parents, and as dad was coming down the following weekend anyway, he told me he'd bring it with him.

- Dad came down last Sunday. As it turns out, my parents never got my birth certificate, just the extract, which is no longer good for anything. Make a mental not to self - apply for a full birth certificate to be sent out to me.

- Thursday this week, I went in to the post office to get my photo taken. I had to take my glasses off for it, plus she said "You're not allowed to smile. You're not allowed to show any teeth. You're not allowed to be happy in any way" - I smiled at that because it was funny, then she gave me a death stare like "What did I just tell you?".. Hey, if you don't want me to smile, don't say stuff that makes me smile. Tell me you deleted my save games on my Xbox, then I won't be smiling.

Plus, because I was trying not to smile, I look like a serial killer in the photos. I think that's handy. "Please let me into your country, I promise I won't kill you... yet"

One of my friends also had to get a "Working with children" card because.. well because he works with children.. and because he wasn't allowed to smile either he looks pretty suspicious on his working with children thing too. Plus he has a beard, and you can't trust people with beards.

He looks like a pedophile and his card that says children are safe around him, that's all I'm saying.

- Last night - Ask mum where the hell I go to apply for the birth certificate. She sent me toward the "Births, death and marriages" website (with any luck I'll only ever be recorded there for two of the three things they manage)

- Today - Go to the website to print out the application form. My printer is out of ink. Email form to my work email address with the subject "Do this or I'll kill you". Have a brief fright when I think I may have accidentally sent it to the work email address and not to MY work email address.

I think it's a shame I don't have my passport though, because it asks "Why are you applying for your birth certificate?" and one of the reasons it lists is "Passport application", then further down you can use your passport and proof of identification. I'd like to say I was applying for the passport and then use it to ID myself, just to freak them out.

Plus when it comes to payment options, one of the ones they offer is "In person".

If I was paying them in person, I wouldn't be filling in their stupid forms and photocopying my ID. I'd go down there and make them do it, and pay them while I was there.

Anyway, soon I will have proof that I exist, and then after that I will be free to travel and explore the world.

The only thing stopping me is my lack of desire to travel and explore the world.

Thinking of you always,

ScoMan

thisis Wordless Wednesday #1- Things Sco Would Turn Bi For

2010-08-25T22:30:00.003+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

Welcome to my first Wordless Wednesday (and thanks to JustSal for sharing the picture with me)

I should explain to new readers I'm asexual, which is why I use the title "Things Sco Would Turn Bi For" I guess this post proves there are exceptions to every rule. Plus, there's no Government in Australia at the moment, so for the next few days.. anything goes.

I may also need to explain to some of you, being asexual basically means no matter what gender you are or how attractive you are, I don't want you to touch me. In fact, I pretty much like our relationship the way it is. I enjoy the real.. electronic... connection... that we share.

Speaking of how much I like you, if anyone can name the person on the right above, they get 1,000,000 ScoPoints. And if anyone can't name the person on the left, they lose 5,000,000 ScoPoints.

You might also be wondering how come I'm using words on "Wordless Wednesday"

That's because this is my blog, and my rules. Around here "Wordless Wednesday" means I get to say whatever I want, and you all remain wordless. It's my blog, and these are my rules.

Yep, the comments are off.

I am the greatest blogger who ever lived. If you disagree, make sure you leave your arguments in the comment section. If you agree, then leave no comment.

And you might be wondering how you're suppose to claim the ScoPoints if you can't comment and tell me the peoples names. Well, you can't. You just have to live with the self satisfaction that you scored those ScoPoints and nobody else knew it.

Thinking of you always,

ScoMan

The world has gone mad today
And good's bad today
And black's white today
And day's night today

Cole Porter - Anything Goes

thisis The 200th Post

2010-08-23T00:01:00.000+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

Welcome to what is the 200th post of.. well.. this URL at least. The title of the blog has changed. The layout has changed. The greeting has changed. There's not much that's stayed the same in the last 200 posts. But like I said, the URL stays the same.. so I guess this post is a tribute to the URL which has remained unchanged through all the other changes (and if I could change it easily, I probably would have.)

Oh.. what's that?

That's something I posted on Twitter the other night. I just had to post it here to reassure you that even though I'm 200 posts down, I've still got plenty of fresh stuff to keep you coming back. I mean, if I can do THAT with 146 characters or less, imagine what I can do with my next 100 posts.

And yes, when I'm as bursting with scosomeness as I was when I was writing that, I do tend to get a bit excited and there is a typo or two there. And unfortunately, I don't spell check my tweets like I spell check my blog.

But on the subject of my next 100 posts, I am planning my first ever "Wordless Wednesday" (because it looks easy and fun) and I am also planning a giveaway sometime in the next few months. Hopefully that's enough to keep you coming back.

Finally, thank you to those of you who have read and commented on the previous 199 posts, as well as those of whose blogs I have stalked over the past.. however long I've been stalking blogs.. whether you've been here a week or whether you've been here 20 months, chances are you've made me smile or you've shaped this blog in some way, so thank you all again.

Thinking of you always

ScoMan

It's time you.. knew,, umm.. "the truth"

2010-08-16T00:01:00.000+10:00

Hello... ummm.. ScoFans!

Okay, I... I don't have a lot of... a lot of time to share this with you. I.. they.. they know I'm going to finally reveal... reveal one of the biggest.. the worst conspiracies.. of the last... of all time.. and.. and.. the worst part about it is.. nobody suspects anything.

Some... of you know that.. that I've been sick for about a week now... annnnnnnnnnnd... and I'm sure you thought nothing of it.. because it's winter in Australia... and.. and that's just what happens.. people get sick in the winter... right?

But... that... that's not right... at all... it's just what they... want you to believe...

The doctors... they accountants.. they've been.. conspiring.. against you... for... centuries now.. and.. they're... infecting the population... with disease.. to... to... to.. to test how control groups react.. to the viruses.. and.. to drive people to doctors waiting rooms.. and.. increase.. the doctors revenues.

Ummmm... if you.. if you just think about it.. the signs are... obvious. The.. Americans.. generally visit their accountants... in.. January each year.. for Australia it's during July. That is during their coldest.. months.. to mask what they're doing.. to blame.. the diseases... on the weather..

And even though... more people.. are lodging their own.. returns.. each.. year.. still large percentages.. are visiting accountants.. and that is... is enough.. to move infection... throughout.. the population.

The process.. itself.. is simple.. by.. voluntarily.. locking.. dozens of people... umm.. in small rooms.. with their accountant.. each week.. by.. infecting.. the accountant.. most of the people.. will also become.. umm.. infected.. and.. they spread.. the virus.. through people.. they.. then.. umm.. come into contact with..

So..

If you hear..

Your accountant..

Cough..

You should..

Umm...

I must...

...
...

...

Run...

Anonymous pranks and other things

2010-08-09T00:01:00.000+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

Okay, so I've been a bit quiet on the bloggosphere lately. Well, quiet for me at least. I'm sure if the pope had been as active as I have been around the blogs these last few weeks, people would be like "Jesus fucking Christ! It's the pope!"

And then he would punish them for using the lords name in vain. Or vein. Or something. The point is the pope would be pissed. And the pope looks like a man you won't want to piss off.

Do I have excuses for my slackness? Sure. But you've heard them all before, so I won't go into that.

Besides, busy as I may be, I always have to remember what Captain Hammer says:
"When you're the best you can't rest, what's the use?
There's ass needs kicking, some ticking bomb to defuse"

That second line probably relates more to what I do in my free time than it does to my blog, but nonetheless, I feel it still warrants a mention. Plus, as I have indicated, my free time is somewhat lacking these days, and I'm choosing to spend it here, with you, in blogland, rather than out kicking the asses of small children and blowing up orphanages, so I hope you're all happy.

You're taking away the two real joys I have in life, and offering me instead, a third but still much lesser joy.

And not only have I been busy, but of course one of my tweets was mentioned on a television here in Australia last week. A show that's watched by over a million people (sometimes - and that's a lot for an Australian show).

So you know, I'm pretty big time now. I hardly need you lot any more, and still I take the time to drop in. You should all be grateful.

But enough of all that. That's just filler (You're thinking "Wow, if his filler is gold I can't wait til he gets to his content")

Last time I blogged I told you all (or at least those of you who read it) about an anonymous prank I pulled. Since then, I have had an anonymous prank pulled on me.

Okay, thanks for stopping by and... oh, you want to know what the prank was? Well, do we have the time to cover that? I was about to head out to a magazine shoot and.. okay, because I love you, I'll make the time.

My landlord called me last Thursday night to ask if it's okay for some people to come and look through my flat on Friday. It's probably important to mention that she's trying to sell the flats, and she wasn't just selling tickets for people to look through my stuff on account of my new found stardom.

At least, I don't think she was selling tickets.

So I come home on Friday night and do a quick look around and make sure nothing has been moved and everything looks to be still in it's place and making sure there were no giant sacks of money accidentally left behind, to find that everything was in order (although it wasn't until Sunday I noticed the real estate agent had left her card in the middle of my kitchen bench so that probably a fair indication of how hard I actually looked, and probably an unfair indication of how often I actually cook)

After watching the mighty Bombers beat St Kilda last Friday night, I climbed into bed a bit after 11 to find it was quite hot and it was difficult to sleep. My Northern Hemisphere readers might be thinking "It's called Summer, deal with it" and my readers who are fans of science fiction might be thinking that someone had somehow worked out away to change the weather patterns and localize it just to my bedroom, while others still might be thinking that someone had somehow found a way to move my bedroom to the Northern Hemisphere.

But alas, as awesome as some of those things would be (except for it just being Summer, it's Summer for three months of the year, that's hardly special or significant), it was not what was required here.

Someone turned the setting on my electric blanket to 7 (out of 9. I usually have it set on 1)

A normal person or a cranky person might get upset or frustrated or seek vengeance against those who had wronged them.

Being a fellow lover of a good prank, I just laughed and thought "Well played".

Thinking of you always,

ScoMan

What Sco Did

2010-07-26T00:01:00.000+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

I've been thinking of writing this post as a "Confession Wednesday" for the last few weeks.. but.. well.. I just haven't really had the time. And instead of let my guilt eat away at me any longer,I need to come clean and get something off my chest... with all of you, my beloved readers, who I know would support me rather than scold me for my actions.

Back on the 8th of June, I went to a seminar for work (don't worry, this post has hardly anything to do with the seminar, in fact, if I weren't reassuring you that this post isn't about the seminar, I would have already stopped talking about the seminar.)

I was the only one from my office attending on this particular day, so I went in, found a seat and introduced myself to the guy sitting next to me. We talked again at morning tea, but I didn't see him during lunch.

After lunch, I walked back into the room to find his books gone. He'd obviously left at lunch time. But he had made a critical mistake.

He'd trusted me.

He left his evaluation sheet with my things to hand in at the end of the day. And he'd left his name on it. And his member number. And his email address.

And he hadn't filled in any of the written response questions. And I had four hours of boredom to kill. (And I was a little bit jealous that I didn't think of leaving during the lunch break. Normally the food is worth sticking around for. Not this year)

Anyway, I filled in his evaluation as follows.

What would you like to see more of in next years seminar?

The pink handout. I like pink. Pink is pretty.

What would you like to see less of in next years seminar?

The yellow hand out. I don't like yellow. Yellow scares me. My sister used to make me wear yellow dresses when I was little. Sometimes when I see big bird, I wet my pants just a little bit. I don't like yellow.

Could you recommend any changes to the seminar?

Don't use the Mission Impossible music when we come in from breaks. You're not spies. You're not sexy enough to be spies.

Do you plan on using the CD attached to today's notes when you get back to your office? If not, why not?

No. I won't be using it. I don't believe in computers or Eskimos. The unicorn told me they don't exist.

It felt good to walk out of that room imagining the chaos or confusion I might cause, or at least the laughter from the person reading the evaluation, without knowing for sure whose life I might touch or in what way they might be impacted.

I do like to think they at least emailed him about his responses to their questions.

It's been a long time since I pulled an anonymous prank, and I have to say, I kind of enjoyed it.

I miss that feeling of not knowing what happens next.

Thinking of you always,

ScoMan

"Narcissitic Personality Disorder",,,,?

2010-07-19T00:01:00.000+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

This week, I'm really not in the mood to write much (it's been a long, long week), but because there has been a few posts about quotes and a few about self discovery and what not this week, I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone and post something that was on Law and Order: Criminal Intent the other night. (Yes, I still watch that show)

This happened just after they arrested the doer of the crime they were investigating this week..

Serena *reading a book*
These individuals often have a grandiose view of themselves and demand excessive admiration (the excessive admiration I receive from all of you is one of the reasons I continue to blog. In fact, it's why I'm writing a post this week even though I don't feel like writing)

They maneuver well in difficult situations, but their self esteem is fragile. Any threat to their self image might agitate or even enrage them. (so it's best you don't threaten my self image)

Zach
It's good how you.. cite textbook. Yeah.. "Narcissistic personality disorder". It's a psychopathology that fits our Patricia to a tee. (I don't like to self diagnose, but there's no denying I do have narcissistic tendencies. Again, it's a combination of narcissism and introversion that result in me blogging. I want people to know how awesome I am, I just don't want them to talk to me or come near me)

Serena
Or a sign of the zodiac. Patricia's a Scorpio. (Sco is also a Sco-rpio. No self diagnosis necessary)

Zach
....... Yeah.. well..... my father would kill me for saying this but... ah... equally valid.

And because a comment I left at "Stir Fry Awesomeness" recently raised the question as to how many bloggers are introverts and how many are extroverts, I've decided to take a sample using you, my readers. You'll notice the nice little poll thingy up the top there, and if you would kindly answer that honestly, a raccoon riding a pig through the Himalaya's will smile.

Thinking of you always,

ScoMan

The Highlight Reel

2010-07-12T00:01:00.000+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

C'est le malaise du moment. L'épidémie qui s'étend. La fête est finie on descend. Les pensées qui glacent la raison. Paupières baissées, visage gris. Surgissent les fantômes de notre lit. On ouvre le loquet de la grille. Du taudis qu'on appelle maison.

Sommes nous les jouets du destin. Souviens toi des moments divins. Planants, éclatés au matin
Et maintenant nous sommes tout seuls. Perdus les rêves de s'aimer. Le temps où on avait rien fait. Il nous reste toute une vie pour pleurer. Et maintenant nous sommes tout seuls.

Yeah, I'm just playing with you.

Because there might be some fresh eyes on this blog today, so I thought I would mess with them.. and all of you as well. The bigger the audience, the more fun it is to mess with them.

So why might there be fresh eyes over here?

Well, today I'm being featured at Words of Wisdom as their "Blog of Note"

To save me explaining what exactly that means, I've copied and pasted the following from their site to let Pam and Sandy explain it to you, in their own words.

Words of Wisdom (WOW) is a place for bloggers (women and men) who enjoy reading and writing great content to find each other. What exactly is great content? Great content is blog posts that are thought-provoking and/or insightful. Blog posts that make the reader stop and think and maybe even feel compelled to "join the conversation" by leaving a well thought-out comment. These posts can be serious or humorous. They can be about any topic. But what they have in common is content. Great content.

So thank you to Pam and Sandy for featuring me today, and thank you to Jennee of Cheap Therapy for the nomination.

If you could use a few more blogs in your reader, I recommend the two above.

Being today's "Blog of Note" is a huge honour, and although I'm not going to claim to be or refer to myself as a "hero", I won't mind if you do.

Anyway, I've been following Words of Wisdom for a few months now, and how these BON days work for more people is they link back to a few of their favourite posts to "introduce" themselves and their style to any new readers who might stop by.

Long time readers then go "Psh, I've already read those" and look for the nearest exit.

Medium time readers go "I read that one, that one sounds interesting so I'll read that, that last one sounds pretty shit and I have to get dinner ready so I'll pass on that"

Noobs read any that interest them from the spiel I give. An unbiased spiel. Because I don't like to tell people I'm awesome. I like to let them discover it for themselves.

So, anyway, three of my favourite posts.

(Oh, and just in case you're new to.. you know, the Internet, those underlined highlighted bits are links, and if you click on them it'll take you to a whole nother webpage)

The Girl At The Place Where I Pay My Rent

A post I originally wrote on a blog that my family and friends (and not many other people) read, I have posted this on nearly every blog I had had since.

Of all the posts I wrote on that blog, this one seemed to be the favourite of my family and friends so I thought it would be a favourite of the strangers I have written for since.

When I first posted it my pa texted my mum and he was like "Boom! Ya'll best check out the wikid skillz your boi got yo!", and then he emailed mum the link (she's not tech savvy, she didn't follow the blog) and she sent him a message back "Word"

And so my family and friends I think overreacted a bit, and everyone wanted to talk about what I was writing.

This is one of the reasons I no longer tell family and friends about my blog. I was in my 20's and mum had printed it out and put it on her fridge. It was a weird feeling.

Which was another reason I stopped posting on that blog and for my family and friends- because I then felt pressure to keep up that standard, and I knew I couldn't match it.

So as Eminem might put it, "Stop with the fables, I'm not going to be able to top on this post here"

Backwards Blog My Is This

A post in which I somewhat ditch "blogging conventions" and write just to have a bit of fun.

What Shall We Do With The Drunken Accountant?

I didn't think sailors should get to have all the fun pushing their drunken coworkers, so I updated the classic pirate shanty.

And if you think that was fun, you can join in too! You'll notice on the right there I'm also looking for suggestions of what we can do to the drunken blogger. So click it, add your bit in the comments section and I'll update that as well (looking at the "last updated" bit, I haven't added to it for a few months, so any new suggestions are more than welcome)

As a special bonus, I mentioned Eminem earlier in this post, if you'd like to see me singing some of his stuff you can.

So that's in. I hope any new people that stopped by today found something they enjoyed and if you leave a comment I will work on getting back to your blogs as soon as possible. I always like to return the blog love where I can.

Thinking of you always,

ScoMan

'Cos It Feels Empty.. Without Me

2010-07-02T07:00:00.009+10:00

Well I'm back nananananananananana
Eminem- Without Me

Hello ScoFans!

Did you miss me? I've missed all of you. I've missed you so much I'm sitting here at 7 in the morning to let you all know I'm back.. back again.

Some of you know this already but for those of you who haven't heard, I've been battling with Google for the last week.

They locked me out of my email account, out of my blog, out of my reader, out of... no wait, it was just those three.

So, I had to email Google and basically ask the question that had to be asked... "WTF?"

Dear Google,

I tried to sign into my account this morning only to learn that my account has been disabled. Apparently I've violated some "Terms of Service"

I'm not sure what I did, but when Facebook told me I violated their terms of service it's because I made fun of Andrew G. Is this your issue also? I didn't realise he was so powerful.

Not only has my email access been disabled, but my blog has been disabled as well, which I'm sure is causing distress among my many followers. I have dozens of followers. Baker's dozens (They come in thirteens)

So far I have had one of my followers write to me on Twitter and tell me how upset they are. I hope you'll pay for any counselling they require. I don't want to announce publicly what has happened for fear it might cause stress among my other readers.

And Google, I like you. I mean, obviously gmail isn't as cool as Hotmail and your search engine isn't as awesome as Bing, but your blogger website is far better than Microsoft's "spaces". Have you seen it? It's very lame.

Plus Microsoft want to charge me to download a new team into my Blood Bowl game on my Xbox, where if I'd bought the game on PC I wouldn't be charged for that team. I think I will still pay for the download though, because the team is the "Dark Elves". Usually I play as the "Wood Elves", but I find people make fun of "Wood Elves" for being weak ass tree huggers. Nobody messes with Dark Elves though. I hope they have magic powers. Then I will definetely download them.

Wait.. is that how I violated your terms of service? When I posted on that one blog about the Microsoft Songsmith ad? In my defense, that ad is pretty poor, and it deserves to be made fun of.

Anyway, if you could please let me know exactly what term I have violated I would be thankful so I will not violate it again in the future. Not like Microsoft violated me as a consumer by trying to make me pay for the Dark Elves.

I hope we can resolve the matter shortly,

ScoMan

That was last Friday morning (exactly one week ago).

When it came to Sunday and I still hadn't heard from them, I had to email them again, and I was furious, as I'm sure you'll tell by this next email..

Dear Google,

It has been two days since I last contacted you about my disabled account, and I am starting to worry you are using this time to build up a super strong team of Orcs to beat my measly Dark Elves in Blood Bowl, rather than working on a solution to our problem.

People are now becoming frustrated that they cannot access my blog. I have now received up to four Tweets crying out at the injustice of my blog being deactivated, not to mention my email account and access to my Google Reader, which remembers all of their blog addresses so that I don't have to.

I want to know three things.

1/ Why was my account deactivated?

2/ Will my account being reactivated any time in the future?

3/ When is the series Four of Dexter being released in region four?

I hope that we can resolve this matter promptly.

Thinking of you always,

ScoMan

A few more days have rolled by since then and I hadn't heard anything, so this morning when I saw there was one new email in my spam folder I didn't dare hope it was finally a response from Google. I'd been disappointed before. So when it was a response from Google you can imagine how excited I was (I believe my exact words were "BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. I'm back baby!")

So what did Google have to say for themselves? What was it that has kept me locked off the bloggosphere for over a week now?

Hello,

Thank you for your report. We apologize for any inconvenience you may have
experienced. The issue you described should now be resolved.

If you're still having trouble accessing your Gmail account, you can reset your
password on the following page, as long as you still have access to the email
address you listed while creating your Gmail account:
https://www.google.com/accounts/ForgotPasswd.

If you aren't receiving the password-assistance email after visiting the above page,
please check your inbox and spam/junk mail for an email from account-recovery-
noreply@google.com.

Finally, we've compiled a survey to better understand suspicious activity associated
with Gmail accounts, and we'd appreciate if you'd take a few minutes to answer the
questions. We are constantly working on ways to safeguard our systems, and the
information you provide will help us continue to protect our users' information:
http://mail.google.com/support/bin/request.py?contact_type=improve_detection.

Sincerely,

The Google Team

"Suspicious activity?"... I'm not sure, but I think Google just accused me of being a terrorist. Or maybe they think I'm suspiciously awesome.

And yeah, that survey sounds like a good idea. Tell you what, it took you a week to get my blog reactivated and I've got a lot of blogs to catch up one due to being locked out of my account, so I don't know Google, maybe I'll get to it one day. Plus you didn't even mention Dexter.

Anyway, I better keep getting ready for work, I just wanted to let you all know the crisis is over, I am back and I will be catching up with your blogs over the weekend (160 something in my reader.. It's going to be a blog filled weekend!)

Thinking of you always,

ScoMan

Friday Failures #25- CPA and Microsoft

2010-06-17T20:19:00.008+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

I know, two highly respected organizations like CPA and Microsoft coming under the Friday Failures microscope at the same time! You might be slightly more surprised than me, because I'm the one writing it and I have been planning it for a few days, but I'm still fairly surprised.

We'll start with Microsoft.

This is probably a commercial some of you have seen. It might be a commercial that was popular in some parts of the world. I'd never seen it was on "The Gruen Transfer" the other night (as a contender for "The Worst Ad Ever"), and I had to share with with you, in case some of you haven't seen it.

Yep, I put that one first so you can all sing along to it while you read the rest of this post.

Next is CPA.

As part of my continuing professional development, I have to do 120 hours every three years of various quizzes, seminars, courses etc. One option I've taken is to do an online quiz on their magazine every month for 1.5 CPD hours.

Usually it's easy. You read the question, skim the article it mentions and find the answer.

This month, the questions got a little trickier..

Thankfully the questions were a bit bigger than that. And you can make them bigger too by clicking on that there picture.

I think what happened there is someone got a bit excited about the long weekend and perhaps slipped a little last Friday afternoon.

And I know the other thing that happened there is even with the question that wasn't really a question, the question that gave no indication as to what the answer might be, the question that isn't really a question at all, I still got it right.

Because. I. Am. That. Damn. Good.

Why Nudity Isn't the Point

2010-06-13T19:28:00.005+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

It's a long weekend here, and rather than use some of the extra time to write something super special for you all, I've decided to take a bit of a break. Well actually, the opportunity for the break kind of presented itself last week when Jennee of Cheap Therapy left a comment that definitely needed further explanation. So I asked her to guest post in case somebody else saw the comment and wanted the full story.

Plus, I wanted to share another "Naked Man" tale with you all. The office tour has been done, maybe I'll do a "Naked Man" tour. And THEN maybe we'll combine the two and do a "Naked Office" tour, where we all show up to our workplaces early strip down and wait for coworkers to arrive. Then we take photo's of their surprised face and write the tales of the experience on our blog. Plus then we could vlog the awkward conversation with our employers after the experience, but we'll make sure we're fully clothed by then. There is no place for nudity on the Internet.

Anyway, it's time for Jennee's naked man experience (I might add some notes in italics along the way)...

Why Nudity Isn’t The Point.

A naked man. I’ve seen a few. My personal favorite it the statue of David and there have been other times that I have enjoyed the site of God’s wonderful creation. And then, there have been other times that I would much rather pour acid in my eye balls and beg for blindness.

I have spent the past 2 years trying to forget about this incident that happened in my life, but Scoman promised me that he would pay for all the counseling that I need after admitting the story is true. So, into this tragic memory, I dive.

Miami is full of crazy people and desperate people. I was feeling a little desperate as I searched for an apartment or roommate. I had a week before I would be getting kicked out of my current residence because the family I was renting a room from just decided they wanted me out. My finances weren’t the greatest which limited the luxurious beach side apartment buildings and living alone.

Searching online, I found someone willing to rent out a bedroom. I inquired and learned that it was a single man looking for a roommate. Like I said, I was desperate and agreed to meet with him. I met Carlos after work one evening. I should have known better, going to his apartment after 10:00pm, but I was in a crunch.

Carlos opened the door to his apartment. He looked like he might be going to the gym later. His shorts and t-shirt are about two sizes to big. Yeah, he thought he was cool. Most men are dirty (they are? I didn't even realise we had that option!) and Carlos was one of them. I wanted to bleach his apartment and sweep the floors. I had only seen the kitchen and was ready to explore the rest of the place.

We part from the kitchen to an 6x8 room. This was what he was offering to me for a room. I grinned, realizing that I wouldn’t have a door and that this room was just outside of his bedroom. The bathroom, that we would share, was through his bedroom (who designed this place?).

I told Carlos that the room is much smaller than I was hoping and wondered where I would store my furniture…and clothes. He suggested that we share a closet that was already filled with his crap. “I don’t know, I mean, I’m in a crunch but I don’t know if this is going to work out.” I told him.

“You don’t need to make a decision right this second. Why don’t you hang around for a little bit and we’ll get to know each other and see if we’d get along.” Carlos suggested.

I agreed (remember everyone, she was desperate). He seemed like he was nice and that we would be able to get along but it is never fun living with strangers. We sat down in his bedroom because it was the only place to sit down. I sat in the chair in the corner as he lounged on his bed. We make small talk. “Why are you so uncomfortable?” He asked after a few minutes.

“Do I look uncomfortable?” I may have rambled about us being complete strangers and I was in his apartment and it was getting late and I had a 30 minute drive. He offered me a drink and I declined. He flipped the television to the news and we started talking about current events. Something interesting came up on the television and because I sat in the chair in the corner, I couldn’t see the t.v. I moved over and sat on the edge of the bed. (BIG MISTAKE. (that was her, not me. But I agree))

It is at this moment that Carlos kisses me. I didn’t see it coming and let out an awkward giggle. “You are really beautiful. I could never live with you and not be with you.” He kisses me again and I am a bubble of awkwardness. My mind is racing, what should I do? Should I just kiss him but won’t that lead him on and I don’t even know what just happened but it is kinda nice….I pulled myself away and told Carlos that I better be on my way and that I’ll let him know about the room. I already knew the answer was HELL NO, I can’t live with a guy that wants me. I wouldn’t be able to sleep. What if he jumps me in the middle of the night while I’m dreaming about something pleasant?

“Don’t go. I was just really getting to know you.” Carlos says. He kisses me again and there is a lot of commotion going on. I try to peek and see what he is doing, but he positions my face and keeps kissing me. Finally, our kiss has ended and Carlos is on his bed and no longer wearing his shorts. He’s also…very…happy.

I stood up and he took off his shirt. Completely nude with a boner laying on his bed. “I want you.” He touched himself unapproachably in my company as he taunted me with dirty promises. I’m sure my face had the combined look of shock and disgust. Seriously, I just met him and he thinks I’m gonna jump into his bed because I’m at his apartment late a night? The taste in my mouth has gone bad and all I can think about is going to the gas station and buying some tic-tacs (is it just me, or is anyone else wondering if Carlos actually had a room for rent?).

“I’m not gonna rent the room and I should get going.” I told him and found my way to the door. I got to my car and wonder what just happened.

Carlos called me on my drive home and apologizes. He told me some line about being so attracted to me that he just got lost in desire. We agreed that living together wouldn’t be a good thing but Carlos wanted to see me again. And you know what, I agreed to go on a date with him.

It was my worst date ever. What was I thinking?!?! Carlos took me on a drug deal for our date, left some drugs in my car and asked me for money because he’s broke (that really does sound like more of a "second date" thing).

Bad, bad memories. And this is why I have worked so hard to block it out (Blocking it out hasn't worked, and I'm sure you'll agree sharing and getting it off your chest is a healthy and liberating experience).

* His name isn’t really Carlos, although I don’t know why I’m trying to protect that perverted sleezeball.

I don't know why you protected him either. This blog has a history of naming and shaming sleezeballs. Or not naming them, but posting their pictures. And not so much a history.. it did happen one time.

Thanks for sharing the story Jennee. And remember everyone, if you enjoyed this story you can head over to Cheap Therapy and check out her blog.

And if you have any naked man stories of your own you'd like to share, let me know. I don't mind taking weeks off writing.

The Naked Man

2010-06-06T16:50:00.011+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

First order of business, Jewels Diva passed me a few pressies in her last post. It was her "Hunk of the Month" post, but unfortunately, I missed out on that title AGAIN. It has to be my month soon though.

Anyway, because I do love to brag and show off the wonderful things people do for me, I thought I'd share those pressies with you now..

For those of you who aren't on Twitter, first of all wake up and smell the '10s, and secondly that's my Twitter avatar. And when it comes to sexy avatar's, I think you'll all agree that one has to be near the top of the list (am I right ladies?)

I think me taking the credit for being the sexy beast though is about on par with Hugh Heffner claiming the glory of being the "Playmate of the month" (I heard that's a thing. I mean, I don't know. I just researched it on Wikipedia. My friend mentioned it once. I only know Hugh Heffner because I saw him on The Simpsons. What's Playboy?)

While we're talking Models, I whinged and complained that Jewels made Michael Weatherly the "Model" covershot and not yours truly. Because whingers always get their way, she was kind enough to email this to me the next day..

Thanks for both of those shots Jewels.

Now on to what I wanted to share with you all today. And be ready, because I'm going to be conducting research at the end of this post, so take notes.

The following story is true.. it happened to a friend of a friend of mine.. actually it happened to a coworker.

A few weeks ago said coworker went out to the pub. The thing about the town I live in is it's about 15 kilometres from an army base, which works out well for this particular coworker. She loves checking out the "men in uniform"

The thing about men in uniform here, especially young men in uniform, is they realise that ladies like young men in uniform, and that makes them incredibly confident.

On this particular night one of these young military men managed to talk his way back to my coworkers place, but she did give him one condition.. she wouldn't sleep with him. She was happy to watch a DVD or just hang out, but he wasn't going to be getting any action.

He agreed to those terms.

So after a bit of DVD watching and sitting with distance between them, she gets up to go to the bathroom. Remember how I said young military men were confident? Well, when she walks back from the bathroom, she found this one just sitting there... naked.

Fans of "How I Met Your Mother" might recognise this move as "The Naked Man"..

(I am being generous to my female readers today, aren't I?)

It was said on "How I Met Your Mother" that this move will work two out of every three times. Unfortunately for soldier boy, he became the one out of three. You know, after the shock had passed.

She wasn't just shocked because he had decided to disrobe, but because she had given him no indication whatsoever that she was interested in seeing him in his birthday suit. And the thing about my coworker is, she isn't backwards in coming forwards and she can be quite loud, so I would hate to be on the wrong end of what he received that night.

I told her I was disappointed though. I told her she shouldn't have carried on like that, she should have just acted like nothing was out of the ordinary. I like to think that someone, somewhere has just given the naked man no reaction. Some guy somewhere has worked up the courage to pull this stunt, and has received not even the batting of an eyelid or missing of a beat for his efforts.

Some of you might be wondering whether I have my coworkers permission to tell this story, well.. I do. She doesn't know I have a blog of course, but she said she is telling everyone and anyone about it and she asked me to do the same in the name of research (being a soldier he isn't local any more, he was shipped out so we don't have to worry about his embarrassment. Not that that concerns any of you, because none of your are local either)

She was going to go out and deal with.. you know, real people, and because I don't like dealing with real people, I volunteered to conduct my research with the Internet.

So in the name of research, I'm putting the following questions out there (please note all answers will be anonymous unless they aren't)

Have you ever tried the naked man or woman? Or have you had the naked man or woman tried on you?
If so, was it successful?
If you have had more than one naked man or woman experience, what is the success rate?

You should note that this research is crucial, as it gives us something to discuss at work in the afternoon after we've had enough of our daily tasks.

And hopefully this post has given you some watercooler or dinner table conversation that you can use in your own lives. I like to help in whatever way I can.

Pinch and a punch for the first day of the month

2010-06-01T18:17:00.008+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

I had a special post for the first of May, and after a discussion at work today I'm going to mark another first of the month with a new month related post. Did anyone follow that?

Today I was talking with a coworker about her daughters getting carried away with this "Pinch and a punch for the first day of the month" thing. She's got four daughters and I think the oldest is about 8. I can imagine it's pretty bad.

There's a few the kids go through these days.

It starts with "Pinch and punch for the first day of the month". No surprises there. That's a classic, we've all heard that one before right?

Next, it moves on to "Flick and kick for being so quick". She hadn't heard that one before, but I grew up with it. Is it just her that doesn't know it? Or is this a relatively new thing? Old people, I'm asking you.

THEN there's "That's not fair so I'm pulling your hair".. that one was new to me. I hadn't heard it. She hadn't heard it before her girls bought it home either.

And that got me wondering.. she's Gen X.. I'm Gen Y.. her kids are whatever they are.. maybe every generation adds a new one to the list.

Well, I've saved the future generations some trouble, because that's just the kind of guy I am. They can refer to this list.. and you can use it to get ready for when you have kids or grandkids or whatever's next in line in your family as well.. you'll know what they're going to be bringing home.

"That was just bad so I'm going to murder your dad"
"Least it wasn't my mum and now I'm using my gun"
"I'm not afraid. Here's a grenade"
"You forgot to pull the pin. Here it is agin"
"Turns out you're a liar, so I'll set you on fire"
"Fire's in the past, eat a laser blast"

By that point we should be at about 2070-2080.

I'm not sure where the world and it's weaponry technology will be at that point, so I can't continue from there.. but hey, we're all set for the next 60 years or so.

So if you haven't had kids yet, just make a mental note of where in the line you expect to have them, and plan what sort of weapons you'll need to send them to school with every month, as well as the sort of things their body armour will need to protect them from.

Also females in the group, if you have a slow witted kid, I'd be prepared to lose a few husbands along the way. And men, may your deaths be quick and painless.

Okay. Now we've had our laugh. Now I have to move on to something serious.

A few weeks ago, I posted pictures of my workplace. All fun games yeah?

Last night however, my workplace was broken into, and I suspect it was one of you assholes, using those pictures to case the joint. (Oh yeah, "case the joint".. I watch cop shows, I know what that means.)

Before you get too stressed, most of you aren't suspects. The bars they climbed through the back means whoever did this is fairly skinny, so a majority your fat asses can rest easy. As for the five or six of you I think would probably fit, I'll be watching, and waiting, and eventually you'll make a mistake.

And I was thinking not only have I posted pictures of my workplace on here, I've posted pictures of myself as well. Maybe whoever broke into my office will use those pictures to come after me.

I decided however, that I don't need to hire protection, because if you were skinny enough to fit through those bars, I'm sure I could crush your bony ass.

And for those of you that saw the pictures of my workplace, remember how organised everything was?

After the detective walked around the office looking lost for a few minutes he came and asked us "How am I supposed to know what's where you left it, and what was messed up by the robbers?"

We were one of nine places broken into last night though. All they stole from us were some of the mints in the tray out the front that we have there for charity.

They opened all the cupboards around where we keep the petty cash, but they didn't open the petty cash cupboard. When one of the girls pointed this out to the detective, this conversation took place:
"But what you have to realise is, these people are working in the dark. They might just have a small flashlight, so it's not necessarily that they're dumb."
"I think they're dumb though"
"Well you might think they're dumb, but we haven't caught them yet"
"............................ Oh"

On the lighter side of crime though (and by "lighter side" I mean "It's funny because it didn't happen to me"), today a bank 25 kilometers up the road from here was robbed.

Hilarious right?

But that's not all. The would be bandits were pulled over by an unmarked police car for not wearing their seatbelts, and while the police were talking to them the call about the robbery came over the radio.

Sometimes you just get lucky I guess.

I'll leave you today with this.

Whichever one of you it is that's coming for me, I'm ready for you.

Hmm.. in this post I referred to the "old people", called you "assholes", "fat asses" and just to include everyone "bony asses" as well. Really though, you're alright. Sometimes.

TOONDay #3 - Suck Up For That Quick Reward They Said

2010-05-23T17:36:00.015+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

Ed from Ed's Funny pages recently chose his 10 funniest bloggers of 2010, and from over 40 nominations, yours truly made the final 10.Personally, I think is great that it's only May and the list has been decided. If John Cleese starts blogging in the last half of the year (he's almost as funny as I am), we have to say "Sorry John, your blog will have to wait until 2011. Your blog is not funny this year"

I was surprised to win, because I know Ed isn't a fan of long posts. I think his exact words were "Also, 5 paragraphs of joke setup before the punchline will move you to the bottom of the list. GET TO THE POINT".. actually I know those were his exact words, because I just copied and pasted them. (Jokes on him though, 5 paragraphs would be a short post for me.)

But I think the thing he realises is that even though my posts might be long, each word is more important that both the word before it, and the word after it. Yes, even these words right now.

Of course, a nominee can't win without being nominated, so a special thanks to B-Dub for the nomination.

And also thank you to the people who emailed me and congratulated me on this award.

I'd like to share a few emails with you now.

Brendan said..

saving factor no meeting!! Are it tightly? Or calf rounded.,.For Many? he A,. To graver of unofficial,.

Dorothy had these words of congratulations..

Not my robberies inherit brandy!! An map vanished, 'are. So illustrate ! was be mental, tweed. Or tall league ...

And I'll share with you one more email. This one came from Penelope.

passages necessitate do residing!! At do token? Is ploughed proceed. Which heavens? by His.. A expedition my ensue,.

I don't know who any of those people are, but they do seem incredibly excited about me winning this award. At least I think that's what they're on about. (Yes, those were all seriously emails I received)

This is probably where most people would move on from the award. They've covered everything they need to cover. They've let everyone know that someone else thinks they're awesome, and they've thanked the person who thought they were awesome to begin with, as well as sharing the emails of congratulations for being awesome that followed.

I'm not ready to move on just yet though.

I'm gonna do this shiz my way.

With a Cartoon (which shouldn't surprise you seeing as this is TOONDay.)

Some of you might notice some subtle changes from my last self portrait. That was thanks to your feedback. Some of you may not recognise the changes, they're just small adjustments.

The other character featuring is one of Ed's creations "StickMan". Head over to this link to catch his last episode.

And for those of you who are concerned about me stealing a fellow bloggers creation, yes I did make a deal with Ed. The deal was, if I use StickMan, he calls his lawyers. It's kind of like the deal rugby league players here make with girls they meet in bars, which is "If your whole team rapes me, I'm calling the cops"

Anyway, less words more toons...

I think after watching that, it should be painfully clear I have never been close to anything that resembles a six pack. Sure I've seen them on TV, but in real life? Nup.

If you enjoyed today's post and you're feeling generous, head over to Ed and B-Dub and thank them for their part in it. A butterfly flaps it's wings and ScoMan finds inspiration for a cartoon.

Friday Failures #24- Humbled again

2010-05-13T19:27:00.014+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

It's been awhile since I've done a Friday Failure, but this week something happened that I must share with you, and Friday Failure seems like the perfect setting.

This week's Fail involves Andrew G..

For those of you who don't know, Andrew G started out his television career as the host of a late afternoon show on Channel V in Australia, which at the time was mostly about music (but has since thrown a lot of other crap in there.. kind of like MTV)

He was one of my favourite hosts on the show (they rotated between about 6-8 of them at one point), because I liked his taste in music. When all my friends and when the whole world seemed to be on rap, he was excited when people would call in and request a song by the likes of Tool or Kyuss.

But over the years, commercial television and money turned him into this...

The metrosexual pretty boy host of Australian Idol, where good music becomes bad and bad music continues to be bad. Except for Celine Dion songs, they're an improvement over the originals.

Of course, I lost all respect for Andrew G. (It didn't it help that when I worked with Channel V on their bus tour thing, he was a real tool. But that's another story for another day.)

Not only did I lose respect for him, he became my celenemy (Which just became the first word I submitted to the editors of Urban Dictionary. Good on me making up new words as I go). If I were Sheldon Cooper, he would be Wil Wheaton.

I believe it's healthy to have a celebrity who is your enemy (You're right, celenemy is a stupid word. Can I undo my application to Urban Dictionary?) because it means you don't need to find an enemy in every day life. You don't need someone at your office or in your family or that guy who always crosses at the same crossing when you're on your way to work, and sometimes you're just a little bit tempted to not brake for him.

You don't need those people to throw your hatred at. You can throw it at a celebrity. Someone you'll never meet. Celebrities are fair game.

And some of you might be thinking "What do I need an enemy for? Can't we all just get along?"

Um.. yeah.. right.. without an enemy, who are you going to direct your superhero catch phrases at?

What, like I'm the ONLY one who has pages and pages full of catch phrases I would use in different situations if I were a superhero. Like it's JUST me. Like NONE of you do that.

Really? You don't.

Oh..

Anyway, the point is Andrew G became a part of a war he didn't even know he was fighting. Some of you might remember me posting this quite some time ago..

FINALLY I get to the point of the tale.

When I was playing around with Twitter the other day and I found the place that suggested people I should follow (which I can't find again right now). You can imagine how I felt when it suggested I follow Andrew G (Didn't see that coming, did you? I should have written this whole post about Andrew G and then at the end, said it was Miley Cyrus that Twitter suggested.)

In fact, I decided to tell him (and the world) how I felt..

And I felt good about myself. I vented, blew off some steam, thought "Imagine how pissed he is going to be if he reads that. He is going to know some guy he's never heard of doesn't think very highly of him", and I went to bed and slept very peacefully.

And then I woke the next morning to this..

At first I thought "Who the hell told him about Bill Hicks?" (Really, look at that douchebag pose. How can someone who poses like that know about Bill Hicks?)

But then I remembered... he used to be cool.

I think I said it best when I said..

Yep. I later found out, that's not his surname.

So this weeks Friday Failure is me, for taking on one of Twitters celebrities and having it blow up in my face.

The Only Boy

2010-05-08T11:07:00.017+10:00

I always get into stuff
Just when it's finishing being cool
I'm never quite brave enough
To take a chance on something new
That's for someone else to do

I'm never too far behind
I follow the trends
But I never take any risks
I'm not ahead of the pack
I'm just with the pack
Towards the back

Tripod - Always Get Into Stuff

Hello ScoFans!

This is something that's been happening around the bloggosphere for awhile now, and in fact I think almost everyone else has had their turn.

So when everyone else has finished, become bored with it, packed up and gone home.. then that's when I'll decide to give it a crack (although after I drafted this the first office tour for about a week went up, so I guess I'm not the only one towards the back of the pack)

Cher of The Only Girl and someone else who I'm not sure who it was started an International Workspace Tour many many weeks ago. I kept saying "I'll do it one day", and I was going to do it last week, but last week was the first of May and I had more important things to blog about (I forgot to mention anyone who liked that song can go here and download it, and about 30 of his other songs, for free- you can also pay for others if you choose to), so here is my workspace, albeit delayed by a week.

The title of this post is a play on Cher's "Only Girl", because as of last Friday I am the only boy in my office other than the boss (which means I am the only boy in "The pit".. you'll see what that's about later)

I know you're excited, you always wanted to know what an accounting office looked like right?

This is the tea room. It's the first room you see when you enter the building (from the carpark, obviously not from the street. We don't want our clients entering the building in the tea room. That's where we go to complain about them and the stupid, frustrating things they do. They can't hear that, they might think we don't value their money.)

This is the area that we affectionately refer to as "The deads". It's where we put the files of all of our clients who have moved on to a better place.. like the accountants up the road. Bam!

Ow. I hurt my own feelings.

I like referring to it as the deads. That way if someone comes looking for a file, I have a chance to say "I think we killed them", and the other person knows exactly what I mean. And they don't call the cops.

That's my desk. I'm pretty sure that file was open because I was pretending to be busy. I can tell because there is a closed file on top of the open file, so I'm not sure how I was getting any work done.

Wanna see what's in my drawers?

That's my top drawer. That's where I empty my pockets to when I arrive in the morning. That "Chewy" thing you see would be a muesli bar, which becomes afternoon tea. The purple highlighter hasn't worked in over 12 months. The "Tax Schools" brochure you see there was probably for last years seminar.

That's my bottom drawer. You can see there the book from last years Tax Schools seminar, as well as my dodgy umbrella. In a strong gust of wind, that thing is useless, and I'm better off without it. I have an umbrella at home I use on the really rainy days, that one is back up in case I get caught looking to head home during a light shower (but racing home with that thing in a storm is a far better alternative to... *shudder*.. staying at work)

These are the shelves that sit behind my desk that help to keep me organised.

Top shelf = waiting on info from the client
Second shelf = info has come in, waiting for me to start working on it
Bottom shelf = waiting on a response from the tax office / ASIC etc

As you can see, I'm very efficient. My clients and the government bodies I have to deal with.. not so much.

These are my other shelves.

Top shelf - Files that pretty much "live" at my desk for one reason or another
Second shelf - Printer paper and current tax books
Bottom shelf- Old tax books for reference

So yeah.. I'm pretty organised, right?

WRONG!

That's my desk from side on. Apparently I decided it would be fun to try and build a fort. I'm not sure at what point I realized that by building a fort around myself to lock other people out, I would at the same time be trapping myself at my desk.

But I'm not the only one to leave files just laying about.

That's our boardroom. That's where, in theory, we could be taking some of our clients with a team of us and a team of them and discussing their business and their tax situation and whatever.

Every now and then (like if we have a new client coming in that we want to land) we'll tidy the room up and put on a show.. but mostly it's just used as storage for files that my boss was looking at, at some point he's forgotten why he was looking at them, and so they've been moved there until somebody runs out of stuff to do and picks them up.

This is one of our interview rooms though.

It's where I see most of my clients. They have no idea of what's happening out the back. They wouldn't even realize there's hideous green carpet through most of the office (You all noticed that, right?). There's a few pictures there (from shows my boss has been in or just classic pictures most people have seen) which clients will use to strike up a conversation, there's a graph of the share market's performance which I can use to try and make tax clients financial planning clients, but other than that it's pretty bare.

There's also plenty of these pictures around the office.

My boss loves his trains.

And now for "The pit"

The pit is a large room that is home to eleven employees. It's the big open area at the back of the office where all the work is done.

This is the view from the front looking back..

My desk is about half way along. It might be easier to see from the back.

Yep, that one there with the monitor on.. that's me. I took these photos on a Friday morning (I'm always earliest to the office on a Friday) so that's why the place is pretty quiet.
And that's the few places up the side. Those people are lucky enough to have walls.

Some day, I hope to have walls of my very own some day.

And for anyone who was wondering what was on my background and trying to make it out over the other desks, I'll save you the trouble..

Anyone who knows what that is gets a million ScoPoints.

What are ScoPoints?

ScoPoints are the system I use to help me rank people in my mind. They'll come in handy if you're ever in a burning building with someone else I know and I'm trying to work out which one of you to save.

You're right, there's no way I'm running into a burning building. No matter how many ScoPoints you have, you're on your own.

For more ScoPoints you can also show off your workplace and join up with Cher's International Workspace Tour (if you too are towards the back of the pack).

Taking a chance
That's just not for me

If there's four levels of cool
Then I'm at level three

It goes freakishly cool people first
Cool people next, then there's me..

And then my mum (Happy mothers day mum!)

I never try to set the trend

'Cos I've been hurt before
The only time I went out on a limb
It didn't work out for the best
A bandanna round my chest
Over a vest

Tripod - Always Get Into Stuff

First of May

2010-05-01T11:44:00.008+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

Well, it's the First of May, so for you northern hemisphere folk you know what that means right?

Too bad for us southern hemisphere folk. We miss out.

But while we're on "inappropriate songs to be caught singing at the workplace", I thought I'd share with you a few other lines that have landed me on the receiving end of some strange looks..

"Sucker love, a box I choose. No other box I choose to use."
Placebo - Every You Every Me

"Man man man man, manly man man man"
Two and a Half Men - Theme Song

"I fucked Glenn Campbell, fucked him on a see saw
Kenny Rogers thought it crass when I fucked his big white ass"
Puscifer - Cuntry Boner

That's all I can think of right now.

As I said, people just sort of smile, nobody really says anything. You might think that's because they respect me too much to call me on it, but I learned the other day that's not true.

I was helping one of my coworkers when my boss walked over and this took place..

Boss: "Why are you helping her?"
Me: "She needed me to look over the research she'd done"
Boss: "Well, you won't feel like helping her when I tell you what she called you"
Kath: "Don't tell him"
Boss: "She called you an it"
Me: "Really? Kath, you're on your own with this one"
Kath: "That's not what I said! I said I'd got I T to help me!"
Boss: "She just admitted that not only did she call you it, but she spelled it out, the same way a grown up might spell out curse words around young children"
Me: "Do you think perhaps she was implying then that I can't spell "it"? And that she thought she might be safe if I overheard your conversation because I wouldn't know what she was saying"
Boss: "I think you might be on to something. So I do want to ask you, when you have a few moments, can you please right me up a list of rules for respect to coworkers in the workplace?"

And so this is where I need your help. I've written a few, but I think there should be more. Think about how you would like to be treated in the workplace, and let me know in the comments section.

Just so you know, this is what I have so far.

Coworkers should not refer to each other as "it", "you", "that one", "the freak" or "loser". Coworkers should refer to each other by name. It doesn't have to necessarily be by their name, it could be by the name of a fictional character or celebrity they remind you of based on their personality or physical appearance- so long as it will be obvious to the rest of us who you are referring to.
There are three different generations working in this office. Each generation will have different wants, needs and expectations when it comes to treatment in the workplace. Generation Y* for instance, needs constant feedback on the awesome job they are doing. They know they are doing an awesome job, that much is obvious, but without other people saying it out loud on a regular basis they will begin to feel undervalued. As this list was complied by a Gen Y, they have no idea of or interest in the wants or needs of the other generations.
We all know that different parts of the office are warmer than others, and different parts of the office are cooler. Constantly tinkering with the settings of the heater however, will only lead to people in the office being frustrated. In the interest of fairness, the last person into the office each day (so everyone can be there to witness it and we know that it wasn't rigged) will pull a number between 4 and 40 each day, at random from a bucket. That will be what the heater is set to that day.

Any other ideas? Your help would be much appreciated.

Anyway, I better go. I'm off to the football with dad.. let's hope I don't sing anything about "fucking outside"..

*I am the only Gen Y employee in the office, so when I say "Generation Y are doing an awesome job", I mean "I am doing an awesome job"

Making Babies

2010-04-25T20:30:00.014+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

Okay, I have a confession to make.

Now I know confessions usually happen on a Wednesday.

Also, I am aware that today is Sunday.

Nevertheless, this needs to be said.

(Yes, I stole that from The Simpsons.. but hey, their material is good so shut it)

Okay.. here goes... I know I've always played the innocent asexual who's sickened by any sort of human contact, but especially sexual contact (if you've only been here not long, you might now know that.. but just run with me)... but the truth is, I am a boy slut.

Not just a boy slut, but to borrow a term from Nine Inch Nails, a Starfucker.

Boom... twist...

And, because I've had to sit and look at pictures of your kids (those of you who have kids), I'm now going to pull out my photo album and share my offspring with you...

This is a son I had with Tina Fey... what?... You can see the ad for "makemebabies.com" in the bottom corner there? The jig is up already?

Can I at least keep playing the game?

No?

Damn.

Okay.

Okay, so yep, after I posted a few weeks ago about my slight crush on Tina Fey, Andhari pointed out that both myself and Tina have awesome qualities, and I said to her "Imagine the weird, awkward, geeky children we would have." (actually we might have been talking about Liz Lemon).. anyway, I found a website that allowed me to bring those weird, awkward, geeky children to life, and that is our son right there. Our daughter is below.

Yeah.. they look pretty much the same. They must be twins.

At least, to the male eye they look identical.. Mums everywhere reading this blog probably spotted 5 differences with just a glance.

So, while I was on the site, I thought I'd check out what other celebrities are there. Who else could I have some fun with?

Who the hell would be under X?

That is what my baby daughter with Xzibit would look like. That is one mean ass looking kid. If your kid goes to school with that kid, your kid is going to get a lot of wedgies. And if you come to our place to complain about your kid being bullied, Xzibit is going to give you a wedgie too.

Or maybe the kid will. Because she's just that bad ass. Really. I think she'd even give Mr T a run for his money.

Fellow "Australian" Nicole Kidman was on their site.. let's see what an Aussie baby looks like..

Ugh.. oh no!

It's like some sort of.. alien almost. Look at the shape of it's head. In fact, it reminds me of her ex husband Tom Cruise.

Speaking of Tom..

Oh wow. That looks even freakier than Nicole's baby. Wow. This is not a good streak for me. I mean, the kids with Tina Fey were adorable, but everything since then.. do you think it's my fault? Do you think my genes are grossifying these poor kids?

Well let's see how a baby with Tom's new wife would look..

Okay. Well that's an improvement. Although for some reason Katie decided we needed to put a leash on our child. I don't know, maybe it's a Scientologist thing... but then Tom didn't put a leash on his kid.

I guess a leash could never contain that kid though. That's the sort of kid you need to keep in a cage under the stairs.

After that I decided to check out a few bloggosphere favorites.

I know there are a few Lady Gaga fans out there, so I thought for your benefit, I'd see what a baby I had with The Ga would look like.

Yeah that's your fault. If you find that image disturbing then that one's on you. If you find it cute.. well, yeah, I know, isn't it?

Jonny Depp, he's another one that seems to have a few fans around..

She looks like she could grow up to play one of those creepy british kids in those horror movies. You know the ones.

Jensen Ackles is next for the Supernatural fans..

That kid almost looks like something Dean should be hunting. Look at the egg shaped head. Although mum has often told me never to wear baseball caps because it highlights how egg shaped my head is, so maybe the baby gets that from me.

Susan Boyle, she was big for awhile around the blog world yeah? Every second blog you visited would have her on there. Well, let's see what ghastly creature she would create..

Actually that one is very cute. It looks like she could play an elf in a Christmas movie (I'm casting any of the cute kids into movie roles, the rest get locked in the basement)

Paris Hilton. Yeah, you knew it had to come to this. Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie..

Those are two kids, especially Nicole's kid, with big foreheads which indicates big brains. Again, they must that get from me, because they certainly don't get it from their mothers.

Arnie is there, surely he would have a kid that could match it with Xzibit's kid..

Mmm.. you wear that hat around Xzibit's kid and you're going to wear it. Wait, no, that's not very threatening..

Team Jen.. I was.. or am.. Team Jen, so let's see..
Okay, I think that's reason enough for Jennifer Aniston and I to have a child. You don't see enough baby pirates these days, and that baby pirate looks ready to sail. It'll kick Jessica Watson's ass by 14 years and 5 months or something that's for sure.

Neil Patrick Harris.. loved him in Dr Horrible, let's see what would happen if I loved him and got him pregnant..

That kid would be getting a nose job that's what would happen if I got NPH pregnant. Actually, it probably gets the nose from me, so I shouldn't throw stones.

Amy Winehouse..

And Marilyn Manson..

Those two kids look like members of the same cult.

And finally, to top it all off, this is what would happen, if I had sex with the Mona Lisa and the Mona Lisa gave birth..

That's probably one of the cutest kids. There's something to be said for making love to 16th Century art.

Anyway, it's time for me to go and watch a writer and a cop do their thing.

Oh, and remember you can head over to makemebabies.com to have your own fun. I'd be interested to see what you come up with.

My Comedy Festival 210

2010-04-18T18:21:00.006+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

Another Melbourne International Comedy Festival has come and gone, and because I am having technical difficulties with the other thing I wanted to do tonight, I will do a recap of the shows I saw and my experience.

GOOD FRIDAY

Good Friday I saw two shows, first of which was Peter Helliar.

He's dressed like that because his show was called "The Dreamboat Tour". His show had nothing to do with boats, and very little to do with dreams (but it did have something to do with dreams)

I was really looking forward to seeing Pete's show. I always thought he was the star of Rove (International readers will have to excuse me there) and have wanted to see him live for years, but this was the first year in a few years where he's done a full season (usually he'll do one or two nights)

Whenever you look forward to something though, you generally walk away disappointed, and that was how I felt immediately after the show. Looking back on it now though, most of the material was pretty good.. maybe it was just the uncomfortable seating that left me feeling a little cranky.

After grabbing a bite to eat between shows, next we saw Arj Barker.

I saw Arj at my first comedy festival in 2004.. or 2005.. I can't remember. Anyway, he was one of the first comedians I saw at the Comedy Festival and I've seen him five times now. I would have rather not seen him again this year, but we went with someone who isn't really the "Try new things" sort, rather the "Stick with what you know" sort (and when it comes to comedy, he doesn't know much.. because he won't try new things).. and while his show was great, it was pretty similar to all of his other stuff.

I would have rather seen something new and different, but for anyone who hadn't seen him before I'm sure they would have loved it (and would want to see him another three times but NOT a fourth time)

EASTER SATURDAY

Easter Saturday I saw Good Evening: The Sketches of Peter Cook and Dudley More performed by Shaun Micallef and Stephen Curry.

Shawn Micallef has, for a long time, been one of my favourite comedians. He's not really the stand up comedian sort though, more sketches and skit comedy. So when this opportunity came up to see him, I grabbed it with both hands.

And this time, I wasn't disappointed. Both of the guys played their parts very well and put on a very funny, entertaining show.

And that was it, Easter weekend and my comedy festival experience was over.

Or was it?

No, it wasn't.

One of the girls I work with offered me two tickets to see Ross Noble this Friday night just gone because she knew someone who wouldn't be needing them. Try as I might, I couldn't find anyone to go with me, so I went alone (comedy shows.. one more thing I now don't need people for. The list of "Things I don't need people for" grows ever longer)

This show contained the highlight of the festival for me.

Ross was using two Aero bars as air traffic controller stick things (you know.. those orange things) and pretending to be "The Far Air Traffic Controller" and then said at the end of it "Of course, he wouldn't be doing that at the moment"
*Silence from the crowd*
"You people haven't seen the news yet have you? They've grounded planes at airports around the world"
*Weak laughter*
"No I'm serious. They're volcanoes and smoke right across Northern Europe"
*We all start pissing ourselves with laughter- You had me there for a second there Ross, but I think you'll find that scenario is quite unlikely*
"No really, I'm not talking bollocks. It's in Iceland"
*Almost crying with laughter - volcanoes in ICEland? Good one Ross!*

Turns out, he wasn't talking bollocks at that point. He got just as much laughter as he did then for a lot of material he did, when all he was doing is updating us on International news events.

It was all a timing thing really...

If he also was right about the children with rickets forcing people to impale themselves on spikes, I'll be very surprised.

Friday Failures #23 - W's Duty (A YouTube video)

2010-04-16T07:04:00.001+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

I decided to share a YouTube video with you for this weeks Friday Failure.

I have been giggling like a 12 year old at it all week, because I am immature and my sense of humor is incredibly juvenile.

Plus, George Bush might not be president any more but he did say a lot of silly things, and I missed a lot of chances to call him a Friday Failure, so this song does it for me..

What It Would Take (May contain traces of Lemon - Bam!)

2010-04-11T13:36:00.010+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

The inspiration for today's post came from a conversation between my mother, my brother and myself.

We were talking about a girl we knew who had become engaged. This wasn't the first time for her, she'd been engaged about a year earlier (in fact, she got engaged on the day she was supposed to marry the first guy), and mum was finding the whole thing a bit hard to follow and came to us for an opinion.

Because if you want a clear view on romantic goings on, you come to me.

This was the conversation.

Mum: "I wonder what he's thinking getting engaged to her"
Me: "He's probably thinking it's a good idea and he wants to spend his life before"
Mum: "But she was only just engaged and decided she didn't like it. What would you do if you were in his position?"
Me: "I'd think engaging her seems like a good way to get rid of her. If anyone had been around me for that long, I'd be looking for an escape route and obviously the engagement thing has worked before"
Mum: "Do you think he just thinks it won't happen to him? Because he's better?"
Me: "I'd be thinking *I hope she leaves soon*. And then she'd be all *This is over, I can't do this* and I'd be all *Righto then. Bye. Have a good one*"
Brother: *Laughing his ass off* "I don't even know how you'd let it get to that point"
Me: "I don't know. Maybe I got a multiplayer Xbox game and had nobody to play against"
Brother: *More laughing* "I think that'd be the only way it'd happen"

But I've been thinking, maybe there are more ways than just that one that I could get engaged. I mean I already was.. once... technically.. remember?

So here's a list of some of the things it would take for it to happen to me..

- helping a friend out, like last time

- Tina Fey getting divorced
- it could lead to an early retirement.

- I decided it was worth giving up my freedom to have someone to split the cleaning with

- I was being held against my will

- There were free comedy shows involved (yes, I can be bought.. apparently)

- Visual exhibit:
Yep, those two have the perfect relationship.

- I thought it would make good blog fodder

- If I ever met Liz Lemon

Hmm.. she looks a lot like Tina Fey. I never noticed until I put them side by side like this. They even dress alike. And they appear to be standing in the same wedding dress shop. Imagine that.

- When having my freedom stops being fun

I guess the other thing that bought this post about was a friend I haven't talked to in a few years added me on Facebook and of course asked the "Still single?" question, and I was like "Even if I was interested in meeting someone, I've spent this weekend in my pyjamas playing video games and watching 30 Rock (like I needed to tell you guys that) - where would I meet this person?"

Yep, life is awesome.

Canberra in Pictures

2010-04-05T14:12:00.022+10:00

Hello ScoFans!

Before I wrap up the week in Canberra by showing you the pictures taken post conference, I'd just like to thank those of you who told me I'm never allowed to travel again. I said late last year I don't like travelling, one of the girls at work was trying to send me to overseas, and now if she ever tries again I can print of your comments and say "I think you'll find my readers won't allow me to travel. And they know what's best for me, right?"

That being said, next years conference is in New Zealand, which for those of you who don't know it's the very eastern part of Australia.

So let's recap my sight seeing part of the week.

Thursday

I caught a taxi out to the National Film and Sound archives. When we got close to the building the taxi driver kept asking me for directions and I'm like "Isn't it your job to know where we're going? I'm from Melbourne. I don't know where anything is"

I think I've mentioned "Picnic At Hanging Rock" around these parts before. It's a great movie, and those costumes were the highlight of the NFSA for me.

Then I went back to the Parlimentary Circle type area and checked out Questacon first, and then walked around Old Parliment House and Parliment House.

Oh, and I saw your mum at Questacon. What, she didn't tell you I said hi? *Bam!*

That's old Parliament House. From the front and across the road.

That's Parliament House. See how there's the grass hills up the side? Well you can actually walk up there and stand on top of Parliament House, which I think should be mandatory for every Government building.

There's the view from the top of Parliament House, looking away from the city.

In Canberra there is also a gift we receive from the very generous United States. It's a cement eagle sitting on top of a tall pole. Really, thanks guys, it's exactly what we needed.

That's the Eagle there. That tall skinny one.

And that's me there, giving a bird of my own. You're welcome.

Friday was pretty quiet. Mum and dad came up late in the day and we went and got tickets for the art exhibition that was on at the National Gallery. The paintings have traveled here from France or somewhere like that, and it's caused all sorts of chaos. These are a few pictures from the line on Saturday morning (we got there and 9:30 - it opened at 10)

That was what was in front of us. It goes up around the bend there.

That was behind us. We'd started moving by this point, because the thing we were behind in the other picture we've now moved past.

That's my dad, knowing his place and giving me the royal treatment I deserve while I was tweeting about having to wait in line.

And yes, I am wearing two long sleeved shirts only to roll the sleeves on both of them up. It might be impractical, but it's a style.

It took us two and a half hours to get inside, and when we did we weren't allowed to take pictures, so I've downloaded from the Internet my favourite of the ones that were in there for you to look at.

There were Van Gogh's, Monet's and Picasso's, but it was "Rest" by Vilhelm Hammershoi I really liked.

The other thing I found amusing was Edouard Vuillard did a portrait of Felix Vallotton which looked like this..

And Felix said "As if, that doesn't even look like me dickhead" so he painted his own portrait..

I think the first one is more accurate. With the blurry face.

On the Sunday we went to the mint and learned how to make coins, before making our own coins. It's actually pretty easy.. you just put $3.00 into the machine, press a button and BAM!.. a dollar comes out.

On the way home we stopped at the "Dog on the Tuckerbox"

There are a few stories about why there is a tribute to a dog on a tuckerbox here.

The first, and the one my mum heard growing up, is that the dog was waiting for the owner at the pub, but the owner died inside and didn't come out. The dog sat by the owners tuckerbox (lunch box) waiting for him to return, and refused to eat or move until the dog died as well.

The second, the one written in the poems around the dog, describes a very bad day the owner was having. It gets to lunch time, the owner thinks "Great. Some food and a break", only to come back and find the dog shat in the tuckerbox.

Which one is true? Who knows?

What I do know is there was some of the best graffiti I have seen in a bathroom ever at the bathrooms here.

Thanks, because until now I'd thought he was a pretty nice guy.

Wise words. Perhaps too wise for a bathroom wall in the middle of nowhere.

So that's it, my Canberra trip all posted about. I'll throw in one more pic of me as a freebie because the other two weren't great.

There I am standing on PH with Dad. I rolled one lot of sleeves down, it must have been cold.

Anyway, that's it from me. The cats are pretty close to the hawks and I have to see how this ends.

Fridays Failures #22 - I told you I was Freaky (You didn't believe me)

2010-04-02T07:52:00.007+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

I was thinking of making this my first ever "TMI" post, but then I realised I don't do them, and that this would be just as good for a Friday Failure. Be warned though, it does get a little.. gross..

Remember a few months back when I told you I always meet the strangest people when I venture away from home?

Sure you do, the guy who bummed his dog? Yeah, you remember. (If you missed it, well.. then you should have got here earlier)

Well fear not ScoFans, my trip to Canberra has added another to the growing list of oddities I've encountered on vacation.

And this one may be the freakiest yet ("freakiest yet".. like I expect to meet someone freakier. I hope not).

It was just after the conference. The ones who were going to the airport had left. I had just said goodbye to the girl who's husband had drive up and was meeting her at the conference center, and I decided to cut through the mall

So I'm walking through the mall on my own and as I'm almost as the road, there's a guy walking the other way also on his own. So I shot him a nod and a smile and went to keep going. He reached out and shook my hand and held on.

I should remind you that I'm from a country town, and that's what you do when you walk past someone in a country town. You smile at each other, maybe a friendly not and you keep going. I forgot for a moment that I was in a city. Where all the freaks live.

So here's the start of the conversation that followed (what I was thinking is in italics)

Him: Hello
Me: Hello Can I go now?
Him: What's your name?
Me: Sco, and yours? Okay, so we'll do a quick introduction and then I can go.
Him: Steve (Not his real name) Do you like women?
Me: What answer will get me out of this fastest? Yes.
Him: Okay, because some men don't like women.
Me: Okay Think of a reason you have to leave dammit!
Him: Maybe we can be friends?
Me: I have to go back to Melbourne in two days. I'm only visiting Canberra. That should do it. He knows I don't live here. He knows I don't do dudes. What else could he want?
Him: I'll give you my email address and we can keep in touch.
Me: Sure. Nope.
Him: And you can give me your email address as well?
Me: Making up a fake email address will be easy No worries.
Him: Can I have your phone number?
Me: Okay Yeah, just do plus one on most digits, that's the easiest way to make up a phony number
Him: Can I take some photos of you to go in my phone? Then I can put one on the contact.
Me: Yeah you can do that. This is going to make an awesome blog.

*He takes the pictures, moving my arms and legs and posing them in the positions he wants them in*

Him: Now you can take some pictures of me?
Me: Yeah sure. Jackpot! Evidence for my blog. My readers will love this.

*I take the pictures. See below*

I wasn't going to use the pictures on this blog, but when I told mum about my latest holiday freak she said "So he has pictures of you? They'll be all over the Internet!" (because she's like that).. and I thought "You know what? They might be. So I'm gonna put my pics of him up too."

So anyway, he showed me his pics of me, I showed him 3 of my pics of him (I accidentally took the top right one up there. If I showed him four he might have wondered how that happened when he only posed for three), and as he's looking again at the pics of me on his phone.. dude's hand go inside his pants. And there's movement at the station (and it wasn't until after I left and looked the pictures later, that I thought "That picture I took by accident.. his hands look pretty suss there too")

So he keeps talking and his hands keep moving and I can't think of a good reason to go and he's holding onto my backpack (I forget why) so I can't just leg it because my camera's in there and my iTouch too, and I ain't leaving them behind, and after a little bit finally I realise there is no more blog fodder to be had, I need to get the hell out of here.

Me: So I should go. I'm here for a conference and my coworkers are waiting for me at the hotel.
Him: *Pulling his hand out of his pants to shake mine* Okay, well it was nice meeting you Sco.
Me: Nice meeting you too Steve No way I'm touching that thing.

I learned a valueable lesson that day. Don't make eye contact with anyone in the city.

Or, if you are going to, make sure you have your iPod on so that if they try to talk to you you can just keep walking and pretend you didn't hear them.

Case in point.

The Thursday after the conference I was walking home from work and a car pulled up a bit ahead of me coming the other day. I thought nothing of it, there's shops there, I thought they must have been going shopping.

But as I walked past the car the girls inside all started yelling shit like "What's crackin?" and "What's cookin?" and stuff, and then I heard the brains in the backseat say "He can't hear you, he's got his iPod on"

Why is it that on the schoolbus the smart ones sit up the front and the troublemakers are up the back, but when it comes to P Platers (which is people who have just got their licences in Australia) the troublemakers sit up the front, and the brains of the group sits in the back?

Anyway, there are probably lots of guys who would have loved to have a car of P Plater girls yelling at them, but I was happy to just ignore them and keep walking. I wanted to get home. Plus I don't like people.

And thanks to my iPod, I could get away with such snobbery without looking like the jerk that we all know I am.

So today you have learned that the iPod is great if you don't like people. But there's one other thing I have learned for these two experiences.

White and nerdy is in.

I know I've used that video before, but I love it. Weird Al and Big Bang.. two of my favourite things.

Anyway, I should go. I'm heading out over Easter to watch comedy shows tonight and tomorrow night, followed by Football on Sunday.

Because that's what Easter is about right?

Laughing and yelling at the traitor who switched clubs at the end of last season?

TOONDay#2 - Self Portrait

2010-03-30T21:29:00.006+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

After my last TOONDay, someone asked if the ScoBorg was a self portrait. Well, it was a self portrait when I first started drawing that character a few years ago, but times have changed, so I give you the updated self portrait...

Yes, I drew it during one of the sessions at the conference. I think it was "How To Successfully Move To Up Front Pricing and Fixed Price Agreements".. yes, it was as fun as it sounds.

Judging by the notes I drew that in the "Accounting Industry Technology Update" That's obviously ScoBorg on the right and I'm not sure what the other one is yet. It appears to be a robot scarecrow of some description. Maybe I'll used it someday.

Feel free to check out some of the websites. I haven't yet.

I better go. I told a coworker I'd watch a bunch of semi intelligent British people cracking jokes and arguing.

Return of The Sco

2010-03-27T15:44:00.009+11:00

"So, I'm back up in the game, running things like half my swing
Lettin' all the people know that I'm back to run the show"
Return of the Mack - Mark Morrison

Hello ScoFans!

It's no secret that I'm back. I've been tweeting and commenting on your blogs for about a week now, but this is the first moment I've had the time to sit and write a post.

So where did I go?

Well, for those of you who I haven't caught up, I went to Canberra, which is kind of like Australia's Washington. It's where all our Pollie's hang out (in theory, they're usually flying around the globe though)

And for those of you who don't speak Strayan, "Pollie" is "politican". And Strayan is "Australian"

From Sunday through to Wednesday I had a conference to attend, and because I'd never been to Canberra before I decided to stay until Sunday and see what it had to offer.

Today I'll cover the Sunday to Wednesday bit, and at a later time I'll cover the rest (the second post will feature pictures. I didn't think any of you would be interested in pictures of a room full of sleeping people, so there are no pictures from the conference)

On the Sunday we had to go to the conference center and register, and then out to the Australian Institute of Sport where they had free drinks.. but no food. Or there was food, but no meals. Just finger food type stuff.

Anyway, as an "Ice Breaker"(and I thought this was a great ice breaker) they gave everyone half of an athlete. If you could find the person who had the other half, you won a prize (a crappy bottle opener - I don't think many people claimed their prize after we all found out what they were)

I had Usain Bolt's top half, and when I found the girl with his legs there was some debate as to who was "The better half"

I said I had his brain, his lungs and his heart, without them he couldn't live.

She said she had his legs. Without them nobody would even know who he was.

I still think I was right, so if I refer to her again I'll refer to her as "SNTBH" (So Not The Better Half)

While I'm doing that -
OOH - Other Office Head
OOP - Other Office Partner
TEG- The English Guy
TIL - The Illustrious Leader
SIC - Second In Charge
TWW - The Work Wife
SCO - Me

Later that night the head of the company that put on the conference came around introducing himself. OOH and TIL had met him many times before (briefly, he wouldn't remember them, as you'll see if he did he wouldn't have come over)
OOH - I'd just like you to know Barry that I'm the President of your fan club.
Barry- I didn't know I had a fan club, that's nice to know. Thank you.
OOH - Well it's a very small group, but we always say nice things about you.
TIL - Except for when we don't.
Barry- Okay, I better keep going. Have a good night!

OOH and TIL went to university together, and when they're around each other they still get up to their university tricks.

Like on the Tuesday night, our last night together before most of them went home, we were at dinner and we got a Greek waiter. The poor guy didn't have much of a grasp on the English language, and obviously didn't know his classic movie trivia.

OOH and TIL kept asking him questions about things that they didn't want. They'd ask if a meal came with this that or the other and he'd always just respond "I think it does have that, but I can check if you like" and they'd respond "No it's okay, I didn't want it anyway"

What makes me think he doesn't know his classic movie trivia?

When my boss asked if they had any Soylent Green he said "Yeah I think we have that"

If I hadn't already ordered the fish, then I would have asked for the Soylent Green.

What? I'm curious.

Speaking of the fish, just after I had finished lemonising mine (and I use a LOT of lemon on my fish.. like the fish is drowning in it.. wait, no, fish don't drown) WW decided I hadn't had enough so threw her lemon at me, and it landed on my fish.

She CLAIMS it slipped from her hands while she was lemonising her own fish, but there are no witnesses, and I like to believe everyone is out to get me, so I'm sticking with she threw it.

We also had a few plates of chips on the table that we passed around and put on our own plates. This happened.
OOH: Don't be scared to take the last one Sco.
SCO: Don't worry, I won't take the last one.
*Sco takes all the chips except one*
OOH: If you're ever looking for a job in Melbourne, don't come to me.

Then later, there was an argument about what sort of desert had been served with lunch that day.
OOH: What did you think Sco?
SCO: What was it TIL?
TIL: Coffee
SCO: It was definitely coffee.
OOH: You suck up. I could always have someone else around kissing my ass, you can apply for a job at my office after all.

Some of the speakers of note at the conference were:
Dr Ken Henry- currently doing a review into Australia's tax system (okay, I was excited)
John Brogden- Former opposition leader of New South Wales
Ian Kiernan- Creator of "Clean up Australia day"
Peter FitzSimons- Former Rugby player, now commentator and author.

I won't bore you with details of any of their talks. I was just name dropping.

And that's the end of that chapter.

So long, suckers!

2010-03-14T09:38:00.001+11:00

I'm going away for a week.

See ya!

Friday's Failures #21 - Unnamed Reunion Guy

2010-03-11T19:32:00.006+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

First of all, did you know I had been interviewed by Cher this week? Some of you did, because you came here from there, but for those of you who didn't, head over now and learn more about me.

And read about her Oscar party while you're there as well. She knows how to have a good time.

And while I'm plugging, thank you to Mel for coming up with the name "ScoBorg" for my Cyborg character. I wasn't really planning on drawing more Cyborgs in the future, but with a name like that landing at my feet, I think I have to.

This week's failure is some guy I don't know. Some guy I have never met. But I still defended him the best I could.

Here's how it happened..

One of my coworkers went to a reunion of sorts last weekend. What with Facebook and everything, a group started of people who went to a certain school in a certain year and someone suggested they all get together. And then they did.

Fast forward to the Tuesday after the reunion and my coworker was telling me about the night, saying it was a lot of fun but some people were going too far saying things like "We should do that every month" or "Let's do it again next weekend" or, from today's failure "That was the best night of my life"

My coworker laughed at this and said "Sure, it was great, but best night of my life?"

I pointed out to her that she doesn't know. Maybe he spends his nights looking through his Year Book thinking about days gone by. Maybe he sits alone in the dark and stares into the nothingness. She's married a guy who rides motor bikes, her life is exciting, but we know nothing about this guy. Maybe it genuinely was the best night of his life.

I do know this though, if my school ever holds a reunion of some kind I'm not going. If I wanted to keep in touch with any of them then I would be.

Anyway, I better go now. I have to get back to parachuting out of that bloody helicopter.

TOONday #1 - 10 Years From Now

2010-03-08T15:46:00.006+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

I've been thinking about bringing my cartoon days back from the dead. I had to kill them off when they got more MySpace friends than I did, but I'm not a jealous person, I don't hold a grudge, so 4 years later I'm now willing to look past that.

My drawing may not be as awesome as Ed's Stickman, I mean, his is animated and all where as I like to think of mine as more like a comic strip (which means he draws heaps of frames for the guy to take one step, whereas I draw a few cells and call it a day), but nonetheless, I feel that I need to get these weird looking blobs out of my system (and the bran wasn't working)

So when B-Dub tagged me to do a thing about where I'll be 10 years from now, I thought this sound like a great drawing project.. primary school style. Enjoy.

I won't tag anyone in particular, but if you want to play along head over to Alissa's as she has turned this tag thing into a project of sorts and sharing all the links over at her blog.

Anyway I should go now because my nose is getting cold so I'm going to hop in bed. I don't know how that will make my nose warmer unless I sleep with the pillow over my face, but I've read that's pretty dangerous.

We Started this Op'ra Shit

2010-03-07T16:26:00.006+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

Thank you to all the February Stars who covered for me last month. They all did a great job and I hope you've been to check out their blogs.

What happened to me in the last month?

Not too much. I lost my Xbox, but now it's back.

I've started watching 30 Rock DVDs because the network here kept putting in on at like midnight.

Oh, and I was asked to be part of the Upper East Goulburn.. something.. opera.. something.. committee. Which I accepted, as I had just the weekend before watched a DVD I got from the bargain bin.. on.. a website (do they have those on websites? It was like.. $10 anyway.. if it was in a shop, it would be in the bargain bin).. which was an opera DVD otherwise me telling you about it wouldn't have much much sense.

And I had downloaded the soundtrack as well. iTunes doesn't have a bargain bin that I'm aware of.

Perhaps I've fallen in love with the movie a little bit.

So when I was asked "Do you want to join the committee because it's a not for profit organisation which by law means we have to have five members, and if three of them work in this office then I can get things done without having to walk out the front door?", what I heard was "We want you to join this opera committee because we think your grand vision could make Repo in this small town a reality, and because we're not for profit nobody cares if you lose money on it" (except perhaps the charity we're meant to be raising funds for, but they won't miss what they never had. Is it possible to bill a charity if you lose funds on project you're carrying out for them? We'll see)

As soon as I saw this trailer, I knew I had to see the movie..

My brother thought it was the words "An Instant Cult Classic" that made me want to see it, but it was way before that. More like "From the producers of Saw".. an opera by the producers of Saw sounds like my kind of opera. (Sidenote- the first song used in the trailer is the "We Started this Op'ra Shit" song)

It was certainly not the words "Paris Hilton" that made me want to see it. Though her role is minor, and she plays the part of "spoiled heiress" very well.

A few weeks ago on Facebook I did a quiz thing. It asked which five characters I wished were real people so I could hang out with them.

They were:

Dexter (of course)
Sheldon Cooper
Spencer Reid
Liz Lemon
and, from the movie Repo, Pavi Largo

Every time he opens his mouth I laugh, and his first line in the movie is the best first line in any movie ever.

It's like, 30 seconds into this clip, check it out.. you really should..

That was the only one that allowed embedding, so I too am sorry for the crap quality (which only makes sense if you went to the YouTube site and saw they were sorry for the crap quality)

Anyway, I think when I make my version of it, I'll be playing Pavi.

And Paris definetely won't be playing my sister. My sister will be played by the person who played Amber in the short film..

I'm pretty sure she doesn't always look like that.

Before I go, remember this most awesome Tweet of all time?

Well the song I stole that from is actually in this movie. And here it is..

If you listen, on the soundtrack it's like this..

Cos it's quick, and it's clean, and it's pure
(And you really need it)
It could change your life, rest assured
(And you've got to have it)

But in the movie, it's

Coz it's quick, and it's clean, and it's pure
(No, I shouldn't be here)
It could change your life, rest assured
(I've got to get home)
It's the 21st Century, cure
(This can not be happening)

Obviously, the movie version is the less flattering version.

Anyway, because I learned watching 30 Rock that Holland is the only country with a national dog, I'm off to do something about that.

Friday Failures #20- Sonic Fans & Domino's Pizza

2010-03-04T20:30:00.004+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

I decided to mix up this Friday thing. There's only so long you can laugh at peoples typo's right?

So I am now going to look for strange news stories or stories from my life to make fun of (but occasionally we might go classic Facebook style)

Perhaps I should be the first Friday Failure though because I forgot to mention if people still want to contribute to the Drunken Blogger, they can just leave a comment in the comment section of that post with their contribution (see convenient link on right of page)

The first story of our new Friday Failures section relates to our friend Sonic here.

For those of you who don't know, which I'm assuming is none of you, Sonic 4 is shortly going to be released by Sega (You all knew that, right?). This was supposed to be a triumphant return of sorts for Sonic to the gaming world, but it has made some of the fans of the original games pretty upset.

They're upset because they thing this new game, from the video's they've seen, doesn't measure up to "Classic Sonic". And they're letting Sega know just how upset they are.

They're so upset that they've decided to start a petition.

They're so upset that they're going to boycott Sonic 4.

They're so upset that they're going to give Sega free money.

Wait.. what?

Yes, these fans haven't quite worked out how a boycott works. Instead of buying Sonic 4, they are instead going to go out and by the original Sonic on the day Sonic 4 is released.

If they're the hardcore Sonic fans they make themselves out to be, chances are they already own this game and as many people have already pointed out, the only thing they're really accomplishing is giving Sega money.

I'm sure Sega don't really care. Money is money right? No matter where it comes from or what circumstances it was received under.

Secondly, Domino's Pizza.

I know a lot of people aren't fans of Domino's (I'm guessing from American sitcoms), but this isn't about how bad their pizza tastes. If you have 30 seconds, take a look at this..

Okay, I know what you're thinking. There was a report this week that said that 75% of Australians are either obese or overweight (Cop that America. Now who's the fat bastards?) so Domino's wanting people to eat healthy should be a good thing, right?

Well, a coworker of mine went into Domino's this week and requested one of these pizzas but asked for no cheese because they're allergic to dairy.

The person behind the counter looked at her confused, went and got the manager, and the manager came out and said "I'm sorry, we can't do that because you might sue us"

The manager explained that because the commercial says the pizza's are 389 calories, everything in them is measured extremely carefully and none of the ingredients are allowed to be varied, even if it will reduce the calories.

To think this whole problem could have been avoided if they'd said "Less than 390 calories"

Who works in the Domino's marketing department anyway?

I was going to say that they might lose sales because of this.. but they won't. My coworker figured as long as she was there she would order one of the greasy unhealthy pizzas if that's what it took to get no cheese.

If I've upset anyone today so much that they want to send me money, just leave your PayPal details in the comment section below along with how much you want to send me, and I'll send you an invoice shortly.

What Shall We Do With the Drunken Blogger?

2010-02-28T17:19:00.006+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

Well, I asked for your input, and your input I did receive.

The poll with two votes to one went to using "With their laptop in the gutter" in the chorus, but seeing as that doesn't always fit and none of them fit universally, I have stuck to the laptop one most of the time and changed it to one of the others where they suit better.

And so, here it is...

WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH THE DRUNKEN BLOGGER?

What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

If they're awesome and grammatical we'll chest bump em
If they're awesome and grammatical we'll chest bump em
If they're awesome and grammatical we'll chest bump em
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

If they're awful then we'll just hit "Mark as read"
If they're awful then we'll just hit "Mark as read"
If they're awful then we'll just hit "Mark as read"
From our Google Reader

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

We'll spam them with links to hangover cures
We'll spam them with links to hangover cures
We'll spam them with links to hangover cures
In their comment section

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Make them up an appropriate avatar
Make them up an appropriate avatar
Make them up an appropriate avatar
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Tell them to make a vlog next time
Tell them to make a vlog next time
Tell them to make a vlog next time
In their comment section

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Suggest it would be best if they keep on drinking
Suggest it would be best if they keep on drinking
Suggest it would be best if they keep on drinking
In their comment section

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Link em to a post to Pat Roberston
Link em to a post to Pat Roberston
Link em to a post to Pat Roberston
In their comment section

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Kick em up the arse so they do what we wanna
Kick em up the arse so they do what we wanna
Kick em up the arse so they do what we wanna
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Give them a month of daily Memes
Give them a month of daily Memes
Give them a month of daily Memes
From our Google reader

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Send them videos of Japanese butt porn
Send them videos of Japanese butt porn
Send them videos of Japanese butt porn
In their comment section

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Send a link to the post to their mothers
Send a link to the post to their mothers
Send a link to the post to their mothers
From our Google reader

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Set them up on a horoscope project
Set them up on a horoscope project
Set them up on a horoscope project
In their comment section

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Post their blog on a Russian spam forum
Post their blog on a Russian spam forum
Post their blog on a Russian spam forum
From our Google Readers

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Blow up their email with AA info
Blow up their email with AA info
Blow up their email with AA info
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Leave them a drunken comment
Leave them a drunken comment
Leave them a drunken comment
In their comment section

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

If it starts to happen heaps we'll hit "Unsubscribe"
If it starts to happen heaps we'll hit "Unsubscribe"
If it starts to happen heaps we'll hit "Unsubscribe"
From our Google reader

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

That's what we'll do with the drunken blogger
That's what we'll do with the drunken blogger
That's what we'll do with the drunken blogger
With their laptop in the gutter

CONTRIBUTORS (In order of appearance)

JustSal - just my thoughts
That Kind of Girl - Not That Kind of Girl
Alissa - Slightly More Than Dirt
Tracie - Stir Fry Awesomeness
Coffeypot - coffeypot
Jewels Diva - A Bitchfest! Lovefest!
adrienzgirl - Think Tank Momma
SupahMommy - Adventures of Wannabe SupahMommy
ChinkyGirLMeL - ChinkyMel's corner
Daisy - 1,2,3.... ELEVEN Petals
LMJ - I've Been Thinking

Thank you to everyone who has contributed so far. You know who you are because I just reminded you who you are.

Anyone else who wants to contribute, feel free. The project doesn't have to stop here and I am keen to keep it going.

And people who have already contributed, feel free to contribute some more.

This will always be a work in progress.

February Stars #5 - JustSal

2010-02-21T20:36:00.007+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

It's time for another February Star as I continue to take it easy and do bugger all. I just write a quick intro and call it a day. It's easy, I'm loving it. Plus it's an excuse to look through all the different versions of February Stars on YouTube, which is also a great job. Even if nobody watches them, I enjoy finding them.

Today's guest blogger is JustSal of Just my thoughts. Again, I'm not going to talk about how great her blogging is, I'm going to let her blogging show you how great it is.

I will say though, this post was emailed to me before Wednesday's post was posted. The fact there are two ScoMan biographies written by my February stars, I think shows what a fascinating topic I really am.

Actually, I think in terms of "posts mentioning" this month, I am on par with bestiality, with both Stephanie and Daisy mentioning bestiality and D* and JustSal mentioning me. OmegaRadium of course, took the high road and decided not to write about anything as crude as bestiality or myself. He did write about Dexter though, which is always a winner in my book.

Enough of me wasting your time. Enjoy the post..

Hello Scofans!!!!!!!!

I’ve always wanted to say that, but I can’t due to the fact that I’m not actually Scoman :( Plus I don’t have Scoman’s genitals either (There's really not enough blogs that mention my genitals- ScoMan). Sometimes we just luck out in life I guess!

Sco has kindly asked me to be a guest blogger, and I leapt at the chance. He does after all have over 100 followers, so it’s an opportunity for me to show you all how witty I am, and just why Sco likes me so much. (Read: I pay him to be my friend) I will then attempt to leech his readers over to my blog also. (I’m all about sharing the blog love.)

When I first thought about what I could write in my guest blogger spot. I though I could do a figjam exposé (it’s French for reveal stuff!) But I thought no, I’m not that fickle. So I thought why don’t we do a little ‘this is your net-life Scoman’ (Some call it second life – I think I prefer Sco-life!) This involved much researching…… well ten minutes, and then I just made it all up! (I believe that's referred to as the "Wikipedia" approach to research - ScoMan) Sco has had a very fulfilling internet life as you are about to read.

Firstly what do we know about the man who refers to himself as Sco?

1) Firstly he allows us to know what he wants us to know – See title of Blog… (thus the majority of this entry is my imagination running overtime)
2) He has grey complexion, oh wait, no that’s just the colour of the photograph.
3) He likes hoods and could be the Unabomber (without the sunnies)
4) He’s a work in progress (so some of the info below may well be true!)
5) He likes to blog
6) He plays Xbox
7) He likes to write sea shanty’s
8) Psychopaths such as Dexter are just ‘part of his crew’
9) His name leads itself to super hero status; I’m thinking his superhero would be the one modelled on Dexter who takes out those who deserve to be taken out. Maybe not saving a cat from a tree so much…. But hey Sco could be a cat person who knows!
10) He has tried and is still attempting to make #rad a tending topic on Twitter with me (justsal) ** Remember people if you tweet and use ‘rad’ in your tweet make sure you hashtag it #Rad

Anyway – lets get into this is your Sco-life Scoman.

Scoman burst onto the internet around the same time as everyone else did, when it kicked off in 1997. He was like all the other ‘cool’ kids and had converted his Commodore 64 (Google it!) and Atari (Google it too!) gaming system into a server hub to allow him to surf the internet with his 25k dial up modem which was lightning fast with Netscape Navigator.

However after a while he upgraded to a ‘real’ computer and bought a 386 with a 56K dialup modem and realised that speed, was more than a white crystal you administered though some form of consumption / inhaling / injection (I don't follow- ScoMan). Speed of a 56k modem could be just as intoxicating as the white crystal, compared to his previous internet speed.

1999 came along and Sco was worried about the Y2k virus getting onto his computer and preventing him from getting on the net so he could do ‘research’ for Uni. (Read: Look at pictures and chat on IRC) So he waited with a bucket near by, a candle in hand and a bottle of water just in case the world imploded. He breathed a sigh of relief when the clock turned from 1999 – 2000 without sending the human race back to the dark ages. Plus the thought of him having to poo in a bucket was well a bit shit!

Skip forward five years and the internet has become even faster ADSL has arrived and Sco gets his ‘cable’ on…. He’s mesmerised that pictures load so fast, that they don’t come down line by line anymore, this just amazes Sco to the point that he ventures out into online gaming consoles and gets himself an Xbox (please note I’ve not bloody idea what year Xbox was released – lets not get pedantic!) Sco is exposed to a world of gaming at a level, that makes original wolfenstien, look well a little bit cheap and Atari like!

Soon Sco conquers the internet with his gaming console and racks up awards after awards in various games, it’s in 2006 he starts blogging (This original blog has now been removed due to national security concerns!) Sco moved his shiny new blog to the sacred land of blogs – Blogspot (no it’s not the name for an acne cream!) and shares his wit and re-worked Tool song lyrics for all us to enjoy.

Blogspot opened up a world for people to admire Sco, which he dubs these aforementioned people as ‘Scofans’ Scofans are those unique individuals with a wicked sense of humour who laugh at dickheads on facebook that Sco likes to bring attention too. Scofans are also intelligent individuals who have impeccable taste in blogs. (Now who's paying who?- ScoMan)

2008 Sco join the Twitter revolution, and expands his Scofan army through this medium. One fan in particular is Justsal, an unknown girl who finds this Scoman quirky and entertaining, thus a life long friendship is created through mutual admiration for various things (She pays him!) However the one thing that truly binds them together like “Shelly’s nomore gaps”, is the fact they are Flashforward buddies. A true partnership like no other, tweeting whilst the show goes out live on Australian TV having one another’s backs so that if one misses a line, the other can let them know what someone just said (It's mostly me having your back, admit it - ScoMan).

So Scofans now you know more about the man behind the Sco. You’re reading this because you’re a fan of his, which is super #Rad and hopefully if you’re got this far you’ve been entertained enough to check my blog out http://justsalsthoughts.blogspot.com/  Gratuitous self promotion.

Thanks for reading.

That’s all I’ve got.

Thanks Sal! One more thing you should all know is that tomorrow is Sal's birthday. And it's also her first day back at Uni. Sucky way to spend your birthday right? Well, make it easier for her by going over there and showing her some blog love.

February Stars #4- D*

2010-02-17T19:55:00.002+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

It's time to share another February Star, but first I need to update the list in the sidebar to include the last one. Did I need to tell you I was doing that? Probably not. You can see that she's there now.

Today's February Star is D* of I'm Having a Moment and she stepped up when someone else stepped out. It kind of worked out well in the end I guess because I should have asked her right from the beginning. She can offer you something no other guest blogger can. Read on to find out what that is..

When ScoMan asked me to do a guest blog entry-I was flattered! After all, I am the one who introduced him to the joys of blogging. How good is he? Such wit and such a talented writer. (I didn't even have to pay her to say that. - ScoMan)

I kind of wracked my brain trying to think of something fabulous and impressive to write about. If anyone has read my blog you would know I’m not the most creative and deep of writers-I blog about Love and Men and how both of them together are sometimes fun and sometimes not-so-fun. I wanted to write something along the same scale as how he writes but I just can’t. There is only ScoMan, as I’m sure you will all agree.

So I thought I’d approach this in a different way. By writing about ScoMan. As he’s Blogspot blog address is called “You know what I allow you to know” I think I will provide you into an insight of how I know ScoMan and how fabulous he really is.

Hope you enjoy.

* * *

I can always remember coming home after high school some 10 or so years ago, throwing my school bag on the floor, plonking my butt down on my hot pink computer chair and logging straight into Channel [V]’s chat rooms. It was almost our religion-all of my friends would sit on our PC’s for ages non-stop chatting in the “Interrogation Room” daily until we realised we had homework or had an assignment due in the morning..or once Mum would start yelling for us to go to bed.There were always the regular chatters who we all forged friendships with and to this day still speak on occasions to almost everyday.

ScoMan is one of those special people that I still speak to, after all this time.

Why we started chatting I can’t remember though. I do recollect that we were in a chat room that hardly anyone was in.(I'm pretty sure I lurked in the chat rooms noone was in, and then would pick off the people who wandered from the crowd - ScoMan) I think I may have dropped the a/s/l? line and we must’ve started chatting that way. For some reason I always thought he was much much older. He was always so meticulous with his punctuation and always so formal. He was always so mysterious and disclosed. But he was, and still is, one of the most genuinely caring, considerate, and rational people I have and will ever know.

We progressed to MSN messenger-which back in those days you know you were special enough to get an email exchange, and an excuse to chat to each other constantly if both were on MSN. We chatted everyday, and while he would stay so quiet and reserved, I was always my usual boisterous and dramatic self. I always-and by always I mean ALWAYS- told him about my boy dramas and he would always offer an ear and some sensible advice. And support. Lots of it.

And this went on for years. I think we did lose touch for a little while there, I was too busy galavanting around and had no time for MSN. I presume I signed in one day and ScoMan was online, and we started our usual chatting again.

So more years pass, and almost 2 years ago now I decided it was time for us to meet. I had no nervousness, no doubts. After all, we had known each other for so long...sightly..?

I flew 713 kms (I do remember promising I would one day fly back the other way. And I will - ScoMan). And when we did meet, it was awkward! I was not expecting to feel that way at all. I thought me being me, always the social butterfly, I could handle it and take charge to alleviate any anxieties (Nope, I dragged you down to my level- ScoMan), but we truly are two different people- I, on one hand, is loud. Extravagant, bossy, obnoxious. All in good ways, I promise. ScoMan on the other hand is quiet, reserved, humble. It was a clash.

Though we had our technical difficulties in the personality department, we experienced so many amazing things about each other that you could never experience over MSN. I personally think it kind of bonded us a little closer in many ways-we converse a little different, a little bit more comfort-abler and we accept that we don’t need to “chat” everyday to stay such good friends. He has always been there for me and always will.

Whether I’m signed into MSN or not.

So there she is. The person who got me blogging, got me on blogspot, got me on 20 something bloggers and is responsible for all of you being here. Isn't she a sweetheart?

Remember to head over to her blog which is about a single girl looking for love in a big city. They should really make a movie about that. Or better yet, a TV series which later becomes a movie.

February Star #3 - Stephanie

2010-02-14T19:25:00.005+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

It's another round of February Stars while I continue sitting on my ass and only doing a bit of an intro. It's a good gig. Anyway, rather than link back to the old February Stars every post. I've added a link on my sidebar there so those who have missed all the fun can click and go back, or those who have enjoyed the previous posts can go back and relive.

I've also added a poll for the chorus of our Drunken Blogger project. For those still wanting to contribute, you can click the link just under the banner and go back to the post and add your two cents.

On to today's guest post. The Valentines day post. And looking through my blogroll, I though Stephanie was the most qualified to give us a post about all things love. She's written quite a bit lately about her online dating experiences (some were very funny, some were less funny but much nicer for her)

And she hasn't let me down, by taking us through a journey of true love...

Love; Do you really know what real love is?

I wholly know what love is all about and no, I’m not being a braggart. And, with my wealth of knowledge on all things involving love I shall share a sweet, sweet tale of such.

See, Mom has been convinced for the longest I’m damaged goods, afraid of commitment. See, that’s where the old lady is wrong. Granted, I’ve never had some great romance, well a great reciprocated romance, but let’s not get technical because I do believe a one sided romance counts for something. Yes? C’mon, really, I’ve had some major highs and lows, yet remained entirely devoted to many a man who seemed to not be…well we’re not getting technical, right?

Okay, so love is my specialty, which has been confirmed through the relationship with my charming, little darling, Timmy. Timmy is no man, child or relative. Timmy is a furry, four legged stink bomb of a canis lupus familiaris, or dog for short.

Now hold on one hot second. Before you get weird-ed out thinking this going to be some sort of peanut butter party, bestiality (another one with the bestiality.. first Daisy and maybe OmegaRadium and now this. Why must you people turn my blog into a home of animal sex stories? - ScoMan) sorta post, hold up. I’m talking about my beloved pet here, you sick son of a bitch! My feelings for young Timmy are innocent, pure, and completely unconditional.

Case in point:

Fast asleep, snuggled under the covers with my then boyfriend, I abruptly awoke to a strange, yet familiar scent in the air.

*sniff, sniff*
*sniff, sniff*

The distinct smell in the air confused me; did the boyfriend fart…did I fart…did the dog fart…what the hell!? I found the smell to be too strong to bear.

Although completely and utterly atypical, I decided and said ever so quietly to myself, “Ah, the dog must’ve shit in the living room”.

As I unwillingly peeled back covers to start my investigation, I noticed the texture and temperature of my comforter had changed. See, I’d just put my hand in dog shit, steaming hot, mushy dog diarrhea to be exact.

“Goddamnfuckingshit!” passed through my sleepy, suddenly irritated head, “Timmy shit the bed!”

Mind you, my apartment did not have washing and drying capabilities, so what else was I to do other than wake the then boyfriend, advising him to next make any sudden moves. Of course, with a weak stomach, he was of no help.
Considering it was the middle of the night, I was tired and all laundry mats were closed, I didn’t want to take a shit crusted comforter to the laundry mat 12 plus hours later when I got out of work at 5PM which would be followed by a two hour night class, I removed the comforter, carrying it into the bathtub for a good warm rinse.

Not once did I yell, scream, hit or threaten to disown my Timmy. No man or animal is exempt from a case of the bubble guts. During this hard time, my feeling didn’t falter. I exhibited nothing, but patience, acceptance and understanding, and that, my friends, is love.

Stephanie is the taller of the two, and the other, by process of elimination must be Timmy. Don't they look great together?

Wasn't that a great post though? Well, you can read more of Stephanie's stuff over at her blog Not the Oxygen. Do it. You know you want to.

Facebook Fail Friday #19 - Bad tenants

2010-02-12T19:34:00.015+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

February Star #1 - Daisy
February Star #2 - OmegaRadium

I'll keep plugging these guys until I'm tired of it. You might be tired of it already. That's fine. But I'll keep plugging. I can do this all day. I can do this all day. I can do this all day. (Good on those of you who know where I stole that from. Wait a second, I'm off to start a YouTube clip)

Anyway, I debated whether or not to do Facebook Fail Friday this week. I had to though, with Valentine's day just around the corner and people rushing around desperately for a date at the last minute, I thought I'd let you all know.. it's okay. It's okay to be single on Valentines day.

It is way better to be single on Valentine's day than it would be to be dating one of these people..

But don't worry guys.. there's plenty of bad tenants to make you feel better about being single too..

And even if you did get a date, it wouldn't necessarily be all that great anyway...

February Stars #2 - OmegaRadium

2010-02-10T19:33:00.003+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

Remember you can check out Daisy, the last February star here. Not a lot of people got there the other day. Go now. Don't make me hurt you.

Today's post is interesting. It's interesting in that.. I haven't read it. I have no idea what he talks about. He could be saying all sorts of mean stuff about me in there. But, when he started with a warning about Dexter Series 4 spoilers, I had to close my eyes and look the other way. And then I realised I could just close the window, which was hard to do with my eyes closed.

I will tell you though he is a great blogger. His posts are always interesting and he is great with words. But again, I'll let the post speak for itself. So here he is.. OmegaRadium...

The Women Who Change Us

*****DEXTER Season 4 SPOILER ALERT!!*****
IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED DEXTER SEASON 4, STOP READING NOW!
*****DEXTER Season 4 SPOILER ALERT!!*****

Hello ScoFans!

I'm OmegaRadium from the "Differential Diagnosis" blog and I'm here to deliver a special message to the readers. Despite what ScoMan may want you to believe, not all of us on the blogosphere are super models blogging in our spare time away from the New York & Paris runways. Well, at least not initially...

I don't believe I was ever a super attractive kid by any means. Sporting a Jim Carey “bowl cut” from “Dumb & Dumber” for much of my pre-high school years certainly didn't win me any fashion awards!

Throughout high school, I found myself lacking in my clothing style, my hairstyle, and even my smile, which in turn affected my confidence. Of course, I was completely clueless how I would remedy these issues, until I met this one girl. Sure, she broke my heart, but before all the heartache and tears, she cared enough about me to help set me straight and mold me into what would eventually become a better man.

As our love slowly blossomed over the years, so did my style. I ditched the glasses, changed my hair, and began wearing more "acceptable" clothes. The change wasn’t just physical, I mentally felt more confident and as a result, I slowly came out of my shell. I felt great, like a new person, and many of the same girls who wouldn't give the old me the time of day before, suddenly wanted to "get to know me better."

Nothing boosts a man's confidence more than having to turn down/reject a female's advances, especially one whom he'd have given anything to attract just years prior.

One of the most important things I've learned from these helping females is to, "MAKE AN EFFORT" to be who you want to be. When you make an effort to look nice, people will notice. Little things such as ironing your clothes, keeping your hair nice and neat, moisturizing, trimmed nails, and a clean shaven face can go a long way.

I guess the main point of this post is to thank all the females reading this for the time & effort they've put into helping their own boyfriends, ex-boyfriends, and any other men in their lives, towards becoming a better man. It's because of you caring females that this former "nerd" has evolved into a more "date-able" bachelor.

Why do I bring this up? Well, thanks to several of my friend's recommendations, and ScoMan's constant tweeting & blogging about Dexter, I finally gave in and started Dexter Season 1. Two months later, I finish watching Dexter Season 4.

*****DEXTER Season 4 SPOILER ALERT!!*****
IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED DEXTER SEASON 4, STOP READING NOW!
*****DEXTER Season 4 SPOILER ALERT!!*****

The realization of Rita’s untimely death at the hands of the “Trinity" killer truly broke my heart. Rita, like most women, just wanted what was best for her man. She helped bring Dexter out of his shell and slowly morphed him from a recluse into a full blown family man. Not your typical family man mind you, but she played a huge role in improving his quality of life nonetheless.

Sure the heartbreak sucked, and we may never truly get over it, but in the end, these caring women give us so much more than they could ever take by paving the way for us to become better men, and in turn have even better relationships in the future. So, thanks ladies! Rest in peace Rita Morgan.

Thanks for making your man a better man!

Yes I did press enter like 10 times to make sure I didn't read any of the end of the post. It's weird posting an entry here that I know nothing about. But I do know about his post "Dodging Bullets" that I quite enjoyed.

Thanks again OmegaRadium. I'm sure the post was brilliant.

I'll read it next Thursday, I promise.

Tune in on Sunday for my next February Star. Until then, make sure you check out the two already featured. Oh, and don't forget you can still contribute to the "Drunken Blogger" thing at the top of the screen.

February Stars #1 - Daisy

2010-02-07T20:43:00.005+11:00

The first of my February stars, and also lifesaver who was willing to bring her guest post two weeks forward when I had a cancellation at the last minute is Daisy of 1,2,3... ELEVEN Petals. I won't talk up her blogging, I'll let her blogging talk for itself. I will say on a personal level she is also an incredibly friendly and nice person. Without further ado, the first of my February Stars... No need to build the suspense, you already know who it is. Take it away Daisy.

Hello ScoFans!! Happy Sunday!! My name is Daisy and ScoMan kindly asked me to guest blog for you all today. When he first asked me I was like, “Yeah sure! That’d be great!” and then I read his post last Sunday and GULP – talk about a little pressure!! Yikes!!

So I sent ScoMan a little FB message asking for content suggestions for this guest post and I bet you’d NEVER guess that he suggested I write about bestiality. HAHA! (Don't judge me. I was only trying to help based on what I know has worked with this audience in the past. You're the sickos, not me. Please don't leave though. I love you all you sick, sick freaks - ScoMan) But considering I didn’t even know what that meant or that people even did stuff like that until we learned about disordered sexual behavior in my Human Sexuality class in college, well, I don’t really have much to say on the topic.

And yeah … it’s true – I was a little sheltered and naive growing up in a land of butterflies and fairies. But no worries – I snapped out of THAT land REALLY fast when I hit – oh … about 21 – and now my happy rainbow land has a few moths and maybe a couple of skeletons (GASP!) along with lots of fairies, pretty bunnies and fluffy puppies. :) Wahoo!! wicked.

So anyway, ScoMan’s next suggestion was to give you a quick rundown of my blog. But because I don’t want to bore you too much I’m going to just give you a quick summary - I mean like text talk/twitter-ish/FB status short, quick. :)

How it began:

Love@1st-sighted an Aussie in Vegas. Moved 2 AUS 4 Grad School. CULTURE SHOCK! Heartbreak. Recovery and then a lil Aw! and WAHOO!! w/a dash of wicked.

And what is going on now:

Love@1st-sighted a Yank in Sydney. Traveled across AUS w/him. Got stranded, had some adventure, and then a lil Aw! and WAHOO! w/a dash of wicked.

So if you’re interested in that feel free to cruise over to my blog and check it out – if not – no biggie!! After all, from those quick descriptions it would appear that I play my life on repeat (omgosh it’s true!!) but I’m not going to talk about that today. YAY!! Today I thought I’d use this opportunity to talk about something I can’t talk about on my blog. Dating older men.

My apologies in advance to anyone this offends. I really have nothing against older dudes. I’m all for dating them – they have so much life experience – you can learn so much from them! etc. But recently I dated this guy and it KILLED me that I couldn’t blog about it. (ok actually there are TWO guys I’ve been dying to blog about) The first one was only like 42 but – one time I was lying down on his couch – and he leaned over to kiss me – and I opened my eyes and had to SHUT THEM IMMEDIATELY. Gravity had pulled his face into a wrinkly mess – and I swear he looked like my Grandpa!!! omgosh – lol. I didn’t know what to do!!! It’s like – I KNOW it’s about what’s on the inside that counts – but …well … umm … let’s put it this way … My mom told me this, “Honey the day you photoshopped the wrinkles out of his neck was the day I knew the relationship wasn’t going to last.”

Before:

After (and yeah I know – I added too much exposure to my face):

(Okay, I should have known that photo was photoshpped when you first used it. It's all so clear now- ScoMan)

AAALLLLRRRIIIGGGHHHTTTT and there you have it … I don’t know that I’d stoop to such photoshop lows now (I mean it has been 6 months and all – which means I’m like HEAPS more mature and stuff) unless you count my recent photoshopping fun on my blog as a new low… but umm … yeah ….

*uncomfortable silence*

Maybe I’ll skip the story about the other guy who seemed in shape but had to rest his head on the pillow when we made out because he wasn’t REALLY in shape …

Umm …

WHAT??

*another uncomfortable silence*

Oh I know!! I’ll throw in a few photos of a couple of highlights from other adventures I’ve blogged about to end on a high note. (Koala Park, New Zealand, Sydney and an Aerial view from a small chartered plane flying over the pink lakes in Western Australia) Have a great day!!

(Ha, you know how I feel about Seagulls. Couldn't resist could you Daisy? - ScoMan)

There you have it. Thank you very much Daisy for stepping up this week and for doing such a fantastic job of it. Remember, you can find Daisy's blog here but what I really recommend is finding a slab of time and going through a few of her recent posts.

If you like stories that involve betrayal, love, blood and wenchfaces you should read this series.. seriously, it's quite an adventure..

Ditched in a Foreign Country
UPDATE - Dang I wish I had my American ANYTHING
A Cemetery, My 101 List and some Blue Mountains
The Aquarium, the Wildlife Park, the Opera House and a Proposition
Brisbane and being ditched in Noosa
The Boiling Pot and the car that was SUPPOSED to be there but wasn't
The next installment - I let my guard down

And that's where she's left us hanging.

Tune in mid week for the next of our February stars.

Facebook Fail Friday #18- Watch your back

2010-02-04T19:31:00.005+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

Remember how I said I wouldn't be writing for a month? Well, I did throw in one exclusion. And that happened this week. Yesterday in fact. So head over to Cheap Therapy and then book a plane ticket to Australia. Oh but check out some of her "Betty Files" before you book the ticket. Funny, funny stuff.

Another week has rolled around already and I know I for one am looking forward to the weekend. It's been such a long week. But you don't care about that, you're here to laugh! And laugh you shall..

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words, but sometimes, a picture says a little bit more than it's supposed to..

Sure the girl in the front looks like she's having a good time, but I'm pretty sure the guy in the background is having a pretty good time too.

Somebody get that man a tissue.
Do the words "Guy code" mean anything to you? Because I'm pretty sure that's on the list of no-no's.
The two girls in the front are having a good time anyway.

Don't worry guys. It took me awhile to spot the guy with his hands down his pants in the background as well.

And that concludes our broadcast day.

thisisTuesday #4

2010-02-02T19:40:00.005+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

It's time for another round of thisisTuesday. First of all I got a few questions last week about the "homosexual" thing with neither Dexter nor Michael C Hall being homosexual. To the people that pointed that out, that is very observant of you, and you are correct. But Michael C Hall played David Fisher on Six Feet Under, and David Fisher is gay.

Hence David Fisher + Dexter + Michael C Hall traits all belong to Michael C Hall. Because it's all him, only him pretending to be not him.

You might have noticed the rules to this game change from week to week to fit whatever criteria I feel like fitting as I sit in front of my monitor.

Now for this week's duo...

Well that could be almost anybody. Will I see the week out? I don't know. Maybe you should all start a pool. I've got $10 on "Won't see Thursday"

Again, that could be anybody. I am drawn to things that make me laugh. It's also why I often push elderly people down the stairs (Don't look at me like that. If they'd fall themselves then I wouldn't have to push them)

Yep, they and all their readers know who they are now.

Wait, wrong one..

Oh well, I guess I did the celebrity at the same time. It's amazing the ideas you have to save time when one of your favourite TV shows is about to start and then you think "That's hilarious, I should be doing this anyway"

And a let's see where she volunteered and all learn a little lesson here..

Subtlety and reverse psychology don't work on me. Emotional blackmail will.

Until Friday...

February Stars

2010-01-31T19:37:00.006+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

I've got quite a bit to get through today. I don't know if I'll get through everything, I might cut stuff that seemed like a good idea before but now is not such a good idea, so let's see how we go.

First though, even though I wasn't really going to do the awards thing any more, I do have a couple to get out there. Let's start and end with awards. While I still have everybody's attention, this one came from Meredith at (flash) pasteurized.

That's right. Meredith thinks I'm a gorgeous lady of blogging. I think she really just wanted to see me dressed up in an evening gown again. Who can blame her? I do choose gowns that highlight my awesome legs.

Anyway, I'm not going to lie to you. Ever since this award was first created us guys have been eying it off as you girls selfishly passed it on to one another. We'd even email each other and complain about how it was unfair, and none of us would ever receive it. With that in mind, I am going to pass this award on to..

Next, Nomad made it through to the next round of his competition. Click on his blog above (365 days of People) and get over there and voting this week between Sunday and Wednesday. I'll even make you a deal.. IF he wins, I will do something cool for you, my readers.

I'll put up a poll and let you decide what that cool thing is (vlog, a giveaway, something out of my comfort zone to blog about.. any other ideas you guys list below) to thank you all for voting. He's only just made it the last few weeks, so every one of your votes will be important. Do this for me, and I'll do something for you.

And get your followers to vote as well. Let's see if we can pull off what I think, would be a bit of a shock victory after the way voting has gone the last few weeks (Cheryl is way too popular)

But now for the point of this weeks post..

Foo Fighters have inspired me.

They have inspired me to take a month off writing blogs. I'll still be doing thisisTuesday and Facebook Fail Friday, but that's hardly writing. That's pretty pictures and flashy gimmicks.

But for the next month, I won't be writing anything of any real content. (Well, maybe one thing. I have promised to do a Travel Aboard Thursday at Cheap Therapy. I don't know when it will be. Keep an eye out over there to learn about Australia)

So instead of writing this month, I have chosen some February Stars of my very own. The title is about them anyway. The song not so much. How temporary their stars are will be up to them and up to all of you.

I have chosen five bloggers (I chose 6, one declined) to guest post during the month of February. Five blogs that I have been following for awhile, but don't have the followers I think they should. They're all great, but for some reason they have gone unnoticed. They are hidden gems of the bloggosphere, and it's time I shared these gems with the world.

Guest blogging has bought a lot of people this way. Whether it be the blog for Insomniac Lolita, PinkNic's Planet or Speaking From the Crib, I'm sure that it was drew a lot of you this way, and I think now it's time for me to give some other people the chance to get a bit more recognition for their blogging.

And when I return in March I will hopefully be a bit more motivated, because the last few weeks I haven't really been feeling it.

Besides, you will always be able to turn to Twitter to experience my wit in 146 characters or less. Wit like this..

Thanks to SleepyJane for being the only one who laughed at that last one when it went live. To the rest of you who gave me *crickets*, you don't know what funny is.

I'll leave you today, and for a month, which an example of why it's important to have an OGOM (this is from Facebook messages to each other)

Me to him..

Anyway, thanks to Facebook we can keep in touch (you're not getting rid of me that easily), but if Collingwood beat Essendon this year (unlikely as it may be), expect me to disappear from the Internet for a month or two.

Him to me..

I have not moved yet so may bump into you, if Essendon beats Collingwood the bump might be with my car at high speed.

Oh, and remember to click the link just below the banner to tell me what we should do with the drunken blogger.

Wait, there was that other award.

This one is from PrimA..

Last time I received this award, I didn't really know what to do with it. This time I know I'm supposed to list 10 things that make me happy, so here we go..

Family
My Xbox
Blogging
The fact all my shows will hopefully be back in the next 2 weeks
Fantasizing about actually going on a holiday this year
The sound of rain on the roof
My iTouch
Spending a whole day with a DVD marathon
The soundtracks to Dr Horrible, Commentary and Repo
The thought of Nomad winning his competition

I'll pass this on to anyone who hasn't received the award yet and has left a suggestion for the drunken blogger.

And that concludes our broadcast day...

Facebook Fail Friday #17 - Disaster

2010-01-28T21:28:00.006+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

It's time for another round of Facebook fails. I'm surprised you all seemed to enjoy a bit of a snicker in the face of death as I do, so this week I'm cranking it up a notch. Death on a grander scale, and the people that make fools of themselves on Facebook broadcasting their opinions.

We'll start with a couple from the "Sure September 11 was pretty bad, but what about MY life?"

A tad dramatic perhaps?

Speaking of September 11, I'm sure we all remembered the date last year and spared a thought for those who lost the lives in the disaster. Most of us anyway..

Other chose to celebrate. Each to their own right? I mean, if you don't mind looking like a sicko and having no friends, you can choose to celebrate September 11 if you like. That's going to be one lonely party though.

And of course there is the recent disaster in Haiti. Let's see what the fools of Facebook make of this tragedy..

Yeah, where I come from, "Earth".. I don't know, maybe you've heard of it? Anyway, here "LOL" means something COMPLETELY different.

Until Sunday...

thisisTuesday #3

2010-01-26T17:18:00.011+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

Happy Australia day for all of my Australian readers. Did anyone do anything special or particularly Australian to celebrate? Probably not. Maybe a BBQ, yeah?

For those of you who don't know, Australia day is like "Independence Day", only with a lot less aliens, no Will Smith and it's on a different date. Also, ours "celebrates" the invasion of Australia by the First Fleet, and not the ceasing of being a part of another colony or whatever Independence day is about.

I know some Aussies will probably get all upset with the mention of "invasion".. but whatever.

*RANT DELETED AS THIS BLOG IS NOT HERE TO BE ALL POLITICAL - IT IS HERE TO ENTERTAIN - SO LET'S GET BACK TO THAT* (but if you do want to get a tad political and read sentiments similar to what I had drafted, check out Mary Jane's blog..)

Before that though, thank you for everyone for their ideas on the last post. There were some great ones that gave me a good laugh. The final product is going to be awesome. You'll notice I've put a tiny link just under the banner up the top there so you can return at any time if you have any more ideas.

It's time for another this is Tuesday. Last week I compared PinkNic with Susan Boyle.. but only in the sense they are both showing the world Britain's got talent. Their talent is in different areas, and it's a bit flimsy to base a comparison on but this is my game and I play by my rules (and if you thought last week was flimsy, you ain't seen nothin yet.. maybe I should just stop trying to compare people)

Anyway, this week I guess I've picked two people that I wanted to choose this week for different reasons, but I've still linked them together through brilliance (and flimsiness)

I know Ed's probably got it already. Some of you might need another hint or two.

Okay, most of you (or a fair number of you) probably have it now.

He sure is.

Yes, this week I started by using traits from characters he played rather than traits of Michael himself, just to throw everyone (except Ed) off course.

After Michael has been making news the last few weeks, first with his illness and then being part of the example why sometimes it's dangerous to be on Twitter and getting all of your thoughts out there as you're thinking them, I thought it would be a good time to give Michael a "thisisTuesday" (why does spellcheck keep telling me I spelt that wrong? Surely "thisisTuesday" is spelt right) Guernsey.

So who is the lucky lucky person I have matched up with Michael C Hall?

Let's find out.

Actually, I already know, but the rest of you find out now. Or soon.

Yeah, it was obvious that was the trait I was going to use. Thought I might as well get it out there.

Who could it be?

He knows who he is now, that's for sure.

So click on his banner, get over there, read his posts, see how awesome he is and vote for him on Knuckleheads blogs of 2010 thing. I know he's up against Cheryl who some of you are quite fond of and who is a good blogger in her own right, but personally, my votes for Nomad.

Nomad - Did you vote for him? No? Then you're mad.

It's a campaign slogan I just came up with when there's bugger all of the competition to go.

Anyway, that's all for me this week. And remember, if you want to volunteer just say so in the comments section. I think I have about 11 people still volunteered according to my list.

Until Friday...

What shall we do with the drunken accountant?

2010-01-24T13:04:00.014+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

Who loves sea shanties?

I can't see you, but I'm just going to assume you're all jumping up and down screaming "I do! I do! I do!"

Well settle down for a moment. I'm going to ask you all to give me a hand with writing our own shanty. But not yet. At the end.

Now, if you love sea shanties as much as I'm imagining you claim to love them, then you should be familiar with the shanty I'm going to be playing with today, but for the few of you (VERY few of you) who aren't familiar with your shanties, you can check it out in these YouTube videos (and because I know most people aren't big on YouTube videos in blogs, I'll make them Jack Sparrow versions just to tempt the ladies out there.. the guys shouldn't need tempting, they should just be excited about the shanty)

This version of the song is a bit rock, and a bit more modern..

This is a more traditional version..

(Side note, I have been watching these as inspiration for today's blog and because the weather is nice here I've got all the windows and doors open to get a nice crossflow happening. I have images of my 70+ year old neighbour coming knocking on the door and asking to come in to dance)

Alright, so just in case you're a slow person, what I'm going to be doing today is updating that shanty for my profession. And just in case you're a REALLY slow person, my profession is accounting.

There are a lot more verses to the ones in each of those clips (and for those of you interested in the whole thing it's on YouTube somewhere) and according to Wikipedia..

It begins with the question, "What shall we do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning?" (Or sometimes "What do you do," etc.) Each verse thereafter suggests a method of sobering—or castigating, or simply abusing—the sailor.

I haven't planned much of this yet, but I do picture my version probably focusing a lot more on abusing the accountant (which should be no surprise after some of the pranks I admitted to pulling at the office last week)

WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH THE DRUNKEN ACCOUNTANT?

What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

Link all their paperclips together
Link all their paperclips together
Link all their paperclips together
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

Give them the clients who never shower
Give them the clients who never shower
Give them the clients who never shower
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

We'll write "5318008" on their calculator
We'll write "5318008" on their calculator
We'll write "5318008" on their calculator
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

Draw fake eyes on the front of their glasses
Draw fake eyes on the front of their glasses
Draw fake eyes on the front of their glasses
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

We'll spin them in their chair til they vomit
We'll spin them in their chair til they vomit
We'll spin them in their chair til they vomit
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

Change their ring tone to the sound of a power tool
Change their ring tone to the sound of a power tool
Change their ring tone to the sound of a power tool
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

We'll slip some salt into their coffee
We'll slip some salt into their coffee
We'll slip some salt into their coffee
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

Change the settings in their internet browser
Change the setting in their internet browser
Change the settings in their internet browser
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

Staple their timesheet to the carpet
Staple their timesheet to the carpet
Staple their timesheet to the carpet
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

We'll stickytape their pens together
We'll stickytape their pens together
We'll stickytape their pens together
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

I think that might be enough to punish them.. for now at least.

And so now I'm putting a call out to all of you. We'll get a nice blog community shanty project happening.

I want you to tell me "What shall we do with the drunken blogger?"

I know some of you have carried out drunken blogging in your time. Maybe even some drunken vlogging. What you choose to do to the drunken blogger is up to you. You can punish them. You can congratulate them. Just let me know in the comments section and we'll see how many verses we come up with. I'll leave it a few weeks before getting it all finished up.

Also, if you can tell me When / Where we should do to the drunken blogger (ie instead of "early in the mornin" or "during our scheduled appointment") I'll pick a few of the ones I really like and hold a poll in a few weeks to see which one makes it into the final version.

And if you want to invite your readers to get involved (either by getting them to comment on your blog or sending them over here) that would be cool too. The more contributors, the more verses, the better this will be.

Until Tuesday...

Oh, but before I go, I just had to share this..

Facebook Fail Friday #16- Even in Death

2010-01-21T21:28:00.010+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

Another Friday has rolled around. How many more until I can have holidays?

Today, we're going to have a look at the Facebook Fails that touch on death. We'll laugh, we'll think about how wrong it is, and then we'll all feel bad.

Now who's with me?!

Wow Spencer, that's a great joke. Don't you feel like an asshole now though?

I must admit, I read the status and thought he was dead too. But, you always do your fact checking before saying something like "I'll remember him fondly"

At least you'll already have a florist and caterer picked out for the funeral though right? Plus, even though it's not traditional to wear white to a funeral.. no, that's horrible, I shouldn't say those things. Now I know how Spencer felt.

But enough about people who have lost someone close to them. Now let's move on to those who look for sympathy or something but saying how sad they are a favorite celebrity of theirs has passed away.

Here's a hint though, if you're going to do this, make sure it is a celebrity you do like.. or at least know..

Remember, always do your fact checking before getting carried away about somebody passing away.

I wonder how many were laughing along with me this week. I know my sense of humor is a little off.

Anyway, those of you who stick around, I'll be back on Sunday.

Until then...

thisisTuesday #2

2010-01-19T19:33:00.008+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

Well, after last week's "thisisTuesday" was.. somewhat of a success.. well, I only lost one follower so I'll take it (and now the rest of you can't leave because you've already sat through one, you can't say the idea sucks if you already survived it once.. that's a rule) I'm here to do another.

First of all though, I was accused of choosing last weeks volunteer only because she is attractive. But just look around the bloggosphere, everyone out there is attractive. Bloggers are one fine looking group of people. The Internet is not just for the fat and pimpley like it was 20 years ago. And if there was an ugly blogger, they'd probably do something like.. I don't know.. hidebehindapictureofasmiling bobbleheadwithblondehairandablueleisuresuitsotheotherbloggerswouldn'triridulethem.

That's just a guess.

Anyway, I had a few more volunteers for this game. I'll do one a week until we're all tired of it. If you want to be thrown in the list of volunteers, just let me know in the comment section. Also, don't be too cryptic about it because cryptic is difficult, so I just went "Were you volunteering? I'm not sure. I'll put you in the No pile until I get a firm yes"

Also, carrissajade, you did volunteer but there was no link to your blog, and I don't know where you hide. I need your blog to get information from, so if you're reading this, please leave a link this week.

Okay, so after last week I thought the way I would do this is to pick a blogger or celebrity, then pick a blogger or celebrity with one thing in common with them. That can be a common thread. Like last week and the word "quasi"

So this week, I'll put up the celebrity first, then volunteers can see who it is that has something in common with the person I choose.

Ready?

Round two.

A couple of you got the celeb after one hint last week, so I made it a bit tougher.

Of course a long time would be better, but I'll take what I can get.

Really, it was like on every second blog for a few weeks there. People went mad for it.

Yeah, no prizes for guessing from that clue.

Yes, Susan Boyle. You attach her name to anything at the moment and people will come from everywhere to pay good money for it. In fact...

SUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLE
SUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLE
SUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLE
SUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLE
SUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLE
SUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLE
SUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLE
SUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLE
SUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLE
SUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLE
SUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLE
SUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLE
SUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLE
SUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLESUSANBOYLE

Okay.

So which blogger has something in common with Susan? I didn't really leave it too open this week did I?

Okay, that still leaves it open a bit. Good on me.

Mixing it up a bit. Bringing the third one forward. Very nice, very nice. And also eliminating most of the volunteers in the process.

Okay, now the person should know who they are. Their followers should know who they are. And everyone else is about to be introduced to them.

She already has an awesome banner, and if you click on that awesome banner above, you'll be looking at her awesome banner in no time. Read a few posts while you're there. It's great stuff.

And as always.. or at least, again.. I'm going to show you the moment they volunteered and their name and likeness became my intellectual property for one post.

Remember, if you want my mad Paint skills put to work creating a banner for you, and you haven't already done so, volunteer in the comment section.

Until Friday...

Told You How I F***** Your Mother

2010-01-17T16:13:00.008+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

** For those of you with this blog in Google Reader.. first of all you're awesome and I love you, but secondly this post might show up twice, once that won't work because it accidentally published and I deleted it, and then this one which should work**

Well, the first week back came with a bit of a surprise. It was shocking, shattering, ground breaking, life changing stuff. But I don't think that covers it. It's worse than all of that. Perhaps. I know at least one of you will understand how I feel.

In fact, a blog man hug may be on the cards, and those are so rarely on the cards, because there's so few situations where it's acceptable for men to hug.. and even fewer for blog man hugs. I won't do a list of the situations where it is okay, I'm sure it's been done, so if you're looking for one try Google.

Okay, here we go...

I turned up at work on Monday to find out the OGOM is not coming back. For those of you that don't follow "Ed's Funny Pages", first of all you should be, it's funny stuff, and second of all OGOM stands for "Old Guy Office Mate" (You can watch Ed's interview with his OGOM here. Sadly, I will never get the chance to interview mine)

Apparently he's decided he wants to spend more time with his grandkids and so he's moving closer to them. Well that's all well and good for the grandkids, but what about me? What am I supposed to do? I need him too.

I need someone who I can ask for help by saying "I think this used to happen a lot in the olden days. I haven't had much experience with it but I'm sure you've seen it thousands of times so you can explain this to me?", and know that all he'll do is give me a dirty look, have a laugh and think of ways to get me back later.

I need someone who madly supports the Collingwood football club to the point where he has

their ringtone on his phone
their background on his computer
their website as his homepage and
their logo on his coffee cup

and know that I can..

change his background
change his homepage to be the scoreboard from the last time Essendon beat Collingwood
hide his cup and know he'll think he simply misplaced is
change the ringtone on his phone to the Essendon club song, knowing his grandson had to put the Collingwood one on there and he won't know how to change it back

Sure this might all sound like bullying. But for guys this is what we do. This is what the OGOM is all about. They can take a joke, and they so rarely take the time to get us back.

At least that's been my experience.

But as much as I'm going to miss having someone to have a joke with and talk sports with (it's now pretty much the boss, about 10 women, one other guy who has kids so is in the "Parents Club" and I) I think there's something I'll miss more than all of that.

I'll miss knowing that if on a Friday afternoon I'm feeling too tired to work, all I have to do is find something to photocopy.

When I walked to the photocopier I'd walk past his desk and he'd engage me in some random conversation, and about 30 minutes later he'd be telling me some story about his childhood I'd probably already heard 3 or 4 times before, but it'd kill time at least and if anyone complained about my efficiency (who's efficient on a Friday afternoon anyway?) I'd just say "He got to talking and I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I just let him keep going" (no one ever complained about my efficiency though)

So the landscape of the office has changed, and I'm going to have to feel it out and determine what my new role is. Maybe my new role will be "Guy who got sick of this shit and moved on". I think that I'm well suited to that role.

In other news...

I've set up a formspring account which is now on the right hand side of the screen there. You can head over there and ask me anything you like, and every now and then I might even use them for blog material (if I can't think of anything else). The added bonus is, you will upset at least some of the people who follow me on Twitter.. perhaps to the point where they'll stop following me? I don't know. All I know is someone wasn't happy last night. It made me feel like I had a hater. It's important to have haters. Only big shots and important people have haters.
I am currently waiting for an Opera DVD to arrive here. I'm very excited. Who would have known I'd ever end up looking this forward to something Opera related? Maybe I'll post more on it someday.

Until Tuesday...

Both threw insults at each other,
Told you how I f***** your mother

"Ninja Ropes"- Commentary! The Musical

Facebook Fail Friday #15- You're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place

2010-01-14T19:45:00.011+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

Friday already? The week has gone.. so terribly slowly.

So, this week I'm going back to bad spelling and typo's. They're always inconvenient, but some times are more inconvenient than others. Oh yes, and fans of 90's (it started in 1999) sitcoms might recognise the title of the post. I wonder if I can get Norm DVDs? Anyway, this weeks post has a theme song. Okay, so I couldn't find it. That made me sad. I was looking forward to reliving that song.

So to cheer us all up, here's this weeks round of Facebook Fails..

While you're there, grab a dictionary and look up "intelligant".. found it? Okay, try "intelligent". There, better, see?

So many times I've thought "I wish I could like that response" This would be one of those times.

Sometimes I wonder why they don't be a spell check on Facebook, then I realise it's because if there was one, I couldn't laugh at these people.

Have you wrighten anything we might have read?

I'd probably also suggest "those", but hey, at least they got "of", "mother", "what" and "who" That's almost 50%!

Until Sunday..

I'll leave you with this for people who, like me, couldn't get the song out of their heads..

thisisTuesday #1

2010-01-12T19:36:00.013+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

Okay, so I didn't want to be one of those bloggers who did "gimmicky" weekly things, and here I am trying out a second. I guess with gimmicks you don't really have to think.

Anyway, here we are for the first thisisTuesday. Will it be the last? That's really up to you now isn't it?

I'll just start. You'll see how it works. I'll start with our volunteer...

See? That's all it is. I'm just making banners for other people.. because I can. Anyway, I started this one with something general. Something to keep as many of you as possible going "Oh crap, it was me! I volunteered! But when?"

Unveiling phase two...

Yep, still keeping you in the guessing game. Also, I didn't really use my eraser very well. Oh well.

Phase three and the person will know exactly who they are..

Yep, you know who you are now.. now it's time for everyone else to know who you are as well..

I'm pretty sure if you click on the banner it'll take you right to her blog. That's right, I'm getting high tech.

And Meredith might be wondering "But when did I volunteer?".. well it was right here..

So that was my inspiration to start using bloggers for thisisTuesday as well as celebs. There is going to be a celeb (sort of) coming up, but first, while it's there in black and white, I should show off my manly award (and perhaps my breathtaking gown as well)

I'm not sure which one of those was the actual award, so I'm taking them both and heading for the border! So long suckers!

No wait, I was supposed to do a celeb as well. No wait, not do, but like.. well, you know.

Anyway, lets see how many hints you need to get this one (it's an obscure one this week, in future they might be easier, but you'll see why I chose this person. Partly for the second hint, but mostly for the third..)

Anyone? A few of you perhaps?

If you didn't get it on the first one, the second one probably won't help much (but it's only because of the second one I know who he is)

Yep, with Meredith winning the award I had to go with the man who made me love the word quasi. It's my quasi-favorite word (word humor, it's almost as good as math humor)

Oh yeah, I still haven't done the big reveal. The big reveal that will make some of you go "Yeah, I knew it" and others go "Who the.."

I guess that's it for the first thisisTuesday. I'll be back with another next week with a (real) celebrity and if anyone else would like to see how they look in thisisLand, just leave a comment asking me to do you.. no wait..

Throwing in the towel

2010-01-10T20:33:00.005+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

Long time followers will know that I don't like failure. If I set out to accomplish something, then I accomplish it.. usually.

Today I had a simple goal for the last day of my holidays. To create a v-log (like e-media, not vlog.. like.. well..blog). Well, okay to give this place a bit of a general tidy up and then to create a v-log.

Well, after about two hours of trying my webcam and getting nowhere (it would just cut out half way through) I tried my digital camera. The first time round, the batteries died. Then when I did get it done and on the computer it was super blurry. Like, super really blurry.

So I guess what I'm saying is, I didn't fail. Stars, planets, clouds and monkies aligned which meant that it was destiny there will be no v-log here today. I might be great, but even I can't beat destiny.

So I guess what I'll do is provide you now with a brief summary of what I touched on in the awesome v-log that died somewhere between my camera and the internet.

Firstly I talked about how it's the first time in 20 years I've worn jeans. I don't like jeans. They're uncomfortable. I may never wear jeans again. I don't know why I bought them.

But when I did buy them, I was leaving the change room with the jeans and two pairs of pants in my left hand and my phone, wallet and keys in my right hand. I was about to open the door but I thought "I'll put my stuff in my pocket first", reached down and no pocket. I'd left the pants I'd worn to the store on the chair in the change room. So close to walking back out into the store in my underwear.. lucky for them, I pulled up in time.

Secondly, I thanked Nic from PinkNics Planet for deciding my comments were witty enough to award me a prize in her giveaway a month or two ago. Here's the cool stuff she sent me.

It's no secret I'm a huge Dexter fan, and I think Dexter Coasters must be one of the few Dexter items I hadn't got my hands on. Well, now I do, and my hands are happy.

But as much as I loved the coasters, it was the card that really got me.

I'm not sure what she's trying to say there. I'm just going to assume she's saying that I'm great, and not that I'm arrogant.

Then I talked about how JustSal from Just My Thoughts allowed me to have a read over her NanoWriMo novel over the holidays, which was very rad of her. Although I am anxiously awaiting the conclusion at the moment, maybe when it's finished I'll write up a review of it. Maybe. If she allows it. I haven't discussed it with her yet.

Point the fourth that I touched on was that I had been planning the v-log for a long time, and I had to cut certain things as time went on. One of the things I cut was the opening scene (oh yeah, it had scene's, that's how good it was) in which I was going to have a bunch of aliens surrounding me making a lot of noise and I was trying to get them to be quiet so I could do the v-log and they wouldn't and so to get them to be quiet, I gave them some Soylent Green.

But then because of the whole KFC Fiasco I thought that would be in poor taste, and so that scene got pulled. I know a lot of people aren't familiar with the KFC Fiasco. For example it seems like in England it wasn't a big story, but research showed that in America you probably won't know about it but your mother will. So if you want to, you can research it or if you can't be bothered researching, you can just assume KFC is serving Soylent Green now.

What I didn't do in the v-log was give you a look at the video that was pulled from Australian television because Internationally it was deemed racist...

In KFC's defense, that stereotype doesn't really exist in Australia. But I'm glad the ad is gone. That guy is such a tool.

The other thing I didn't do in the v-log was mention that I'm starting a new weekly segment on Tuesday called "thisisTuesday". One of you has volunteered to be the first participant. You don't know you've volunteered yet. You don't even have to do anything. Tune in Tuesday to see if it's you.

The last thing I did was give you a little nursery rhyme thing that my niece loves, and I'm sure your nieces, nephews, children and just random children from the neighbourhood will love as well.

Simple Simon met a pieman
Playing with a knife
The pieman said to Simple Simon
"Can I take your life?"
Said Simple Simon to the pieman
"When the time is right"
The pieman said to Simple Simon
"Then you'll die tonight"

I guess that's it. My holidays are over. Time to stop grinning like a fucking psycho and get back to work.

For those of you who haven't seen my other video post you can check out the time I lip synced to Eminem so that the whole thing wasn't a tease. And for those who have seen it, relive it why not?

I hate linking back to old posts, but I had to give you something...

Facebook Fail Friday #14- Hope you enjoyed your holidays

2010-01-08T11:19:00.008+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

Well, it's the last day of my holidays (weekends don't count as holidays. They're weekends. I'd have them off anyway) and I spent a lot of time with my family. That's what the holiday season is for, right?

Well for most of us. But family is not always a good thing, as demonstrated in the first Facebook Fail Friday of the new year...

Typo's are always funniest when the person is talking up how great they are.

It's bad enough broadcasting you'll be attending this to your Facebook friends, but to do it when your mum is one of your Facebook friends? That's all kinds of wrong (and it gives your ex's who have been stalking you the chance to hit "like" and make some nasty comment)

I know someone who wore 3 think coats to Christmas lunch.

Glad to see your mother fighting off death in the ER hasn't cramped your social life buddy.

Now THAT'S awkward.

Until Sunday...

thisisScoMan

2010-01-03T14:08:00.011+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

Okay, so I haven't posted for a little bit now, but I'm on holidays and I didn't want too. Besides, as you can see, I've been very busy (for the last hour or so) and so didn't have time to post (for any of the week before that)

As some of you know, I have been thisisScoMan on Twitter for a long time, and I thought it was time to bring my blog into line with that branding. I've just passed 150 posts, I've just hit my 100th follower and I've just created my first award (which was corrected after the spell check. I don't know how I stuffed that up, I guess I got high off the fumes of cleaning chemicals in the shower)

But that isn't the only reason for my change.

I received my membership renewal from the Essendon Football Club who I follow on Twitter and who I have sent messages to on Twitter in the past and, well, would you like to see what they sent me?

Maybe I should start collecting a commission from their marketing department. Or maybe I should at least get them to design my banner for me. Plus they came up with four, I could only come up with three.

Anyway, because I wouldn't sue my favourite team and cause them to go bankrupt, I instead decided they took one of my ideas, I'll take one of theirs. All's fair in love and.. well no, just love.

I thought with the new design I'd try to keep it as simple as possible. This might have been a bit too simple. Whatever. You're only here for the words anyway right? (And the occasional picture)

Speaking of the occasional picture, I thought I might design some banners for some celebrities, because that's just the sort of person I am.

Okay, that'll do for now. You get the idea though.

Finally, I'm not sure how many of you are aware of this, but January the 4th is "National Act Like Sheldon Cooper Day". For those of you who don't know who Sheldon is, I've provided a clip which I think pretty much sums him up.

Of course if you need more tips there's plenty more videos on YouTube.

Let me know what you think of the new layout.

Until next time...

Facebook Fail Friday #13- Merry Chirstmas!

2009-12-24T21:26:00.005+11:00

Hello ScoFans!

Friday's 13th and it falls on Christmas. The starts are aligning and we bring in this weeks round of festive fails.

Why that good for nothing! How dare he have some sort of serious injury or illness that requires him to spend time in a hospital? How inconsiderate of him! He's probably just faking that broken leg to upset you.

Wow Tim, that's a pretty horrible Christmas. I can't imagine how it could get much worse.

Yep, okay, you win Jason.
Tickle me Elmo's for everyone!
Let's have a vote. In the comments section, let me know if you think Mark
a/ wants to hit that, you know he wants to hit that or
b/ has hit it and quit it
I'd be interested to know what you guys think. Personally I'm leaning towards a.

And now I leave you with this little Christmas jingle...

Until next time...

This Is ScoMan

thisis Necessary

thisis How you deal with a dodgy mechanic

thisis Wordless Wednesday #2- Help!

thisis The Secret to Success

thisis Time to Bond... James Bond?

thisis How to get your passport in Australia

thisis Wordless Wednesday #1- Things Sco Would Turn Bi For

thisis The 200th Post

It's time you.. knew,, umm.. "the truth"

Anonymous pranks and other things

What Sco Did

"Narcissitic Personality Disorder",,,,?

The Highlight Reel

'Cos It Feels Empty.. Without Me

Friday Failures #25- CPA and Microsoft

Why Nudity Isn't the Point

The Naked Man

Pinch and a punch for the first day of the month

TOONDay #3 - Suck Up For That Quick Reward They Said

Friday Failures #24- Humbled again

The Only Boy

First of May

Making Babies

My Comedy Festival 210

Friday Failures #23 - W's Duty (A YouTube video)

What It Would Take (May contain traces of Lemon - *Bam*!)

Canberra in Pictures

Fridays Failures #22 - I told you I was Freaky (You didn't believe me)

TOONDay#2 - Self Portrait

Return of The Sco

So long, suckers!

Friday's Failures #21 - Unnamed Reunion Guy

TOONday #1 - 10 Years From Now

We Started this Op'ra Shit

Friday Failures #20- Sonic Fans & Domino's Pizza

What Shall We Do With the Drunken Blogger?

February Stars #5 - JustSal

February Stars #4- D*

February Star #3 - Stephanie

Facebook Fail Friday #19 - Bad tenants

February Stars #2 - OmegaRadium

February Stars #1 - Daisy

Facebook Fail Friday #18- Watch your back

thisisTuesday #4

February Stars

Facebook Fail Friday #17 - Disaster

thisisTuesday #3

What shall we do with the drunken accountant?

Facebook Fail Friday #16- Even in Death

thisisTuesday #2

Told You How I F***** Your Mother

Facebook Fail Friday #15- You're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place

thisisTuesday #1

Throwing in the towel

Facebook Fail Friday #14- Hope you enjoyed your holidays

thisisScoMan

Facebook Fail Friday #13- Merry Chirstmas!

What It Would Take (May contain traces of Lemon - Bam!)