Welcome everybody to my commentary

I've got so much talent, it's a little scary

Is my every random thought insightful? Very

Not just entertaining- I'm a luminary

Neil Patrick Harris- Commentary! The Musical

Sunday, June 14, 2009


Hello ScoFans!

Last week we played a game. Score 50 points or more and be rewarded. Score less than 30 points and be punished.

Due to.. what was basically a forfeit on most counts, you scored less than 30 points. Punishment time! (I know some of you actually were more excited about than the idea of being rewarded.)

First though, I will say that a lot of you bought up the "We want to see what you look like" thing again. Well, that's exactly what would have been your reward.

But what is your punishment? Well, in continuing with the Scrubs musical theme, first I'll say that you're all going to have to face the future.. when the truth comes out...

Now, in the situation we find ourselves in, I have taken on the role of the Scrubs cast and all of you have taken on the role of Patti. I sit and wonder "How can I tell them?" and you look at me and ask, "Is it serious?".. A heavy sigh and then you know the news can't be good. (No, I haven't given and of you an aneurysm)

Of course, on a "person to person" ratio it would make more sense if I were Patti and all of you were the rest of the cast, but that wouldn't really reflect our particular circumstances. Anyway, I'm sure I'm more than capeable of playing a whole cast of people, from a Dominican nurse to a 60 year old chief of medicine. And with a little bit of planning I'm sure all of you are capeable of playing one person together. I believe in you and your excellent teamwork.

Some of you were all eyeing off members of the cast you would rather be. Maybe you're an Elliot? Maybe you're a Turk? Maybe you're a Todd? I think I'm a janitor. The strange loner type who is happy with their wierdness, and their lonerness. The only people we have are our brains trusts. A small, handpicked group who we keep close, while pushing away as best we can the rest of the world.

But I've gone off point. I've been trying to work out how to tell you what your punishment is. The best way I could think of is to educate you a little bit first, entertain you some, and drop the bomb somewhere in there.

Sir Donald Bradman, who I included a picture of from the Adelaide post, had a career test average of 99.94. It's a huge accomplishment, as most of the good bastman today are lucky to finish their career with an average of 65-70, and nobody has come close to repeating Bradman's achievement.

Until today.

No I'm not going to start an international cricketing career in order to match his average. I'm a blogger, not a cricketer, and I really don't see how me travelling the world starring on the sporting scene punishes any of you. So instead I'm going to replicate his feat as best I can by writing 99.94 posts.

It's a shame to be going. I've made some great friends through blogging. I've read some great posts. And let's face it, I've written some great posts as well =p

And sure, you can say "Just because you're going away, that doesn't mean you can't keep your bloggy friends", but really....who wants a bloggy friend with no blog?

Since Monday I've been coming to grips with the fact this was going to happen. I could see it coming after reading the first batch of comments that came through. It was hard at first. Knowing that I was going to be letting go of a big part of my life. I didn't know how I'd deal with it.

But then the voices in my head.. the usually angry voices.. the ones that make me hate the world.. they started to tell me I was going to be okay. And I believed them. They've never steered me wrong before, and now I (again through the magic of Scrubs), repeat that message to you.

ScoFans, even without me..

I swear to you
You're going to be okay..
I ho....

Saturday, June 6, 2009

What Happens in Adelaide...

...gets blogged about here. Honestly and openly (except for the boring bits)

Hello ScoFans!

It's been a long time coming, but seeing as this is the 99th post I thought I better cancel the polling this week and get the Adelaide post done before #100.. because I have plans not only for the 100th post, but also for a few posts after that.

I realise this is incredibly long, but if I split it in two the second half of this would become the 100th post, and I have already said, something special is planned for that. But as always, you'll have a week to read it =D And as if the post wasn't long enough, I couldn't help but load it with those videos..

Five of us set of for Adelaide one Sunday morning. The Illustrious Leader (IL), The New Kid (NK), the Self Appointed Manager (SAM), the Work Wife (WW) and myself (Sco). It took some expert Tetris skills to fit us and our bags in the car, but once it was done and a new "Highest Score" was set we were on our way!

(Oh, and for those of you who are unfamiliar with the "work spouse" term..

A work spouse is a co-worker (usually of the opposite sex) with whom one shares a special relationship, having bonds similar to those of a marriage; such as, special confidences, loyalties, shared jokes and experiences, and an unusual degree of honesty or openness. The work spouse is a potentially key relationship when one's actual spouse or boy/girlfriend is not able to understand the nuances of the workplace. As people work more and more and spend less and less time at home, these hybrid relationships have begun to spawn more and more. While it is not unusual for the relationship to contain elements of flirtation, this relationship can be threatened rather than enhanced if it becomes sexual.)

The adventure began at the airport, where WW was stopped by the metal detectors. First for her boots, and then as she was taking her boots off and going back through the metal detector, they took her bag to one side and waited for her. She had some of those tiny sewing scissors in her bag, and that my friends is a dangerous weapon. Into the bin they went!

After an uneventful flight, we touched down in Adelaide. I knew we were going to enjoy Adelaide straight away. Everyone was so friendly. In fact, this is the sort of welcome we received..

After that, we grabbed our bags and headed for the Taxi ranks, but due to the size of the group wouldn't find in the regular size so had to wait for a bigger one to pull around.

One finally did, and when we were all in we waited for the Taxi to leave and.. it didn't. The driver turned around to SAM.
"Is there something caught in that door?"
"Well it's not closed properly"
*SAM opens and closes the door*
"It's still not closed"

So our lovely driver steps out of the vehicle, wanders around to the other side and starts slamming the door and swearing. WW and I were in the front and she points to his licence and laughs. I had a look and read the name...


Yeah, that sounds about right. (just maybe with one less "A" and an "O" in there)

With violence, anger and frustration getting Dragan nowhere, he decided it was time to give up and resort to logic (crazy right?) He'd had one of the other drivers screaming at him the whole time that the lock was broken and he'd need a screwdriver to fix it, so when he walked around to the back of the cab that's where we assumed he was getting. But a screwdriver is not what he came back with.

What's the matter? Door won't close? That's alright. I've got an Occy Strap. Solution to most of life's problems. (How Aussie does "Occy Strap" sound by the way?) Well, before Dragan could even start using the Occy Strap on the door we were out of the cab. There are certain standards that a reasonable taxi should meet and closing doors is high on the list.

After finding a taxi with fully functioning doors, we went to the hotel, and these are some pictures of the room and the view from within..

This is the view straight out of the window. Yes, that is the roof of a parking lot I see.

Some of the artwork that was on the wall. I'm not quite sure what it was supposed to be.

Another look out the window at Adelaide's skyline.

The minibar.. mmm.. chippies!

Little cramped in there, but it got the job done.

One final photo from the window.

So comfortable.

After splitting up for a few hours we met again and wandered down to the conference centre for registrations. Three of us (SAM, NK and myself) were supposed to go to the "First Time Attendees" meeting, but we decided it wasn't worth our time. So TIL phoned his friend to see where they were.. (this is of course, one side of the conversation)
TIL "Oh, so your young man has gone to the first time attendees meeting has he?"
TIL "Well no, despite the fact that I'VE PAID FOR IT, my staff aren't going"
TIL "No, well my staff have revolted"
NK "TIL, it's present tense"
TIL "Sorry, I've just been corrected. This is present tense. My staff are revolting"

So we went for pre-free-drinks-drinks with people from the other accounting practice at a little pub we found. I have to tell you the thing about WW is that she has a husband she is thrilled with, and so it is her mission in life to mould me in his image to make some potential future wife as happy as she is (bless her)

At the pub, we discussed the light fittings and whether they would look good in her new place, which I have never seen. She was pleased with what a good student I am, in that I quickly learned the best thing to do was enthusiastically agree with her, and comment as best I could about the different characteristics of the fitting.

At the free drinks we met the young guy who went to the first timers thing. The guy was unpopular with all of us pretty much straight away. He tried to do stand up comedy bits as regular conversation, and his jokes weren't at all funny. Have any of you ever tried to hold a conversation with someone that is reading from a script?

We went for dinner after that, where I learned another important lesson from WW. Whatever I ordered, it would be better than whatever she ordered. Therefore, when the meals came I had to share, and my meal became our meal, but her meal was just her meal and I could not steal any of it.

And then, I lost some points...

NK: Sco seems to know quite a bit about quite a bit. He spends a lot of time at other peoples desks helping them. Not just other accountants either, but anyone who has a problem goes to him first.
SAM: He's Mr FixIt
WW: Hold on. You go to other peoples desks do you? I thought I was the only one you helped. I thought I was special.
NK: No, he spent about an hour at SKFs desk helping her the other day.
WW: And you went to her desk? How come I always have to come to your desk?
*Sco smiles innocently*
SAM: Actually WW, I've noticed when you're not there quite often SKF will sit at your desk and turn around to talk to Sco.
WW: Well I didn't know all this was going on. They don't even look at each other when I am there.
Sco: Damn. We were on to a good thing. You didn't suspect it at all and now NK has been here what? Three weeks? And he's already blown our cover. Everyone else understood they weren't supposed to say anything.

Luckily, we patched it up before going back to the hotel that night.

The next morning, as with every morning of the conference, I got up early and went for a walk before coming back and meeting WW and SAM for breakfast. I only got a couple of shots on my walks...

I told you that Adelaide was the city of churches and serial killers. And this is certainly a church.

And there's a famous serial killer with his sword. No, it's actually a statue of Sir Donald Bradman, THE GREATEST CRICKETER WHO EVER LIVED (don't argue with me Sameera, you know it's true) outside the Adelaide oval.

The first day of the conference all the attendees were crammed into the big all to receive a speech from our keynote speaker and former Prime Minister, Paul Keating. I have a tendency to get separated from people I'm travelling with when a crowd forms, so somewhere along the line I lost everyone and ended up sitting amongst strangers.

I won't go in to the boring lectures I took during the day, I will just say I ended up with TIL sitting next to me in one of them and he fell asleep (and talking to coworkers who attended other lectures with him, apparently that was a habit of his)

Monday night we went out to dinner with two guys from the other office. The young guy ended up going to the thing put on by the people running the conference. Pretty much as soon as we sit down, one of them says "So what are we going to do about that bastard back at the hotel?" *Stunned silence* "I'm sorry that was rude of me. What are we going to do about that BIG bastard?"

I had the spaghetti bolognaise that night, and was served way too much of it. There was plenty there for WW and anyone else who wanted some.

Tuesday's guest speaker was Australian gold medalist Alisa Camplin. What can she teach us about Accounting and Financial Planning you ask? Well, that's a good question.

She talked about how she started out as a gymnast and won a lot of titles, and everyone thought she would go to the Olympics but then she got injured and couldn't do that any more. So she took up running and won a lot of state titles and then got injured and couldn't do that any more. So she took up aerial ski jumping and that's where she got her gold medal.

Again, nothing to do with anything.. but I guess it was interesting. Sort of.

On Tuesday night NK, SAM, WW and Sco decided to separate from the others and go for Indian food (the others were going for Italian again) We said goodbye to them and wandered off towards where we THOUGHT the restaurant was. After not getting anywhere for awhile, Sco showed WW how to use the Internet on her phone to get directions for us (the internet had stopped working on his phone only a few days before)

We had been heading completely the wrong way. We turned around and walked back, and after walking for about an hour we found the place... right next door to the Italian restaurant TIL and the people from the other office had gone to. If only we had gone with them, we would have arrived much, much (approx 45mins) sooner.

But walking is good. Walking is healthy. One should not complain about excessive exercise.

It should also be noted this was Sco's first experience with Indian food. And he would definitely eat it again.

After eating and stopping in at the Italian restaurant next door to say hello to the other group, we headed back to the hotel, but were sucked in by the golden arches along the way. The thought of a late night Sundae was something none of us could resist (okay, NK could, but he couldn't resist the Applie Pie).

As we were leaving, the other group were just coming around the corner also heading back to the hotel. The young guy tried his hardest to get close to WW (I heard that he had been following her around at the conference like a puppy) but she quickly sped up and walked off talking to someone else. Being the nice guy that I am, I hung back and talked all the way to the hotel with the young guy, because I know what it's like to be left out (although I don't mind being left out, where he seems like the sort who likes attention)

I caught up to my group as they were getting in the lift at the hotel...
SAM: Looks like Sco is the new golden haired boy
WW: Yeah, I think he has a bit of a man crush on you
NK: I think so too. I think first she had a man crush on WW then realised she's not a man, so now he's directing his man love your way.

Which made me think of the two of us breaking into song...

I'm sure that was his fantasy. But in my head it would have played out more like this..

Wednesday we left after only attending the morning's lectures. WW got pulled up at the airport again. This time she was pulled over by the guy at the end of the conveyor belt..
SG "What's with the pigs?"
WW "They're gifts for my children..."
SG "You're not coming in from Mexico are you?"
WW "No, Melbourne"
SG "Okay then, I guess they're clean."

And while waiting for the plane, just as we were about to head home..

SAM: I was talking to husband before and he said one of the guys at work asked him who else was over here, and husband told him and he said "Who's Sco? I know everyone except him" and husband said "Yeah, you'd know him. He's always walking around town." and the guy said "Oh, is that the guy that looks like Ben Hardman? For months I thought that was Ben Hardman"

Now, I know none of you know who Ben Hardman is, because he is the local member of parliament and I'm fairly sure no locals read this, so this is Ben, who I have asked to appear in that movie I told you I'd be making with a lookalike with a blurred face.

Personally, I don't see the resemblance. But I do wonder what you all think I might look like under the now famous hood...

And of course we did get a send off from the lovely people of Adelaide..

Hello ScoFans

I want to play a game with you. This was ScoMan's 99th post. 99 chances to know him. 99 chances to understand him. But how well do you really know him?

On the right hand side of this page you would have noticed a playlist containing 10 songs. The songs would have automatically started when you arrived at this website. Some of them are on his iPod. Some of them are not. It's up to you to determine which songs fall into each category.

For each one you get right, you score a point. Success comes if you score more than 50 points as a team, and you will be rewarded in the 100th post.

However, failure does come with consequences. If you score less than 30 points as a team, you will be punished in the 100th post.

Basic mathematics teaches us that when there are two outcomes, you have a 50% chance of being right. If you get 50% of the ten right, you score five points. As more than 10 of you have commented on recent posts, mathematically 50 points should be acheiveable.

And as you are applying your knowledge of ScoMan to each guess, your odds of scoring correctly should be greater than 50%... or is a little bit of knowledge a dangerous thing?

You have five days.

Good luck...