Welcome everybody to my commentary

I've got so much talent, it's a little scary

Is my every random thought insightful? Very

Not just entertaining- I'm a luminary

Neil Patrick Harris- Commentary! The Musical

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Tagged! v 3.0

I have been tagged by Random Hiccups in her blog "Slave to the Ordinary" Give it a read. It will make you smile.

Half of her questions seemed to me missing, and whilst I was confused at first I did manage to find the rest of them. Not only do I see this as a chance for people to learn a little about me, some of the questions do lend themselves to an opportunity to back up my "Honorary Ovaries" post. Let's see how I do.

1. What is your funniest childhood story?

The first one that comes to mind is when I was about 4, I had a brother who was 2 and a newborn brother. One day, mum left baby brother on her bed while she went outside to hang the washing.

When she came back inside, baby was on the floor and me and 2 year old were casually playing, and when asked how baby got there we innocently replied "He did that by himself"

2. What would your dream dress look like if you could design it?

Classy. Elegant. Nothing above the knee, nothing too low cut. A single colour, like an orange, a yellow or a nice light blue. Nothing with frills.

3. What weird habit does your hubby have?

I have no hubby. I have no wifey. I have no roomy. Looks like I'll have to dish up one of my own weird habits. I know I've used it before but I'm going to have to go back to sniffing my socks after I take them off. I think that's weird enough to get another mention.

4. How many cookbooks are in your kitchen?

None. I work from handwritten recipes on crinkled bits of paper.

5. Granny panties or loyal Victoria Secret girl?

I'm all for comfort.

6. My favorite memory from 2008 so far is?

It would have to be my neice giving up her precious piece of wrapping paper for me to protect at her birthday, closely followed by a discussion I had with one of my clients a few months back.

This coming weekend may just top them both.

7. I secretly...

wish certain people were not in my life.

8. I could really go for...

a question about sport or something after that "dress" one. And then the granny panties question. I know I'm not a manly man sort, but I think just in the interests of balance it would have been nice.

9. We are going to have a big snowstorm and you will find me...

digging though my wardrobe looking for warmer clothes and cursing climate change for finally bringing snow to Australia.

10. I knew he was the one...

there is no he. There is no one. I realised I was going to spend my life alone when I was talking to this girl once and she was asking about what I wanted and I told her right now, I wanted nothing, just to be alone and she was like "Oh yeah, my friend is asexual too"
Before that I thought I was a freak. The way she said it so casually just made it seem so normal. Acceptable.

Now I tag three people to answer these same questions. I doubt there'll be many surprises here...
Natalie Ruth

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Honorary Ovaries

I have been working in a predominantly female offiice for a few years now (the ratio currently stands at 3 males to 9 females, but for a long time it was 2 males and 11 females) and I can't help but notice how this has changed me as a person.

For example, conversations about period pain, giving birth, the pill and breast comparison do not seem as foreign to me as they once did. Sure, I have nothing to contribute, but I am not as weirded out as I once was when they were happening in my general vicinity.

I can gossip with the best of them. I have learned a lot about jewellery and how it should not look. I know now that guys are pigs who can not be trusted.

I also look back to a time when I would go out with friends and their girlfriends and I struggled through small talk with the girl. Now, I'm friends with the girlfriends and struggle through small talk with the boys.

Yep, I think I've earned my honorary ovaries.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

A second chance...

I've found Facebook gives people something that's hard to get in this lifetime. A second chance. A chance to make amends for wrongdoings against others many years ago.

Case #1 - The High School Bully

This might surprise some of you, but I was never part of the in crowd in high school. I was the subject of much bullying over my years, but I'm not here now to whinge or complain about any of that, what other people said about me has never meant much to me.

But a few weeks ago one of the guys in the bullying crowd added me to Facebook. It surprised me a bit, as we were never exactly close. He never did any of the bullying, and had actually been kind of nice to me when the other guys weren't around, but he still sent me a message to apologise that he never told them to stop, and sometimes encouraged them. Although it had never bothered me, it was refreshing to see he felt remorse all these years later.

We'll never be friends. But it gave him a chance to clear his conscience.

Case #2 - The Stubborn Teenager

I was once very close friends with a girl, and we both knew if we ever wanted to just talk random shit, gossip about the Big Brother Housemates or celebs (but never our friends, that would be wrong) or just someone to cuddle the other one would be there for them.

New Years Eve a few years ago we were out camping with a group of friends. We started the night near the fire with her sitting on my lap and we were talking and joking and having a good time. After awhile, a friend of ours came over and said "You two look comfortable" and piled on top, so we were now three in the one seat.

Those two left after a little bit, and I was talking to another friend for half an hour or so, when one of the other girls I had never got along with came over to me and just started screaming at me "This is your fault! She's crying because of you"

I asked her what was going on and she replied "She's over there telling everyone that you hate her"

Knowing that my friend was quite drunk, I figured it was just the alcohol talking, and the next morning we would have a laugh about it and get on with our lives. I never told her she was wrong.

Not that night. Not the next day. Not when she stopped talking to me. Not ever.

Thanks to Facebook, I got the opportunity to congratulate her on the birth of her child, who is now over a year old.

We'll never get out friendship back. But at least the lines of communication are open again.

"Recall the deeds as if they're all
Someone else's
Atrocious stories
Now you stand reborn
Before us all
So glad to see you well

And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you to the ground
But I'm more than just a little curious
How you're plannin' to go about makin' your amends
To the dead"

A Perfect Circle- The Noose

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Tagged! Version 1.01

D* has tagged me at her blog "I'm having a moment"

Here’s the rules for this tagyoureitgame:

1) Each player starts with eight random fact/habits about themselves.
2) People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
3) At the end of your blog post, you need to tag eight people and list their names.
Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged and to read your blog.
4) If you have already been tagged and do not wish to go through the exercise then let the taggee know

1 - I have a tendency to sniff my socks after removing them. Why? I don't know, I guess my feet just smell that nice.
2 - I like even numbers. The volume on my TV or my CD player must always be an even number.
3 - I have not shampooed my hair in over a year. When I did it was greasy and oily. Now it is nice.
4 - I have problems with my right knee from time to time due to an old sports related injury. That sport was totem tennis.
5 - The last time I got teary was April 2005. It was the day I moved out of home and it was when I was on the phone to mum that night. I can't remember the last time I really cried.
6 - The last time I threw up was November 2001.
7 - My favorite high school teacher taught me in year 7 Indonesian and year 9 English. His name was Mr Hutchinson.
8 - I didn't know what accounting was until my parents told me to take the subject in year 11, and now that's what I do for a living.

You wanted random, and I feel that is what I have delivered.

Now I tag...
Random Hiccups
* Badriyyah
* Cayman's Girl

Friday, November 21, 2008

To the unbelievers...

After reading Badriyyah's blog at "Life, Through My Eyes" I decided it would be fun to check out my own Astrological profile from astrology.com.

I was incredibly impressed.

Here's what it said...

Section 1: How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others
You are a gentle, sensitive person with a deep understanding of people and a very tolerant, accepting, nonjudgmental approach towards life. In a noisy, competitive atmosphere you are often receding and withdrawn for you are not an aggressive, forceful person, and you intensely dislike conflict. In fact you tend to be somewhat passive, to wait, watch, observe, feel and know much- but to act little. Letting things resolve or work themselves out in their own way, rather than directing or forcing your will upon them, is often your way of dealing with problems.

Section 2: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation
Quiet, deep, emotionally complex and intensely private, you are not a person who is easy to get to know and understand. You are extremely sensitive but disinclined to show it, and you allow only a special few into your inner world. Like a wary animal, you are cautious and mistrustful of those you do not know until you"sniff them out". You are very, very instinctive and intuitive.You usually have a strong, immediate gut reaction to people, even though you may be unable to clearly articulate why you feel as you do. Your feelings and perceptions go deeper than words.

I agree with that 100%... and what did I have to give the website to work this out about me? Answers to an in depth quiz so that it could regurgitate everything I'd just told it?

No. My name. My date of birth. My birth minute. Where I was born.

I know some people believe astrology is garbage. Well, after that, I am even more impressed with it than I had been previously.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

A moment of doubt

I attended a funeral earlier this year, and ended up a pallbearer for a man I hardly knew. Very few of his family attended the church, and I don't think there were any friends there at all. In all his life, this was all he had, it made me sad for him.

On the drive home I got to thinking, my funeral will be no different. Who will be the pallbearers at my funeral? I subject myself to a life of solitude because that's what works for me. I avoid dating, relationships, going out with friends.. because I just can't be bothered. And I like my quiet time, all I need is myself.

But what if 10 years from now I regret these decisions? What if I wake up one morning and regret not ever finding a girl, settling down and having a few children? What if I spend the last forty years of my life wondering... "what if"?

So say I do decide now it's time to find the one. Time to start dating, time to settle down, get married, have some kids. Say we get the white picket fence, the two cars and the family dog (no cats)... what if 10 years from now I decide I've made a mistake? What if I can't take having people around me all the time any more? What if I long for the life I have now?

The way I see it, the way I'm living my way now is the best way to go. If 10 years from now I decide I've made the wrong choices, at least my life is the only one that is destroyed.

Besides, I can always get cremated. Or wind up a John Doe discovered by a neighbour three months after I've died on my couch, with the TV blaring and a bowl of chips on my stomach.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Y Should I Do All The Work?

This is a blog I wrote in September 2006. I decided to pull it out and dust it out today, partly to share it with you all, and partly because I can't think of much to blog about at the moment. I hope you enjoy it.

For generations people have been asking themselves.. "What the hell is the letter y? Is it like.. a vowel.. or a consonant.. or some strange combination of the two?" And now, NOW.. thanks to the Internet and text messaging, the letter Y has also become a whole word (ie Y are you doing this?), as well as a whole question and sentance (ie. Y?)

And I know that we have all spent many sleepless nights wondering, why should one letter have to take on so many duties? Well, below are transcripts two seperate conversations which took place between the letter Y and the other letters, one when the letters were originally dishing out the workloads as to who is to appear in what words and another more recently when Y was trying to shift some of it's ever growing workload. Some parts of these conversations may not be pretty, there are points when the English language is brutally raped so be warned.. but I hope this sheds some light on the whole situation for you, and helps you sleep at night.. read on, if you will, and join me in answering one of the greatest mysteries known to man.

So as I said, this first conversation was many years ago, when the letters were first splitting their workloads between them

Y: Wait wait wait.. what did you just say? I'm going to have to perform the work of a vowel in "why, my, by, shy, fly, try" and so on? Well that doesn't really seem fair now, does it? I mean.. I thought I was a consonant.. so why can't one of the vowels do it? Like I.. why can't I do it?

I: But.. you are doing it..

Y: That's not what I meant and you know it. Why can't you do it? After all, the sound I'm producing is a sound you're supposed to create. Why can't you do it? And make the words "whi, mi, bi, shi, fli, tri"?

I: Think about it for a second.. how can we have a word "ski" which describes what people do in the snow, and another word "ski" which describes the big blue thing hanging over them.. I don't produce that sound when I'm on my own.

Y: Sure you do.. what about in words like "bi" and "tri"..

I: Those are different, they're descendants from the latin words for "two" and "three" In terms of words that are strictly english words, I don't produce that sound unless I have another vowel with me.

Y: What? That's ridiculous. You're just being lazy an..

I: Lazy? Dude, I've already got my hands full with words like "Mississippi".. I'm used on my own every time somebody says something about themselves.. which you know people are going to do on a regular basis because there's nothing they like to do more than talk about themselves. You? What do you do? You appear in words like "you" and "they" and.. well.. that's about it. How often do people use those words? As I said, people much rather talk about themselves than to include others in their stories..

Y: It looks like I'm going to be in "my".. won't people use that all the time as well? Besides,l I work a hell of a lot harder than X does that's for damn sure. I mean, other than xylophone, x-ray and Xenedes what else does X do?

X: Leave me out of this. Young men everywhere will be using me on a regular basis.

Y: Well, whatever, it's not about that. You know you're going to confuse people with this? They're not going to realise what the hell I'm meant to be

I: That's not what this is about, you just don't want the extra workload. People are smarter than you give them credit for, they'll work it out, trust me.

Y: I still don't see why it should be me that does a vowels work.. if you can't do it on your own I how about getting E in there? That will produce the I sound.. as in "pie"

E: Whoa whoa hold up. I'm already appearing in a whole lot of words myself, several times in words like everyone and people mmm.. Don't you go trying to bring me into this and unloading more work on me

Y: Oh this is messed up. It seems like you're all against me just cos I'm at the end of the alpabet

Z: Ahem..

Y: Yeah whatever. If you wanna give all this extra work to me then fine, but I'm promising people aren't going to understand, and they're going to be making jokes about it for centuries.. "That y eh.. vowel or consonant? Nudge nudge nudge" "Yeah that's a tricky one isn't it? Wink wink wink".. if you want me to be the but of everyones jokes then fine, but I'm telling you all now I won't forget this..

Anyway, it went on like this awhile longer with Y complaining and the others assuring Y that everything would be ok. And for a few centuries it was ok, as Y said it became the but of everyones jokes with nobody really being sure what it was supposed to be and although Y tried several times to get the other to reconsider, they said that as everything was already in place and people had become used to the way it was (even if they didn't understand it), they couldn't change things now.

As technology improved however, people were able to communicate in ways they never had before. The handwritten letter and the personal touch went out the window as this was all taken over by the far less personal text messaging and email. People saw these new technologies as an excuse to get lazy.. words like "aren't" became "RNT".. "envious" became "NVS".. "see you later" became "cya l8r" and "laughing out loud" became "lol"..

Nobody questioned it and everybody understood what these things meant. That was just the way it was. But as much of a travesty these brutal attacks on the english language were, they are not the topic in this next conversation. The next conversation, as you will see, was a debate once again, where the letter Y felt it was overworked after now being given the workload of being the whole word "why"

Y: Now do you guys think I am overworked? Not only am I have to do vowel and consonant work, I've been given the job of being a whole word to myself as well

I: Big deal, I've been a word of my own since this whole language began

A: Me too, and you don't hear us complaining

Y: Yeah but those are one letter words, that is the way it was intended. I've been given the job of a three letter word without even being consulted.. the all round laziness of the human race made that decision for me.. and you know I, they haven't even started saying "eye" as "i" yet.. e and myself still have that job.

S: So what would you like us to do? It's not like we made this decision.. as you said, it was the laziness of the people that have done it, and it's not something we can control.

8: Y's right though. There must be something we should do. I mean, I shouldn't even be here.. I'm a number for christ's sake

B: What can we do though? We don't control them. We gave ourselves to them as a tool for communication a long time ago, and now that their methods of communication have improved they're able to do with us as they wish.

Y: Well I still don't think it's fair. I'm now a consonant, a vowel, a word and a question.. and not only do you guys not appreciate that, people don't appreciate it either. It just gives them more excuses to mock me because now it's even harder for them to work out what I'm supposed to be, even if this is wholy due to their own recent creations and original ignorance.

M: We do appreciate it man, we know you got it hard.. but hey.. like.. there's nothing we can do, right? Like.. I mean.. even if we wanted to.. which.. like.. I swear we do and all.. but.. right?.. like.. what can we do to help and all you know what I'm saying? Cos.. right.. even if we wanted to change the language and all.. it is now what is is and people will just keep using it that way..

P: M's right, we're not to blame, people are to blame. All we did was hand out original designations which we were all happy with and over time, they have raped and destroyed what we agreed on for their own benefit. But hey, that's what they do and there's nothing we can do about it, except, to say we're sorry and we feel your pain..

Y: You're right.. I know you are.. and I know you do appreciate the work I do, it's just.. well.. sometimes it all gets a bit much you know? And I'm sorry about all that but I guess I just needed to hear you say how much you appreciated what I do.. and I'll try not to let it happen again, I promise.

I: And if I could turn back time and take on those few extra words you wanted me to, I would. But I can't, and so until people find their appreaciation for the english language again, this is how it's got to be I'm afraid.

Anyway, I guess we should probably end the transcipt there. Not much happened after this point except for a brief letter orgy, but if that's your thing, buy some alphabet soup.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

AJs First Birthday Party (AKA My 25th Birthday)

Today, I spent the day at my nieces first birthday party and it was a nice day. Couldn't think of a better way to spend my 25th than with my niece who I hardly ever see.

I was quite proud of the card I picked out though, it had a picture of a pig on the front saying "Happy birthday" then inside it said "Time to HOG all of the attention". And she did, my birthday was overlooked and the focus was on her, and I couldn't be happier. I've never been one for being the centre of attention anyway, and the fact people wanted to acknowledge by birthday every year drove me mad.

Present time was of course the highlight. It was funny watching her open her present to see a new toy and be excited, only to have that toy whisked from under her nose and replaced with another present. It was also a bit sad. But at the end of it all, she was happy. And being a one year old she was much happier playing with the paper than with any of her new toys. And not even all of the paper, she got a piece of paper about 3 inches long out of the metres that were rolled out, and clung to that for dear life for about half an hour. She would be happy to play with a balloon or something with the other hand, so long as she could have her piece of paper.

Her favourite of her new toys was a ride on thing that plays music that my parents got her. The kids put her on it and started pushing her around, and as they were leaving the living room she stopped, gave me her precious piece of paper (I was of course, the only one who could be trusted with something so sacred) and away they went. My repeated efforts to give her back her piece of paper during the rest of the afternoon failed. Apparently it wasn't given to me because I could be trusted with it, it was given to me because it was now rubbish, and I looked like I might be in to that kind of thing.

I won't go into the downs of the day, I will remain upbeat about it and only remember the positives. And as a side note, my parents got me series one and two of Dexter for my birthday. I love that show.

I may find comfort here
I may find peace within the emptiness
How pitiful?
Tool- Reflection

Wedding bells

I sit here, loyal readers,on the stroke of midnight, on this, the anniversary of my birth to bring you stories. Why? Because I am just that damn dedicated to entertaining you all and placating my own ego.

Today, two friends of mine (if you could call people you see twice a year friends) were married.

Being the atheist that I am and wanting very little to do with religion, and being that the ceremony at the church was incredibly god oriented, you can imagine how bored I was for the 45 minutes that whole thing took. (Yup, running through my head was Da-da-da-da-da HEY da-da-da-da) I have nothing against people who are religious, that's great and that is your right, but if you didn't like football and I got married at half time of a match, wouldn't you be kind of pissed?

The wedding was one of the ones that had it's sing-a-long elements, as were were all given a book to follow and had to respond to the ALL parts as the ceremony reached certain points (are they all like that? I don't know. Certainly both the ones I've been to have been) Anyway, the highlight of the ceremony for me was near the end we reached an ALL - Amen.. and nobody said Amen. The priest looked around and said "Amen *gestures to us to respond- gets no response*... allright"

The other highlight was the priest kept posing whenever cameras were around. I guess the dude needs to update his Facebook picture.

Oh, and of course the real highlight was the beautiful bride bouncing down the aisle grinning from ear to ear. She always had an amazing smile, and it was out in full force today.

After the ceremony we had two hours to kill before the reception. What do we do? We go to McDonalds. This children, would come back to bite us in the ass. After McDonalds we went back to my friends place and watch a 90s dance music count down.. I swear so many of the songs in the top 50 dance songs of the 90s would also be in my bottom 50 songs of the 90s.

Reception time rolls around and we're off to the Woolshed. I have made specific note to mention the location of the reception, and as I continue, you will see why.

I, as always, was seated at what I like to call the "freaks table", and, like always, all of the candles on our table burnt out before too long leaving us to spend the rest of the evening in darkness so the normals wouldn't have to look at us.

We met a nice guy who was also on our table, and his bitch of a wife, and I also caught up with a few people who I haven't seen in a few years. So far, so good, right?

The entree is served and it is some raw lamb with some random, disgusting vegetables, again some of which were not cooked properly, thrown together in a random order which really did not look very appealing at all. Strike one. Sure I had second hand mascara on my cheek, chin, lips and tongue (and heads and shoulders, knees and toes) at this point, which did affect my sense of taste, but I could tell by the general grumblings at the table that I was not the only one who thought the meal was sub-par.

The main course is served. This is where the evening picked up a little bit. See, bitch girl is eating her meal and all of a sudden a look of horror goes accross her face. She sits back in her seat and clasps her mouth with her hands looking at her plate and starts whispering to hubby (she wouldn't talk to the rest of us and didn't want us talking to her.) She then runs off to the bathroom and hubby explains there is a dead cockroach in her food. Strike two for the Woolshed. Hell, take strike three, four and five as well for that one. That is unacceptable.

Anyhow, can I add before continuing that what happened next only happened because of the way we were treated by this girl, and had she been decent to us we may have felt some sympathy, but alas, there was none. When she returned to the table she copped a lot from us, and her husband even got in on the act. After this point, not only was she not talking to us, she wasn't talking to him either, and when the waitress came over to apologise to her, she just rolled her eyes and looked the other way. That's the type of girl we are dealing with here.

(I have just received and responded to a message from D*, she can verify the time this blog was written)

Sure, we may have said some dirty and inappropriate things at the table, but this is Australia honey, that's how we roll. (If people would like me to elaborate on dirty and inappropriate things, I will another time, just ask) Besides, your husband was enjoying himself.

Speaking of dirty and inappropriate, the best man's speech. Now be warned out there good reader, if you ask me to be your best man at a wedding, I will steal this line from one Tom Curnow...

"I'm a man of few words so I will keep this short. This is probably going to be an uncomfortable two minutes for Manny but Mariannes uncomfortable two minutes will come later... courtesy of Manny"

Being that I usually try to end on a quote.. I think that one will do nicely. Have a nice day!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Tagged! v 2.0

I was trying to decide on a topic for a blog this even, when I was suddenly tagged by Badriyyah and asked to list some of my perfect blends, so here we go...

1. Music + driving = perfect way to relax
2. Rain + tin roof = perfect way to pass a Sunday afternoon
3. Good sense of humor + talkative = perfect client
4. Ipod + walking = perfect way to get around town
5. Niece + smiling = perfect way to spend my birthday
6. Ham + pineapple = perfect topping for a pizza
7. "Dead Like Me" DVD + Bacon & Eggs = perfect way to start the day
8. Book + bed = perfect way to wind down before sleep
9. Xbox + milo = perfect way to spend a lunch break
10. Home + alone = perfect holiday destination
11. Millionaire + death bed = perfect wife (it had to be said :p)

I now tag D* and Natalie Ruth to put together some of their perfect blends.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The best laid plans

I arrived at work this morning with two files on my desk. Things are starting to slow down before Christmas and I was looking forward to getting a good deal of these jobs done today as they have been sitting there for awhile, and due to some of our bigger clients being incredibly demanding, I just haven't had the time to reach these two jobs.

That was ten to nine.

And five to nine the phone rang. It was a coworker of mine (let's call her Susan) and she wanted to speak to me.

"Hi Susan, how are you?"
"Not good, I won't be in today and probably not for the rest of the week"
"Oh damn, that's a shame, I hope it's nothing to serious"
"No, I'll be fine. Just need a few days bed rest the doctor said"
"Well hopefully you get well soon"
"Thanks, anyway, I'm calling to ask if you could do the wages for me"
"Yeah sure, I'll do that"
"Thanks, I'll see you when I'm better"
"Ok, bye"

Yes, other than her it's only old muggins here who knows how to do these wages. And it's a two day job.

So, I put the two neglected jobs aside for another few days and moved across to Susan's desk for easy access to all of the necessary files and paperwork, smiled, and sunk my teeth in.

That was nine o'clock.

At eleven my boss comes out to me.

"Can you do me a favour?"
"Sure, what do you need?"
"We've got this job ready for the auditors, but can you take a look at this for me, I think we might need to change it"
"Ok, I'm just working on these wages now.."
"That's ok, there's no rush, but the auditors will be here first thing tomorrow"
"Super, it'll be done by then"

For some reason, I was the only one who could be trusted with that job as well.

And so, I left work today with two files on my desk, and after arriving early tomorrow, I bet the same two files will be there at the end of the day (probably with four or five more urgent jobs)

Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice,
Standing on the ledge, show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my face, I say,
Have A Nice Day.
- Bon Jovi ("Have a Nice Day")

Sunday, November 9, 2008


I was going to write a blog about my weekend, but after having a read through another blog I found this week ("Life, through my eyes") I realised, that like the author of that blog, I too will shortly be a year older.

Sound like an achievement? Well, it's not really, is it? All I've managed to do is not die for 25 years, and the first 25 years of your life are the easiest 25 to survive one would assume.

Twenty five feels like an eternity away. I still see myself as early twenties but now there's no denying, I'm mid twenties and heading rapidly towards late twenties. And then... dare I say.. thirties. But in one short week, 25 becomes a reality.

So I take this opportunity now, to look back at my life and see at various stages throughout where I thought I would be come this milestone.

At age five, I'm not sure where I thought I'd be. I imagine it changed from week to week, from one impossible dream to the next. One week a movie star, the next an astronaut, the next a caterpillar. Needless to say, I have accomplished none of those things.

Age ten, I think I would have dreamed of being a professional sports person of some sort. I played junior sport all year around, and I thought if I stuck with it one day I would make it. I would have thought twenty five is incredibly old, and by that age one should be married and have a few children. Again, I have accomplished none of these things (and, none of them are anywhere on the horizon.)

Fifteen now and starting to learn the harsh realities of life. I was dropping out of sports teams left and right as I realised I was not athletically gifted, and I would be relying on my brain from here on out. I would have seen myself working in an office at a big city firm, not really being sure what people in those offices do, but again thinking by 25 I would probably be married and have children.

At twenty I would have thought by 25 I would almost be finished my CPA, again probably working in a big city building, however by this age I realised marriage and kids, probably not for me.

And here I sit, a week short of 25. Living alone. Single. Almost finished my CPA but working in a small country firm. Achieving very little of what I thought I could accomplish during my early years, because as I'm sure we're all aware, life has a way of crushing our dreams.

But as I sit here now, I ask myself if I'm happy with where I am. And do you know what? I really am. I wouldn't trade my job now for any of that big city money. I don't think I could deal with coming home every night to a wife and children (or even a flatmate and a cat for that matter). And I know I couldn't deal with the fame and publicity that comes with being a professional athlete in this country.

So whilst I don't think I will achieve any more of my goals by the time I reach twenty five, I don't really want to either.

"Well, I mean birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year's gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake we know it's not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing." - Jerry Seinfeld

Friday, November 7, 2008

Tagged! v 1.0

I have been tagged by the delicious D* and now must complete this survey thing. Enjoy!

1. Were you named after anyone?
Nope, I'm not living in anyone's shadow. But one day, I'll bet there's plenty of little ones named after me.

2. Do you still have your tonsils?
Last time I checked, yes.

3. Would you bungee jump?
I think I would, if someone else arranged it for me, paid for it and transported me there. It's not fear that's holding me back, it's laziness.

4. What is your favorite cereal?
I'm not really a cereal kind of guy, but when I do eat cereal because I have plenty of milk left and 2 days before it expires then it's Weet Bix.

5. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Yes, my feet are far too fat not to. But when I do get out of them, I leave throw them haphazardly on the floor.

6. What is your favorite ice cream?
Chocolate. Or mint-chocolate. Or if I go to Cold Rock, Vanilla, with nothing in it. They remember me there, and they love me there. But then, people love me wherever I go.

7. What is the first thing you notice about people?
I can't say I notice anything in particular.

8. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
I'm under appreciated.

9. What was the last thing you ate?
A museli bar, my usual after work snack. Who doesn't love routine?

10. What are you listening to right now?
Rain. There's nothing like sitting in the quiet listening to the rain on the roof.

11. Last movie you watched?
"A Little Trip to Heaven" I think it was called. Not the kind of movie I would normally go for but my brother leant it to me and insisted I watch it. It wasn't half bad actually.

12. What did you dream about last night?
Last night? I don't remember. A recent dream I've had however is one of the guys from work was leaving to start business across the road (which is actually train tracks, but in my dream there were businesses there) and he was offering me shitloads more to come and work for him, and I was faced with the dilemma of being loyal to my boss or taking the money.

I'm a Scorpio. I stayed put.

13. What book are you reading?
"The Lizard's Bite" It's ok except it's set in Italy so everyone has weird ass names and I can't remembere who is who.

14. Summer or winter?
Winter. Summer sucks.

15. Do you have any special talents?
I can get by just upon a smile.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Learning the ropes

After some help from the goregous D* I have found some interesting blogs out there. I don't know what it is about the blog, but I do enjoy reading about other peoples lives. But then I don't watch the news, because, as I have said to anyone who can't believe I don't watch the news "It's just a bunch of people I don't know doing things I don't care about"

That being the case, why then, do I enjoy reading the cyber-tales of people from all around the world?

Maybe it's the "seediness" of it all. Taking a look into the lives of people you don't know and who know nothing about you. To get that sort of look into a persons life 15 years ago you'd have to do it through a telescope, but these days the internet makes everything so accessible.

But I think it's probably because the blogs I enjoy reading are the ones with stories that I can relate to. It's good to read about people from another country or just up the road who think the way you do, who feel the way you do and who are going through the same problems you're going through.

Or maybe they think completely differently to you, and are going through problems that you'll never experience, but it's still interesting to get another point of view.

Now I am up and running, I should be right in my next blog to start telling some stories from my own life. In the meantime, I'll leave you with the quote that inspired the title for this blog.

Threw you the obvious
And you flew with it on your back,
A name in your recollection
Thrown down among a million same.

Difficult not to feel a little bit
Disappointed and passed over
When i've looked right through to see you naked and oblivious
And you don't see me.

A Perfect Circle- 3 Libras

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

n00b bu5in355

I'm still new here, and haven't work out how anything works or what anything does. However, as today is a public holiday in the great state of Victoria (you wish you were us), I have decided to experiment a bit with a few features.

So far, I have found the "New Post" button. Pretty self explanitory I think, and a button I hope to use again in the future.

I can also see all of the blogs written by the one person I am subscribed to so far. Again, very handy. (How do I find other blogs to subscribe to? I don't know. That might come later.)

The Help center. Had a bit of a play with that. All it managed to help me do was become more confused. That is why nobody likes instruction manuals- know all documents that only manage to frustrate people.

Mobile blogging? Not interested. Move along.

The features menu. Perhaps I should have started here.
No, that proved less than useful. I vote that "features" gets renamed "promotion"- all it did was crap on about how great this site is.

*Temporary lost due to clicking a link that lead me astray. Finally managed to work my way back*

And that seems to be all I can find on this site. There must be more, but I feel I have explored enough today. The first stage is getting my shit out there for others to read, stage two is learning how to read others peoples shit.
(Side note : When will there be psychics who read shit instead of palms?)

Well, that's it for my first original blog. Short and sweet. I hope you weren't as confused as I am.

PS: The public holiday we got today was for a horse race. At the final turn the horse I picked was coming second behind some loser horse that was like 51/1 to win the race, and my adrenaline started pumping. They were two lengths in front of the rest of the field, it was looking good. My horse finished like 6th. I hope they turn it into glue.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

The Girl at the Place Where I Pay My Rent

Because I am incredibly lazy, I will from time to time post some of my favourite blogs from old sites here rather than write all new blogs. This at the time I wrote it, was enjoyed by most who read it. I hope you enjoy it too.

Every two weeks on a Thursday afternoon during my lunch hour, I stroll up the street and pay my rent for that fortnight. Usually I am greeted by the same girl, who of course needed my name each time I made my payment in order to fill out the receipt.

After three or four lunch hour journeys to pay my rent, the young lady had my name memorised and it felt sort of weird, as I didn't know her name. Each time I walked in to the office she would greet me with a smile and a "Hi Joe!" (my name is not actually Joe for those of you who don't know.. this is an alias I am providing in order to conecal my identity from the Internet stalkers.. yeah that's right.. I'm stalkable.. trust me.. don't laugh..) and all I could say in reply was "Ahh.. yeah.. hi"

This grew even more uncomfortable when I would see her in the street, and she would smile and "Hi Joe" and all I could reply with was "Yeah, how's it going?" So perplexed was I by this situation, I even considered asking her her name just so I know.. but that also felt a little weird considering she's known my name for like 4 months now and I have no idea what her's is. Besides, just asking is no fun. It takes all the thrill out of knowing away. It's all about tactics, planning, and the ability to think on your feet.

And then today came. The second Thursday.. my rent was due. I walked into the office per usual and was greeted with the smile and the "Hi Joe!" to which I replied with my customary "Hey, how's it going?" and went through the motions that we have down to a fine art.

She pulled out the receipt book and prepared the receipt

I got my hard earned but soon to be departed with money out of my wallet

Small talk small talk small talk

She goes to hand the receipt over to me as I go to hand the money over to her

The phone rings...

I pull back the money and smilie and say "You better get that.."

She gives me a weird look and picks up the phone..

"Hello, XYZ and associates, Jane speaking" (again, the company is not really named XYZ and associates and her name was not really Jane.. the actuals names are not an important part of what happened and therefore have been replaced in order to minimise stalkers).. I smiled.. I finally got her..

She finished her phone call and we went back to where we were (although she was somewhat more confused than before). She handed me the receipt, I handed her the cash.

"Seeya next time Joe"

"Seeya Jane"

The look of confusion returns to her face and then the whole scenario clicks in her head. She realised that everything I had done had been for a reason and she finally realised what everbody
else needs to learn...

You can't beat me. Ever. In the long run I will always get the information I desire through whatever means possible. Remember that loyal readers, and in future just don't even bother trying...