thisis How to get your passport in Australia

Hello ScoFans!

I just want to start today by pointing you over to Shanimal's Crackers to read about some awesome anonymous pranking. I thought I'd done a pretty good task of my anonymous prank, but I know when I'm beaten, and while she might call it a "good deed".. I think there's definitely an edge of prank to it.

Anyway, as some of you saw on Twitter a few weeks (months?) ago I was looking for advice on how to get started with organising my passport (and as much as I would like to say it's to visit Cher because she told me she could get me tickets to the world premiere of Griff in Toronto, Cher of course it's mostly to visit you... everyone except Cher of course it's mostly to see Griff.. I have been waiting for that movie for a long time), unfortunately that isn't the case.

And it's a good thing that's not the case, because this is a long process and there's no way I'd have it in time for the premiere. Plus, because it's all so hard, I'm really dragging my feet.

So here's how it's happened so far:

- Several of you told me on Twitter to go to the post office and get an application form, I did that .. Monday.. two weeks ago. I also needed to get my photo taken for it, for some reason I decided not to do that on the same day (I think doing two things in one day can be very tiring)

- Two Saturday's ago I started filling out the form and saw I needed my birth certificate as proof of ID. I didn't have that so I texted my parents, and as dad was coming down the following weekend anyway, he told me he'd bring it with him.

- Dad came down last Sunday. As it turns out, my parents never got my birth certificate, just the extract, which is no longer good for anything. Make a mental not to self - apply for a full birth certificate to be sent out to me.

- Thursday this week, I went in to the post office to get my photo taken. I had to take my glasses off for it, plus she said "You're not allowed to smile. You're not allowed to show any teeth. You're not allowed to be happy in any way" - I smiled at that because it was funny, then she gave me a death stare like "What did I just tell you?".. Hey, if you don't want me to smile, don't say stuff that makes me smile. Tell me you deleted my save games on my Xbox, then I won't be smiling.

Plus, because I was trying not to smile, I look like a serial killer in the photos. I think that's handy. "Please let me into your country, I promise I won't kill you... yet"

One of my friends also had to get a "Working with children" card because.. well because he works with children.. and because he wasn't allowed to smile either he looks pretty suspicious on his working with children thing too. Plus he has a beard, and you can't trust people with beards.

He looks like a pedophile and his card that says children are safe around him, that's all I'm saying.

- Last night - Ask mum where the hell I go to apply for the birth certificate. She sent me toward the "Births, death and marriages" website (with any luck I'll only ever be recorded there for two of the three things they manage)

- Today - Go to the website to print out the application form. My printer is out of ink. Email form to my work email address with the subject "Do this or I'll kill you". Have a brief fright when I think I may have accidentally sent it to the work email address and not to MY work email address.

I think it's a shame I don't have my passport though, because it asks "Why are you applying for your birth certificate?" and one of the reasons it lists is "Passport application", then further down you can use your passport and proof of identification. I'd like to say I was applying for the passport and then use it to ID myself, just to freak them out.

Plus when it comes to payment options, one of the ones they offer is "In person".

If I was paying them in person, I wouldn't be filling in their stupid forms and photocopying my ID. I'd go down there and make them do it, and pay them while I was there.

Anyway, soon I will have proof that I exist, and then after that I will be free to travel and explore the world.

The only thing stopping me is my lack of desire to travel and explore the world.

Thinking of you always,

ScoMan

Anonymous pranks and other things

Hello ScoFans!

Okay, so I've been a bit quiet on the bloggosphere lately. Well, quiet for me at least. I'm sure if the pope had been as active as I have been around the blogs these last few weeks, people would be like "Jesus fucking Christ! It's the pope!"

And then he would punish them for using the lords name in vain. Or vein. Or something. The point is the pope would be pissed. And the pope looks like a man you won't want to piss off.

Do I have excuses for my slackness? Sure. But you've heard them all before, so I won't go into that.

Besides, busy as I may be, I always have to remember what Captain Hammer says:
"When you're the best you can't rest, what's the use?
There's ass needs kicking, some ticking bomb to defuse"

That second line probably relates more to what I do in my free time than it does to my blog, but nonetheless, I feel it still warrants a mention. Plus, as I have indicated, my free time is somewhat lacking these days, and I'm choosing to spend it here, with you, in blogland, rather than out kicking the asses of small children and blowing up orphanages, so I hope you're all happy.

You're taking away the two real joys I have in life, and offering me instead, a third but still much lesser joy.

And not only have I been busy, but of course one of my tweets was mentioned on a television here in Australia last week. A show that's watched by over a million people (sometimes - and that's a lot for an Australian show).

So you know, I'm pretty big time now. I hardly need you lot any more, and still I take the time to drop in. You should all be grateful.

But enough of all that. That's just filler (You're thinking "Wow, if his filler is gold I can't wait til he gets to his content")

Last time I blogged I told you all (or at least those of you who read it) about an anonymous prank I pulled. Since then, I have had an anonymous prank pulled on me.

Okay, thanks for stopping by and... oh, you want to know what the prank was? Well, do we have the time to cover that? I was about to head out to a magazine shoot and.. okay, because I love you, I'll make the time.

My landlord called me last Thursday night to ask if it's okay for some people to come and look through my flat on Friday. It's probably important to mention that she's trying to sell the flats, and she wasn't just selling tickets for people to look through my stuff on account of my new found stardom.

At least, I don't think she was selling tickets.

So I come home on Friday night and do a quick look around and make sure nothing has been moved and everything looks to be still in it's place and making sure there were no giant sacks of money accidentally left behind, to find that everything was in order (although it wasn't until Sunday I noticed the real estate agent had left her card in the middle of my kitchen bench so that probably a fair indication of how hard I actually looked, and probably an unfair indication of how often I actually cook)

After watching the mighty Bombers beat St Kilda last Friday night, I climbed into bed a bit after 11 to find it was quite hot and it was difficult to sleep. My Northern Hemisphere readers might be thinking "It's called Summer, deal with it" and my readers who are fans of science fiction might be thinking that someone had somehow worked out away to change the weather patterns and localize it just to my bedroom, while others still might be thinking that someone had somehow found a way to move my bedroom to the Northern Hemisphere.

But alas, as awesome as some of those things would be (except for it just being Summer, it's Summer for three months of the year, that's hardly special or significant), it was not what was required here.

Someone turned the setting on my electric blanket to 7 (out of 9. I usually have it set on 1)

A normal person or a cranky person might get upset or frustrated or seek vengeance against those who had wronged them.

Being a fellow lover of a good prank, I just laughed and thought "Well played".


Thinking of you always,


ScoMan

What Sco Did

Hello ScoFans!

I've been thinking of writing this post as a "Confession Wednesday" for the last few weeks.. but.. well.. I just haven't really had the time. And instead of let my guilt eat away at me any longer,I need to come clean and get something off my chest... with all of you, my beloved readers, who I know would support me rather than scold me for my actions.

Back on the 8th of June, I went to a seminar for work (don't worry, this post has hardly anything to do with the seminar, in fact, if I weren't reassuring you that this post isn't about the seminar, I would have already stopped talking about the seminar.)

I was the only one from my office attending on this particular day, so I went in, found a seat and introduced myself to the guy sitting next to me. We talked again at morning tea, but I didn't see him during lunch.

After lunch, I walked back into the room to find his books gone. He'd obviously left at lunch time. But he had made a critical mistake.

He'd trusted me.

He left his evaluation sheet with my things to hand in at the end of the day. And he'd left his name on it. And his member number. And his email address.

And he hadn't filled in any of the written response questions. And I had four hours of boredom to kill. (And I was a little bit jealous that I didn't think of leaving during the lunch break. Normally the food is worth sticking around for. Not this year)

Anyway, I filled in his evaluation as follows.

What would you like to see more of in next years seminar?

The pink handout. I like pink. Pink is pretty.

What would you like to see less of in next years seminar?

The yellow hand out. I don't like yellow. Yellow scares me. My sister used to make me wear yellow dresses when I was little. Sometimes when I see big bird, I wet my pants just a little bit. I don't like yellow.

Could you recommend any changes to the seminar?

Don't use the Mission Impossible music when we come in from breaks. You're not spies. You're not sexy enough to be spies.

Do you plan on using the CD attached to today's notes when you get back to your office? If not, why not?

No. I won't be using it. I don't believe in computers or Eskimos. The unicorn told me they don't exist.

It felt good to walk out of that room imagining the chaos or confusion I might cause, or at least the laughter from the person reading the evaluation, without knowing for sure whose life I might touch or in what way they might be impacted.

I do like to think they at least emailed him about his responses to their questions.

It's been a long time since I pulled an anonymous prank, and I have to say, I kind of enjoyed it.

I miss that feeling of not knowing what happens next.


Thinking of you always,


ScoMan