Welcome everybody to my commentary


I've got so much talent, it's a little scary

Is my every random thought insightful? Very

Not just entertaining- I'm a luminary

Neil Patrick Harris- Commentary! The Musical





Thursday, March 4, 2010

Friday Failures #20- Sonic Fans & Domino's Pizza

Hello ScoFans!

I decided to mix up this Friday thing. There's only so long you can laugh at peoples typo's right?

So I am now going to look for strange news stories or stories from my life to make fun of (but occasionally we might go classic Facebook style)

Perhaps I should be the first Friday Failure though because I forgot to mention if people still want to contribute to the Drunken Blogger, they can just leave a comment in the comment section of that post with their contribution (see convenient link on right of page)


Sonic.png

The first story of our new Friday Failures section relates to our friend Sonic here.

For those of you who don't know, which I'm assuming is none of you, Sonic 4 is shortly going to be released by Sega (You all knew that, right?). This was supposed to be a triumphant return of sorts for Sonic to the gaming world, but it has made some of the fans of the original games pretty upset.

They're upset because they thing this new game, from the video's they've seen, doesn't measure up to "Classic Sonic". And they're letting Sega know just how upset they are.

They're so upset that they've decided to start a petition.

They're so upset that they're going to boycott Sonic 4.

They're so upset that they're going to give Sega free money.

Wait.. what?

Yes, these fans haven't quite worked out how a boycott works. Instead of buying Sonic 4, they are instead going to go out and by the original Sonic on the day Sonic 4 is released.

If they're the hardcore Sonic fans they make themselves out to be, chances are they already own this game and as many people have already pointed out, the only thing they're really accomplishing is giving Sega money.

I'm sure Sega don't really care. Money is money right? No matter where it comes from or what circumstances it was received under.


Secondly, Domino's Pizza.

I know a lot of people aren't fans of Domino's (I'm guessing from American sitcoms), but this isn't about how bad their pizza tastes. If you have 30 seconds, take a look at this..



Okay, I know what you're thinking. There was a report this week that said that 75% of Australians are either obese or overweight (Cop that America. Now who's the fat bastards?) so Domino's wanting people to eat healthy should be a good thing, right?

Well, a coworker of mine went into Domino's this week and requested one of these pizzas but asked for no cheese because they're allergic to dairy.

The person behind the counter looked at her confused, went and got the manager, and the manager came out and said "I'm sorry, we can't do that because you might sue us"

The manager explained that because the commercial says the pizza's are 389 calories, everything in them is measured extremely carefully and none of the ingredients are allowed to be varied, even if it will reduce the calories.

To think this whole problem could have been avoided if they'd said "Less than 390 calories"

Who works in the Domino's marketing department anyway?

I was going to say that they might lose sales because of this.. but they won't. My coworker figured as long as she was there she would order one of the greasy unhealthy pizzas if that's what it took to get no cheese.

If I've upset anyone today so much that they want to send me money, just leave your PayPal details in the comment section below along with how much you want to send me, and I'll send you an invoice shortly.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

What Shall We Do With the Drunken Blogger?



Hello ScoFans!

Well, I asked for your input, and your input I did receive.

The poll with two votes to one went to using "With their laptop in the gutter" in the chorus, but seeing as that doesn't always fit and none of them fit universally, I have stuck to the laptop one most of the time and changed it to one of the others where they suit better.

And so, here it is...


WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH THE DRUNKEN BLOGGER?


What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

If they're awesome and grammatical we'll chest bump em
If they're awesome and grammatical we'll chest bump em
If they're awesome and grammatical we'll chest bump em
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

If they're awful then we'll just hit "Mark as read"
If they're awful then we'll just hit "Mark as read"
If they're awful then we'll just hit "Mark as read"
From our Google Reader

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

We'll spam them with links to hangover cures
We'll spam them with links to hangover cures
We'll spam them with links to hangover cures
In their comment section

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Make them up an appropriate avatar
Make them up an appropriate avatar
Make them up an appropriate avatar
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Tell them to make a vlog next time
Tell them to make a vlog next time
Tell them to make a vlog next time
In their comment section

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Suggest it would be best if they keep on drinking
Suggest it would be best if they keep on drinking
Suggest it would be best if they keep on drinking
In their comment section

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Link em to a post to Pat Roberston
Link em to a post to Pat Roberston
Link em to a post to Pat Roberston
In their comment section

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Kick em up the arse so they do what we wanna
Kick em up the arse so they do what we wanna
Kick em up the arse so they do what we wanna
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Give them a month of daily Memes
Give them a month of daily Memes
Give them a month of daily Memes
From our Google reader

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Send them videos of Japanese butt porn
Send them videos of Japanese butt porn
Send them videos of Japanese butt porn
In their comment section

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Send a link to the post to their mothers
Send a link to the post to their mothers
Send a link to the post to their mothers
From our Google reader

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Set them up on a horoscope project

Set them up on a horoscope project
Set them up on a horoscope project
In their comment section

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Post their blog on a Russian spam forum

Post their blog on a Russian spam forum
Post their blog on a Russian spam forum
From our Google Readers

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Blow up their email with AA info
Blow up their email with AA info
Blow up their email with AA info
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

What shall we do with the drunken blogger?

What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
What shall we do with the drunken blogger?
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Leave them a drunken comment
Leave them a drunken comment
Leave them a drunken comment
In their comment section

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

If it starts to happen heaps we'll hit "Unsubscribe"
If it starts to happen heaps we'll hit "Unsubscribe"
If it starts to happen heaps we'll hit "Unsubscribe"
From our Google reader

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
With their laptop in the gutter

That's what we'll do with the drunken blogger
That's what we'll do with the drunken blogger
That's what we'll do with the drunken blogger
With their laptop in the gutter




CONTRIBUTORS (In order of appearance)

JustSal - just my thoughts
That Kind of Girl - Not That Kind of Girl
Alissa - Slightly More Than Dirt
Tracie - Stir Fry Awesomeness
Coffeypot - coffeypot
Jewels Diva - A Bitchfest! Lovefest!
adrienzgirl - Think Tank Momma
SupahMommy - Adventures of Wannabe SupahMommy
ChinkyGirLMeL - ChinkyMel's corner
Daisy - 1,2,3.... ELEVEN Petals
LMJ - I've Been Thinking


Thank you to everyone who has contributed so far. You know who you are because I just reminded you who you are.

Anyone else who wants to contribute, feel free. The project doesn't have to stop here and I am keen to keep it going.

And people who have already contributed, feel free to contribute some more.

This will always be a work in progress.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

February Stars #5 - JustSal



Hello ScoFans!

It's time for another February Star as I continue to take it easy and do bugger all. I just write a quick intro and call it a day. It's easy, I'm loving it. Plus it's an excuse to look through all the different versions of February Stars on YouTube, which is also a great job. Even if nobody watches them, I enjoy finding them.

Today's guest blogger is JustSal of Just my thoughts. Again, I'm not going to talk about how great her blogging is, I'm going to let her blogging show you how great it is.

I will say though, this post was emailed to me before Wednesday's post was posted. The fact there are two ScoMan biographies written by my February stars, I think shows what a fascinating topic I really am.

Actually, I think in terms of "posts mentioning" this month, I am on par with bestiality, with both Stephanie and Daisy mentioning bestiality and D* and JustSal mentioning me. OmegaRadium of course, took the high road and decided not to write about anything as crude as bestiality or myself. He did write about Dexter though, which is always a winner in my book.

Enough of me wasting your time. Enjoy the post..

Hello Scofans!!!!!!!!

I’ve always wanted to say that, but I can’t due to the fact that I’m not actually Scoman :( Plus I don’t have Scoman’s genitals either (There's really not enough blogs that mention my genitals- ScoMan). Sometimes we just luck out in life I guess!

Sco has kindly asked me to be a guest blogger, and I leapt at the chance. He does after all have over 100 followers, so it’s an opportunity for me to show you all how witty I am, and just why Sco likes me so much. (Read: I pay him to be my friend) I will then attempt to leech his readers over to my blog also. (I’m all about sharing the blog love.)

When I first thought about what I could write in my guest blogger spot. I though I could do a figjam exposé (it’s French for reveal stuff!) But I thought no, I’m not that fickle. So I thought why don’t we do a little ‘this is your net-life Scoman’ (Some call it second life – I think I prefer Sco-life!) This involved much researching…… well ten minutes, and then I just made it all up! (I believe that's referred to as the "Wikipedia" approach to research - ScoMan) Sco has had a very fulfilling internet life as you are about to read.

Firstly what do we know about the man who refers to himself as Sco?

1) Firstly he allows us to know what he wants us to know – See title of Blog… (thus the majority of this entry is my imagination running overtime)
2) He has grey complexion, oh wait, no that’s just the colour of the photograph.
3) He likes hoods and could be the Unabomber (without the sunnies)
4) He’s a work in progress (so some of the info below may well be true!)
5) He likes to blog
6) He plays Xbox
7) He likes to write sea shanty’s
8) Psychopaths such as Dexter are just ‘part of his crew’
9) His name leads itself to super hero status; I’m thinking his superhero would be the one modelled on Dexter who takes out those who deserve to be taken out. Maybe not saving a cat from a tree so much…. But hey Sco could be a cat person who knows!
10) He has tried and is still attempting to make #rad a tending topic on Twitter with me (justsal) ** Remember people if you tweet and use ‘rad’ in your tweet make sure you hashtag it #Rad


Anyway – lets get into this is your Sco-life Scoman.

Scoman burst onto the internet around the same time as everyone else did, when it kicked off in 1997. He was like all the other ‘cool’ kids and had converted his Commodore 64 (Google it!) and Atari (Google it too!) gaming system into a server hub to allow him to surf the internet with his 25k dial up modem which was lightning fast with Netscape Navigator.

However after a while he upgraded to a ‘real’ computer and bought a 386 with a 56K dialup modem and realised that speed, was more than a white crystal you administered though some form of consumption / inhaling / injection (I don't follow- ScoMan). Speed of a 56k modem could be just as intoxicating as the white crystal, compared to his previous internet speed.

1999 came along and Sco was worried about the Y2k virus getting onto his computer and preventing him from getting on the net so he could do ‘research’ for Uni. (Read: Look at pictures and chat on IRC) So he waited with a bucket near by, a candle in hand and a bottle of water just in case the world imploded. He breathed a sigh of relief when the clock turned from 1999 – 2000 without sending the human race back to the dark ages. Plus the thought of him having to poo in a bucket was well a bit shit!

Skip forward five years and the internet has become even faster ADSL has arrived and Sco gets his ‘cable’ on…. He’s mesmerised that pictures load so fast, that they don’t come down line by line anymore, this just amazes Sco to the point that he ventures out into online gaming consoles and gets himself an Xbox (please note I’ve not bloody idea what year Xbox was released – lets not get pedantic!) Sco is exposed to a world of gaming at a level, that makes original wolfenstien, look well a little bit cheap and Atari like!

Soon Sco conquers the internet with his gaming console and racks up awards after awards in various games, it’s in 2006 he starts blogging (This original blog has now been removed due to national security concerns!) Sco moved his shiny new blog to the sacred land of blogs – Blogspot (no it’s not the name for an acne cream!) and shares his wit and re-worked Tool song lyrics for all us to enjoy.

Blogspot opened up a world for people to admire Sco, which he dubs these aforementioned people as ‘Scofans’ Scofans are those unique individuals with a wicked sense of humour who laugh at dickheads on facebook that Sco likes to bring attention too. Scofans are also intelligent individuals who have impeccable taste in blogs. (Now who's paying who?- ScoMan)

2008 Sco join the Twitter revolution, and expands his Scofan army through this medium. One fan in particular is Justsal, an unknown girl who finds this Scoman quirky and entertaining, thus a life long friendship is created through mutual admiration for various things (She pays him!) However the one thing that truly binds them together like “Shelly’s nomore gaps”, is the fact they are Flashforward buddies. A true partnership like no other, tweeting whilst the show goes out live on Australian TV having one another’s backs so that if one misses a line, the other can let them know what someone just said (It's mostly me having your back, admit it - ScoMan).

So Scofans now you know more about the man behind the Sco. You’re reading this because you’re a fan of his, which is super #Rad and hopefully if you’re got this far you’ve been entertained enough to check my blog out http://justsalsthoughts.blogspot.com/  Gratuitous self promotion.

Thanks for reading.

That’s all I’ve got.



Thanks Sal! One more thing you should all know is that tomorrow is Sal's birthday. And it's also her first day back at Uni. Sucky way to spend your birthday right? Well, make it easier for her by going over there and showing her some blog love.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

February Stars #4- D*



Hello ScoFans!


It's time to share another February Star, but first I need to update the list in the sidebar to include the last one. Did I need to tell you I was doing that? Probably not. You can see that she's there now.

Today's February Star is D* of I'm Having a Moment and she stepped up when someone else stepped out. It kind of worked out well in the end I guess because I should have asked her right from the beginning. She can offer you something no other guest blogger can. Read on to find out what that is..


When ScoMan asked me to do a guest blog entry-I was flattered! After all, I am the one who introduced him to the joys of blogging. How good is he? Such wit and such a talented writer. (I didn't even have to pay her to say that. - ScoMan)

I kind of wracked my brain trying to think of something fabulous and impressive to write about. If anyone has read my blog you would know I’m not the most creative and deep of writers-I blog about Love and Men and how both of them together are sometimes fun and sometimes not-so-fun. I wanted to write something along the same scale as how he writes but I just can’t. There is only ScoMan, as I’m sure you will all agree.


So I thought I’d approach this in a different way. By writing about ScoMan. As he’s Blogspot blog address is called “You know what I allow you to know” I think I will provide you into an insight of how I know ScoMan and how fabulous he really is.


Hope you enjoy.

D*

* * *


I can always remember coming home after high school some 10 or so years ago, throwing my school bag on the floor, plonking my butt down on my hot pink computer chair and logging straight into Channel [V]’s chat rooms. It was almost our religion-all of my friends would sit on our PC’s for ages non-stop chatting in the “Interrogation Room” daily until we realised we had homework or had an assignment due in the morning..or once Mum would start yelling for us to go to bed.There were always the regular chatters who we all forged friendships with and to this day still speak on occasions to almost everyday.

ScoMan is one of those special people that I still speak to, after all this time.


Why we started chatting I can’t remember though. I do recollect that we were in a chat room that hardly anyone was in.(I'm pretty sure I lurked in the chat rooms noone was in, and then would pick off the people who wandered from the crowd - ScoMan) I think I may have dropped the a/s/l? line and we must’ve started chatting that way. For some reason I always thought he was much much older. He was always so meticulous with his punctuation and always so formal. He was always so mysterious and disclosed. But he was, and still is, one of the most genuinely caring, considerate, and rational people I have and will ever know.

We progressed to MSN messenger-which back in those days you know you were special enough to get an email exchange, and an excuse to chat to each other constantly if both were on MSN. We chatted everyday, and while he would stay so quiet and reserved, I was always my usual boisterous and dramatic self. I always-and by always I mean ALWAYS- told him about my boy dramas and he would always offer an ear and some sensible advice. And support. Lots of it.


And this went on for years. I think we did lose touch for a little while there, I was too busy galavanting around and had no time for MSN. I presume I signed in one day and ScoMan was online, and we started our usual chatting again.

So more years pass, and almost 2 years ago now I decided it was time for us to meet. I had no nervousness, no doubts. After all, we had known each other for so long...sightly..?

I flew 713 kms (I do remember promising I would one day fly back the other way. And I will - ScoMan). And when we did meet, it was awkward! I was not expecting to feel that way at all. I thought me being me, always the social butterfly, I could handle it and take charge to alleviate any anxieties (Nope, I dragged you down to my level- ScoMan), but we truly are two different people- I, on one hand, is loud. Extravagant, bossy, obnoxious. All in good ways, I promise. ScoMan on the other hand is quiet, reserved, humble. It was a clash.

Though we had our technical difficulties in the personality department, we experienced so many amazing things about each other that you could never experience over MSN. I personally think it kind of bonded us a little closer in many ways-we converse a little different, a little bit more comfort-abler and we accept that we don’t need to “chat” everyday to stay such good friends. He has always been there for me and always will.

Whether I’m signed into MSN or not.


x


So there she is. The person who got me blogging, got me on blogspot, got me on 20 something bloggers and is responsible for all of you being here. Isn't she a sweetheart?

Remember to head over to her blog which is about a single girl looking for love in a big city. They should really make a movie about that. Or better yet, a TV series which later becomes a movie.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

February Star #3 - Stephanie

Hello ScoFans!

It's another round of February Stars while I continue sitting on my ass and only doing a bit of an intro. It's a good gig. Anyway, rather than link back to the old February Stars every post. I've added a link on my sidebar there so those who have missed all the fun can click and go back, or those who have enjoyed the previous posts can go back and relive.

I've also added a poll for the chorus of our Drunken Blogger project. For those still wanting to contribute, you can click the link just under the banner and go back to the post and add your two cents.

On to today's guest post. The Valentines day post. And looking through my blogroll, I though Stephanie was the most qualified to give us a post about all things love. She's written quite a bit lately about her online dating experiences (some were very funny, some were less funny but much nicer for her)

And she hasn't let me down, by taking us through a journey of true love...

Love; Do you really know what real love is?

I wholly know what love is all about and no, I’m not being a braggart. And, with my wealth of knowledge on all things involving love I shall share a sweet, sweet tale of such.

See, Mom has been convinced for the longest I’m damaged goods, afraid of commitment. See, that’s where the old lady is wrong. Granted, I’ve never had some great romance, well a great reciprocated romance, but let’s not get technical because I do believe a one sided romance counts for something. Yes? C’mon, really, I’ve had some major highs and lows, yet remained entirely devoted to many a man who seemed to not be…well we’re not getting technical, right?

Okay, so love is my specialty, which has been confirmed through the relationship with my charming, little darling, Timmy. Timmy is no man, child or relative. Timmy is a furry, four legged stink bomb of a canis lupus familiaris, or dog for short.

Now hold on one hot second. Before you get weird-ed out thinking this going to be some sort of peanut butter party, bestiality (another one with the bestiality.. first Daisy and maybe OmegaRadium and now this. Why must you people turn my blog into a home of animal sex stories? - ScoMan) sorta post, hold up. I’m talking about my beloved pet here, you sick son of a bitch! My feelings for young Timmy are innocent, pure, and completely unconditional.

Case in point:

Fast asleep, snuggled under the covers with my then boyfriend, I abruptly awoke to a strange, yet familiar scent in the air.

*sniff, sniff*
*sniff, sniff*

The distinct smell in the air confused me; did the boyfriend fart…did I fart…did the dog fart…what the hell!? I found the smell to be too strong to bear.

Although completely and utterly atypical, I decided and said ever so quietly to myself, “Ah, the dog must’ve shit in the living room”.

As I unwillingly peeled back covers to start my investigation, I noticed the texture and temperature of my comforter had changed. See, I’d just put my hand in dog shit, steaming hot, mushy dog diarrhea to be exact.

“Goddamnfuckingshit!” passed through my sleepy, suddenly irritated head, “Timmy shit the bed!”

Mind you, my apartment did not have washing and drying capabilities, so what else was I to do other than wake the then boyfriend, advising him to next make any sudden moves. Of course, with a weak stomach, he was of no help.
Considering it was the middle of the night, I was tired and all laundry mats were closed, I didn’t want to take a shit crusted comforter to the laundry mat 12 plus hours later when I got out of work at 5PM which would be followed by a two hour night class, I removed the comforter, carrying it into the bathtub for a good warm rinse.

Not once did I yell, scream, hit or threaten to disown my Timmy. No man or animal is exempt from a case of the bubble guts. During this hard time, my feeling didn’t falter. I exhibited nothing, but patience, acceptance and understanding, and that, my friends, is love.