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Sunday, September 20, 2009

Okay, so maybe I want a funeral for my birthday

We've all made wacky and potentially embarrassing pacts with our buddies, particularly after we've had a few drinks. So we get why English best friends Kevin Elliot and Barry Delaney made a pact that whoever outlived the other had to wear a dress to the dead one's funeral.

But the deal took on significantly more weight when Kevin Elliot, 24, was shipped off to fight in Afghanistan. On August 31, Elliot was killed while on foot patrol.

True to his word, Delaney, who had warned Elliot's family in advance, showed up to the funeral in a tight green dress with pink legwarmers. Delaney looked completely ridiculous, mourning among Elliot's army colleagues in their regimental uniforms, and Elliot's proud family in their Sunday best.

And for the fallen soldier, mission accomplished.


Hello ScoFans!

After hearing this story this week, I though I would share with you something I've been thinking about for a few weeks now. Something I have told some of you about in tweet form, or in comment form, but now you'll get to read it in blog form, which will be longer and.. well actually just longer.

So I was thinking about this and about the pacts people make and how much they must love and care about each other to be prepared to do make fools of themselves, and then I asked myself the question, "What would I be prepared to do for the people closest to me in my life?"

And then I asked myself the even more important question, "What would they be prepared to do for me?"

What sort of crazy ridiculous thing could I get people to do at my funeral? I mean, if I'm dead, they can't say no right? Because if I do, I will give them such a haunting.

And do you know what I decided?

Okay, yes, some of you do because as I said I've told you, but some of you don't so I'll tell you if those of you who do know would just stop interrupting me. I'm telling the story right so be quiet.

I want rows and rows of my family and friends doing the Thriller dance.

Look, I even found a handy little "How To" guide.

I should start distributing it now to everyone I know. I don't want anyone to be caught off guard now do I?

In fact, Christmas is only a few months away, wouldn't it make a great Christmas present?

"Merry Christmas Nanna and Pa, enjoy this! Oh, and learn it before I die, okay?"

Wait, what? My Grandparents? But surely, unless there's some great tragedy, they will be dying a long time before I do, so what do they need it for? Well, in my mind, the highlight of the whole room was my Grandparents there getting down to some Thriller style action.

But I don't want to die young (I'm sure nobody does) so this does leave me in a pickle.

Fear not though ScoFans, for as you can see from the title of this post I have worked out a solution.

My birthday is now less than away, and what I should ask everyone to do, for me, on my birthday, is to throw me a funeral. Because at the end of the day, aren't birthday parties just funerals with music?

I mean, it's still good food. It's still a lot of people you care about in one place, the only difference it's that at a funeral there's one less person you care about. (Okay, that was a joke in poor taste.. but I'm not deleting it now. What's been typed cannot be untyped)

And of course, at my birthday funeral, there would be music. There would be Thriller, and there would be everyone I know all dressed up in their best formal gear dancing to it in a church. And a priest as well, because next to my grandparents the priest is the highlight the way I imagine it.

Maybe I could even get the priest to be all..

The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom

And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller

and then I jump out of the casket and we all get our Thriller on.

Okay, so maybe I have spent a little bit too much time planning my own funeral, but if I didn't plan it it wouldn't be anything like I wanted it to be.

And while we're talking about Michael Jackson, what is the most inappropriate thing you can think of happening after his death?

Think about that for a second..

Now tell me if it went something like this..

So anyway before you all go off and start practicing the dance, tell me, how do you see your funeral playing out?


  1. lmao.... you are so random!!
    Death scares the crap out of me. So i cannot think about my funeral. Its just too frightening.

  2. That second video is hilarious! "We can't wait to see what he comes up with next!" LOL

    A birthday funeral sounds perfect. Sort of thing I'd ask for just to freak my family out. I'd want to lie in the coffin and everything. What's the point of having a funeral after you're dead? You'd miss out on it, and surely you're the most important person there?

    Your birthday is now less than what away? You missed a word or two out there! How are we supposed to throw you a funeral if you're being all mysterious on us??

  3. LOL. youre a hoot and a half!!

    In the pact, he had to dress as a girl, but why choose the attire of a neon prostitute?

  4. I don't like to think about death, though, since I do have children, I've had to think of things for the "just in case" scenerio...

    I don't know, I guess just a small get together that doesn't involve pity that you're dead. Throw a party that's crazy and wild and fun!

  5. I've read your comments all across blog land and I saw you on hillbilly duhn's Honest Scrap award list. Decided to check you out *wink* I'm your newest follower.

    Congrats on the award

  6. hahaha thriller...that is so random. except, the song is ruined for me because we sing thriller when my dog is dragging his butt on the floor cuz we call it his moonwalk :)

  7. Oh goodness. Who would have thought that funny and morbid could be put together? That is something only you could do Sco. =) That is so funny in a morbid way. =)

  8. I've started something new this week over at my blog, though I know you'll stop by, you do every post, but I wanted to give you a heads up that this week, on my blog, you have made FOLLOWER OF THE WEEK!!

    Congrats my friend!

  9. A funeral on your birthday. Hmm..that actually makes sense because during birthdays, not everyone you love will make it to your party. On funerals, they all will surely attend.

  10. Brilliant!! I LUV the thriller idea :) But what I DON'T Luv is the girl in charge. I mean I know she PROLLY was the drama teacher's A student - but for a thriller how to?? Ok ok - you are right - it makes the video that much more entertaining!!! But how did SHE get put in charge over the other girls????

    "You're at a party and you hear ..." and then she turns on the music and we hear nothing. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Very very few djs play that intro - in fact - I don't think any GOOD djs do at a party - it kills the mood. What people like is that THRILLER, THRILLER(lower) THRILLER (lower) part where no one actually SAYS thriller but they may as well cuz it's the like the bomb-A intro of all time!!! Dun-done Dun-done, Dun-done dadoodadodadun makes me want to shake it right now!!!

    Ok - that probably didn't make sense. But I laughed that the girl was out of breath right away!!!

    So a funeral for your bday - that's a great way to insure you get to SEE the dance!! I think you should encourage all dancers to SING the chorus. If those girls had sang the "thriller" part - HAHAHAHAHAH! That would have been gold.

  11. I refuse to die. End of story. But I will happily do the Thriller dance for you if it will make you happy! Plus, I'll get to take a lovely vacation to boot!

  12. found you via hillbilly duhn.

    love the dress post. how can a funeral be sad with someone wearing that get up?

    at my funeral i don't want to be there. i'd prefer to be burned up and thrown in the back yard and then for everyone to read their favorite posts from my blog

  13. that would be so awesome if everyone randomly broke out into thriller! I've always said that I want my funeral the greatest party ever...only tears from laughing so hard from all our good times...and some great dance music!

    love your blog!

  14. Man, that is one hell of a best friend to go through with something like that.

    Couldn't he have picked a better dress though!

  15. i have a song i want people to sing...its a christian song sang in shona tht translated says ''don't cry cos i will always be with you'' and i want to be cremated none of this bury me in the ground shit scatter my ashes in an ocean please!!

  16. No kidding. I want everyone there to wear a Phillies hat. If you don't come with a hat, one will be handed out to you. And at the grave site, when they lower my coffin, a tape of Harry Kalas will play his infamous line......"OUTTA HEEEEERE".

  17. Personally, I haven't put any thought as to what my funeral will be like. I do like your thriller dance idea...and because of you, I believe I now know how to dance Thriller should the need arise. And hey, look at that! It's almost Halloween, which guarantees I'll hear Thriller being played sometime in the next few weeks.

  18. I'm here from Hillbilly Duhn's, too. I want to put the FUN back in funeral. I want to be cremated and my urn on a table while everyone parties and gets shit-faced, wobbly legged, commode hugging drunk, then I want my ashes put in a douche bag and run through one last time. I just hope no gay man volunteers.

  19. Thriller tutor how awesome.. I was at a wedding this past summer and everyone was "doing" it.. lucky for me most were 3 sheets to the wind and did not see me fail.. thanks to you I will be ready and locked for next wedding season!


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