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Sunday, May 17, 2009

One Lucky Lady

Hello ScoFans!

The results of the first "Which blog would you like to read next?" poll are in, have been double checked, and as you can see the winner by a landslide (do I even need to be building the suspense? You can see the image.. and also you clicked on the title of the blog to get here) is "One Lucky Lady"

A week since my last post. I think I can manage this "one post a week" deal. I sit here now refreshed and ready to deliver my best, which I'm pleased with. I don't like to do anything unless I feel I can give it everything I have.

This week I have started a tweet-filled life on twitter. I've been searching your blogs for links to your twitter pages and adding anyone I can find. For anyone who would like to follow me, I have added a link on the right hand side of the page.

Also this week my peep "the girl in the stiletto" awarded me the Lemonade Award (as well as coming up with the term "sco-some", which just quietly I think will hold a place in every dictionary in a few years), and both of those things bought a smile to my face. Thank you again!

But I'm feeling very lazy and have had the award before, so I'll just link back to last time I received it.

And now for the feature presentation...

A few weeks ago I mentioned a proposal, and I wonder if that's what the people who voted on this blog thought they were getting, a story about a proposal. Well, I hope that's what they thought they were getting, because that's exactly what they're going to get (and so are the rest of you, whether you like it or not).

I signed in to Facebook one day a few weeks ago, and, as always, started by scanning through peoples recent status updates. Near the bottom of the page I came across one that stopped me in my tracks.

April thought she would have been legally divorced at least once by now. Divorcing sauvignon blanc does not count.

Not knowing what "Sauvignon Blanc" is (but assuming it's some sort of alcohol) I stared at the status for awhile. Most people might have had a little smile to themselves about it. Some might have even left a humorous reply underneath. But not me. No, I have a heightened sense of empathy and I realised this was a friend in need. So, after sleeping on it (this is a big decision you know), I sent her this message the following day..

If it's THAT important to you...
Between April and ScoMan

April 20 at 1:27pm
Well, after reading your status's yesterday and seeing you thought you'd have been divorced by now, I will offer you the same service Jason Alexander provided to Britney Spears.

We can go to a court somewhere, get married and then wander down the hall and file for divorce. We'll say there were irreconcilable differences.

We walked out of the court, you thought the car was parked to the left, I thought it was parked to the right, so we decided to go our seperate ways. We take a key each and whoever gets the car gets the glory (at least, that's the story we'll give to the court)

What do I have to gain from our arrangement?

When my niece is old enough to talk I get to have this conversation.
"Why aren't you married?"
"I was once, it was horrible"
"She made me walk home"
"Because I forgot where we parked and she didn't"
I've been giggling to myself about my amazing wit since yesterday. I just had to share.
See? Somewhere in there I suggested we get married. Technically that's a proposal, right?

Anyway, I wasn't sure how she would react to that. We're haven't been the closest friends these past few years, only having the occasional conversation. I had no idea where her sense of humor was at. I waited the rest of that day for a reply and got nothing.

I signed in the next morning when I got to work, expecting to see something but still there was nothing. I thought to myself "Well, I guess her sense of humor is gone" and promptly forgot about the whole thing.

Then, a few nights later we had an IM conversation....

ScoMan says (7:53 PM):
April says (7:53 PM):
Hello there
I was just about to send you a message on Bookface
ScoMan says (7:54 PM):
oh were you? i don't use that so much any more.. people i generally avoid but have an obligation to be nice to added me as friends.. so if i don't go there, they can't find me
April says (7:55 PM):
I was going to respond to your email about our impending divorce, hehe
ScoMan says (7:55 PM):
did you like the idea?
April says (7:55 PM):
I thought it was fabulous!
ScoMan says (7:55 PM):
April says (7:56 PM):
Hey, I'm about to paint my nails while watching Bondi Vet with Peggy... I'll be back in about 30 mins if you're still here....
ScoMan says (7:57 PM):
i'll be here all night i think. there's nothing on tv.. stupid thursday
April says (7:57 PM):
Thursday telly sucks
ScoMan says (7:57 PM):
by "all night" i mean until about 10 o'clock.. then it's bed time. i'm getting old
April says (7:58 PM):
Ok, well I'll catch you in about half an hour
ScoMan says (7:58 PM):
okay, enjoy the good vet

So there you go. Somewhere in there is an agreement to the proposal, which I suppose would make me technically engaged (or, slightly more technically, "engaged to be divorced")

Do you hear that?

That's the sound of hearts all around the world simultaneously breaking. Sorry ladies!

And it's the perfect engagement too.. we haven't talked for about 3 weeks now. (Okay, that changed as I was drafting this)

Speaking of sound, I've been trying to decide which music we should chicken dance to on this magical day. One that jumps out at me straight away is of course "Tainted Love". Maybe a little "Die, Die My Darling". Does anyone have any other suggestions?

While researching I did a Google search for "Divorce songs" I came across some pretty funny song titles (mostly country songs). My favourite (title, not song) would have to be "She Got The Goldmine, I Got The Shaft” by Jerry Reed.

Oh, and to mark the occasion I decided to put together my list of five "celeb freebies". It was a lot of fun putting together, so I'll share it with you now.

I'm going to put it in the region of "highly unlikely" that anyone out there can name all five. Maybe four at a stretch? Maybe with a group effort you can get five? If someone can prove me wrong however, I will be very impressed with them. I might even do something special for them. I don't comment on my own blog any more, but I will come back in a few days and give you all the answers, so anyone who wants to take a guess can see how well they scored.

See you next week, with whichever post you vote for. (I know which one I want, but I won't influence the results at all)

* Names have been changed to protect the innocent (and the guilty)
PS I am taking advantage of the fact I'm only posting once a week now. All future posts are probably going to be fairly long, but as I said last time, you have a week...
But for anyone who hasn't had enough ScoMan, I'm going to link you back to one of my few fictional pieces, a piece which shows what a word nerd I am, my 10th post, "Y Should I Do All The Work?"


  1. hello scoman!followed you on twitter. woot~~~ congrats on your engagement & enjoy your soon-to-be-divorced status while you can :P (you broke my heart i thought you were going to wait for me) tsk tsk tsk. too bad i can only recognize one: tina fey ahahahaha. but i can see your taste in women ahahah. one week is too long :(

  2. I would have replied to your divorce engagement. However, being divorced and remarried already, probably would have landed me in jail...LOL! THat was halarious, you never fail to make me choke on my coffee. :)

    Cause you know I like to choke on my coffee.

    I don't do twitter, I feel between bloggy land and facebook my hands are full.

    I do however, miss reading more of ScoMan. This once a week thing is for the birds!! Just so you know.

  3. What's up with the once a week post?

    Your marriage idea is a blast!

    I couldn't find you on facebook.

  4. You? on facebook? ADD MEEEE..:(

  5. buahaha...I'm his friend at FB, lol.
    And Matt's....yes..Matt, Evil Matt...also is in FB.

  6. I'm not liking the once per week gig, but I'll take what I can get. What would it take to woo you back?!

    As for the proposal.. you are such a tease...

  7. congratulations am assuming my invite to this wedding/divorce is still in the post!!

    i only recognise tina fey and i think i know the one in the purple and the one next to her left but i cn't of their names and its gonna annoy till kingdom comes!!

  8. I don't recognise any of those women.
    Can I come to the wedding?
    It's good to have you join us on Twitter!

  9. I only recognize four of them - the one on the top left doesn't look familiar at all.

    OMGOSH you are funny. amazing wit is right.

    What about "Better off Alone" by Alice Deejay? ;)

  10. awww...you're posting once a week from now on??? boohooo... blogosphere will be missing your twisted posts. hehehehe. You have facebook? I'll try to search for you. =)

  11. When you receive an award, you do the whole process over again, Sco-Face. You have to. Dem's the rules.

    That's a funny Facebook story. Clever on your part, so I'll give you 10 points :)


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