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Saturday, May 1, 2010

First of May

Hello ScoFans!

Well, it's the First of May, so for you northern hemisphere folk you know what that means right?

Too bad for us southern hemisphere folk. We miss out.

But while we're on "inappropriate songs to be caught singing at the workplace", I thought I'd share with you a few other lines that have landed me on the receiving end of some strange looks..

"Sucker love, a box I choose. No other box I choose to use."
Placebo - Every You Every Me

"Man man man man, manly man man man"
Two and a Half Men - Theme Song

"I fucked Glenn Campbell, fucked him on a see saw
Kenny Rogers thought it crass when I fucked his big white ass"
Puscifer - Cuntry Boner

That's all I can think of right now.

As I said, people just sort of smile, nobody really says anything. You might think that's because they respect me too much to call me on it, but I learned the other day that's not true.

I was helping one of my coworkers when my boss walked over and this took place..

Boss: "Why are you helping her?"
Me: "She needed me to look over the research she'd done"
Boss: "Well, you won't feel like helping her when I tell you what she called you"
Kath: "Don't tell him"
Boss: "She called you an it"
Me: "Really? Kath, you're on your own with this one"
Kath: "That's not what I said! I said I'd got I T to help me!"
Boss: "She just admitted that not only did she call you it, but she spelled it out, the same way a grown up might spell out curse words around young children"
Me: "Do you think perhaps she was implying then that I can't spell "it"? And that she thought she might be safe if I overheard your conversation because I wouldn't know what she was saying"
Boss: "I think you might be on to something. So I do want to ask you, when you have a few moments, can you please right me up a list of rules for respect to coworkers in the workplace?"

And so this is where I need your help. I've written a few, but I think there should be more. Think about how you would like to be treated in the workplace, and let me know in the comments section.

Just so you know, this is what I have so far.
  1. Coworkers should not refer to each other as "it", "you", "that one", "the freak" or "loser". Coworkers should refer to each other by name. It doesn't have to necessarily be by their name, it could be by the name of a fictional character or celebrity they remind you of based on their personality or physical appearance- so long as it will be obvious to the rest of us who you are referring to.
  2. There are three different generations working in this office. Each generation will have different wants, needs and expectations when it comes to treatment in the workplace. Generation Y* for instance, needs constant feedback on the awesome job they are doing. They know they are doing an awesome job, that much is obvious, but without other people saying it out loud on a regular basis they will begin to feel undervalued. As this list was complied by a Gen Y, they have no idea of or interest in the wants or needs of the other generations.
  3. We all know that different parts of the office are warmer than others, and different parts of the office are cooler. Constantly tinkering with the settings of the heater however, will only lead to people in the office being frustrated. In the interest of fairness, the last person into the office each day (so everyone can be there to witness it and we know that it wasn't rigged) will pull a number between 4 and 40 each day, at random from a bucket. That will be what the heater is set to that day.
Any other ideas? Your help would be much appreciated.

Anyway, I better go. I'm off to the football with dad.. let's hope I don't sing anything about "fucking outside"..

*I am the only Gen Y employee in the office, so when I say "Generation Y are doing an awesome job", I mean "I am doing an awesome job"


  1. lol, I love what you have going on so far, unfortunately I have been unemployed for so long I have nothing to offer on office etiquette AHAH!

  2. Ha, ha. I've had a few interesting jobs including one at a newspaper which was sort of like Wonderland (as in all rules were turned on their heads and not as in it was a wonderful place to work. It wasn't.) so my rules might be pretty skewed. Things like, employees will not take phone calls while seated on the toilet. (My boss, routinely did this. Unfortunately - for so many reasons - it was a very small office.) Also no employee shall refer to members of minority groups as "brown people". (Yes, this happened to, and yes this was my boss.)

  3. I'm sure you could think of something about no touching or personal space...there always is someone that doesn't know how to stay outside of a personal bubble...

    Maybe there should be a daily allowence of how often you can hitting your head against your desk until you pass out?

    A song I would sing outloud and people would wonder about...

    If you are dead or still alive, I don't care. - Apocolyptica

  4. Lol you must be an icon at your office, Sco. :D

    And I could so use those rules since I'm new at work and everything. Still approach everything cautiously.

  5. Pretty sure I have no idea what the eff you are even talking about except for the Manly Man song. And I encourage my 4 year old daughter to sing it from time to time.

  6. # Singing in the office helps to create a cheerful and productive atmosphere. Lyric sheets must be provided so that colleagues can join in with songs they don't really know. It's impolite to point out when someone is singing out of tune.

    # Personal blogging on company time is obviously unacceptable. However, work-related blogging (such as this post) is to be encouraged.

    # Any breach of these rules should be compensated by gifts of chocolate to the victim.

    Hmm, I think that's all I've got for you at the moment...

  7. Go Gen Y! You kids rock! When I worked for IGN.com's parent company in 1999-2001, I spent two years writing ad copy targeted to you kids, you finicky bunch.

    PS I'm confused by your comment on my blog regarding the bases. I covered, 1,2 then 3 today and Home is tomorrow.


  8. I don't know any of those songs but anything completely inappropriate requires further research on my part.

  9. That song was HILARIOUS... and I love that guy. I need to do a little research on him.

    Um, let's see..... well, i think we should stop SPELLING to keep some people from understanding what we're saying. You didn't even know she was talking about you, did you?

  10. Teheheee I LOVE THIS GUY! I am so looking up some more of his stuff.

    As for your office, you have some great rules there. I'm the only gen y in my office and I'm also constantly needing affirmation. I'd also like some respect in the bathroom, but i don't think i need to go into that now.

    More than anything, I really think people shouldn't look at generation Y's computer screen while they're working. It makes everything uncomfortable, even when I am actually working. When someone stands behind me, I lose all ability to type, spell, or make my fingers hit the keyboard like a humanbeing.

  11. I'm a gen x so I can tell you that while being given positive feedback is nice, monetary compensation is better. Yes we were raised in the eighties and are greedy that way. So what.

  12. Good to meet you, Scoman. We have something in common, we're both Scorpios but there it ends I'm afraid, except I also hark from the south.

    I blog to encounter new folks and new ideas. I enjoy dissimilarity as much as that which is the same. Your ex[eroience of three generations in the office attests to the joys and struggws of this. I've nothing to add, except that it's always hard - this blending of generations and personalities. It therefore needs more of your humour and good will to get us through.

    Great post. Thanks

  13. I totally had some great rules in mind but then I saw a bug on my dog and freaked out. And by bug I mean tick. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

  14. Hi Scoman, you mention your star sign on your profile, not in your post.

    Please don't be freaked, I'm 'real' and amazingly non-threatening, definitely not a stalker.

  15. For some reason, this did not update on my reader.

    You're not an "it" to me, you are a real person, with real feelings, that knows the lyrics to many strange songs. I'd call you pretty awesome.

    This was hilarious, btw.

  16. We have a mix of ages... you are so right. We also have names like Pixie, Tinkerbell, Dan the Man, Junior, Thumper, Money. There are also some private names that can't be said. And we don't have the temperature thing, we have the lights. The lights are ALWAYS off. Our place is dirty and nasty and everyone likes them off. One of the guys started to turn them on and we all looked like squinting gophers. It was a war between one person (not me) and him. She is the loud mean one and she won. They are off now.

  17. We don't even have a working heater in our office - kind of jealous of your 4-40 range ;)

    Maybe you should just make a rule that gen y should - and will - end up ruling the world :) so they ought to start worshiping you now :)


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