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Sunday, April 25, 2010

Making Babies

Hello ScoFans!

Okay, I have a confession to make.

Now I know confessions usually happen on a Wednesday.

Also, I am aware that today is Sunday.

Nevertheless, this needs to be said.

(Yes, I stole that from The Simpsons.. but hey, their material is good so shut it)

Okay.. here goes... I know I've always played the innocent asexual who's sickened by any sort of human contact, but especially sexual contact (if you've only been here not long, you might now know that.. but just run with me)... but the truth is, I am a boy slut.

Not just a boy slut, but to borrow a term from Nine Inch Nails, a Starfucker.

Boom... twist...

And, because I've had to sit and look at pictures of your kids (those of you who have kids), I'm now going to pull out my photo album and share my offspring with you...

This is a son I had with Tina Fey... what?... You can see the ad for "makemebabies.com" in the bottom corner there? The jig is up already?

Can I at least keep playing the game?




Okay, so yep, after I posted a few weeks ago about my slight crush on Tina Fey, Andhari pointed out that both myself and Tina have awesome qualities, and I said to her "Imagine the weird, awkward, geeky children we would have." (actually we might have been talking about Liz Lemon).. anyway, I found a website that allowed me to bring those weird, awkward, geeky children to life, and that is our son right there. Our daughter is below.

Yeah.. they look pretty much the same. They must be twins.

At least, to the male eye they look identical.. Mums everywhere reading this blog probably spotted 5 differences with just a glance.

So, while I was on the site, I thought I'd check out what other celebrities are there. Who else could I have some fun with?

Who the hell would be under X?

That is what my baby daughter with Xzibit would look like. That is one mean ass looking kid. If your kid goes to school with that kid, your kid is going to get a lot of wedgies. And if you come to our place to complain about your kid being bullied, Xzibit is going to give you a wedgie too.

Or maybe the kid will. Because she's just that bad ass. Really. I think she'd even give Mr T a run for his money.

Fellow "Australian" Nicole Kidman was on their site.. let's see what an Aussie baby looks like..

Ugh.. oh no!

It's like some sort of.. alien almost. Look at the shape of it's head. In fact, it reminds me of her ex husband Tom Cruise.

Speaking of Tom..

Oh wow. That looks even freakier than Nicole's baby. Wow. This is not a good streak for me. I mean, the kids with Tina Fey were adorable, but everything since then.. do you think it's my fault? Do you think my genes are grossifying these poor kids?

Well let's see how a baby with Tom's new wife would look..

Okay. Well that's an improvement. Although for some reason Katie decided we needed to put a leash on our child. I don't know, maybe it's a Scientologist thing... but then Tom didn't put a leash on his kid.

I guess a leash could never contain that kid though. That's the sort of kid you need to keep in a cage under the stairs.

After that I decided to check out a few bloggosphere favorites.

I know there are a few Lady Gaga fans out there, so I thought for your benefit, I'd see what a baby I had with The Ga would look like.

Yeah that's your fault. If you find that image disturbing then that one's on you. If you find it cute.. well, yeah, I know, isn't it?

Jonny Depp, he's another one that seems to have a few fans around..

She looks like she could grow up to play one of those creepy british kids in those horror movies. You know the ones.

Jensen Ackles is next for the Supernatural fans..

That kid almost looks like something Dean should be hunting. Look at the egg shaped head. Although mum has often told me never to wear baseball caps because it highlights how egg shaped my head is, so maybe the baby gets that from me.

Susan Boyle, she was big for awhile around the blog world yeah? Every second blog you visited would have her on there. Well, let's see what ghastly creature she would create..

Actually that one is very cute. It looks like she could play an elf in a Christmas movie (I'm casting any of the cute kids into movie roles, the rest get locked in the basement)

Paris Hilton. Yeah, you knew it had to come to this. Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie..

Those are two kids, especially Nicole's kid, with big foreheads which indicates big brains. Again, they must that get from me, because they certainly don't get it from their mothers.

Arnie is there, surely he would have a kid that could match it with Xzibit's kid..

Mmm.. you wear that hat around Xzibit's kid and you're going to wear it. Wait, no, that's not very threatening..

Team Jen.. I was.. or am.. Team Jen, so let's see..
Okay, I think that's reason enough for Jennifer Aniston and I to have a child. You don't see enough baby pirates these days, and that baby pirate looks ready to sail. It'll kick Jessica Watson's ass by 14 years and 5 months or something that's for sure.

Neil Patrick Harris.. loved him in Dr Horrible, let's see what would happen if I loved him and got him pregnant..

That kid would be getting a nose job that's what would happen if I got NPH pregnant. Actually, it probably gets the nose from me, so I shouldn't throw stones.

Amy Winehouse..

And Marilyn Manson..

Those two kids look like members of the same cult.

And finally, to top it all off, this is what would happen, if I had sex with the Mona Lisa and the Mona Lisa gave birth..

That's probably one of the cutest kids. There's something to be said for making love to 16th Century art.

Anyway, it's time for me to go and watch a writer and a cop do their thing.

Oh, and remember you can head over to makemebabies.com to have your own fun. I'd be interested to see what you come up with.


  1. hello sco!

    my goodness!!! those babies look scary like hell! except your baby with neil patrick harris. hahaha.

  2. You've almost rendered me speechless.

    This is creepy and hilarious all at the same time!

    I've suspected all along that you're not as sexually innocent as you claim to be. I'm not at all surprised by your Starfucker status, but I am surprised that Susan Boyle makes cute kids.

    Ah, I guess "Congratualtions" are in order?

  3. Umm ok this post title gave me a slight heart attack. I was expecting to read something along the lines of you have decided to either become a sperm donor or were adopting. And although you with a baby would ensure one hilarious kid and plenty of awesome stories. It would make you less bitter and that wouldnt be good when im in a ranty mood on twitter. And if you have a child i would assume you would no longer be willing to come on killing sprees with me.. and that would be sad. So im glad to find you are baby picture making!!
    You should totally make babies with Tina, but if she is busy Susan Boyle and you will make a pretty kid with a 50/50 chance of having a great voice. And if Susie is busy last resort hit Team Aniston up!

  4. Judging by how must of these kids turned out, you should probably avoid sleeping with anyone famous, except maybe Susan Boyle, who you probably don't want to sleep with anyway. Think I need to go have some fun with makemebabies.com. This could be scary!

  5. Who would have guessed Susan Boyle would make cute kids? The problem is: who has the guts to make one with her?

  6. This was UH-MAZE-ING. You really should make love to classic old art. And Susan Boyle. And Amy Winehouse and Marilyn Manson.

    Why is your lovechild with Nicole Kidman so dark? Isn't she like the most pale woman on earth?

  7. They are some ugly kids. They don't even look remotely like you or the celebs you've shagged.

  8. Susan Boyl?? How could you even get it up, much less get her pregnant?

  9. OMG! this was so funny, oddly enough your kid with Tina Fey is the cutest lol

  10. Awwww!!!

    You and Susan Boyle make pretty babies!

  11. You definitely have to arrange a meeting with Jennifer Aniston. There aren't nearly enough pirate babies these days.

  12. This is really slightly terrifying. How long did it take you to make all these babies?!

  13. Hi there, I just hit your link at "copyboy's" site. I'm glad I did. I laughed all the way through this post. If you don't mind, I'm going to tag along.

  14. Okay, OBVIOUSLY, you need to be doing it with either Susan Boyle or Arnold because those are some cute ass kids.

  15. You are such a moan whore! I hope you are getting some hella child support from all those celebs you been whoring yourself out to.

  16. I think this is a new favorite post!!! Omgosh I laughed so much! I can't believe the one with susan boyle was so much cuter than the others!!!

    I am DEFINITELY going to have to go play on this site!!! :)

  17. BAHAHAHA I Can't stop laughing. You would have some lovely children with these celebs. Except... I'm sorry to say, you and Tina Fey's kids aren't the cutest of the bunch.. though still cute. Now I'm gonna have to check this site out. I'm totally straight but still want to have Tina's babies, she's my hero so you may have to fight me for her.

    Also? You and Lady Gaga's baby kinda looks like Kyle from Tenacious D. And I think that's a good thing, love that guy! LOVE YOU SCO!

  18. *please Please PLEASE* don't have babies with Katie Holmes... That's just wrong...

    On the other hand.. You and Susan Boyle are knocking out some bloody good looking kids. Should we start helping you spend your I mean her millions??

  19. I'm scared of those babies. Seriously. Make it stop.

  20. LMAO!!!

    I think the least freaky was the one with you and Tom's new wife!! But the rest...oh my gawd!!

    Susan Boyle!! Oh no, you didn't!!! XD

  21. Hi! Following you from Copyboy's Not Worth Mentioning blog...

    Theses pictures are hilarious! I remember seeing ads for the software when that program came out a while back. I think they were advertising in the back pages of the teen mags I worked for. Ha ha! Why would you and Amy Winehouse make a baby Eminmem? Odd.

  22. I think I'm messed up because this is my favorite post you have ever done. Love all of the freaky pictures and the descriptions...FAB! This might need to be a weekly gig...maybe "Get Your Freak On Friday!" Yeah...see why I don't do these kind of posts...I suck at it. Holly

  23. LMAO so when you marry Jen Aniston, you'll have a pirate baby? I swear I can't stop LOL-ing. Best baby ever!

  24. Wow. Scary babiessss. Not cute at all, but they did make me laugh. Looking at these pictures reminded me of the movie Seed of Chuckie. I was tempted and had to try it out, I visited the website and had a baby made for me and my boyfriend (errr that doesn't sound right, but you get what i mean). Our baby was just as scary! hahahaha

  25. Erghhh... The last time I played around with that website (like 2 years ago), I had some horrible, evil, manic-looking babies. Thanks for making me relive the horror.

  26. Okay, this is hilarious! I came over from WOW and had no idea what I'd find...but I love your style!

  27. Okay, It's been awhile since I visited, I know I'm a horrible friend, and here I find out all this time you've been out whoring making celeb babies and some really, I don't mean to be mean, but really ugly ones at that! LMAO!

    This was hilarious Sco!

  28. Can I babysit for the Depp kid?

  29. okay, scoman, you have been a busy, busy man. you just procreated with 18 people all in one post. holy shiz.


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