Okay, I have a confession to make.
Now I know confessions usually happen on a Wednesday.
Also, I am aware that today is Sunday.
Nevertheless, this needs to be said.
(Yes, I stole that from The Simpsons.. but hey, their material is good so shut it)
Okay.. here goes... I know I've always played the innocent asexual who's sickened by any sort of human contact, but especially sexual contact (if you've only been here not long, you might now know that.. but just run with me)... but the truth is, I am a boy slut.
Not just a boy slut, but to borrow a term from Nine Inch Nails, a Starfucker.
And, because I've had to sit and look at pictures of your kids (those of you who have kids), I'm now going to pull out my photo album and share my offspring with you...
This is a son I had with Tina Fey... what?... You can see the ad for "makemebabies.com" in the bottom corner there? The jig is up already?
Can I at least keep playing the game?
Okay, so yep, after I posted a few weeks ago about my slight crush on Tina Fey, Andhari pointed out that both myself and Tina have awesome qualities, and I said to her "Imagine the weird, awkward, geeky children we would have." (actually we might have been talking about Liz Lemon).. anyway, I found a website that allowed me to bring those weird, awkward, geeky children to life, and that is our son right there. Our daughter is below.
Yeah.. they look pretty much the same. They must be twins.
At least, to the male eye they look identical.. Mums everywhere reading this blog probably spotted 5 differences with just a glance.
So, while I was on the site, I thought I'd check out what other celebrities are there. Who else could I have some fun with?
Who the hell would be under X?
That is what my baby daughter with Xzibit would look like. That is one mean ass looking kid. If your kid goes to school with that kid, your kid is going to get a lot of wedgies. And if you come to our place to complain about your kid being bullied, Xzibit is going to give you a wedgie too.
Or maybe the kid will. Because she's just that bad ass. Really. I think she'd even give Mr T a run for his money.
Fellow "Australian" Nicole Kidman was on their site.. let's see what an Aussie baby looks like..
Ugh.. oh no!
It's like some sort of.. alien almost. Look at the shape of it's head. In fact, it reminds me of her ex husband Tom Cruise.
Speaking of Tom..
Oh wow. That looks even freakier than Nicole's baby. Wow. This is not a good streak for me. I mean, the kids with Tina Fey were adorable, but everything since then.. do you think it's my fault? Do you think my genes are grossifying these poor kids?
Well let's see how a baby with Tom's new wife would look..
Okay. Well that's an improvement. Although for some reason Katie decided we needed to put a leash on our child. I don't know, maybe it's a Scientologist thing... but then Tom didn't put a leash on his kid.
I guess a leash could never contain that kid though. That's the sort of kid you need to keep in a cage under the stairs.
After that I decided to check out a few bloggosphere favorites.
I know there are a few Lady Gaga fans out there, so I thought for your benefit, I'd see what a baby I had with The Ga would look like.
Yeah that's your fault. If you find that image disturbing then that one's on you. If you find it cute.. well, yeah, I know, isn't it?
Jonny Depp, he's another one that seems to have a few fans around..
She looks like she could grow up to play one of those creepy british kids in those horror movies. You know the ones.
Jensen Ackles is next for the Supernatural fans..
That kid almost looks like something Dean should be hunting. Look at the egg shaped head. Although mum has often told me never to wear baseball caps because it highlights how egg shaped my head is, so maybe the baby gets that from me.
Susan Boyle, she was big for awhile around the blog world yeah? Every second blog you visited would have her on there. Well, let's see what ghastly creature she would create..
Actually that one is very cute. It looks like she could play an elf in a Christmas movie (I'm casting any of the cute kids into movie roles, the rest get locked in the basement)
Paris Hilton. Yeah, you knew it had to come to this. Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie..
Those are two kids, especially Nicole's kid, with big foreheads which indicates big brains. Again, they must that get from me, because they certainly don't get it from their mothers.
Arnie is there, surely he would have a kid that could match it with Xzibit's kid..
Mmm.. you wear that hat around Xzibit's kid and you're going to wear it. Wait, no, that's not very threatening..
Team Jen.. I was.. or am.. Team Jen, so let's see..
Okay, I think that's reason enough for Jennifer Aniston and I to have a child. You don't see enough baby pirates these days, and that baby pirate looks ready to sail. It'll kick Jessica Watson's ass by 14 years and 5 months or something that's for sure.
Neil Patrick Harris.. loved him in Dr Horrible, let's see what would happen if I loved him and got him pregnant..
That kid would be getting a nose job that's what would happen if I got NPH pregnant. Actually, it probably gets the nose from me, so I shouldn't throw stones.
And Marilyn Manson..
Those two kids look like members of the same cult.
And finally, to top it all off, this is what would happen, if I had sex with the Mona Lisa and the Mona Lisa gave birth..
That's probably one of the cutest kids. There's something to be said for making love to 16th Century art.
Anyway, it's time for me to go and watch a writer and a cop do their thing.
Oh, and remember you can head over to makemebabies.com to have your own fun. I'd be interested to see what you come up with.
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