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Monday, August 30, 2010

thisis How to get your passport in Australia

Hello ScoFans!

I just want to start today by pointing you over to Shanimal's Crackers to read about some awesome anonymous pranking. I thought I'd done a pretty good task of my anonymous prank, but I know when I'm beaten, and while she might call it a "good deed".. I think there's definitely an edge of prank to it.

Anyway, as some of you saw on Twitter a few weeks (months?) ago I was looking for advice on how to get started with organising my passport (and as much as I would like to say it's to visit Cher because she told me she could get me tickets to the world premiere of Griff in Toronto, Cher of course it's mostly to visit you... everyone except Cher of course it's mostly to see Griff.. I have been waiting for that movie for a long time), unfortunately that isn't the case.

And it's a good thing that's not the case, because this is a long process and there's no way I'd have it in time for the premiere. Plus, because it's all so hard, I'm really dragging my feet.

So here's how it's happened so far:

- Several of you told me on Twitter to go to the post office and get an application form, I did that .. Monday.. two weeks ago. I also needed to get my photo taken for it, for some reason I decided not to do that on the same day (I think doing two things in one day can be very tiring)

- Two Saturday's ago I started filling out the form and saw I needed my birth certificate as proof of ID. I didn't have that so I texted my parents, and as dad was coming down the following weekend anyway, he told me he'd bring it with him.

- Dad came down last Sunday. As it turns out, my parents never got my birth certificate, just the extract, which is no longer good for anything. Make a mental not to self - apply for a full birth certificate to be sent out to me.

- Thursday this week, I went in to the post office to get my photo taken. I had to take my glasses off for it, plus she said "You're not allowed to smile. You're not allowed to show any teeth. You're not allowed to be happy in any way" - I smiled at that because it was funny, then she gave me a death stare like "What did I just tell you?".. Hey, if you don't want me to smile, don't say stuff that makes me smile. Tell me you deleted my save games on my Xbox, then I won't be smiling.

Plus, because I was trying not to smile, I look like a serial killer in the photos. I think that's handy. "Please let me into your country, I promise I won't kill you... yet"

One of my friends also had to get a "Working with children" card because.. well because he works with children.. and because he wasn't allowed to smile either he looks pretty suspicious on his working with children thing too. Plus he has a beard, and you can't trust people with beards.

He looks like a pedophile and his card that says children are safe around him, that's all I'm saying.

- Last night - Ask mum where the hell I go to apply for the birth certificate. She sent me toward the "Births, death and marriages" website (with any luck I'll only ever be recorded there for two of the three things they manage)

- Today - Go to the website to print out the application form. My printer is out of ink. Email form to my work email address with the subject "Do this or I'll kill you". Have a brief fright when I think I may have accidentally sent it to the work email address and not to MY work email address.

I think it's a shame I don't have my passport though, because it asks "Why are you applying for your birth certificate?" and one of the reasons it lists is "Passport application", then further down you can use your passport and proof of identification. I'd like to say I was applying for the passport and then use it to ID myself, just to freak them out.

Plus when it comes to payment options, one of the ones they offer is "In person".

If I was paying them in person, I wouldn't be filling in their stupid forms and photocopying my ID. I'd go down there and make them do it, and pay them while I was there.

Anyway, soon I will have proof that I exist, and then after that I will be free to travel and explore the world.

The only thing stopping me is my lack of desire to travel and explore the world.

Thinking of you always,



  1. Well, if the lure of Griff, poutine and butter tarts isn't enough to get you here, then I give up.

    Also, I'm DESPERATE to see your serial killer passport photo. If you don't post it here, then I may just show up at your flat. Seriously. I'll do it.

  2. Hah! I had to submit a photo with an application form once (for a school trip), and the person in charge went "Don't you have another photo? Here you look like a drug addict." ...geez.

  3. I had to renew my passport and had to send off my updated picture. My first thought was...who is that old man? That picture surly did not match the mental image I have of myself. I will never go in public again.

    But if you make it to the top half of the world, let me know. I'll put a bag over my head and meet you for a beer or two. (I hate having to drink beer through a straw - bag, ya know.)

  4. Your serial killer photo should be your new avatar.

  5. You should see my passport photo. It's pretty bad. Seriously. That would definitely be the photo used in newspapers of me if ever I got caught for doing something against the law...like leaving pudding on random people's porches.

  6. I'm amazed that the ScoMan never plans to take a wife. Mrs. ScoMan seems like she'd be quite lovely.

  7. and therefore i would love to see that killer photo of yours.

    yours forever,

  8. I don't have a passport either.

    But you do have to have someone you don't live with or are related to fill out the form as well.And they need to supply their passport deets or their electoral role deets.

    And it cost hundreds. Blah!

  9. Holy crap, this sounds like way too much work and trouble.

  10. I look like a convict in my passport picture. The lighting was too dark that you can barely see my face -- it's like I was fading into the dark. Add that up to the somber face I was forced to have for my picture to be taken... ugh, I really hate my passport. I want to get a new one and hopefully I'll get a better photo.

    Lack of desire to travel and explore the world?? Wow you're the only person I know who lacks that. That means you're awesome.

  11. Well it's oddly reassuring that getting an Australian passport is as much as an issue of getting a US one. I remember having to go to my local county courthouse to get mine several years ago (as in pre 9/11, which will make sense if you keep reading). They were doing construction by the court house so I had to park way far away and then walk there. When I got in they wouldn't let me in past the security thing because I had this keychain with a tiny little swiss army knife on it, and it was a weapon. I asked the security guard if I could just leave the keychain with him, but he said I would need to take it back to my car. It was a pain, and that didn't even include all the paperwork.

  12. See...even your country knows you want to remain mysterious.

  13. Umm - LOVED your wordless Wednesday!!! And you would have LOVED being my In REAL LIFE friend awhile ago. He was at the Magic Castle in LA (not doing tricks - just there) when I went in February. You could have been with me - you could have met him ... oh Sco - see sometimes REAL LIFE isn't sooooo bad. ;)

    I'm proud of you for applying for a passport!! (well ... umm ... for starting the process in order to apply) :) If you come to the states let me know!!

  14. this is good stuff. I love the fact that, bureaucracy has an international code of conduct, that you look like a serial killer in your passport (big fan), and the very specific name of the governmnent agency that handles registers...no, they couldn't name it "public records" no.. it had to be Life, death and really dead.

  15. I've never had a passport.

    It's part of that whole "Not Allowed To Leave The Area" order.

    Good luck proving you exist. And on your worldly travels.

  16. I am void of a passport... I don't think they'd actually let me back into the country after I left it ;(

  17. I have a passport but never used it. I got to Mexico but i was born there so i dont need it. There is so much drama for a passport, nowadays! If you want to see what a place looks like without plants come to new mexico. We got miles and miles of desert and snakes!

  18. That sounds like just about as frustrating a process as it is for us Americans. I guess our countries just don't want us to leave.

  19. Yeah, when I needed to renew my passport last time they'd changed the rules to ban smiling. I was confused - I won't look like my passport picture, because if I'm going on holiday, I'm going to be smiling!!

  20. Are you sure you don't live in the US? Anything to do with GOVERNMENT usually is mixed up as h---!!! I thought it was weird too when we got passports and they told us we couldn't smile. I mean, what's up with that??? Do we look like someone different when we smile vs. don't smile??? After we went through all the trouble to get our passports for a cruise we were taking, they never even checked it!!! Good luck!!!


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