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Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Pinch and a punch for the first day of the month

Hello ScoFans!

I had a special post for the first of May, and after a discussion at work today I'm going to mark another first of the month with a new month related post. Did anyone follow that?

Today I was talking with a coworker about her daughters getting carried away with this "Pinch and a punch for the first day of the month" thing. She's got four daughters and I think the oldest is about 8. I can imagine it's pretty bad.

There's a few the kids go through these days.

It starts with "Pinch and punch for the first day of the month". No surprises there. That's a classic, we've all heard that one before right?

Next, it moves on to "Flick and kick for being so quick". She hadn't heard that one before, but I grew up with it. Is it just her that doesn't know it? Or is this a relatively new thing? Old people, I'm asking you.

THEN there's "That's not fair so I'm pulling your hair".. that one was new to me. I hadn't heard it. She hadn't heard it before her girls bought it home either.

And that got me wondering.. she's Gen X.. I'm Gen Y.. her kids are whatever they are.. maybe every generation adds a new one to the list.

Well, I've saved the future generations some trouble, because that's just the kind of guy I am. They can refer to this list.. and you can use it to get ready for when you have kids or grandkids or whatever's next in line in your family as well.. you'll know what they're going to be bringing home.

"That was just bad so I'm going to murder your dad"
"Least it wasn't my mum and now I'm using my gun"
"I'm not afraid. Here's a grenade"
"You forgot to pull the pin. Here it is agin"
"Turns out you're a liar, so I'll set you on fire"
"Fire's in the past, eat a laser blast"

By that point we should be at about 2070-2080.

I'm not sure where the world and it's weaponry technology will be at that point, so I can't continue from there.. but hey, we're all set for the next 60 years or so.

So if you haven't had kids yet, just make a mental note of where in the line you expect to have them, and plan what sort of weapons you'll need to send them to school with every month, as well as the sort of things their body armour will need to protect them from.

Also females in the group, if you have a slow witted kid, I'd be prepared to lose a few husbands along the way. And men, may your deaths be quick and painless.

Okay. Now we've had our laugh. Now I have to move on to something serious.

A few weeks ago, I posted pictures of my workplace. All fun games yeah?

Last night however, my workplace was broken into, and I suspect it was one of you assholes, using those pictures to case the joint. (Oh yeah, "case the joint".. I watch cop shows, I know what that means.)

Before you get too stressed, most of you aren't suspects. The bars they climbed through the back means whoever did this is fairly skinny, so a majority your fat asses can rest easy. As for the five or six of you I think would probably fit, I'll be watching, and waiting, and eventually you'll make a mistake.

And I was thinking not only have I posted pictures of my workplace on here, I've posted pictures of myself as well. Maybe whoever broke into my office will use those pictures to come after me.

I decided however, that I don't need to hire protection, because if you were skinny enough to fit through those bars, I'm sure I could crush your bony ass.

And for those of you that saw the pictures of my workplace, remember how organised everything was?

After the detective walked around the office looking lost for a few minutes he came and asked us "How am I supposed to know what's where you left it, and what was messed up by the robbers?"

We were one of nine places broken into last night though. All they stole from us were some of the mints in the tray out the front that we have there for charity.

They opened all the cupboards around where we keep the petty cash, but they didn't open the petty cash cupboard. When one of the girls pointed this out to the detective, this conversation took place:
"But what you have to realise is, these people are working in the dark. They might just have a small flashlight, so it's not necessarily that they're dumb."
"I think they're dumb though"
"Well you might think they're dumb, but we haven't caught them yet"
"............................ Oh"

On the lighter side of crime though (and by "lighter side" I mean "It's funny because it didn't happen to me"), today a bank 25 kilometers up the road from here was robbed.

Hilarious right?

But that's not all. The would be bandits were pulled over by an unmarked police car for not wearing their seatbelts, and while the police were talking to them the call about the robbery came over the radio.

Sometimes you just get lucky I guess.

I'll leave you today with this.

Whichever one of you it is that's coming for me, I'm ready for you.

Hmm.. in this post I referred to the "old people", called you "assholes", "fat asses" and just to include everyone "bony asses" as well. Really though, you're alright. Sometimes.


  1. My fat arse proves my innocence.

    I've never heard any of those rhymes and I'm not mentioning them around here. My kids don't need an excuse to be violent.

  2. Those rhymes must be some sort of Australian thing. I've never heard of them, but like your suggestions to future generations.

    Love the conversation between your coworker and the cops about the dumb criminals. I'm always surprised when I read news stories about criminals getting caught for stupid things, like driving 100 miles per hour in a 45 mph zone with a trunk filled with heroin or going the wrong direction out the bank parking lot and instead of getting on the highway driving past the police station and hitting a tree.

  3. I know the pinch and a punch rhymes well. I've endured them from my kids for years. I enjoy the way you've gone further up the weaponry-scale. I must pass these tactics on.

    Perhaps as Alissa suggests, they are Australian, like rhyming slang, 'china plate' for mate, 'dead horse' for sauce etc.

  4. There is also "a punch in the eye for being so sly" which used to come after the pinch and kick line....didn't know the rest though! Memories *sigh*

  5. I didn't grow up with the pinch, punch, kick, choke thing.


    There wasn't a choke in there?

    Well damn...I'm still gonna make up for lost time and I'm not going to restrict myself to sibilings. Everyone I come across will be fair game.

  6. I haven't heard of any of those rhymes. Then again, if I ever said anything like that growing up, I probably would of had a bar of soap in my mouth. It happend once.

  7. Okay, maybe I'm just TOO old or something... or maybe it's just the difference in location (yeah, I'm sticking with that)... but I don't know any of those. ?? I know when you say something at the same time as someone else, you're supposed to say "pinch, poke, you owe me a coke". Have you heard that one??

    All of a sudden I feel very old, fat and dumb. Thanks for starting off my week on the right foot.

  8. LMAO!!! This is funny shit!

    phewwwwwwww...one of the few times I'm actually glad I'm a fat ass!!!!

  9. Must be an Auzie thing. I've never heard of them either. And someone pinches me, they will have a bloody nose.

  10. Over here it goes...

    Person 1: "A pinch and a punch for the first of the month"
    Person 2: "A punch in the eye for being so sly"
    Person 1: "A punch and a kick for being so quick"

    But I prefer your made-up versions.

    Also, I'm quite skinny. Just sayin'.

  11. I've never heard of a first day pinch/punch. I have heard of saying Rabbit-Rabbit. Mostly on Nickelodeon.

  12. I've never heard of any of those rhyming things. You Aussies are weird.

    Sorry if the Workplace Tour inadvertently got you robbed (although if they had taken the green carpet you'd be thanking me right now). Maybe you could enter your post into evidence as the "before" photos. Odd that they stole mints though. Really odd. Again - must be an Aussie thing.

    And FYI - I've seen the pictures of you. Your bony ass could not possibly kick my bony ass, iff, in fact, I was the perp. Not that I'm saying I was. I'm just saying.

  13. Why is it that I have never heard any of these sayings? Was I too cool to have anyone do any of these too me? I KNOW that can't be the case.

    Yours are the best. I might have to use some of them.

  14. i swear i was sleeping in my bed when that happened.

  15. "Also females in the group, if you have a slow witted kid, I'd be prepared to lose a few husbands along the way. And men, may your deaths be quick and painless."


  16. 1-I have never ever heard of any of those rhyme-y things.

    2-If I were to travel to Australia, the last thing I would do is break into your place of work. (I'd want to do the sights first).

    3-I would leave the mints and take the fantastical carpet and have an indoor putting green.

    ...no I do not play golf.

  17. I haven't ever heard of any of these! I think I'm gen Y. But I don't know for sure about that either. And also? Now I'm officially not having any kids.

  18. I've never heard the pinch and punch thing. It did remind me of the VW punch buggy thing which I think is really dumb. The commercial annoys me. I think another auto manufacturer ought to make fun of them.

  19. thinking that pinch and punch thing is an aussie thing, never heard of it here. thanks for calling me old and fat :( i still love ya scoman!

  20. I've never heard of it either. And I'm sooo sad that we didn't have it growing up. How fun that woulda been to pinch and poke my brother. Well, maybe not, maybe it's a good thing we didn't have it, I'd probably have dents in my body still to this day...


  21. Hey Sco...I've been away from the blogosphere for some time now, do you know where I have been? I've been planning the whole thing. I wanted to kidnap you. lol. hehehehe just kidding. Sorry about the robbery. Oh and the pinch and punch thing, that's the first time I've heard of it. I think it's actually cute, but yeah, definitely a bit scary if I have kids of my own threatening each other with a pinch and a punch and a fire for the liar. lol...have a great weekend sco

  22. This isn't the first time I've heard of places being broken into via info taken from a blog. Freaking screwed up internet, man. Glad that nothing huge was taken though. PS, pretty sure that I live super far from you and recall no pictures from your work... maybe I'll scroll down... so please do not send cops to my house. Thanks, peace and love. :)

  23. When I was a kid, I always got threatened but those threats didn't rhyme at all. But they were still scary.

  24. I always hear unfamiliar phrases when i hang out with younger cousins or nephews and nieces lately. I feel REALLY oldddd

  25. It's an English thing too! We do it every month, good fun when your at school and you see pupils do it to the more..fun teachers lol

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