Facebook Fail Friday #8 - In This Twilight

Hello ScoFans!

First of all, it's only just over a month away from Christmas. Five weeks from today in fact (oh wow! Christmas is a Friday. I'll have to try and get something special for that one.

Anyway, I just wanted to put a shout out to two Secret Santa things happening at the moment. One at TheCattPrezProject and one at ChinkyMel's corner. Head on over there and sign up, because the more people involved the more fun these things are (do as I say, not as I do)

But something that people don't have to wait for anymore is the new Twilight movie. Although I've never seen anything Twilight related, I am aware of its release because it has been plastered all over the news, all over Twitter and of course... all over Facebook.

And so this week, in the first ever Facebook Fail Friday dedicated to a movie, I give you the BEST Twilight related Facebook Fails.

Yeah.. Andrew... I'm pretty sure that falls under the category of "Not helping". But it's funny for the rest of us.

With this stuff being everywhere, even for someone as ignorant of modern culture as I am, it's hard not to know who Edward and Bella are. And it's hard not to laugh at that. Sandra got pwned.

Just by show of hands.. who's pretty sure it was the guy from Twilight?

It's no secret that I'm hardly a poster boy for testosterone, but I've gotta go with Todd on this one. If it were my choice we'd be wearing thongs and watching Saw. (Oh wait, for most of you thongs AREN'T footwear. Well in Australia.. oh to hell with it. Think what you want to think)

I'd just like to say... best.. prank... EVER. Marc gets a million points.

Until next time...

Don't Move North and be a Canadian, Hang Down Low With Them Nice Australians

Hello ScoFans!

First off, good news. I have found someone to finally finish that story from way back. The original fourth member of the team is currently unable to write, so I searched my mind for a deserving fifth, and I've found one, who has agreed to the role. You can look forward to finally having it all resolved next week.

This week, as you may have guessed from the title, I'm hitting back at the "Franco Unamerican" song (timely, I know. Look out Pokerface, I'm coming for you in five years!)

For anyone who doesn't know, or has forgotten the song, this is it here...

Now, I have a problem with that bit at the end there. Why would anyone move to Canada when Australia is an alternative? It's not like we're equals, we're way awesomer than them and that. And as long as you don't come here on a leaky boat, we'll welcome you with open arms (Too soon? Seriously though, we should have let them people in sooner.. but hey, this blog isn't about politics)

But what have Canada ever given the world?

Alanis Morrisette and Avril Lavigne.

One woman who needs to pull out a dictionary and look up the definition of irony and another who spells with numbers (I'm sorry but a free ride when you've already paid is not ironic. I think the word you're looking for is "idiotic". Ditto for "good advice that you just didn't take". And the old man who won the lottery and then died, again not ironic, but perhaps tragic) Between the two of them, the little Canadians have no hope of grasping the English language in all its glory. You don't want to school your kids in Canada, obviously.

(Oh, and I know I spelt prove wrong a few weeks ago and people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, but it is hot in here and I think the breeze will do me good)

So come to Australia. We've got room. But before you arrive, there's a few things you need to know.

1 / You need to be careful what you say to Australians, because we've all be programmed a bit differently to the rest of the world.

For example, say you go out one night and you meet someone. You have a good night, you exchange numbers and everything but then you find out they're leaving the next day for a few months for their work. Now normally, you ask someone "Am I ever going to see your face again?" after an evening like that and it's all romantic and sweet. But you ask an Australian, and as much as they might want to say something sweet in reply, and much as they might search for the perfect words to make you melt (and I already hear my Australian readers saying it, waiting for me to get to the line) and you'll get the response..

"NO WAY! GET FUCKED! FUCK OFF!"

We can't help it. It's in our blood. It's in our culture.

It all started in 1976 when The Angels released a song "Am I ever gonna see your face again?", and Australians, being Australians, decided that sounds a lot like a question. And every question needs an answer.

Don't believe me? Firstly, why not? Have I ever lied to you before?

And secondly, here is the clearest version I have found of it.

The Angels themselves have never said those words. It started with an audience, and Australian audiences have carried it 33 years (that's longer than I've been alive). Because that's the kind of people we are. We value tradition. (Maybe Gen Y don't because I tweeted and Facebooked "Am I ever gonna see your face again?" and nobody told me to get fucked or fuck off. You people should all be ashamed of yourselves)

2/ There is a difference that will only affect people who know sign language. While some signs are universal and some are country specific (so I've been told), there is one sign that only Australia has, because we're the only country that sees a need for it.

That sign looks a little bit like this..

Oh yes, those are my arms. Sexy, I know. Also I don't know why it's so dark, it didn't look like that on my computer. And the sound is the fan. As I said, hot in here.

Anyway, what that sign mean, and remember we are the only country in the world who has found a use for it, nobody else thinks it's worth having, and what it means is "Fuck you. Fuck the lot of you"

So if any of the rest of you want to piss off a bunch of deaf people in one hit, you can't. But here in Australia we're about efficiency.

So ask yourselves, do you want to live in a country where the school system is obviously below par?

Or do you want to live in a country that values it's culture and traditions. That is building efficiencies as well as expanding the communication with those who are unable to hear.

I think the choice is clear.

Fuck Canada. Australia fucking rocks!

Until next week...

Just kidding. Love you all.

Facebook Fail Friday #7- Thanks for sharing!

Hello ScoFans!

Wow, the weeks fly by so quickly don't they? I can't believe it's Friday already. And it's like.. the middle of November. Almost. Exciting stuff.

But not as exciting as another round of Facebook Fails.

So no jibber jabber.. let's get to it.


I'm sure right now there's girls squirming in sympathy and guys trying to visualize. Well that's good, because that's what Facebook Fail Friday is all about- creating separation. Who needs this "togetherness" stuff anyway? (There might also be some guys remembering the last time there was a tampon in the toilet which again is creating separation.. ohhhh yeah!)

Am I the only one innocent enough to not be sure of what Anal Beads are? I'm so pure. And I can just see this person going into the store and going "They're for my friend" and the dude behind the counter going "Yeah.. sure they are.."

Again, I think girls everywhere are probably squirming and guys.. no guys are probably squirming too. They talk about manscapers as "Men who put razors in dangerous places".. well I'm pretty sure that's a dangerous place to be sticking scissors.

And now, because it's Friday here and Australia is in front of the rest of the world (because we're awesome) that means most of you are probably doing your TMI Thursday posts (Thursday is SOOO yesterday).. and so, I thought I'd share a couple which I think define "Too much information"..

Oh yes, not only do they give you an address.. but also directions on how to get there AND an identifying mark on the house. That is way too much information to be giving out to strangers on the Internet (unless you want to be stalked, in which case it's probably about right)

And then there's this guy.. who just keeps talking...


For those of you still awake, until next time...


PS If you don't know by now, I enjoy some good random humor and some good random debating. Well this morning over at PrimA some great random humor went up (It was just one of those things that started with a great idea which was then excellently executed) so head over there and share your theory on exactly what did happen to the 100th Luft Balloon.

Born To Try

Hello ScoFans!

An Australian philosopher once said "I was born to try", and I've lately realised that those few words could well have been written by or about yours truly.

I will start by taking you on a tour of my trophy cabinet, before we arrive at the recent even which has awoken this realisation in me.

WHAT IS IT?
Under 13s Fielding award (Cricket)

WHAT'S IT FOR?
Catching, throwing.. stopping the ball. All the stuff which in those days,
didn't really mean anything and wasn't recognised as important to the team.

HOW DOES IT PROOVE YOUR POINT?
In my eyes, the fielding award always went to the kid who couldn't do anything
else. There were lots of awards for batting well. Plenty of awards for the bowlers.
The fielding award just went to the other kid who had no real talent, but tried at least.

Next stop on the carousel..

WHAT ARE THEY?
Under 14 Coaches Award (Cricket)
Under 13 Coaches Award (Football)

WHAT ARE THEY FOR?
Always attending training. Listening to the coaches instructions.
Behaving myself and again and of course, giving 100%.

HOW DO THEY PROOVE YOUR POINT?

Again, I think these were just the trophies to make sure no
kid missed out on a trophy. Because that's the world we live
in now, you can't separate the good players from the bad.
Everyone has to get SOMETHING. So yep, two more trophies
just for turning up and trying not to suck.

And before we get to the real point of this post...

WHAT IS IT?
A horse's arse.

NO, REALLY. WHAT IS IT?
Really... a horse's arse.

... OKAY. WHAT'S IT FOR?
Last place in the 2002 Teenage bowling league.

HOW DOES...
Please tell me you don't really require an explanation this
time.

AND NOW FOR THE MAIN EVENT...

A few months ago now Alyssa from "Just Putting It Out There" played a game with a prize. Head over there, it was a caption competition and those of us who entered had a blast.

Anyway, I didn't win. PrimA won (and after enjoying her blog posts for awhile I'm starting to not want to see her attacked by spider monkies any more. At least, less than I did before) But as you may have guessed Alyssa was awesome enough to send me a prize for trying the most ..which I think technically means I get a prize for losing more than anybody else.. BUT I don't care about the technicalities because what I do have is that great Dexter picture you see above you.

She mentioned in the letter than came with it she knew I loved Dexter and wasn't sure what I had, and, well, I don't like to brag but...

And now with some fantastic original artwork to add to the mix, well that means there's nothing more a Dexter fan could want (until the new book and next DVD series come out).. (and for those of you thinking "Aren't there four Dexter books?", that book on the left is the first three books in one book)

So thank you again Alyssa. I'm just sorry it took me so long to finally show off my prize to the world.

And now it's time for a few confessions. A few things that I omitted from the above bit.

Firstly, my first place and second place trophy from 10 pin bowling (from 2000 and 2001.. I changed teams in 2002 hence the drop to the bottom)

And lastly I wrote a post awhile ago for a competition Hillbilly Duhn was putting on. Well, out of all the people that entered she picked my piece to win the great prize on offer. She sent out two books (which I will read when I finish the 800+ page beast I started just before receiving them.. 400 pages down.. 400+ to go)

I'm looking forward to them.

Make sure you head over and check out both Hillbilly Duhn and Alyssa's blogs.

Until Friday...

Facebook Fail Friday #6- Category Unknown

Hello ScoFans!

I know now that the reason you all look forward to Fridays is for another round of Facebook Fails, and not because it's the day before the weekend.

The past few weeks I have sorted things into categories, but this week I'm going with stuff that is sort of one of a kind. Stuff that doesn't fit anywhere else, because I'm far to lazy to push the square block through the round hole.

So, without further ado...

Tell you what Sandy, send me $50 and I'll email you one.


Joe, if it's any consolation, I'm sure people only told you they were coming because they like you and they didn't want to hurt your feelings. And I'm sure the reason they didn't show up is because you suck.

Oh Jordan. You're so hardcore. Make sure you tell your 300 pound cell mate your little "po po" line.

Okay, I think everyone there needs to take a deep breath. Now get in your cars, and all move an hour away from each other. At least. Pepper you better just move to a new country.

And finally, another contribution from a one of my readers. This one comes from Sal at Just My Thoughts. Make sure you head over to her blog and thank her for this addition to the wall of shame...

Not only is the tattoo.. what's the opposite of classy? Anyway, not only that, but I'm sure grammar nazi's and Castle fans here noticed the same thing I did on my first glance a it. In the words of Castle himself..

"Y O U apostrophe R E. Short for "You Are". And that's not even a hard one, like when to use who and when to use whom"

And now that guy has bad grammar on his body forever. And I'm sure that upsets him no end.

Remember, if you happen to find a Facebook Fail in your travels, they can be sent to me using any of the above methods up there somewhere.

Have a good weekend.