Today is my Dad's birthday

Hello ScoFans!

Today my dad turns 50. Quite an accomplishment.. you know, with the whole "not dying yet" and everything. Good on him.

Yesterday at quarter to five I received a text that looked an awful lot like this from my mother:

"On our way back from funeral, will call in and have take away with you, about 30 mins away"

My thought sequence went something like this over the next 10 seconds..

Awesome! I don't have to cook tonight.
I forgot the funeral was today. I wonder if my grandparents went?
Shit! Dad's birthday presents are scattered about my table. I have to hurry home and do something about that!

Normally I'm all up for having a chat with coworkers after work. But yesterday I quickly excused myself and tended to my immediate problem.

Because I live an hour away from them I thought it would be safe to leave this stuff laying about until I was ready to get off my ass and wrap it. In my defence, it had only been there for about 3 days.

I was lucky I was too tired to walk back to work after lunch yesterday afternoon so I drove in. It allowed for a much speedier getaway.. after I was able to get away from one particular coworker who heard my story and decided this would be a good time to have a chat about what I had got him, what we were doing for his birthday and so on.

I did manage to get home and get the presents in the bottom of the cupboard before their arrival. And I only just noticed as I was opening the door that I had left the receipt on the table, so it took so slight of hand as I was walking back to the chair to get that into my pocket.

And then I got a scolding from my mother for not taking the time to reply to her text message. She's so proud of herself for being able to text, and when she does she tends to get ignored.

Sorry mum! Had other things on my mind. I'm sure I'll tell you all about it today.

What am I apologizing to you here for? You don't read this.

Because I want to look like a lovely person in front of my blogging peeps. That's why.

Anyway, he also went in for his "pre 50th birthday check up" that our generous Government pays for to keep our older Australias fit, healthy and working. They don't want us all living on the pension.

One of the recommendations on the list was..

- continue not smoking

That's great. That makes sense. But there's a whole lot of other things he's not doing which are beneficial to his health that you could put on that list.

- continue not jamming forks into electric sockets
- continue not hitting on bikers girlfriends
- on that subject, continue not picking fights with people bigger than you
- continue not drinking your own urine. I hear once is okay, but any more than that and you're in trouble. I'm really not sure about other peoples urine. I'll look that up.
- continue not burying yourself naked in the snow.
- continue not falling great distances
- continue not slamming your head into break walls
- continue not driving 180 km/h on the wrong side of the freeway
- continue not jamming sharp objects into your eyes, liver, lungs or heart
- continue not jumping head first through glass

You can see how the list works. Do any of you have other ideas for things that could go there?

Anyway, I think for my personal health and wellbeing, I'll continue making sure dad doesn't see I've tracked down this song on his birthday...

Learn the damn alphabet.. "I' come before "U" get to payin your dues..

Hello ScoFans!


It seems I have mounted another few awards since the last ceremony. So, without rambling on, let's get this show started.

Both ChinkyGirLMeL and Thrice awarded me the Kreativ Blogger Award on the same day last week (and then Stephanie awarded it to me as I was drafting this post). I must have been doing something extra creative.. what was I up to again? Oh, that's right! Plotting to kill my neighbours. Well, I'm glad you girls enjoy a little violence with your blogging.

Now, Mel in particular put me under a lot of pressure when giving me this award. She said.. and I quote.. "He's very twisted! Lols! He likes to add a twist in memes and awards.".. SO now I have to put my own little twist on this so as not to disappoint the one of the generous givers of the award in the first place (althought I'm failing to think of anything creative this time.. when I get the creative award.. how unfortunate).

Here are the award rules: List 7 things that you love, and then pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you love! Be sure to tag them and let them know that they have won. You can copy the picture of the award and paste it on your sideboard letting the whole world know...you are Kreativ!

7 - I love the new intern, Denise, on Scrubs. If she were a real person, I may just give up my asexual ways for her and her "girl balls". I fell in love with her when she said her patients disease was "kind of a buzzkill"

6 - I love pizza. I could eat that all day and never feel full.

5 - I love the sharemarket. It's interesting to watch what sets people into a panic, what brings back their confidence and the different reports from different companies and what they do to the share price.

4 - I love music. I remember having to play the guitar for a high school assignment and the teacher saying I have a gift for it, but I never took it up. And then we had some other test thing a few years later and the teacher said I had an ear for music and would find playing an instrument easy and wanted me in the band, but I never did it. I couldn't be bothered.

3 - As strange as it sounds, I love spinning into Matt. It's interesting to have a whole new thought process, a whole new outlook and to feel that sort of emotion to its fullest.

2 - I love seeing celebrities who have it all fuck up and walk away with nothing. I think of it as a case of "easy come, easy go"

1 - I love ... number one can wait. I will unveil it with my 100th blog. Something has happened I thought would never happen. I've fallen in love, and posting things I love felt like a good place to share that news with you. (And I know some of you considered me a tease for playing games and not sharing a picture so far.. I think you will probably be pissed with waiting 5 or so weeks for this as well)

Now to pass this on to seven other bloggers.

Sameera - Everyday is a little life!

Badriyyah - Life, through my eyes...

D* - I'm having a moment...

OmegaRadium- Differential Diagnosis

Vanessa- Bellelettrist

Alafolie - Story of O

Bored housewife - the tragic character

Mel gave me another award in the same post (although she did give away a third award that day. The "Honest Scrap" award which I didn't get.. yes Mel.. I noticed =p I know where I stand now, good for 2 out of every three awards that people are giving away. )

Anyway, the one I did get was The Friend award

"These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

So, I have decided to pass this one on to these friendly blogging types:

Thrice - From the STUPIDEST corner of my mind
Hillbilly Duhn- Hillbilly Duhn's Times & Tribulations
KathyB! - the world according to me
Stephanie - Breathing up the Oxygen
Krystal - Friends with benefits
Random Hiccups- Slave to the Ordinary

Well, I can't think of any more than that without doubling up (and without giving it to Mel who gave it to me or insomniaclolita who won the awards when I did)

Finally, awhile ago I was given the Cute award (also by Mel) and at the time, I didn't realise there was a task that comes with it. Sameera gave me the award again this week, and it turns out I'm suppose to list 10 things that make me cute. So here we go:

10 - My winning smile
9- My charm
8- The way I walk
7- The way I talk
6- My kind spirit (most of the time.. quite a lot of the time..)
5- Your mum will think I'm great
4- I am that innocent
3- I will work hard to make you smile
2- As a coworker so often puts it, I really am "the last of the true gentlemen"
1- The fact that you all keep returning

I reward this award to everyone who got it last time so they can also correct the error of their ways, as well as insomniaclolita because her new layout is fantastic.

Shotgun Betty stoppin' dead in my shoes.
Cock on lockdown, she said learn the damn alphabet.
I come before you, get to payin' your dues.

Head down through the town diggin on this puscifer,
Tongue roll call, kids hear the school bell ring.
This vagina mine teach ya patient diligence.
Keep the chain-gang swingin, make a cat-bird sing.
Down this vagina mine...
Puscifer- Vagina Mine

And in case you're wondering what song called "Vagina Mine" sounds like..

Don't hurt me

Well, the driver failed so we have another negative outcome to our game.

He crashed his car during the practice session and had to have it rebuilt in 3 hours before the race. Then, he started from the back of the grid and kept having problems with the car all day because it was rebuilt so quickly and not tested.

That's motorsport, it's not my fault.. honest.. please don't hurt me, I've already had one virtual ass kicking*, I don't think I could handle another..

And so, you don't get to see me this time. But, I do get to award myself something I saw on someecards.com (because none of you were ever going to do it)

Yes, I think my Facebook friend count is right in that perfect zone. The current count is 45.

Personally, when I see someone with triple-digits friends I roll my eyes.

When I see someone with less than 20 friends I feel sorry for them.

So, if you have anywhere between 20 and 99 Facebook friends, congratulations. It may not be a picture of me, but it is a nice little runner up prize.

And if you don't have between 20 and 99 friends, you get nothing today. Sucks to be you.

*If you go to the virtual ass kicking post, you might need to go to the comments for the full story.

It's time we played another game..

Hello ScoFans!

I want to play another game with you.

The good thing about the way I have designed this game is even in failure, I am successful.

The bad thing about the way I have designed this game is if I am successful, there comes some failure.

Today is the second race of the first round of the 2009 V8 Supercar series.

My favourite team acquired a new driver over the summer, and today he starts the race from 4th position.

He was winning this race last year (albeit from a different team) until he got involved in a tangle with a lapped car and taken out of the race.

His name is James Courtney, and if he wins today, I will post a picture of myself on this blog wearing my Dick Johnson Racing hat (for someone with an odd shaped head who shouldn't wear hats, I do own a lot of hats. Three of them in fact)

If any of the other 31 drivers win, I will post an award on here which I think I am probably entitled to anyway (and it is not any of the ones my pets have awarded me that I am currently hoarding)

This is the second time I have relied on sports stars to determine the outcome of one of our games, because I clearly don't think they're under enough pressure already.

I will post the results here tomorrow night.

PS Yes, I am back from my dark week. I snap into these things, and I snap out of them again. I'm sure knowing me is an exciting rollercoaster ride and a fun game of "Which one will he be this morning?"

Return of the Icon

When a man's heart is full of deceit

It burns up

Dies

And a dark shadow falls over his soul.

From the ashes of a once great man has risen a curse,

A wrong that must be righted.

We look to the skies for a vindicator

Someone to strike fear into the black heart of the same man who created him.

The battle between good and evil has begun.

Against an army of shadows comes the Dark Warrior

The purveyor of good

With a voice of silence

And a mission of justice.

This is Sting.

I hadn't thought about this for over 10 years. And then on Saturday, it came back to me.

I've tried hard to make a connection. I've tried, and whilst it seems I can make it happen short term, voices in my head warn me away and I find myself back where I started.

So I've turned around, and started back down the path that got me to where I am today. Walking back towards the time where I didn't need anyone, and nobody relied on me. I'm starting to feel comfortable here, and I wonder if this is the state where I will live out my days.

But do I give up the people who have seen something good in me? Am I right to turn back down the path and leave them behind? Because if I decide to turn around again, they won't be waiting for me.

I wonder if Matt has taken over, and ScoMan has disappeared. I wonder if there ever was a ScoMan. I wonder if taking back what I gave up so many years ago will make me happy. I wonder if I get to be happy.

I wonder if there is even such a thing as happiness, or if it's a bullshit emotion we're told about as we're growing up but that nobody ever experiences.

PS. Yes, I did watch wrestling growing up.

PPS. I want to dig tunnels under everyones houses so I can come up through their floors like that.