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Sunday, August 23, 2009

England Strikes Back

Hello ScoFans!

For those of you who missed it, PickNic asked me to write a guest post for her which was posted at her blog yesterday. It was a lot of fun and I thank Nic again for giving me the opportunity to entertain the Nicolytes.

Now, for those of you who haven't read the post, click the link above and travel there now. I took the opportunity to write a letter to the Motherland (England), and I may have been a little not nice to them (but it was all in fun)

However, all in fun or not what kind of a person would I be if I didn't give England the opportunity to reply? I think it's only fair. So now, all the way from England, Nic responds to my post...


G'day Mates!

How are things Down Under? Incidentally, how does it feel to be standing upside down your whole life? Don't you get a head rush?

This letter is a response to the one your beloved ScoMan sent to my country. That's England, by the way, for those of you who don't know. So let me start by responding to some of the issues he addressed in his letter.

Firstly...yeah, we're shit at cricket. But so what? If it wasn't for us you wouldn't even have it. We invented the damn game so surely we can play it how we like! And football, we invented that too. Real football. What the hell is 'Aussie Rules Football'? What, you couldn't grasp the actual rules so you made up your own? Do it properly, for Heaven's sake!

And so what if we can't be bothered to have sex all the time? Ok, we may not be able to claim to have invented that, and maybe we do just prefer to have a nice cup of tea and a sit down now and then. But when we bother to do it, we're good at it. Unfortunately I couldn't find anything online to back this statement up, but according to a recent survey (by me) among English women (my friends), British men are the best in the world when it comes to getting jiggy with it. Admittedly, most of us have only slept with British men, but that's not the point. We enjoyed it. For the most part.

Anyway, you love us really. You can't get enough of us. You even use our flag to make up part of yours. So every time you look at it you're reminded that you used to be British. And probably wish you still were.

So you may have better weather and sit around on the beach all day wearing those hats with the corks hanging down while playing a digeridoo, drinking Fosters and cooking shrimps on the barbie (ok, I know that's just a stereotype). But you have to celebrate Christmas during the summer and that's just plain weird. What the hell does Santa wear over there? Shorts and flip-flops? Does he arrive on a surfboard? And the carols...you can't be singing Let it Snow. I'm guessing the weather outside is far from frightful.

And you know what else? You've got some strange animals down there. A duck-billed platypus? What the hell is that thing? It looks like it's come straight out the pages of a fantasy novel. And I wouldn't like to have to check under the bed for stray possums every night before I went to sleep. You've got kangaroos that kick the shit out of each other and creatures that'll kill you as soon as look at you. Deadly snakes and spiders, scorpions, crocodiles, the lot. Even the cute, innocent-looking koalas have chlamydia.

And all those sheep...oh wait, that's New Zealand, not Australia. Not that there's any difference. And that's probably the most offensive thing I've said in the whole of this letter, so I think I'll just stop typing now.

15 comments:

  1. Thanks for letting me answer back! It was fun! Hope I didn't offend any Aussies ;) And I like how you called my followers 'Nicolytes', lol.

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  2. Holy shiznit, Sco. Hahaha I'm not siding with nobody here lmao but I would like to be sent a sexy British boy by Nic. HOT HOT HOT.

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  3. Oh! I just heard the news that a little country called England won the Ashes. So maybe I should take back the part about being shit at cricket ;)

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  4. lol awesome come back! this should be done on weekly basis. im sure both of you are good (ahem, excellent as a matter of fact) to straggle each other on a weekly basis. an excellent source of fun ya know.

    fah-nay.

    but i have to agree with Nic. I personally think (which I'm sure most girls will agree) that British accent is kind of sexy. :P Tall dark & handsome British men fo sho will make my knees go wobbly :P

    but i love you much, sco! :D

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  5. Bahahahaha, that's hilarious. The poms really don't get it do they.

    Bahahahaha!

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  6. Of course - I may be slightly mistaken ... but it would seem to me that because the earth pivots around the sun on an angle - every country at some point is "upside down" - it's called night. :) And actually ... hmm ... maybe it's only people around the equator who are ever really upright. :) (and even that could be argued because who says which side of the sun is "up" and which side of the earth TRULY is up - and how much meaning does "up" have in a universe which has no gravity?? if we flipped the solar systemm model upside down - it'd look pretty much the same - except AUS would be on top.)

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  7. LMAO - Platypus. The duck billed thinger. My kids watch a cartoon in which Perry the Platypus is a secret agent. He totally rocks.

    We have fish here, large fish, that have duck bills. I think they are more creepy then the Platypus, but that's just me.

    I like both your guest post and this one, the interaction between you guys is HALARIOUS!!

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  8. You two are a hoot!

    I loved this banter between the two of you.

    The whole Christmas in summer thing is kind of odd...

    And you need to link your email to your blog so that I can respond to your comments!! I love your comments and I feel ridiculous responding on your blog...

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  9. omg soooo funny!!

    i may hve wet myself a bit from all the laughing:)

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  10. Haha. I'm with Nic. It's weird to be singing let it snow when it never does ( in the Philippines). I think you should write a letter to England again and answer the sex part especially.

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  11. Oh fantastic! I love your post! I can't believe I didn't get to read this any sooner. Oh and by the way i'm with girlinstiletto and andhari...British boys are sooooooooo hot. =)

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