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Sunday, November 22, 2009

Trapped into new experiences

Hello ScoFans!

Well, my streak as the kiss of death continues and the person who was going to write this week isn't feeling the creativity flow at this point in time, so you'll have to wait a little bit longer for the end of the story. In the meantime I'll continue to entertain you as best I can.

As those of you following me on Twitter know, I had to attend a work function last night. One that I wasn't too keen on attending. I wasn't sure exactly what it was about. All I knew is, I had to show up in "After Five" wear and that the meal was free (which was enough to get me there)

I was, as always, one of the first to arrive (I don't do fashionably late) so I grabbed a coke and sat at my table and waited for my coworkers to arrive. After about 20 minutes as the table started to fill, I realised some of the coworkers I would have liked to share a table with were going to be on a different table which was a tad disappointing.

Before proceedings there were people running around taking pictures of everyone. One of my coworkers and I had to get our pictures taken about 6 times because we looked "too pale" in each picture. We agreed that was probably because we are pale, which is probably because we hate outside.

We looked at the entrees that were served to us and had trouble determining what most of it was (I did work out that the lemon was lemon, which makes me pretty awesome) I decided I wasn't eating any of it until my demands were met:
  • a list of ingredients in each item
  • a discussion with the chef to ensure their competency
  • our MasterChef judge Matthew Preston try everything and give me his evaluation of each thing on the menu
I'm not a picky eater.. but I'm not going to eat anything unless I know what it is I'm putting in my mouth (a lesson we could all learn from Mel's last blog)

My boss, who had organized the whole thing, stood up before dinner to tell us what we were all there for. He told us it was to be a discussion about how wonderful the "Baby Boomers" are. How much they have done for this country. How this country has been changed across the ages to accommodate them. First more primary schools when they reached primary school age. Then secondary schools being built as they reached that age. And now, to his horror, nursing homes being constructed at a rate faster than ever before.

He said he had lined up a group of speakers for us to help the baby boomers maintain their power and control, and keep Generation X in the background "where they belong"

He had a school principal who was going to give the speech "It's probably my fault"

A lawyer who specialises in succession planning who was going to read from us from his thesis "You can't take what you can't find"

And a Gen-X nurse who was going to talk up the benefit of kerosene baths.

Then, dinner was served. Dinner was nice but the veggies were a bit raw.

Somehow, dinner conversation turned to my coworkers trying to send me on holidays, preferably overseas. It's funny, mum has been saying the same thing to me lately. Maybe there's a message in that? Maybe my coworkers and family no longer welcome me? That's okay, it's not like people usually spent a lot of time around their coworkers and family anyway right?

First we were talking Middle East, because the V8s are racing there next year. That was my idea. Unfortunately, if I am going to take a holiday my input into any decision doesn't count for much. That idea was shot down and before I knew it I was being sent to London. I'm not sure why, other than because that's where one of my coworkers went when she was 19 and apparently I should be doing everything the way she did it.

She also told me about a car museum I have to go and see at Donnington (I think?). I could see cars in the Middle East too, and they would be driving, but hey.. whatever. Apparently "speaking English" should be high on my list of what to look for in the country I'm visiting on my first time overseas.

I kept insisting that I'm not a traveler and she said neither was her husband before she met him, but she soon sorted him out and showed him the world.

"Maybe that's what I need to start traveling. A significant other"
"Yes. Someone to drag you away from your comfort zone and give you some experiences"
"No. Someone to run away from because they make my comfort zone a lot less comfortable"

That joke was a big hit with the guys, not so much with their wives.

After dinner my boss stood up again and said he was going to now go to the "interactive" part of the evening. He asked everyone to pull their seats right in so that he could move around the room and point to people, and when he pointed they had to contribute.

People did this, and then he sat down.

And then the opera singers came down the stairs.

And I was trapped.. on the far side of the room from the exits.. about 70 people between me and the door.. my back to the wall literally and figuratively speaking. Plus I had just had roast beef so was feeling very sluggish and in no mood to try a speedy and cunning escape. In fact, I felt more like napping.

So I sat through it. It wasn't even one opera.. it was like Opera's Greatest Hits as selected by the boss. The highlight during the first session was when one of the girls was singing a romantic song and moving around the room rubbing against men, and she moved to our table and behind one of the other guys not into the opera at all and as he thought he was safe from her he said "Thank G.."

What he didn't realise is that she'd paused behind him and was looking at the back of his head. Her arm shot over his shoulder and started rubbing his chest while the rest of us enjoy a good laugh at his expense.

Desert rolled around and we got a break from the music. Conversation turned to a book one of the women was reading which says Australia is in a "man drought".. at the key ages women usually get married, there is a serious shortage of men in that same age bracket (hear that single guys? Having no luck, come to Australia and increase your odds!)

She convinced the single girl at our table to get out and meet new people, but then told me I still have to go to London. I'm not sure what she was implying, but I think it might be that English girls are easy.

How would I know? I never go anywhere. *Looks to Nic for input on the topic*

Who needs to go places when you have blog friends to fill you in on what's happening over there?

After desert, more singing and I guess the important thing to come out of the evening is that I survived it. Not only that, I kind of enjoyed it. I do remember promising a blogger going to see Moulin Rouge with them after Dexter did it in "Dexter By Design", and I guess this was like training wheels for something like that. I would have much rathered if they were singing Dr Horrible tunes (I did spend part of the night choreographing in my mind how one would set up different Dr Horrible scenes in the restaurant, but you make the best out of what you're given.

The evening ended with them singing happy birthday to the boss, which for him would be an amazing experience. The look of joy on his face through the whole evening was great.

Until Friday...


  1. I would have carried a book to read during all the singing.

  2. you sure you were not bitten by ed cullen that you became too pale? :P

    ya know.. twilight is running amok these days...

    but whatever it is (either you're a vampy or not), that blogger you promised to go to Moulin Rouge with, happens to be me. how about the 2nd week of december? sounds good?

  3. that whole blog cracked me up! it sounded like a funny evening :)

  4. I loved that joke you made about running away from someone that makes your comfort zone a lot less comfortable lol...I agree

  5. Oh God, it sounded so boring.

    I would've wanted to kill someone.

    And why do you have to ''take'' a holiday?

  6. I'd forgotten just how made of fail work functions are. I'm surprised you got out alive without being 'set up' with someone's friends friend who has six toes but is Soooooo lovely.

  7. Oh gosh, I hate attending company functions where there's a lot lot lot of talking. That's so boring. Reminds me of the last time I went to a function with a lot of old people. That was boring me to death. hehehehe... But anyhow, so I'm glad you learned a lesson from my food experience. Hahahaha. I have an idea, why not go to the Philippines next year or to other countries to meet up with your blog buddies. ;P

  8. question for you...do the people you work with know about this blog? If so do you care? If not are you worried?

  9. I can't comment on whether English girls are easy. Well I can, but I don't want to.

  10. this is the one part of working i DO NOT miss, boring work functions,how did you not kill anyone esp wit all your strength and stuff?!

  11. that whole blog cracked me up! it sounded like a funny evening.

    Work from home India

  12. Nic will so kick your ass for saying that. lmao.

    Anyhoo, opera? urgh. I can understand. :p

  13. I don't think I would have stayed till the end of this event. Maybe if the food was good.

  14. They told you that you looked too pale? LAME!!!

    and congrats for sitting through the whole thing and actually having a pretty decent time. :)


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