A moment of doubt

I attended a funeral earlier this year, and ended up a pallbearer for a man I hardly knew. Very few of his family attended the church, and I don't think there were any friends there at all. In all his life, this was all he had, it made me sad for him.

On the drive home I got to thinking, my funeral will be no different. Who will be the pallbearers at my funeral? I subject myself to a life of solitude because that's what works for me. I avoid dating, relationships, going out with friends.. because I just can't be bothered. And I like my quiet time, all I need is myself.

But what if 10 years from now I regret these decisions? What if I wake up one morning and regret not ever finding a girl, settling down and having a few children? What if I spend the last forty years of my life wondering... "what if"?

So say I do decide now it's time to find the one. Time to start dating, time to settle down, get married, have some kids. Say we get the white picket fence, the two cars and the family dog (no cats)... what if 10 years from now I decide I've made a mistake? What if I can't take having people around me all the time any more? What if I long for the life I have now?

The way I see it, the way I'm living my way now is the best way to go. If 10 years from now I decide I've made the wrong choices, at least my life is the only one that is destroyed.

Besides, I can always get cremated. Or wind up a John Doe discovered by a neighbour three months after I've died on my couch, with the TV blaring and a bowl of chips on my stomach.