Why Nudity Isn't the Point

Hello ScoFans!

It's a long weekend here, and rather than use some of the extra time to write something super special for you all, I've decided to take a bit of a break. Well actually, the opportunity for the break kind of presented itself last week when Jennee of Cheap Therapy left a comment that definitely needed further explanation. So I asked her to guest post in case somebody else saw the comment and wanted the full story.

Plus, I wanted to share another "Naked Man" tale with you all. The office tour has been done, maybe I'll do a "Naked Man" tour. And THEN maybe we'll combine the two and do a "Naked Office" tour, where we all show up to our workplaces early strip down and wait for coworkers to arrive. Then we take photo's of their surprised face and write the tales of the experience on our blog. Plus then we could vlog the awkward conversation with our employers after the experience, but we'll make sure we're fully clothed by then. There is no place for nudity on the Internet.

Anyway, it's time for Jennee's naked man experience (I might add some notes in italics along the way)...

Why Nudity Isn’t The Point.

A naked man. I’ve seen a few. My personal favorite it the statue of David and there have been other times that I have enjoyed the site of God’s wonderful creation. And then, there have been other times that I would much rather pour acid in my eye balls and beg for blindness.

I have spent the past 2 years trying to forget about this incident that happened in my life, but Scoman promised me that he would pay for all the counseling that I need after admitting the story is true. So, into this tragic memory, I dive.

Miami is full of crazy people and desperate people. I was feeling a little desperate as I searched for an apartment or roommate. I had a week before I would be getting kicked out of my current residence because the family I was renting a room from just decided they wanted me out. My finances weren’t the greatest which limited the luxurious beach side apartment buildings and living alone.

Searching online, I found someone willing to rent out a bedroom. I inquired and learned that it was a single man looking for a roommate. Like I said, I was desperate and agreed to meet with him. I met Carlos after work one evening. I should have known better, going to his apartment after 10:00pm, but I was in a crunch.

Carlos opened the door to his apartment. He looked like he might be going to the gym later. His shorts and t-shirt are about two sizes to big. Yeah, he thought he was cool. Most men are dirty (they are? I didn't even realise we had that option!) and Carlos was one of them. I wanted to bleach his apartment and sweep the floors. I had only seen the kitchen and was ready to explore the rest of the place.

We part from the kitchen to an 6x8 room. This was what he was offering to me for a room. I grinned, realizing that I wouldn’t have a door and that this room was just outside of his bedroom. The bathroom, that we would share, was through his bedroom (who designed this place?).

I told Carlos that the room is much smaller than I was hoping and wondered where I would store my furniture…and clothes. He suggested that we share a closet that was already filled with his crap. “I don’t know, I mean, I’m in a crunch but I don’t know if this is going to work out.” I told him.

“You don’t need to make a decision right this second. Why don’t you hang around for a little bit and we’ll get to know each other and see if we’d get along.” Carlos suggested.

I agreed (remember everyone, she was desperate). He seemed like he was nice and that we would be able to get along but it is never fun living with strangers. We sat down in his bedroom because it was the only place to sit down. I sat in the chair in the corner as he lounged on his bed. We make small talk. “Why are you so uncomfortable?” He asked after a few minutes.

“Do I look uncomfortable?” I may have rambled about us being complete strangers and I was in his apartment and it was getting late and I had a 30 minute drive. He offered me a drink and I declined. He flipped the television to the news and we started talking about current events. Something interesting came up on the television and because I sat in the chair in the corner, I couldn’t see the t.v. I moved over and sat on the edge of the bed. (BIG MISTAKE. (that was her, not me. But I agree))

It is at this moment that Carlos kisses me. I didn’t see it coming and let out an awkward giggle. “You are really beautiful. I could never live with you and not be with you.” He kisses me again and I am a bubble of awkwardness. My mind is racing, what should I do? Should I just kiss him but won’t that lead him on and I don’t even know what just happened but it is kinda nice….I pulled myself away and told Carlos that I better be on my way and that I’ll let him know about the room. I already knew the answer was HELL NO, I can’t live with a guy that wants me. I wouldn’t be able to sleep. What if he jumps me in the middle of the night while I’m dreaming about something pleasant?

“Don’t go. I was just really getting to know you.” Carlos says. He kisses me again and there is a lot of commotion going on. I try to peek and see what he is doing, but he positions my face and keeps kissing me. Finally, our kiss has ended and Carlos is on his bed and no longer wearing his shorts. He’s also…very…happy.

I stood up and he took off his shirt. Completely nude with a boner laying on his bed. “I want you.” He touched himself unapproachably in my company as he taunted me with dirty promises. I’m sure my face had the combined look of shock and disgust. Seriously, I just met him and he thinks I’m gonna jump into his bed because I’m at his apartment late a night? The taste in my mouth has gone bad and all I can think about is going to the gas station and buying some tic-tacs (is it just me, or is anyone else wondering if Carlos actually had a room for rent?).

“I’m not gonna rent the room and I should get going.” I told him and found my way to the door. I got to my car and wonder what just happened.

Carlos called me on my drive home and apologizes. He told me some line about being so attracted to me that he just got lost in desire. We agreed that living together wouldn’t be a good thing but Carlos wanted to see me again. And you know what, I agreed to go on a date with him.

It was my worst date ever. What was I thinking?!?! Carlos took me on a drug deal for our date, left some drugs in my car and asked me for money because he’s broke (that really does sound like more of a "second date" thing).

Bad, bad memories. And this is why I have worked so hard to block it out (Blocking it out hasn't worked, and I'm sure you'll agree sharing and getting it off your chest is a healthy and liberating experience).

* His name isn’t really Carlos, although I don’t know why I’m trying to protect that perverted sleezeball.

I don't know why you protected him either. This blog has a history of naming and shaming sleezeballs. Or not naming them, but posting their pictures. And not so much a history.. it did happen one time.

Thanks for sharing the story Jennee. And remember everyone, if you enjoyed this story you can head over to Cheap Therapy and check out her blog.

And if you have any naked man stories of your own you'd like to share, let me know. I don't mind taking weeks off writing.

The Naked Man

Hello ScoFans!

First order of business, Jewels Diva passed me a few pressies in her last post. It was her "Hunk of the Month" post, but unfortunately, I missed out on that title AGAIN. It has to be my month soon though.

Anyway, because I do love to brag and show off the wonderful things people do for me, I thought I'd share those pressies with you now..

For those of you who aren't on Twitter, first of all wake up and smell the '10s, and secondly that's my Twitter avatar. And when it comes to sexy avatar's, I think you'll all agree that one has to be near the top of the list (am I right ladies?)

I think me taking the credit for being the sexy beast though is about on par with Hugh Heffner claiming the glory of being the "Playmate of the month" (I heard that's a thing. I mean, I don't know. I just researched it on Wikipedia. My friend mentioned it once. I only know Hugh Heffner because I saw him on The Simpsons. What's Playboy?)

While we're talking Models, I whinged and complained that Jewels made Michael Weatherly the "Model" covershot and not yours truly. Because whingers always get their way, she was kind enough to email this to me the next day..

Thanks for both of those shots Jewels.

Now on to what I wanted to share with you all today. And be ready, because I'm going to be conducting research at the end of this post, so take notes.

The following story is true.. it happened to a friend of a friend of mine.. actually it happened to a coworker.

A few weeks ago said coworker went out to the pub. The thing about the town I live in is it's about 15 kilometres from an army base, which works out well for this particular coworker. She loves checking out the "men in uniform"

The thing about men in uniform here, especially young men in uniform, is they realise that ladies like young men in uniform, and that makes them incredibly confident.

On this particular night one of these young military men managed to talk his way back to my coworkers place, but she did give him one condition.. she wouldn't sleep with him. She was happy to watch a DVD or just hang out, but he wasn't going to be getting any action.

He agreed to those terms.

So after a bit of DVD watching and sitting with distance between them, she gets up to go to the bathroom. Remember how I said young military men were confident? Well, when she walks back from the bathroom, she found this one just sitting there... naked.

Fans of "How I Met Your Mother" might recognise this move as "The Naked Man"..



(I am being generous to my female readers today, aren't I?)

It was said on "How I Met Your Mother" that this move will work two out of every three times. Unfortunately for soldier boy, he became the one out of three. You know, after the shock had passed.

She wasn't just shocked because he had decided to disrobe, but because she had given him no indication whatsoever that she was interested in seeing him in his birthday suit. And the thing about my coworker is, she isn't backwards in coming forwards and she can be quite loud, so I would hate to be on the wrong end of what he received that night.

I told her I was disappointed though. I told her she shouldn't have carried on like that, she should have just acted like nothing was out of the ordinary. I like to think that someone, somewhere has just given the naked man no reaction. Some guy somewhere has worked up the courage to pull this stunt, and has received not even the batting of an eyelid or missing of a beat for his efforts.

Some of you might be wondering whether I have my coworkers permission to tell this story, well.. I do. She doesn't know I have a blog of course, but she said she is telling everyone and anyone about it and she asked me to do the same in the name of research (being a soldier he isn't local any more, he was shipped out so we don't have to worry about his embarrassment. Not that that concerns any of you, because none of your are local either)

She was going to go out and deal with.. you know, real people, and because I don't like dealing with real people, I volunteered to conduct my research with the Internet.

So in the name of research, I'm putting the following questions out there (please note all answers will be anonymous unless they aren't)

• Have you ever tried the naked man or woman? Or have you had the naked man or woman tried on you?
• If so, was it successful?
• If you have had more than one naked man or woman experience, what is the success rate?

You should note that this research is crucial, as it gives us something to discuss at work in the afternoon after we've had enough of our daily tasks.

And hopefully this post has given you some watercooler or dinner table conversation that you can use in your own lives. I like to help in whatever way I can.