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Showing posts with label accountant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label accountant. Show all posts

Monday, August 16, 2010

It's time you.. knew,, umm.. "the truth"

Hello... ummm.. ScoFans!

Okay, I... I don't have a lot of... a lot of time to share this with you. I.. they.. they know I'm going to finally reveal... reveal one of the biggest.. the worst conspiracies.. of the last... of all time.. and.. and.. the worst part about it is.. nobody suspects anything.

Some... of you know that.. that I've been sick for about a week now... annnnnnnnnnnd... and I'm sure you thought nothing of it.. because it's winter in Australia... and.. and that's just what happens.. people get sick in the winter... right?

But... that... that's not right... at all... it's just what they... want you to believe...

The doctors... they accountants.. they've been.. conspiring.. against you... for... centuries now.. and.. they're... infecting the population... with disease.. to... to... to.. to test how control groups react.. to the viruses.. and.. to drive people to doctors waiting rooms.. and.. increase.. the doctors revenues.

Ummmm... if you.. if you just think about it.. the signs are... obvious. The.. Americans.. generally visit their accountants... in.. January each year.. for Australia it's during July. That is during their coldest.. months.. to mask what they're doing.. to blame.. the diseases... on the weather..

And even though... more people.. are lodging their own.. returns.. each.. year.. still large percentages.. are visiting accountants.. and that is... is enough.. to move infection... throughout.. the population.

The process.. itself.. is simple.. by.. voluntarily.. locking.. dozens of people... umm.. in small rooms.. with their accountant.. each week.. by.. infecting.. the accountant.. most of the people.. will also become.. umm.. infected.. and.. they spread.. the virus.. through people.. they.. then.. umm.. come into contact with..

So..

If you hear..

Your accountant..

Cough..

You should..

Umm...

I must...

...
...

...

Run...

Monday, July 12, 2010

The Highlight Reel

Hello ScoFans!

C'est le malaise du moment. L'épidémie qui s'étend. La fête est finie on descend. Les pensées qui glacent la raison. Paupières baissées, visage gris. Surgissent les fantômes de notre lit. On ouvre le loquet de la grille. Du taudis qu'on appelle maison.

Sommes nous les jouets du destin. Souviens toi des moments divins. Planants, éclatés au matin
Et maintenant nous sommes tout seuls. Perdus les rêves de s'aimer. Le temps où on avait rien fait. Il nous reste toute une vie pour pleurer. Et maintenant nous sommes tout seuls.

Yeah, I'm just playing with you.

Because there might be some fresh eyes on this blog today, so I thought I would mess with them.. and all of you as well. The bigger the audience, the more fun it is to mess with them.

So why might there be fresh eyes over here?

Well, today I'm being featured at Words of Wisdom as their "Blog of Note"

To save me explaining what exactly that means, I've copied and pasted the following from their site to let Pam and Sandy explain it to you, in their own words.

Words of Wisdom (WOW) is a place for bloggers (women and men) who enjoy reading and writing great content to find each other. What exactly is great content? Great content is blog posts that are thought-provoking and/or insightful. Blog posts that make the reader stop and think and maybe even feel compelled to "join the conversation" by leaving a well thought-out comment. These posts can be serious or humorous. They can be about any topic. But what they have in common is content. Great content.

So thank you to Pam and Sandy for featuring me today, and thank you to Jennee of Cheap Therapy for the nomination.

If you could use a few more blogs in your reader, I recommend the two above.

Being today's "Blog of Note" is a huge honour, and although I'm not going to claim to be or refer to myself as a "hero", I won't mind if you do.

Anyway, I've been following Words of Wisdom for a few months now, and how these BON days work for more people is they link back to a few of their favourite posts to "introduce" themselves and their style to any new readers who might stop by.

Long time readers then go "Psh, I've already read those" and look for the nearest exit.

Medium time readers go "I read that one, that one sounds interesting so I'll read that, that last one sounds pretty shit and I have to get dinner ready so I'll pass on that"

Noobs read any that interest them from the spiel I give. An unbiased spiel. Because I don't like to tell people I'm awesome. I like to let them discover it for themselves.

So, anyway, three of my favourite posts.

(Oh, and just in case you're new to.. you know, the Internet, those underlined highlighted bits are links, and if you click on them it'll take you to a whole nother webpage)

The Girl At The Place Where I Pay My Rent

A post I originally wrote on a blog that my family and friends (and not many other people) read, I have posted this on nearly every blog I had had since.

Of all the posts I wrote on that blog, this one seemed to be the favourite of my family and friends so I thought it would be a favourite of the strangers I have written for since.

When I first posted it my pa texted my mum and he was like "Boom! Ya'll best check out the wikid skillz your boi got yo!", and then he emailed mum the link (she's not tech savvy, she didn't follow the blog) and she sent him a message back "Word"

And so my family and friends I think overreacted a bit, and everyone wanted to talk about what I was writing.

This is one of the reasons I no longer tell family and friends about my blog. I was in my 20's and mum had printed it out and put it on her fridge. It was a weird feeling.

Which was another reason I stopped posting on that blog and for my family and friends- because I then felt pressure to keep up that standard, and I knew I couldn't match it.

So as Eminem might put it, "Stop with the fables, I'm not going to be able to top on this post here"

Backwards Blog My Is This

A post in which I somewhat ditch "blogging conventions" and write just to have a bit of fun.


What Shall We Do With The Drunken Accountant?

I didn't think sailors should get to have all the fun pushing their drunken coworkers, so I updated the classic pirate shanty.

And if you think that was fun, you can join in too! You'll notice on the right there I'm also looking for suggestions of what we can do to the drunken blogger. So click it, add your bit in the comments section and I'll update that as well (looking at the "last updated" bit, I haven't added to it for a few months, so any new suggestions are more than welcome)

As a special bonus, I mentioned Eminem earlier in this post, if you'd like to see me singing some of his stuff you can.

So that's in. I hope any new people that stopped by today found something they enjoyed and if you leave a comment I will work on getting back to your blogs as soon as possible. I always like to return the blog love where I can.

Thinking of you always,

ScoMan

Sunday, January 24, 2010

What shall we do with the drunken accountant?

Hello ScoFans!

Who loves sea shanties?

I can't see you, but I'm just going to assume you're all jumping up and down screaming "I do! I do! I do!"

Well settle down for a moment. I'm going to ask you all to give me a hand with writing our own shanty. But not yet. At the end.

Now, if you love sea shanties as much as I'm imagining you claim to love them, then you should be familiar with the shanty I'm going to be playing with today, but for the few of you (VERY few of you) who aren't familiar with your shanties, you can check it out in these YouTube videos (and because I know most people aren't big on YouTube videos in blogs, I'll make them Jack Sparrow versions just to tempt the ladies out there.. the guys shouldn't need tempting, they should just be excited about the shanty)

This version of the song is a bit rock, and a bit more modern..



This is a more traditional version..



(Side note, I have been watching these as inspiration for today's blog and because the weather is nice here I've got all the windows and doors open to get a nice crossflow happening. I have images of my 70+ year old neighbour coming knocking on the door and asking to come in to dance)

Alright, so just in case you're a slow person, what I'm going to be doing today is updating that shanty for my profession. And just in case you're a REALLY slow person, my profession is accounting.

There are a lot more verses to the ones in each of those clips (and for those of you interested in the whole thing it's on YouTube somewhere) and according to Wikipedia..

It begins with the question, "What shall we do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning?" (Or sometimes "What do you do," etc.) Each verse thereafter suggests a method of sobering—or castigating, or simply abusing—the sailor.

I haven't planned much of this yet, but I do picture my version probably focusing a lot more on abusing the accountant (which should be no surprise after some of the pranks I admitted to pulling at the office last week)


WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH THE DRUNKEN ACCOUNTANT?

What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

Link all their paperclips together
Link all their paperclips together
Link all their paperclips together
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment


Give them the clients who never shower
Give them the clients who never shower
Give them the clients who never shower
During our scheduled appointment


Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment


What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

We'll write "5318008" on their calculator
We'll write "5318008" on their calculator
We'll write "5318008" on their calculator
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment


Draw fake eyes on the front of their glasses
Draw fake eyes on the front of their glasses
Draw fake eyes on the front of their glasses
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment


What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

We'll spin them in their chair til they vomit
We'll spin them in their chair til they vomit
We'll spin them in their chair til they vomit
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

Change their ring tone to the sound of a power tool
Change their ring tone to the sound of a power tool
Change their ring tone to the sound of a power tool
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment


What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

We'll slip some salt into their coffee
We'll slip some salt into their coffee
We'll slip some salt into their coffee
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment


Change the settings in their internet browser
Change the setting in their internet browser
Change the settings in their internet browser
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment


What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

Staple their timesheet to the carpet
Staple their timesheet to the carpet
Staple their timesheet to the carpet
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

We'll stickytape their pens together
We'll stickytape their pens together
We'll stickytape their pens together
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment


What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
What shall we do with the drunken accountant?
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
Hoo-ray and up she rises
During our scheduled appointment

I think that might be enough to punish them.. for now at least.

And so now I'm putting a call out to all of you. We'll get a nice blog community shanty project happening.

I want you to tell me "What shall we do with the drunken blogger?"

I know some of you have carried out drunken blogging in your time. Maybe even some drunken vlogging. What you choose to do to the drunken blogger is up to you. You can punish them. You can congratulate them. Just let me know in the comments section and we'll see how many verses we come up with. I'll leave it a few weeks before getting it all finished up.

Also, if you can tell me When / Where we should do to the drunken blogger (ie instead of "early in the mornin" or "during our scheduled appointment") I'll pick a few of the ones I really like and hold a poll in a few weeks to see which one makes it into the final version.

And if you want to invite your readers to get involved (either by getting them to comment on your blog or sending them over here) that would be cool too. The more contributors, the more verses, the better this will be.

Until Tuesday...

Oh, but before I go, I just had to share this..