What It Would Take (May contain traces of Lemon - *Bam*!)

Hello ScoFans!

The inspiration for today's post came from a conversation between my mother, my brother and myself.

We were talking about a girl we knew who had become engaged. This wasn't the first time for her, she'd been engaged about a year earlier (in fact, she got engaged on the day she was supposed to marry the first guy), and mum was finding the whole thing a bit hard to follow and came to us for an opinion.

Because if you want a clear view on romantic goings on, you come to me.

This was the conversation.

Mum: "I wonder what he's thinking getting engaged to her"
Me: "He's probably thinking it's a good idea and he wants to spend his life before"
Mum: "But she was only just engaged and decided she didn't like it. What would you do if you were in his position?"
Me: "I'd think engaging her seems like a good way to get rid of her. If anyone had been around me for that long, I'd be looking for an escape route and obviously the engagement thing has worked before"
Mum: "Do you think he just thinks it won't happen to him? Because he's better?"
Me: "I'd be thinking *I hope she leaves soon*. And then she'd be all *This is over, I can't do this* and I'd be all *Righto then. Bye. Have a good one*"
Brother: *Laughing his ass off* "I don't even know how you'd let it get to that point"
Me: "I don't know. Maybe I got a multiplayer Xbox game and had nobody to play against"
Brother: *More laughing* "I think that'd be the only way it'd happen"

But I've been thinking, maybe there are more ways than just that one that I could get engaged. I mean I already was.. once... technically.. remember?

So here's a list of some of the things it would take for it to happen to me..

- helping a friend out, like last time

- Tina Fey getting divorced
- it could lead to an early retirement.

- I decided it was worth giving up my freedom to have someone to split the cleaning with

- I was being held against my will

- There were free comedy shows involved (yes, I can be bought.. apparently)

- Visual exhibit:
Yep, those two have the perfect relationship.

- I thought it would make good blog fodder

- If I ever met Liz Lemon

Hmm.. she looks a lot like Tina Fey. I never noticed until I put them side by side like this. They even dress alike. And they appear to be standing in the same wedding dress shop. Imagine that.

- When having my freedom stops being fun


I guess the other thing that bought this post about was a friend I haven't talked to in a few years added me on Facebook and of course asked the "Still single?" question, and I was like "Even if I was interested in meeting someone, I've spent this weekend in my pyjamas playing video games and watching 30 Rock (like I needed to tell you guys that) - where would I meet this person?"

Yep, life is awesome.

One Lucky Lady

Hello ScoFans!

The results of the first "Which blog would you like to read next?" poll are in, have been double checked, and as you can see the winner by a landslide (do I even need to be building the suspense? You can see the image.. and also you clicked on the title of the blog to get here) is "One Lucky Lady"

A week since my last post. I think I can manage this "one post a week" deal. I sit here now refreshed and ready to deliver my best, which I'm pleased with. I don't like to do anything unless I feel I can give it everything I have.

This week I have started a tweet-filled life on twitter. I've been searching your blogs for links to your twitter pages and adding anyone I can find. For anyone who would like to follow me, I have added a link on the right hand side of the page.

Also this week my peep "the girl in the stiletto" awarded me the Lemonade Award (as well as coming up with the term "sco-some", which just quietly I think will hold a place in every dictionary in a few years), and both of those things bought a smile to my face. Thank you again!

But I'm feeling very lazy and have had the award before, so I'll just link back to last time I received it.

And now for the feature presentation...

A few weeks ago I mentioned a proposal, and I wonder if that's what the people who voted on this blog thought they were getting, a story about a proposal. Well, I hope that's what they thought they were getting, because that's exactly what they're going to get (and so are the rest of you, whether you like it or not).

I signed in to Facebook one day a few weeks ago, and, as always, started by scanning through peoples recent status updates. Near the bottom of the page I came across one that stopped me in my tracks.

April thought she would have been legally divorced at least once by now. Divorcing sauvignon blanc does not count.

Not knowing what "Sauvignon Blanc" is (but assuming it's some sort of alcohol) I stared at the status for awhile. Most people might have had a little smile to themselves about it. Some might have even left a humorous reply underneath. But not me. No, I have a heightened sense of empathy and I realised this was a friend in need. So, after sleeping on it (this is a big decision you know), I sent her this message the following day..

If it's THAT important to you...
Between April and ScoMan

ScoMan
April 20 at 1:27pm
Well, after reading your status's yesterday and seeing you thought you'd have been divorced by now, I will offer you the same service Jason Alexander provided to Britney Spears.

We can go to a court somewhere, get married and then wander down the hall and file for divorce. We'll say there were irreconcilable differences.

We walked out of the court, you thought the car was parked to the left, I thought it was parked to the right, so we decided to go our seperate ways. We take a key each and whoever gets the car gets the glory (at least, that's the story we'll give to the court)

What do I have to gain from our arrangement?

When my niece is old enough to talk I get to have this conversation.

"Why aren't you married?"

"I was once, it was horrible"

"Why?"

"She made me walk home"

"Why?"

"Because I forgot where we parked and she didn't"

I've been giggling to myself about my amazing wit since yesterday. I just had to share.

See? Somewhere in there I suggested we get married. Technically that's a proposal, right?

Anyway, I wasn't sure how she would react to that. We're haven't been the closest friends these past few years, only having the occasional conversation. I had no idea where her sense of humor was at. I waited the rest of that day for a reply and got nothing.

I signed in the next morning when I got to work, expecting to see something but still there was nothing. I thought to myself "Well, I guess her sense of humor is gone" and promptly forgot about the whole thing.

Then, a few nights later we had an IM conversation....

ScoMan says (7:53 PM):
hello
April says (7:53 PM):
Hello there
I was just about to send you a message on Bookface
ScoMan says (7:54 PM):
oh were you? i don't use that so much any more.. people i generally avoid but have an obligation to be nice to added me as friends.. so if i don't go there, they can't find me
April says (7:55 PM):
I was going to respond to your email about our impending divorce, hehe
ScoMan says (7:55 PM):
did you like the idea?
April says (7:55 PM):
I thought it was fabulous!
ScoMan says (7:55 PM):
awesome
April says (7:56 PM):
Hey, I'm about to paint my nails while watching Bondi Vet with Peggy... I'll be back in about 30 mins if you're still here....
ScoMan says (7:57 PM):
i'll be here all night i think. there's nothing on tv.. stupid thursday
April says (7:57 PM):
Thursday telly sucks
ScoMan says (7:57 PM):
by "all night" i mean until about 10 o'clock.. then it's bed time. i'm getting old
April says (7:58 PM):
Ok, well I'll catch you in about half an hour
ScoMan says (7:58 PM):
okay, enjoy the good vet

So there you go. Somewhere in there is an agreement to the proposal, which I suppose would make me technically engaged (or, slightly more technically, "engaged to be divorced")

Do you hear that?

That's the sound of hearts all around the world simultaneously breaking. Sorry ladies!

And it's the perfect engagement too.. we haven't talked for about 3 weeks now. (Okay, that changed as I was drafting this)

Speaking of sound, I've been trying to decide which music we should chicken dance to on this magical day. One that jumps out at me straight away is of course "Tainted Love". Maybe a little "Die, Die My Darling". Does anyone have any other suggestions?

While researching I did a Google search for "Divorce songs" I came across some pretty funny song titles (mostly country songs). My favourite (title, not song) would have to be "She Got The Goldmine, I Got The Shaft” by Jerry Reed.

Oh, and to mark the occasion I decided to put together my list of five "celeb freebies". It was a lot of fun putting together, so I'll share it with you now.

I'm going to put it in the region of "highly unlikely" that anyone out there can name all five. Maybe four at a stretch? Maybe with a group effort you can get five? If someone can prove me wrong however, I will be very impressed with them. I might even do something special for them. I don't comment on my own blog any more, but I will come back in a few days and give you all the answers, so anyone who wants to take a guess can see how well they scored.

See you next week, with whichever post you vote for. (I know which one I want, but I won't influence the results at all)

* Names have been changed to protect the innocent (and the guilty)

PS I am taking advantage of the fact I'm only posting once a week now. All future posts are probably going to be fairly long, but as I said last time, you have a week...

But for anyone who hasn't had enough ScoMan, I'm going to link you back to one of my few fictional pieces, a piece which shows what a word nerd I am, my 10th post, "Y Should I Do All The Work?"