thisis Time to Bond... James Bond?

Hello ScoFans!

"It's easy to bond over hating something together. The Internet is total proof of that"
Codex - The Guild (Series 3, Episode 2)

As anyone who follows me on Twitter knows, I have been watching quite a bit of The Guild the last few weeks. Yes, that's right, I've been spamming your feeds. What, you wanna fight about it?

Anyway, I heard that quote and I realised "She's right. Blogging shouldn't be about entertaining people or making them laugh. It shouldn't be about sharing our lives or connecting with people. No, the Internet is about people who hate things joining together and complaining about those things."

Okay, so there's also quite a lot of porn on the Internet too, but other than porn, the Internet is mostly about hatred.

So I thought, this week, we'd take the opportunity to do some real bonding and strengthen our electronic connection by hating a list of socially acceptable things to hate, collectively shaking our fists and venting our frustration at the below listed things.

Things like cancer. I mean, cancer, what's with all the killing people, really. It's a damn inconvenience.

And also, that .1% of germs that no household cleaner is able to kill. Damn you invincible germs! It's your fault we get sick!

Oh, and cleaning products manufacturers. For years you've told us about your "new and improved" formula, but you've also been telling us your product kills 99.9% of germs. If you're not killing any more germs, how exactly is your product "improved"?

And politicians. I hate them so much.

And don't even get me started on lawyers.

Oh, and what about bad drivers. Am I right? Don't bad drivers suck?

And then there's teams that beat the Essendon Football Club. I know none of you know nothing about the AFL, but you do know me, and you like me, and you want me to be happy.. right?

... at least.. you don't want me to be unhappy..

And what is the deal with mean people? Don't they get that we all hate them? Seriously people, a bit of kindness goes a long way.

Unemployment. That's another bad thing. Because not only is unemployment bad, but when people get really desperate it also leads them to burglary and drug trafficking, which is also bad. That's a three for the price of one right there.

While we're on the subject of crime, rapists, pedophiles and murderers. What is your problem? Most criminals for that matter. You make so many peoples lives unpleasant. We don't like you either.

Bad TV shows also suck. Especially bad TV shows that are advertised a lot, so you're reminded of your anger towards the show in each commercial break, and that just makes you angrier.

Ummm.. what else is pretty awful?...

People who spam your Twitter feed. We don't care what show your watching, either say something interesting or don't tweet at all. (Yes, sometimes I do hate myself, just a little bit)

People who use their Facebook status to seek attention.

People who say w00t.

People who don't spell properly.

People who don't get it.

PeoPleE wHo TyPe lIke ThiS.

People who use social networking to constantly remind us all how much they love their significant other. If you love them so much, get off the damned Internet and spend some time with them.

People who be hating on my game.

People who diss my peeps.

People who are annoying.

People who complain too much.

People who are always happy.

Noisy children.

Crying babies.

Dusting.

Ironing.

Domestic violence.

And of course, Hugh Jackman.

Well, that's all I can come up with. How about you? Do you have anything else we can hate together?

Thinking of you always

ScoMan

PS There is the chance to impress me and earn some serious ScoPoints here.

thisis How to get your passport in Australia

Hello ScoFans!

I just want to start today by pointing you over to Shanimal's Crackers to read about some awesome anonymous pranking. I thought I'd done a pretty good task of my anonymous prank, but I know when I'm beaten, and while she might call it a "good deed".. I think there's definitely an edge of prank to it.

Anyway, as some of you saw on Twitter a few weeks (months?) ago I was looking for advice on how to get started with organising my passport (and as much as I would like to say it's to visit Cher because she told me she could get me tickets to the world premiere of Griff in Toronto, Cher of course it's mostly to visit you... everyone except Cher of course it's mostly to see Griff.. I have been waiting for that movie for a long time), unfortunately that isn't the case.

And it's a good thing that's not the case, because this is a long process and there's no way I'd have it in time for the premiere. Plus, because it's all so hard, I'm really dragging my feet.

So here's how it's happened so far:

- Several of you told me on Twitter to go to the post office and get an application form, I did that .. Monday.. two weeks ago. I also needed to get my photo taken for it, for some reason I decided not to do that on the same day (I think doing two things in one day can be very tiring)

- Two Saturday's ago I started filling out the form and saw I needed my birth certificate as proof of ID. I didn't have that so I texted my parents, and as dad was coming down the following weekend anyway, he told me he'd bring it with him.

- Dad came down last Sunday. As it turns out, my parents never got my birth certificate, just the extract, which is no longer good for anything. Make a mental not to self - apply for a full birth certificate to be sent out to me.

- Thursday this week, I went in to the post office to get my photo taken. I had to take my glasses off for it, plus she said "You're not allowed to smile. You're not allowed to show any teeth. You're not allowed to be happy in any way" - I smiled at that because it was funny, then she gave me a death stare like "What did I just tell you?".. Hey, if you don't want me to smile, don't say stuff that makes me smile. Tell me you deleted my save games on my Xbox, then I won't be smiling.

Plus, because I was trying not to smile, I look like a serial killer in the photos. I think that's handy. "Please let me into your country, I promise I won't kill you... yet"

One of my friends also had to get a "Working with children" card because.. well because he works with children.. and because he wasn't allowed to smile either he looks pretty suspicious on his working with children thing too. Plus he has a beard, and you can't trust people with beards.

He looks like a pedophile and his card that says children are safe around him, that's all I'm saying.

- Last night - Ask mum where the hell I go to apply for the birth certificate. She sent me toward the "Births, death and marriages" website (with any luck I'll only ever be recorded there for two of the three things they manage)

- Today - Go to the website to print out the application form. My printer is out of ink. Email form to my work email address with the subject "Do this or I'll kill you". Have a brief fright when I think I may have accidentally sent it to the work email address and not to MY work email address.

I think it's a shame I don't have my passport though, because it asks "Why are you applying for your birth certificate?" and one of the reasons it lists is "Passport application", then further down you can use your passport and proof of identification. I'd like to say I was applying for the passport and then use it to ID myself, just to freak them out.

Plus when it comes to payment options, one of the ones they offer is "In person".

If I was paying them in person, I wouldn't be filling in their stupid forms and photocopying my ID. I'd go down there and make them do it, and pay them while I was there.

Anyway, soon I will have proof that I exist, and then after that I will be free to travel and explore the world.

The only thing stopping me is my lack of desire to travel and explore the world.

Thinking of you always,

ScoMan

thisis Wordless Wednesday #1- Things Sco Would Turn Bi For

Hello ScoFans!

Welcome to my first Wordless Wednesday (and thanks to JustSal for sharing the picture with me)

I should explain to new readers I'm asexual, which is why I use the title "Things Sco Would Turn Bi For" I guess this post proves there are exceptions to every rule. Plus, there's no Government in Australia at the moment, so for the next few days.. anything goes.

I may also need to explain to some of you, being asexual basically means no matter what gender you are or how attractive you are, I don't want you to touch me. In fact, I pretty much like our relationship the way it is. I enjoy the real.. electronic... connection... that we share.

Speaking of how much I like you, if anyone can name the person on the right above, they get 1,000,000 ScoPoints. And if anyone can't name the person on the left, they lose 5,000,000 ScoPoints.

You might also be wondering how come I'm using words on "Wordless Wednesday"

That's because this is my blog, and my rules. Around here "Wordless Wednesday" means I get to say whatever I want, and you all remain wordless. It's my blog, and these are my rules.

Yep, the comments are off.

I am the greatest blogger who ever lived. If you disagree, make sure you leave your arguments in the comment section. If you agree, then leave no comment.

And you might be wondering how you're suppose to claim the ScoPoints if you can't comment and tell me the peoples names. Well, you can't. You just have to live with the self satisfaction that you scored those ScoPoints and nobody else knew it.

Thinking of you always,


ScoMan

The world has gone mad today
And good's bad today
And black's white today
And day's night today

Cole Porter - Anything Goes

thisis The 200th Post

Hello ScoFans!

Welcome to what is the 200th post of.. well.. this URL at least. The title of the blog has changed. The layout has changed. The greeting has changed. There's not much that's stayed the same in the last 200 posts. But like I said, the URL stays the same.. so I guess this post is a tribute to the URL which has remained unchanged through all the other changes (and if I could change it easily, I probably would have.)

Oh.. what's that?

That's something I posted on Twitter the other night. I just had to post it here to reassure you that even though I'm 200 posts down, I've still got plenty of fresh stuff to keep you coming back. I mean, if I can do THAT with 146 characters or less, imagine what I can do with my next 100 posts.

And yes, when I'm as bursting with scosomeness as I was when I was writing that, I do tend to get a bit excited and there is a typo or two there. And unfortunately, I don't spell check my tweets like I spell check my blog.

But on the subject of my next 100 posts, I am planning my first ever "Wordless Wednesday" (because it looks easy and fun) and I am also planning a giveaway sometime in the next few months. Hopefully that's enough to keep you coming back.

Finally, thank you to those of you who have read and commented on the previous 199 posts, as well as those of whose blogs I have stalked over the past.. however long I've been stalking blogs.. whether you've been here a week or whether you've been here 20 months, chances are you've made me smile or you've shaped this blog in some way, so thank you all again.

Thinking of you always


ScoMan

It's time you.. knew,, umm.. "the truth"

Hello... ummm.. ScoFans!

Okay, I... I don't have a lot of... a lot of time to share this with you. I.. they.. they know I'm going to finally reveal... reveal one of the biggest.. the worst conspiracies.. of the last... of all time.. and.. and.. the worst part about it is.. nobody suspects anything.

Some... of you know that.. that I've been sick for about a week now... annnnnnnnnnnd... and I'm sure you thought nothing of it.. because it's winter in Australia... and.. and that's just what happens.. people get sick in the winter... right?

But... that... that's not right... at all... it's just what they... want you to believe...

The doctors... they accountants.. they've been.. conspiring.. against you... for... centuries now.. and.. they're... infecting the population... with disease.. to... to... to.. to test how control groups react.. to the viruses.. and.. to drive people to doctors waiting rooms.. and.. increase.. the doctors revenues.

Ummmm... if you.. if you just think about it.. the signs are... obvious. The.. Americans.. generally visit their accountants... in.. January each year.. for Australia it's during July. That is during their coldest.. months.. to mask what they're doing.. to blame.. the diseases... on the weather..

And even though... more people.. are lodging their own.. returns.. each.. year.. still large percentages.. are visiting accountants.. and that is... is enough.. to move infection... throughout.. the population.

The process.. itself.. is simple.. by.. voluntarily.. locking.. dozens of people... umm.. in small rooms.. with their accountant.. each week.. by.. infecting.. the accountant.. most of the people.. will also become.. umm.. infected.. and.. they spread.. the virus.. through people.. they.. then.. umm.. come into contact with..

So..

If you hear..

Your accountant..

Cough..

You should..

Umm...

I must...

...
...

...

Run...