Stay out of the kitchen.. bathroom.. bedroom.. study..

I'm typing this to you now from my parents place.

This state is experiencing its worst heatwave in over 100 years. 3 days in a row have hit 43 degrees or more (110 degrees Farenheit), and that is in the city, it's much worse in the country towns.

Today is up there again. I haven't heard the official temperatures, but I know it's over 40. As it will be tomorrow, as it will be Monday.

A lot of animals are finding it hard to live. I've heard stories on the radio about possums falling out of trees, some will drink water offered by people, others won't, and sadly end up dying. I've seen a pigeon saved by a coworker that was struggling in the street outside our office when he went to lunch. He gave it plenty of water and left it in the shade out the back of the office with a water dish. I've seen the ants that flocked to that dish within the space of a few hours. And my parents dog would have met it's end yesterday had my mum not come home from work early.

And my little flat, bless it, is an oven (hence a visit to the parents was in order). A big window in the study which catches the morning sun and big windows in the lounge and bedroom which catch the afternoon sun (but at least they have awnings- stupid study) The only comfortable place is right in front of the air conditioner reading, watching TV or trying to sleep. The bedroom, the study, the bathroom, if you go there, you don't want to stay for long. As I type this I remember that I have left the door to the study closed. With the morning sun that room will be hot tomorrow, maybe I'll just leave the door closed until winter.

So, if I haven't been commenting on your blogs, now you know why. I'm avoiding the study as best I can. It's not that I don't love you my pets, because I do, but I'm just not willing to suffer for you.

Post #52 ... More questions

Well, these are the last questions I have been asked (for now), and I think the most interesting questions have been saved for last.

Today's questions come from Hillbilly Duhn. You can read her blog at "Hillbilly Duhn's Times & Tribulations". As some of today's questions indicate, she definately thinks outside the box and is incredibly creative. If you enjoy those things, then read her blog!

Question time..

1. A very ugly woman was stalking you at the store. She finally decided stalking just wasn't enough, and came up to you, and said, "You are beautiful, and I can't keep my eyes off you and would like to ask you out." Then she smiled and uncovered snarly, rotten teeth. What would you say and or do?
I'd smile, muster all the charm I could and tell her how flattered I was, but that I'm the sort of person who has become accustomed to and enjoys the emptiness of a life alone. Were it not for the fact that I was born with no libido, I would be delighted to take her up on her offer, but unfortunately the life of eternal singledom chose me, and as a result females everywhere must suffer.

2. If you could describe yourself in one word, what would it be?
Expendable


3. You're having a drink with a friend, and half way through the conversation, you notice that they have a big angry booger waving at you. Would you tell them or would you continue staring at the waving booger?
First of all, for me to notice it would have to be a HUGE booger. I'm not exactly observant.

I think I'd just ignore it. I wouldn't want to upset the flow of our conversation so that they could clean themselves up. They can do that on their own time.

4. If you were abducted by a mob of Amazon woman, with only one boob per chest, but amazingly beautiful, and said that you had to repopulate their culture and that they would let you be king of all their tribe, but you had to leave what you currently know and like, would you do it?
So long as I didn't have to spend too much of my time repopulating their tribe. I think that would be a good life, free of the responsibilites of work and all the other burdens modern life brings. And I don't think I'd really be leaving much behind.

For those of you thinking back to yesterday's post and thinking "That's a tad hypocritical, you said one person shouldn't wield that sort of power", well as I would be the King it would be monarchy, not a dictatorship, and a monarchy is okay.

5. What if the Amazon woman later turned out to be big green aliens with bobble heads that sprouted unusual tenticles in all the wrong places?
Bobble heads are fun. Would the unusual tentacles make it difficult or painful to repopulate their tribe? If I'd be okay with it, for all the reasons listed above. It's always good to be the King.

6. Do you believe in Karma?
I did. Once. But I've seen too many good people suffer. Now I believe life's a bitch and then you die.

7. Dogs or Cats?
Dogs all the way. I'm so tired of cats judging me all the time. Bastards.

8. Stand on your head and walk on your elbows or moon passer byers on the road?
Standing on my head and walking on my elbows sounds like a difficult feat. I guess I'm mooning people.

9. Water or Wine?
Water. It's healthy, refreshing and non-alcoholic.

10. Tell us a story invovling you and another person that turned out to be either horrifically embarassing, freaky, or just down right wierd. Or simply "It just wasn't right."

I guess this one falls between "wierd" and "not right".

After Uni one day I was at the food place across the road with my friend waiting for her brother (who was also my friend) to get there, when this car pulled up. Being the paranoid observer of people that I am, I watch the guy and girl get out of the car.

Half way to the door, the guy sees me looking at him and just says "What the fuck are you looking at?" I shrug and look away, not one to partake in random acts of violence. And then my friends sister, all five foot four 60 kilos soaking wet calm little thing she was, just lost it. I have no idea where it came from. I'd never seen her raise her voice before, let alone carry on like this. The guy and his girlfriend hurried inside. He might have had 30 kilos and 6 inches on her, but he didn't want any piece of that.

When he was inside she apologised, and told me she was just having a bad day. I shrugged again "I guess so" I said. "But if you had of started something with him you were on your own, you know that?" I said with a grin. She laughed.

We were still there when they came back out. This time his girlfriend started swearing at my friend. Me and the guy just looked at each other, realising that we had started this whole thing, and that this was unlikely to end well for any parties involved. Somehow, we calmed them down.

I hope that story suits your criteria! I was thinking about this for a long time (several hours whilst eating dinner and watching TV) and that's the story that kept coming back to my memory!

Thanks again to Hillbilly Duhn for today's questions. I had a lot of fun answering them. Some were quite challenging. And thanks to everyone who has asked questions so far. I hope it's allowed you all to learn a little more about me.

Post #51.. The questions continue

After seeing how wonderfully I answered the questions I have been asked so far, two more of my pets decided to email me further questions they would like to see me ask. I'll answer one set today, the other tomorrow.

Today's questions come from my blog sister (my blister? =p) yourstruly100 from "Every day is a little life!!" If you haven't checked out her blog yet, do so. Her ideas and thoughts are quite similar to my own, so if you like my blog, you'll like hers as well right? Logic, it's a wonderful thing. The one thing that may set us apart is her heart of gold. She seems to think very much about ways to improve community around her, and I could probably stand to do more of that.

She wanted them answered spontaneously, and they will be answered as spontaneously as they can be considering I checked my email before work it's just before dinner time (but this was my first chance to blog)

Q1.One wish you pray never comes true for anybody

At first I thought about this trying to think of negative things, but then I looked at it from another angle.

I pray nobody ever gets ultimate and unquestioned control over the world (such as a dictator of the world) Dictatorships lead to death and suffering of the people, and for someone to have that kind of control over the world would make most of the rest of the population miserable. I know a lot of people wish for, or would like to have that sort of power, but I don't think it would be a good thing.


Q2. How do you define smartness??

I think an ability to discuss a lot of different topics or tell stories in an entertaining matter indicate intelligence. It's not so much about what someone can memorise from a book, anyone can re-read a page until it is imprinted into their mind. It's about being able to grasp the concepts of a conversation and valueably contribute.

Q3. Who is your best buddy and what gesture by that person made him or her the best??

I've never had a "best buddy" in the sense of someone I can call just to talk to, or someone I share my deepest and darkest thoughts with. I'm a fairly private person.

I guess my best buddy, purely as a reward for the amount of time he's had to deal with my shit, would be a friend I've known since kinder, which was about 20 years ago now. We hang out together about every four to six weeks, and just have a laugh about life in general. He got also got a posting of an officer role in my newest Facebook group (any excuse to share the name of this one with you..)

Dexter Morgan is an acceptable role model


Q4. If you had a chance and the funds to do some kind of charity work what would it be?

I'm trying to think of a group in need who doesn't already get serviced by another charity or institution. I did like your idea, but I won't steal that (and I won't discuss what it was so people are intrigued and follow the link)

I'm trying to think of something where I could put my existing skill set to use, but numbers can't help the needy.

Even though there are people out there already doing this service, I can't think of a new one, so I'd have to help the kids. The kids who never had a chance because their parents never gave them one.

The kids who come from the homes where the parents are either drunk or drugged most of the day, and make them feel like they can never amount to anything. I'd want to give those kids a chance to be all they can be, and not be held back by their parents negligence.

I guess the best way to do that would be through education centres.


Q5. One memory that hurt you most back then but you laugh about it today.

The one that springs to mind is back in high school some of my friends were doing the thing with a group of girls where "you go out with my friends and I'll go out with your friends." One day, two of my friends were talking about the girls and one of them said "I don't get what she's doing there though. She's like Scotty with us, she just doesn't belong"

At the time I thought "Wow, and here I was thinking I belonged" Now though I look back and realise I didn't fit in there. I don't fit in anywhere. I'm just an entertainer with no serious connections.

Thanks again to yourstruly100 for the questions. I had fun answering them. Remember to check out her blog. It will make me happy. Don't you want to make me happy?

I have another set of questions lined up for tomorrow. I've had a sneak peek and I am really looking forward to answering them.

Because we have discussed spontaneity and intelligence today I'm going to share some quotes from a book I'm reading. The following is from an interview between a Psychiatrist (Irvine) and a prisoner (Blake)

Blake: We assume we control our minds when we don't. They're so easily manipulated. Make a man destitute and you make him envious. Make him wealthy and you make him proud. Saints and sinners are the only free thinkers in a governed society.
Irvine: Which are you?
Blake: Neither. I'm incapable of free thought. My mind is bound.
Irvine: By what?
Blake: By the same thing as yours, doctor. By intellect. You're too sensible to act against your own interests, therefore your life lacks spontaneity. You will die in the chains you've made for yourself.
Irvine: You were arrested for stealing. Wasn't that acting against your own interests?
Blake: I was hungry
Irvine: You think it's sensible to be in prison?
Blake: It's cold outside
Irvine: Tell me about these chains I've made for myself
Blake: They're in your mind. You conform to the patterns of behaviour that others have prescribed for you. You will never do what you want because the tribe's will is stronger than yours.

...

Irvine: It's a very bleak philosophy, Billy. Is there no room for happiness in your life?
Blake: I get drunk whenever I can
Irvine: Does that make you happy?
Blake: Of course, but then I define happiness as intellectual absence. Your definition is probably different.

The Echo- Minette Walters

Two days in a row of long quotes. I hope they were read after the effort I went to to type them!

Post #50

I finally made it to post 50. Today series of questions come from Thrice, you can read her blog "From the STUPIDEST corner of my mind" here. She is a great blogger, and she is very passionate. She makes the reader feel every bump on the journey that is her life.

On a personal note, she has also become a fantastic friend. Who would have thought from a conversation about a corpse's nose in her mouth such a bond would from? I guess, it's more than just a friendship... she's my family now...



Love you Nilla!

1) What do you think about evil/demonic possesions?
I can’t deny thier existence. For all I know Matt is my own personal demon, I’ve just embraced him (because I don’t want to be locked away from all of you my pets. I don’t know what you’d do without my guiding influence)

I think that possessions can make an otherwise good person do bad things, but I think sometimes people do use it as an excuse for doing bad things.

2) What do you think of average people? Do you like them?
I don’t believe there is such thing as an “average” person. Everyone is different. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses, qualities and failings.

As for the types of people I like, I generally get along better with people of above average intelligence and below average fitness (ie. Not “jocks”) =D


3) What do you think of psychologists and psychiatrists?
I think psychologists can provide valueable insight into human behaviour, but it is certainly not an exact science. They can tell you why you believe you did something after you’ve done it, but not tell you what you’re going to do before you do it (I guess that would make them a psychic)

Psychiatrists are certainly useful. They’ve helped some of my friends through dark times (why does everyone I know need to see a shrink?) I’m scared of seeing one myself though. I think they’d fix me, and maybe get rid of Matt. But I like who I am. I like Matt. I’m damaged. I’m perfect.


4) Who's your idol? (is it Dexter?)
I don’t think I have an idol per se. There is nobody I look at and think “I wish I was exactly like them”, but there are certainly people with qualities I admire.

Yes, Dexter certainly has some traits I’d like. He’s incredibly intelligent, focused and manages to work around his social shortcomings. I think those are all things I could do with some work on.

Maynard James Keenan is another. Again, he is smart and he has an amazing way of looking at the world around him, seeing what others don’t see and putting it into words. I also admire his principles.

Thirdly, my boss. Again, he is intelligent, he is dedicated, he is loyal and he has a way of being brutally honest with people that makes them smile and thank him. Working in the industry I work in, I find it difficult to be honest with people without them blowing up at me, but somehow he has mastered it.

I also like the way Obama (I’m not here to get into a big political thing) is able to hear a question, take a pause to think about the answer and then give his arguments or state the facts in detail. When someone asks me a question, I tend to answer straight away and end up waffling on and even though I know the answer, it doesn’t give the other person a lot of confidence in my response.

And lastly, Sheldon Cooper from "The Big Bang Theory". The guy is a genius and doesn't care about the people around him, because he knows he is smarter than they are. I'll leave you with my favourite Sheldon moment today.

But before I do, thanks again to Thrice for asking these questions. I hope you all enjoyed the answers, and learned a little more about me. By popular demand (okay, one person asked) I will answer any more asked of me. The email address to send them to is askscoman@gmail.com

DMV Lady: Application?
Sheldon: I'm actually more of a theorist.
Howard: The application in your hand, give it to her.
DMN Lady: Take this to the testing area. Put your name at the top, sign the bottom, answer the questions then bring it back. Next!
Sheldon: Excuse me, but I have some concerns about these questions.
DMV Lady: Look at that sign up there.
Sheldon: Yes?
DMV Lady: Does it say "I give a damn"
Sheldon: No
DMV Lady: That's because I don't
Sheldon: Just look, see this first question makes no sense. "How many car lengths should you leave in front of you when driving?" There's no possible way to answer that. A "car length" is not a standardized unit of measure.
DMV Lady: Look at the sign
Penny: Sheldon, it's "c" just put down "c"
Sheldon: I don't need your help Penny
DMV Lady: Listen to that little girl honey, put "c", next!
Sheldon: No wait, now hang on! Look at this next question.
Howard: Sheldon, why are you arguing with the DMV?
Sheldon: How else are they going to learn? Look, question two. When are roadways most slippery? Now, ok, there are three answers, none of which are correct. The correct answer is "when covered by sufficient to reduce to coefficient of static friction between the tyre and the road to essentially zero. But not so deep as to introduce a new source of friction"
DMV Lady: Here's your learners permit, go away!
Sheldon: But I'm not done. I have many additional concerns about these questions.

Post #49

For the past few weeks I have been struggling to think of something to write about. I've put it down to the fact I have been looking forward to the 50th post and answering some of your questions.

Because I can't think of anything to write for the 49th post, and because I received two sets of questions, I decided to split it over two posts.

The first set of questions are provided by Random Hiccups. I still remember the first post of hers I read way back here which encouraged people to question their morals. It has been interesting reading her posts for the last few months as she makes her way towards her wedding day, and I'm sure the upcoming tales of a Newlywed will be just as good.

Anyway, question time!

1. What three people annoy you the most?
Andrew G. Anyone outside Australia probably doesn’t know who he is (so I put in a handy Wikipedia link for you), but I have been driven to start a Facebook group “Let’s hunt and kill Andrew G” (and I think you should all join it =p) so the guy must annoy me quite a bit. He is just so phoney. I try not to watch shows with him on them, but then there’s ads as well.

Next would be Bindi Irwin. I haven’t seen much of her lately, but that little runt is just so happy all the time. I find small comfort in the fact that she will probably one day turn to drugs and disappear like all child stars.

Will Ferrell is the last one. I can NOT watch a movie with that man in it. He is just not at all funny, and his attempts at humor make me cringe, and want to break things (like his legs). His jokes often make me feel like doing as Stewie does in Family Guy and flying to his house, punching him in the face and yelling “It’s not funny!”

2. List two pet hates of yours and your reaction to them
People “popping in” unannounced. Time to plug another Facebook group I started.. “I HATE the pop in!” (which was as much a tribute to Seinfeld as it was an anti pop in statement) My general reaction to that is to not answer the door. If I’m not expecting anyone, the door does not get opened. But, I live over an hour away from almost anyone who would visit me, so it is in their best interests to make sure I’m home anyway.

Second, the telemarketer calling when I'm eating. Normally with them I will say “Yes! I am very interested. Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? Are you there? Hello?” *put the phone down and wander away leaving them to talk to themselves thinking there is a problem with the line*

3. Why do you do what you do for a living?
I am an Accountant in a public practice firm. Now you know why I have never revealed that. People just tend to think “This guy must be boring” and wander off. (It was difficult not to mention something on your recent Taxation post Endless Radmoness, but I would be much like your tax counsultant)

4. What will make you pee your pants with laughter?
Can’t go past people falling over. As bad as this sounds, the older the person, the funnier it is (unless they hurt themselves of course)

I remember at a train station with a friend about two years ago, we were walking down a long flight of stairs and this woman, who must have been in her fifties, slipped and fell. I had a quiet chuckle to myself, and his first instinct was to run down and see if she was okay.

He is a much better person than I am.

5. When was the last time you told someone that you cared about them?
Recently (within the last week or two), because I thought they needed to hear it and because I do care a lot about them.

6. Share your best joke.
It was hard to pick just one. But, I thought I would honour George Bush by sharing a joke I was emailed recently that I quite enjoyed.

Donald Rumfield briefed the president this morning. He told Bush that three Brazillian soldiers had been killed in Iraq. To everyone’s amazement, all the colour ran from Bush’s face, then he collapsed on his desk, head in his hands visibly shaken, almost whimpering. Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumfield “Just exactly how many is a brazillion?”

I might as well share with you an old accounting joke too.

Three contestants were asked to answer a simple question. “What is 1 plus 1?”

The first contenstant, a teacher, approached the podium and said “Two. One plus one is two.”

The second contestant, a mathematician, took the stage and through a series or formulas and charts argued that while it was probable that one plus one does equal two, you could not discount the fact that one plus one may equal four.

Finally, it was the accountants turn. He was asked the question “What does one plus one equal?” He winked, smiled and said “What do you want it to be?”

7. What is your best "I was drunk and..." story?
Being that I don’t drink I don’t have many of these. In fact, I think I’ve only ever really been drunk once, and that was for the end of high school break up thing.

When I was drunk, I just said “fuck” a lot. And I still had enough wits about me to vomit on my left when I realised my friend was passed out beside me on my right (only just though, I turned right first and was able to make the correction just in time) Not a great story, but it’s the only one I have.

8. Complete this sentence: One time at band camp...
everybody played their instruments beautifully and kept perfect timing, and a really wonderful time was had by all.

And then there was an orgy. With a moose.

9. What are your top 10 ways to waste time
At work.
- hit “refresh” on the browser with Hotmail open.
- Check how the Australian Stock exchange is tracking
- Visit ninemsn.com.au to see if there is anything interesting happening in the world of news
- Make a comment that I know will get a particular coworker on his soap box and have him
lecture me for 20 minutes to an hour
- Plotting my escape
- Rearrange my filing system
At home
- Looking at things on eBay I will never buy
- planning world domination
- bobbing the bobblehead
- rearrange my CDs

10. What the heck are you having for supper?
I think I still have some of my Christmas chocolate in the fridge. I’m not a big chocolate eater, but I seem to get a lot of Christmas every year. So, the plan is to eat that whilst sitting down to watch the first episode of series 3 of Dexter (I had to get extra channels on my pay-TV to watch it. I know, I’m obsessed.)

11. Can I stay with you until the heat dies down?
Sure. Breakfast is at 8, lunch at 1, dinner at 7 and lights out at 11. You should also be aware there has been a flower truck with a satellite parked opposite my flat for about a week now.

Hope you enjoyed this part of the question asking. There'll be part two tomorrow. Thanks again to Random Hiccups for taking the time to put the list together! Especially the last question, how do you come up with these things? =p

I have been slowly putting these together since they were emailed, so whilst the answers may have been correct at the time of answering, they may be different at the time of posting. In particular, I refer to question 10.