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Sunday, January 17, 2010

Told You How I F***** Your Mother

Hello ScoFans!

** For those of you with this blog in Google Reader.. first of all you're awesome and I love you, but secondly this post might show up twice, once that won't work because it accidentally published and I deleted it, and then this one which should work**

Well, the first week back came with a bit of a surprise. It was shocking, shattering, ground breaking, life changing stuff. But I don't think that covers it. It's worse than all of that. Perhaps. I know at least one of you will understand how I feel.

In fact, a blog man hug may be on the cards, and those are so rarely on the cards, because there's so few situations where it's acceptable for men to hug.. and even fewer for blog man hugs. I won't do a list of the situations where it is okay, I'm sure it's been done, so if you're looking for one try Google.

Okay, here we go...

I turned up at work on Monday to find out the OGOM is not coming back. For those of you that don't follow "Ed's Funny Pages", first of all you should be, it's funny stuff, and second of all OGOM stands for "Old Guy Office Mate" (You can watch Ed's interview with his OGOM here. Sadly, I will never get the chance to interview mine)

Apparently he's decided he wants to spend more time with his grandkids and so he's moving closer to them. Well that's all well and good for the grandkids, but what about me? What am I supposed to do? I need him too.

I need someone who I can ask for help by saying "I think this used to happen a lot in the olden days. I haven't had much experience with it but I'm sure you've seen it thousands of times so you can explain this to me?", and know that all he'll do is give me a dirty look, have a laugh and think of ways to get me back later.

I need someone who madly supports the Collingwood football club to the point where he has
  • their ringtone on his phone
  • their background on his computer
  • their website as his homepage and
  • their logo on his coffee cup
and know that I can..
  • change his background
  • change his homepage to be the scoreboard from the last time Essendon beat Collingwood
  • hide his cup and know he'll think he simply misplaced is
  • change the ringtone on his phone to the Essendon club song, knowing his grandson had to put the Collingwood one on there and he won't know how to change it back
Sure this might all sound like bullying. But for guys this is what we do. This is what the OGOM is all about. They can take a joke, and they so rarely take the time to get us back.

At least that's been my experience.

But as much as I'm going to miss having someone to have a joke with and talk sports with (it's now pretty much the boss, about 10 women, one other guy who has kids so is in the "Parents Club" and I) I think there's something I'll miss more than all of that.

I'll miss knowing that if on a Friday afternoon I'm feeling too tired to work, all I have to do is find something to photocopy.

When I walked to the photocopier I'd walk past his desk and he'd engage me in some random conversation, and about 30 minutes later he'd be telling me some story about his childhood I'd probably already heard 3 or 4 times before, but it'd kill time at least and if anyone complained about my efficiency (who's efficient on a Friday afternoon anyway?) I'd just say "He got to talking and I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I just let him keep going" (no one ever complained about my efficiency though)

So the landscape of the office has changed, and I'm going to have to feel it out and determine what my new role is. Maybe my new role will be "Guy who got sick of this shit and moved on". I think that I'm well suited to that role.

In other news...
  • I've set up a formspring account which is now on the right hand side of the screen there. You can head over there and ask me anything you like, and every now and then I might even use them for blog material (if I can't think of anything else). The added bonus is, you will upset at least some of the people who follow me on Twitter.. perhaps to the point where they'll stop following me? I don't know. All I know is someone wasn't happy last night. It made me feel like I had a hater. It's important to have haters. Only big shots and important people have haters.
  • I am currently waiting for an Opera DVD to arrive here. I'm very excited. Who would have known I'd ever end up looking this forward to something Opera related? Maybe I'll post more on it someday.
Until Tuesday...

Both threw insults at each other,
Told you how I f***** your mother
"Ninja Ropes"- Commentary! The Musical


  1. I love that he wants to spend more time with his grand kids, but feel our pain.

    Get him a phone and teach him to text. :)

  2. I had a man at work like that once. He left cause well he died, which is a fair enough reason. But NOTHING compares to the afternoon '30min bludge' when talking to 'older' people who tell you stories of the 'old days' like before TV and stuff!

    *Grabs Scoman for a Blog Hug*

    There you go... Personal interaction without the actual need for touching. I think I like this cyber hugging you've created.

  3. You know you've made it when you've got a hater!

  4. do you need me to punch that hater in the face or you already hire someone to do it for you?

  5. I used to work with an alcoholic old lady, who was always drunk. She was full of interesting stories and was crazy. I loved her.

    Then she started going to AA meetings. *sigh*

  6. The only OGOM at the office is the security guard and he won't talk to anyone. And if I try to talk about old stuff to the second oldest person in the office, she'd smack me. I'd tried before..and failed.

  7. I know how you feel! My Work BFF left me and moved to Chicago. It wasn't long before I gave up the working life to return to SAHM (stay at home mom) and Army Wife. In retrospect, I blame her.

  8. I'm not doing the office thing, but I now how it feels when someone who has been a fixture at work, is suddenly gone. Of course, there were a lot of people at work that I wished would leave, but those ones never left.

  9. I was the OGOM before I retired. Do I miss all those smart-ass yunguns...fuck no. You want to kill time at the end of the day get a Beta fish. And show some respect for your elders...and get your pants off the ground.

  10. And you went back to work in a heatwave.


    Wouldn't that have made it harder?

  11. Hey man, thanks for the shout out!

    That sucks that you lost your old guy.

    I will probably be losing mine soon. They just announced a buyout and early retirement at work, to be offered before they close our department soon, and old guy says he's taking it.

    I might actually have to start doing real work then.

    Damn it!

  12. I'm sorry for your loss....

    It's hard to find people you actually like enough to miss when they leave at work, so I feel for you!

  13. It sucks that he's leaving...I'm so sorry!

  14. awww, am sorry you are loosing someone so important..:(

  15. I never really thought about it until I read your post, but the OGOM is actually a very important part of any office/working environment.

    I've always been the youngest guy in the office, ahead of my years they say, so I've always had plenty of OGOMs to spare.

    I'm sorry for your loss, and hope you find something new to pass the time and keep you from going insane...or even postal.

    On the other hand, if you do leave...pull a half baked quit!


  16. I don't actually work in an office with anyone. I do home health and spend loads of time in my car bee-bopping around. It's nice to be independent but it can be lonely too.

  17. every time you post I love you a little more. This was great! I've never had the opportunity to work with an old man at work - but I can see when I start the job hunt soon I'm going to have to make that one of the requirements. :)

    I laughed at how you torment him. Those are good ideas!! Someday I'll have to tell you the trick with ketchup packets - you'll definitely want to use that one. :)

  18. Okay, um . . . I'm sorry for your loss? Would that be the appropriate thing to say?

    I have an Old GIRL Office Mate but she's a real beotch. With a capital "B" and all sorts of the crazy. I frequently wish bad things on her. Can I send her to you?


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