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Sunday, November 16, 2008

Wedding bells

I sit here, loyal readers,on the stroke of midnight, on this, the anniversary of my birth to bring you stories. Why? Because I am just that damn dedicated to entertaining you all and placating my own ego.

Today, two friends of mine (if you could call people you see twice a year friends) were married.

Being the atheist that I am and wanting very little to do with religion, and being that the ceremony at the church was incredibly god oriented, you can imagine how bored I was for the 45 minutes that whole thing took. (Yup, running through my head was Da-da-da-da-da HEY da-da-da-da) I have nothing against people who are religious, that's great and that is your right, but if you didn't like football and I got married at half time of a match, wouldn't you be kind of pissed?

The wedding was one of the ones that had it's sing-a-long elements, as were were all given a book to follow and had to respond to the ALL parts as the ceremony reached certain points (are they all like that? I don't know. Certainly both the ones I've been to have been) Anyway, the highlight of the ceremony for me was near the end we reached an ALL - Amen.. and nobody said Amen. The priest looked around and said "Amen *gestures to us to respond- gets no response*... allright"

The other highlight was the priest kept posing whenever cameras were around. I guess the dude needs to update his Facebook picture.

Oh, and of course the real highlight was the beautiful bride bouncing down the aisle grinning from ear to ear. She always had an amazing smile, and it was out in full force today.

After the ceremony we had two hours to kill before the reception. What do we do? We go to McDonalds. This children, would come back to bite us in the ass. After McDonalds we went back to my friends place and watch a 90s dance music count down.. I swear so many of the songs in the top 50 dance songs of the 90s would also be in my bottom 50 songs of the 90s.

Reception time rolls around and we're off to the Woolshed. I have made specific note to mention the location of the reception, and as I continue, you will see why.

I, as always, was seated at what I like to call the "freaks table", and, like always, all of the candles on our table burnt out before too long leaving us to spend the rest of the evening in darkness so the normals wouldn't have to look at us.

We met a nice guy who was also on our table, and his bitch of a wife, and I also caught up with a few people who I haven't seen in a few years. So far, so good, right?

The entree is served and it is some raw lamb with some random, disgusting vegetables, again some of which were not cooked properly, thrown together in a random order which really did not look very appealing at all. Strike one. Sure I had second hand mascara on my cheek, chin, lips and tongue (and heads and shoulders, knees and toes) at this point, which did affect my sense of taste, but I could tell by the general grumblings at the table that I was not the only one who thought the meal was sub-par.

The main course is served. This is where the evening picked up a little bit. See, bitch girl is eating her meal and all of a sudden a look of horror goes accross her face. She sits back in her seat and clasps her mouth with her hands looking at her plate and starts whispering to hubby (she wouldn't talk to the rest of us and didn't want us talking to her.) She then runs off to the bathroom and hubby explains there is a dead cockroach in her food. Strike two for the Woolshed. Hell, take strike three, four and five as well for that one. That is unacceptable.

Anyhow, can I add before continuing that what happened next only happened because of the way we were treated by this girl, and had she been decent to us we may have felt some sympathy, but alas, there was none. When she returned to the table she copped a lot from us, and her husband even got in on the act. After this point, not only was she not talking to us, she wasn't talking to him either, and when the waitress came over to apologise to her, she just rolled her eyes and looked the other way. That's the type of girl we are dealing with here.

(I have just received and responded to a message from D*, she can verify the time this blog was written)

Sure, we may have said some dirty and inappropriate things at the table, but this is Australia honey, that's how we roll. (If people would like me to elaborate on dirty and inappropriate things, I will another time, just ask) Besides, your husband was enjoying himself.

Speaking of dirty and inappropriate, the best man's speech. Now be warned out there good reader, if you ask me to be your best man at a wedding, I will steal this line from one Tom Curnow...

"I'm a man of few words so I will keep this short. This is probably going to be an uncomfortable two minutes for Manny but Mariannes uncomfortable two minutes will come later... courtesy of Manny"

Being that I usually try to end on a quote.. I think that one will do nicely. Have a nice day!


  1. At least the roach was dead.
    And there's always a b**ch girl at a table, isn't there?

  2. Lol.... can you please take me to the Woolshed when I come down.. please??



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