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Thursday, November 20, 2008

A moment of doubt

I attended a funeral earlier this year, and ended up a pallbearer for a man I hardly knew. Very few of his family attended the church, and I don't think there were any friends there at all. In all his life, this was all he had, it made me sad for him.

On the drive home I got to thinking, my funeral will be no different. Who will be the pallbearers at my funeral? I subject myself to a life of solitude because that's what works for me. I avoid dating, relationships, going out with friends.. because I just can't be bothered. And I like my quiet time, all I need is myself.

But what if 10 years from now I regret these decisions? What if I wake up one morning and regret not ever finding a girl, settling down and having a few children? What if I spend the last forty years of my life wondering... "what if"?

So say I do decide now it's time to find the one. Time to start dating, time to settle down, get married, have some kids. Say we get the white picket fence, the two cars and the family dog (no cats)... what if 10 years from now I decide I've made a mistake? What if I can't take having people around me all the time any more? What if I long for the life I have now?

The way I see it, the way I'm living my way now is the best way to go. If 10 years from now I decide I've made the wrong choices, at least my life is the only one that is destroyed.

Besides, I can always get cremated. Or wind up a John Doe discovered by a neighbour three months after I've died on my couch, with the TV blaring and a bowl of chips on my stomach.


  1. Thanks for the comment on my blog~

    I have to be honest. I could never live alone. I tried it. It lasted one whole day. I had neurotic paranoia about kicking the bucket and being found a month later when my decomposing corpse was stinkin up the place.

    Perhaps I am shallow, but it is my relationships with people that give my life meaning.

    I think it's great that you know what you want. And if you ever want something else then you can follow that too. Who ever said you have to figure everything out at 25? :)

  2. Thanks for stopping by.

    Yes, the endless possibilities that come with love, then marriage and that baby carraige. Im all for people who are happily better off without that responsibility. If you do decide to settle down and it takes a turn for the worse, dont beat yourself up about it. The point is that you werent afraid to live. ;)

  3. I told you.. Rainbow family option? Hahaha!!!!!! I already have my 40 yr plan..if im alone and childless, IVF or adoption is what im doing. I don't think I could spend my life without a little product of myself not carrying on the loony Danielle tradition =D


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