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I've got so much talent, it's a little scary

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Neil Patrick Harris- Commentary! The Musical

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Revelation of the Resolution Revolution

Looking 360 Degrees
200,000 diseased
How can I lay back and chill?
So many down on their knees

But then again who am I?
I'm just some typical guy
I ain't no fuckin hero
I've just been wondering why
ICP - "Crossing the Bridge"

People today are so fucking self centred. At this time of year, it becomes especially obvious.

Tomorrow night, you'll all make your resolutions. "I want to quit smoking", "I want to lose weight", "I need to pee less often". To me it's all ridiculous. I've always thought if there's something about myself I don't like, I should work on it there and then, rather than wait for some meaningless point in time to arrive. (It might be becoming clear that the New Years Resolution is one of those "irrational social rituals" I have discussed before. It might also be clear that "irrational social rituals" is my favourite new phrase of 2008)

However, the "I hate myself but I'm not going to change until January 1st arrives" facet of the New Years Resolution is not the only thing I despise. Everyone looks at themselves. At ways they think they can improve THEMSELVES. How about looking outside your front door and asking yourself "How can I make my COMMUNITY better for the people around me this year?"

Instead, it's a case of "I'm sorry, I know there are homeless people struggling to face the elements each and every day, but I really should try to read a novel every month" or "I understand there are orphans out there trying to get by without a mum and dad or a stable home, but I really don't like the way my ass looks in my jeans."

Fuck it.

I have never done New Years Resolutions before, and, I am not saying that I am doing one this year. I am however, going to take this opportunity to say to myself "I will make someones life easier"

Now, the more observant of my pets will look at this and say "Ah, this is a tad hypocritical of you. Why did you wait for what you referred to as a "meaningless point in time" before making this decision?" and to them I say "Well done. You go straight to the top of the class"

And then I add "The reason I have made this decision at this point in time, is because my eyes have only just been opened to how ridiculous it all is."

Now you might be asking "So you made this decision, what, a day ago? And now you're going to sit there, on your high horse, like your some moral fucking God and scold us?" and again I say "Well done. However, you are starting to test my patience. I scold because I love. And if scolding reaches only one person, then it is justified"

So, I ask you to join the Resolution Revolution. While you're laminating your list of things you will never accomplish tomorrow, see if it is possible to fit in somewhere between "I will never eat Krispy Kreme doughnuts again" and "I will only smoke after sex from now on" something that is beneficial to your community. Something that will make someone less fortunates life better.

Because, when you sit back in December next year, eating your Krispy Kreme doughnut and smoking your cigarette, at least you can comfort yourself with the thought you improved somebody else's life, even if you failed at everything else you set out to do in 2009.

PS The same troublemakers who were pointing things out through the whole blog were probably interrupting me the whole time saying "If anything, this sounds more like an evolution than a revolution. Please explain?" and this time I say "Revolution sounds better. Now fuck off, you've ruined the whole blog for everybody"


  1. You have always been so anti-new years resolutions haven't you.. bahaha!

  2. I think I'm anti-new years resolutions because I don't understand them.

    All these people worrying about self improvement. I don't need to improve. I'm perfect.

  3. This post is awesome Scon! Awesome! I don't plan to make a list of any resolutions either, but I will make a contribution to the community, so that your evil eye doesn't scold me. I promise I'll keep boozing so that people who work at spirit elaboration factories keep working and never lose their jobs. (and I'm sure my beloved Eck will contribute too) :D HAPPY NEW YEAR AUSSIE!!!!!

  4. Thank you Thrice.

    And I'm sure that booze producers everywhere thank you for your generosity.

  5. i don't make resolutions for the same reason. i believe in always trying to better yourself, not just at the first of the year. but i really like your idea of giving to the community, and i think i'll do that too.

    i'm glad you like my blog set up! i was worried i was trying to be overly witty.

  6. There's no such thing as too much wit.

  7. Hmm, I guess we were on the same page. Did we discuss this at some point?

  8. I think we may have. I know I told anyone and everyone who would listen my opinions at the time =p


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