The Void

So tear me open but beware
There's things inside without a care
And the dirt still stains me
So wash me until I'm clean

It grips you so hold me
It stains you so hold me
It hates you so hold me
It holds you so hold me
Until it sleeps
Metallica- Until it Sleeps

I can feel it happening again. It's earlier this year. The darkness inside me is growing stronger every day. Soon it will be time to feed the monster. But not yet. It's not safe yet.

I'm shutting down. I'm avoiding contact with people unless I absolutely have to see them. This emptiness has cost me a lot of friendships over the years, and I know who's next on the list. I don't want to lose you. I'll turn off my phone. I'll avoid MSN. I won't answer the door. I'll stay away from Facebook. I won't let you contact me. I can't let you see me. I will destroy you.

I don't think you'd mind. We haven't been close lately. That's why you're next in line. That's why I will unleash this demon inside me and use our friendship too feed it, until it chews us up and spits us out.

But I know how to stop this from happening. I worked out how to feed this beast a long time ago. I can get through this period with my friendships intact. But I can't feed it now. It's not safe now.

Soon though. Soon I will feed the monster. I will force it back inside, where it can do no harm. I know what it wants. I know how to control it. I will survive. I will embrace the darkness until the hunger is pacified.

Backbeat the word is on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to youBut I don't know how

Because baby
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
Oasis- Wonderwall