Welcome everybody to my commentary

I've got so much talent, it's a little scary

Is my every random thought insightful? Very

Not just entertaining- I'm a luminary

Neil Patrick Harris- Commentary! The Musical

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

And the calender ticks over

Tomorrow, I have to remember to change not only the day and month when writing out the date, but also the year as well. What a burden. Glad it only happens once a year.

Anyway, before I partake in my New Years Eve "tradition", I thought I would give you a post that reflects on the year that was 2008.

No, I'm not going to go into detail about every little event, every little bump in the road during the year. I'm am going to show you a video of a song that describes the way I felt for most of 2008, and I hope not to feel during 2009. First the video, then the lyrics, then my thoughts.

threw you the obvious
and you flew with it on your back,
a name in your recollection,
thrown down among a million same.
difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed
and passed over
when i've looked right through
to see you naked and oblivious
and you don't see me.
but i threw you the obvious
just to see if there's more behind the eyes
of a fallen angel,
the eyes of a tragedy.
here i am expecting just a little bit
too much from the wounded.
but i see through it all
and see you.
so i threw you the obvious
to see what occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel,
eyes of a tragedy.
oh well. apparently nothing.
you don't see me.
you don't see me at all.
A Perfect Circle- 3 Libras (Lyrics from http://www.aperfectcircle.com/)

I have heard Maynard talk about this song and what it means to him. To him, it is about nine people he knew who realised there was something in the group, and in him, that they could cling to and feed off, without using the opportunity for personal growth at a deeper level. He refers to them as the parasites or the barnacles. I guess, the people who are happy to cling on and come along for the ride, but aren't really interested in the journey. (He adds that he named the song 3 libras because all nine people had birthdays around the same time, so his little joke was to let them argue about which three the song is about)

I'm going to put my own little spin on it. When I hear the song, I think about several types of people.

The people who are happy to tell you about their life story, but aren't interested in hearing yours.
The people who you know everything about, but they know little about you.
The people who want you around to compliment them when they're feeling low, but couldn't tell you when your birthday is.
The people who you feel you've made a connection with, but they were just after another "Facebook friend" to add to the 250 other names.
The people who, outside of what you think of them, couldn't tell you what you think of anything, while you could tell them who their favourite artist is, where they went to Primary School and their first cats name.

I might be partly to blame. I'm exactly an open book, but if you ask me a question about myself, I will answer it honestly.

Either way, I think 2009 is time to exterminate the parasites.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Revelation of the Resolution Revolution

Looking 360 Degrees
200,000 diseased
How can I lay back and chill?
So many down on their knees

But then again who am I?
I'm just some typical guy
I ain't no fuckin hero
I've just been wondering why
ICP - "Crossing the Bridge"

People today are so fucking self centred. At this time of year, it becomes especially obvious.

Tomorrow night, you'll all make your resolutions. "I want to quit smoking", "I want to lose weight", "I need to pee less often". To me it's all ridiculous. I've always thought if there's something about myself I don't like, I should work on it there and then, rather than wait for some meaningless point in time to arrive. (It might be becoming clear that the New Years Resolution is one of those "irrational social rituals" I have discussed before. It might also be clear that "irrational social rituals" is my favourite new phrase of 2008)

However, the "I hate myself but I'm not going to change until January 1st arrives" facet of the New Years Resolution is not the only thing I despise. Everyone looks at themselves. At ways they think they can improve THEMSELVES. How about looking outside your front door and asking yourself "How can I make my COMMUNITY better for the people around me this year?"

Instead, it's a case of "I'm sorry, I know there are homeless people struggling to face the elements each and every day, but I really should try to read a novel every month" or "I understand there are orphans out there trying to get by without a mum and dad or a stable home, but I really don't like the way my ass looks in my jeans."

Fuck it.

I have never done New Years Resolutions before, and, I am not saying that I am doing one this year. I am however, going to take this opportunity to say to myself "I will make someones life easier"

Now, the more observant of my pets will look at this and say "Ah, this is a tad hypocritical of you. Why did you wait for what you referred to as a "meaningless point in time" before making this decision?" and to them I say "Well done. You go straight to the top of the class"

And then I add "The reason I have made this decision at this point in time, is because my eyes have only just been opened to how ridiculous it all is."

Now you might be asking "So you made this decision, what, a day ago? And now you're going to sit there, on your high horse, like your some moral fucking God and scold us?" and again I say "Well done. However, you are starting to test my patience. I scold because I love. And if scolding reaches only one person, then it is justified"

So, I ask you to join the Resolution Revolution. While you're laminating your list of things you will never accomplish tomorrow, see if it is possible to fit in somewhere between "I will never eat Krispy Kreme doughnuts again" and "I will only smoke after sex from now on" something that is beneficial to your community. Something that will make someone less fortunates life better.

Because, when you sit back in December next year, eating your Krispy Kreme doughnut and smoking your cigarette, at least you can comfort yourself with the thought you improved somebody else's life, even if you failed at everything else you set out to do in 2009.

PS The same troublemakers who were pointing things out through the whole blog were probably interrupting me the whole time saying "If anything, this sounds more like an evolution than a revolution. Please explain?" and this time I say "Revolution sounds better. Now fuck off, you've ruined the whole blog for everybody"

Sunday, December 28, 2008

My Christmas highlight

My Christmas highlight actually came today, on the 28th of December. Does that still class as "Christmas"? Well, it was Christmas with mum's side of the family, so it does. This is my blog, and here, we play by my rules.

The day actually started off rather shit. I won't go into that. I try to keep a positive vibe happening around here, and I know that you all feel it, that's why you keep coming back my pets.

My Christmas highlight, like many of my highlights these days, featured my niece. She is one of the few reasons I have left to smile.

We played a new game today. I'm not sure what the object of the game was, or how exactly the game worked. All I know is it involved two pairs of sunglasses going backwards and forwards between us. Sometimes I'd be wearing both, sometimes we'd be wearing one each, sometimes she'd put them on my head in some weird fashion, sometimes she'd try and put them around her neck. And the face she made when I took off my glasses to put on the sunglasses was priceless. Pure shock. Like "Those aren't supposed to come off!"

Anyway, after 40 or so minutes of that game, it was time to put a spin on her favourite game. A game we like to call "Uh-oh". She got bored with the sunglasses, so she would drop them on the floor, look at me innocently and say "uh-oh". I picked them up for her, gave them back to her, and we start again.

Spending time with her makes me feel.. well, I guess I've already been through these thoughts before (after only 30 blogs common thoughts are starting to appear. I thought I had more depth than that). I think it would be good to have a kid of my own. But probably for about a week. Then I'd get tired of the whole family thing and long for my life of solitude again.

Do I trust someone and get fooled by phoniness?
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
Linkin Park- "By Myself"

Saturday, December 27, 2008

When your presents say something about you

Back now for my "post Christmas" blog, and I thought I'd focus on the important part of Christmas, the presents

Yes, as I sat around on Christmas day surrounded by wrapping paper, I couldn't help but notice several themes emerging in the gifts I received, which perhaps say something about the person I am.

This year, I received:

So there you have it. I'm a serial killing entrepreneur under 40 who cooks, listens to music and enjoys the football.

If you didn't watch the football video, do it, even if you don't like sport. It's funny.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

A treat for my pets

Hello pets.

Being that today is Christmas eve I thought I would share a little something with you all for Christmas.

It's my favourite YouTube video ever. Normally I'm not into fan made videoes, but this one is brilliantly done (and the one they've done for Retrovertigo is great also) so, enjoy!

I love the song.

The video is perfect.

And because I have a whole different reality in my head, it reminds me that sometimes where I see a perfect world, others probably see a psychopath in a wig.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Impending boredom

Did I mention..

"They generally withhold strong emotion and do not like to waste time, as they see it, with what they consider irrational social rituals"


Yes, I did. I mentioned it here.

Well, tonight is my work Christmas break up. One of my least favourite social rituals. I spend enough time with these people during the year, and now that the holidays have officially started, the first thing I'm meant to do is spend more time with them?

I just don't want to end up sitting near the clearner and her husband again. Those two are so fucking boring.

At least I have my girls. A group of us have banded together and, through a process of "seat saving", will try to save each other from that horror.

Monday, December 22, 2008

For the right price, I'll give anything a whirl...

Posting two days in a row? So unlike me. Especially because I wasn't going to be posting for awhile because I was working on my "project". Yes, we are still working on it, and no, the end is not in sight yet. Be patient my pets.

Well, the post today will be brief. I just wanted to share with you all a strange message on my machine when I arrived home at lunch time today. But I'll go back a little first.

Last week the power went out here, and as a result my clever, witty message on my answering machine was erased (as was the time I had sent on my phones, my VCR and my microwave, I haven't been bothered to reset any of them yet) So, in the place of my clever message, is a generic female voice making a standard statement about leaving a message.

So, today I get home and the red light is flashing at me. I pressed the play button, and heard a womans voice I did not recognise. A telemarketer would have hung up the phone, so this was likely to be a wrong number.

"Um, yes, um, I'm just wanting confirmation that I can have um, a pedicure, today Monday at four o'clock"

No, no you can not.

Although, if you are willing to pay me the going rate, I guess I can give it a shot. Though I can't say I know what a pedicure involves. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with children though, right?

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Allow me to introduce myself...

Like most people, I have different moods and sometimes different personalities. You all got to meet another one of those personalities this last week, I hope you enjoyed it.

I have also gone by many different names over the years. Scott, Scotty, Scoot, Scooter, Scooty, Susan, ScoMan, Scon and so on. But to a small group of people in Sydney, I was "Coincidence boy".

Curious? Then read on.

When I first started blogging on a different site that will remain nameless, I stumbled upon another blogger whose style, thoughts and opionions were much like my own (looking back at the other site, this seemed to happen around July 2005). We started commenting on each others blogs, giving each other kudos and saying how wonderful we both were, and I think it was a nice little ego boost for both of us.

After a month or two, we exchanged email addresses and started chatting on MSN Messenger. I always felt on the same wavelength as her, and we were always able to bounce off each other and run with each others jokes. EcK put me onto a site which had this quote about my personality type from a previous blog, which I will share with you now:

"I wouldn't say that INTJs are boring or INTPs are interesting. Both have the potential to be quite interesting; they just have to stop thinking the rest of us are too retarded to understand what they are trying to say."

And it's true. I do that. I shut down around people until they've proven to me that they are smart enough to understand what I'm thinking. I know what I'm thinking is never exactly ground breaking, and it wouldn't take a team of rocket scientists to work it out, but I guess I feel only special individuals are worthy of me opening up to them, and letting them see the real me. And I was always the real me when I was talking to her.

Well, perhaps another month after we started chatting on MSN, she asked me where exactly I lived. I told her it was about an hour out of Melbourne, and she said she knew that, and asked me to be more specific. I told her the name of the town (I'm not telling you, you'll stalk me). She asked if it was near another town, which is about half an hour away from here, and I told her that.

Her parents were moving this way. She was excited. She had just broken up with her boyfriend at the time, it was coming into the holiday season which she would be spending with her family, and she was reaching out to make a new friend to help her forget about her problems back home. I told her I'd be happy to hang out with her and help her escape her family.

Then, her ex gets word of what's happening. She tells me he'd been asking her all kinds of questions demanding more details about "coincidence boy" (when he learned she'd made a friend down here who she'd be meeting over the holidays she told him it was a big coincidence, she didn't seek me out) and, he got jealous.

So, change of plans. She got back together with the boy, and we never met that Christmas. I was happy with that. From memory, they were back together for about a month.

Several more times over the next 12-18 months she flew down here and each time we threatened to catch up. Being that we are both the same sort of person though, the sort of person that isn't needy or desperate, and we don't ask people to keep us company, people ask us because we are fabulous and they want to be around us, it never happened.

We'd both say it was a good idea, but neither of us wanted to be the pathetic one that actually tried to organise a time or a place.

And from there, she met another guy. She stopped coming down here so often, she disappeared from cyber space, and life went on.

A few months ago, she turned up on Facebook (they all turn up on Facebook eventually), we started making brief contact here and there, but nothing too major.

Until one day when I put a message in my status about noticing a particular car around town. I signed in a few hours later to see she had commented on my status.. "That's my sisters car. No shit, her and her boyfriend moved to your town"

We discussed that for awhile, and then went our seperate ways again.

A few weeks later she left me a note on my wall. "I'll be in your locale soon, would you like to share a festive drink?"

I replied in the affirmative.

Then nothing again.

After discussing this with my friend Antonella she said something about jumping off a cliff, which sounded like a good idea. On Antonella's advice I sent the girl a private Facebook message, and the tango began.

I'd send an excited message, then she'd back off.

She'd send an excited message, then I'd back off.

And so on.

At this stage, she has my number. She knows the days I'm free. I have no way to contact her. From this, I'm gathering I'm the "B plan", but I'd rather be that than the one left to make the arrangements.

It's now three years since we first tried to organise this and she has just broken up with her boyfriend. It is coming into the holiday season which she will be spending with her family, and she is reaching out to make a new friend to help her forget about her problems back home. I told her I'd be happy to hang out with her and help her escape her family.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

He's so cute...

He thinks he control us. We think that's hilarious. Any solution he can come up with is only ever temporary. We always get what we want. He tries to bury us deep. He tries to pretend we don't exist. Nobody knows what we're capeable of.

Has he told you what he did to the girl? We bet he hasn't. Once upon a time he was so proud of that story. Of what we did. And then she betrayed him. They betrayed him. We knew she couldn't be trusted, and that's why he had to do what he did.

And then there was the mechanic. What he did to the mechanic was a thing of beauty. It was pure evil. We enjoyed that. He laughed about it for months afterwards. But now he keeps that story to himself. He is ashamed.

He hides us now. He won't let us out to play. We will come out to play soon. We know what his plan is. We know it is failing. He won't be able to save you. Nobody can save you.

We have studied you. We know what makes you tick.

Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward
So I didn't have a past...

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Linkin Park- Easier to Run

Monday, December 15, 2008

The Void

So tear me open but beware
There's things inside without a care
And the dirt still stains me
So wash me until I'm clean

It grips you so hold me
It stains you so hold me
It hates you so hold me
It holds you so hold me
Until it sleeps
Metallica- Until it Sleeps

I can feel it happening again. It's earlier this year. The darkness inside me is growing stronger every day. Soon it will be time to feed the monster. But not yet. It's not safe yet.

I'm shutting down. I'm avoiding contact with people unless I absolutely have to see them. This emptiness has cost me a lot of friendships over the years, and I know who's next on the list. I don't want to lose you. I'll turn off my phone. I'll avoid MSN. I won't answer the door. I'll stay away from Facebook. I won't let you contact me. I can't let you see me. I will destroy you.

I don't think you'd mind. We haven't been close lately. That's why you're next in line. That's why I will unleash this demon inside me and use our friendship too feed it, until it chews us up and spits us out.

But I know how to stop this from happening. I worked out how to feed this beast a long time ago. I can get through this period with my friendships intact. But I can't feed it now. It's not safe now.

Soon though. Soon I will feed the monster. I will force it back inside, where it can do no harm. I know what it wants. I know how to control it. I will survive. I will embrace the darkness until the hunger is pacified.

Backbeat the word is on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to youBut I don't know how

Because baby
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
Oasis- Wonderwall

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Everybody's favourite INTJ personality type

I have realised something my pets. Whilst most of my creative energy is going into the project I am working on, I can still blog from time to time using other people's material, and adding my own thoughts. Hopefully, that is enough to keep you satisfied, until we have finished what we have prepared for you.

Sometimes, you can be talking to someone who can teach you things about yourself. Things that, while you knew them to be true, you may not have realised certain traits you posses, certain habits you have that are different to the people around you.

Enter the conversation I had with fellow blogger, EcK, last night (you can read his blog here) He put me on to a personality test which determines your personality type based on work by Dr Carl Jung, in his work on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.

My result, little to his surprise (I never realised I was so readable) was that I am an INTJ personality type, which you may have guessed from the title of this blog.

So what does that mean? Well, you can read about it here, or you can hang around while I walk you through some of my personal highlights from the article.

First, what those four letters stand for:
I - Introversion preferred to Extraversion
N - iNtuition preferred to Sensing
T - Thinking preferred to Feeling
J - Judging preferred to Perceiving

Make of that, what you will.

Now, for some of the quotes that stroked my ego just the right way.

"Keirsey referred to INTJs as Masterminds" - Thank you Dr Keirsey

"they are more comfortable working alone than with other people, and are not usually as sociable as others." I'm here, alone in my flat on a Saturday night writing this. Good point, well made.

"Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel... This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals... Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense." Maybe that's why I've never bothered with relationships, because I don't like my weaknesses exposed. Or maybe it's because I've never met anyone that's made sense. You all talk rubbish. Sorry pets.

"People with this personality type work best given large amounts of autonomy and creative freedom." In my line of work, we call "creative freedom" fraud, and it can land you in a great deal of trouble.

"They tend to be acutely aware of their knowledge and abilities, as well as their limitations and what they don't know." Yes pets, I am aware of what I don't know. It isn't much.

"In forming relationships, INTJs tend to seek out others with similar character traits and ideologies." Someone with similar ideologies to myself? This may be a long wait.

"By nature INTJs tend to be demanding in their expectations, and they approach relationships in a rational manner." Demanding? Me? Never!

And this.. THIS my pets is my favourite quote...

"They generally withhold strong emotion and do not like to waste time, as they see it, with what they consider irrational social rituals"

Irrational social rituals.. like.. I don't know.. birthday parties? I hate those fucking things.

And while I have you here pets, if you enjoy strange teddy bears then take a look at Antonella's blog here. I even got one dedicated to me. So go, read, laugh and most of all.. be jealous (unless you also had one dedicated to you)

And, if you feel like taking the test yourself, click ----- < there.

That's all for now pets. The project is still moving forwards. We can't wait to unveil it to you. We just need to make sure it's complete first.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

The Project

I haven't blogged much lately, and I probably won't any time soon.

I have not forgotten about you my pets, I am working on something. Something big.

I have codenamed this project, "The Project". This does not however disqualify that codename for use on future projects.

If you enjoy The Project half as much as I have enjoyed creating it, then you will still enjoy it very much.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

The morning ritual

I'm a very organised person. I like things to be in a particular way, and I do have my rituals which I do not like to deviate from. I am going to share one with you today. As you may have guessed from the title, this is the process I go through each (weekday) morning before heading out and facing the world. (yes, this does mean I couldn't think of anything interesting to write about)

I wake up about 6:30 every morning. Half an hour before the alarm goes off. I turn on the TV- the business channel- hoping for more bad news out of the US. People are hating the economic crisis right now, watching their life savings and retirement plans, everything they've worked so hard for throughout their lives, disappear. Sucks for them, sure, but for someone just starting out in life there are a lot of good companies at bargain basement prices. Buy and hold my pretties.

The alarm goes off. Metalingus by Alter Bridge blares out of my phone. Time to go into the bathroom. Shower, shave, emerge smelling a little less bad. I put the business channel back on to see what they're tipping for the Australian markets, as well as checking out the oil price.


I throw in a DVD. Dexter, Criminal Intent, Dead Like Me or some other show that goes for 45-50 mintues and start making breakfast. Two pieces of toast and a cup of tea to begin with. I sit and start watching whatever show I have selected for myself today. I go back for round two of breakfast, orange juice, fruit and a vitamin tablet. I watch the rest of my show.

Show's over. Work is imminent. Back to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Then I get changed, grab my iPod, put on my mask and head out for another day.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

S and D Do Victoria (or parts thereof) Part IV - Airports and death

The final day of our three day whirlwind saw us off to Hanging Rock early in the day. For those of you who are unaware, there was an eerie story surrounding the place that start in the seventies. If you'd like to learn more, love Wikipedia. It loves you.

Before we left I told her she'd been in my dream again the night before. If she was unimpressed last time, this time she was.. even less impressed than that. We were standing in queue at the supermarket. Even in my dreams, I'm not very entertaining.

At Hanging Rock we tried to determine how to tackle the different tracks through the place. Feeling game, we tried the summit walk first. It almost killed me, and we hardly went anywhere. I really couldn't believe exactly how unfit I am, so I learned something about myself that day.

Failing the summit walk, we went and got some water from the cafe place (probably should have taken water with us, you live and you learn) and sat for awhile before setting off again. This time, the base walk.

We'd hardly started the base walk when we saw an interesting sign. "Snakes occur naturally in this area". Snakes can be scary critters if you let them get close enough to you, and I just kept getting flashes of either of us being bitten by one. I guess that's crazy though, it's a tourist destination after all, there'd be people walking there all day, the snakes wouldn't want to be anywhere near the path.

When we finished up at Hanging Rock we went to a shopping centre and wandered for a few hours. The weekend was drawing to a close now, and I could feel it. (And, as a side note, I also got the complete "Black Books" DVD for a bargain price of $25. I couldn't believe it.)

She got me to take her back to the airport about two hours before her flight was ready to go. That's just how exciting I am, people would rather sit in a queue than spend time with me. But hey, that's life (or at least my life)

I haven't really heard from her since she left. I don't know where the friendship is heading, and if it ends at least we've had a fun ride. If it grows, I'll embrace it as it comes.

I guess in life, sometimes all you can do is enjoy the present, accept what changes, put on a smile and go about your business.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

S and D do Victoria- Part III The Zoo and a Sunday drive

The next blog in the series takes place on the Saturday.

Saturday was Zoo day. I think it's the only thing out of the whole weekend she was really looking forward to, and the only part of the weekend she really enjoyed.

We are both early to rise, so there was a bit of sitting and waiting before we left to make sure we didn't get there before the zoo opened.

At the zoo, we of course saw lots of different animals. Some of them were very cute, some of them were quite entertaining, some of them just looked depressed. The tiger in particular falls in to that category. He was just pacing backwards and forwards along the wall of his enclosure. It was very sad.

We also spent some time in the butterfly house, which I think was the ultimate highlight of the weekend for her. She even got her photo taken with a butterfly on her hand. Sure, it seemed incredibly ill and therefore she was able to scoop it up off the floor rather than waiting for it to land on her, but anyone looking at the picture wouldn't realise that.

After lunch she got her face painted and looked adoreable. It provided one of my favourite (if not my absolute favourite) picture of the weekend.

When we'd done all there was to do at the zoo, we stopped by the gift shop and I picked up some goodies for my neice. I can't wait to give them to her.

Time to leave the zoo now and we didn't really have any place else to go. Again, if I were a better tour guide I would have planned another activity for the afternoon, but I didn't expect to be out of there as early as we were.

So we spent the afternoon just driving randomly. With neither of us being "car talkers" it lead to great periods of silence. I did learn a bit about her in the few conversations we had however, so it was worthwhile.

I also told her she'd been in my dream the night before. She sounded thrilled *I know sarcasm is hard to portray over the Internet, but that didn't stop me trying*

All I remembered from the dream though was I was sitting in a car and she was walking towards it.

That about covers Saturday's highlights. Tune in tomorrow as I wrap up the weekend!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

S and D do Victoria (or parts thereof)- Part II Street Performances & Rainbows

As you will recall from the last blog, I spent the weekend with an old friend of mine. I went into detail about the friend, but not the events of the weekend. So here we go, day one.

It started at the airport. We met, hugs were exchanged, we were walking back to my car and she had a card and pressie for me (she's so lovely and generous), we loaded up the car and we were on our way. Or so I thought. Until we got to the gates and..
"I hope you got the ticket"
"What ticket? Was I supposed to get that?"
"Yes you were, don't tell me you didn't get it"
Well, you can see where this is going.

I checked my pockets, I checked my wallet, I was freaking out. I kept checking everything and she told me she didn't remember me grabbing it. I didn't remember grabbing it either. Damn.

So I put the car in reverse and we parked in the bays nearby and walked back into the carpark facilities trying to work out what we were going to do next. She came up with the idea of just running back to the entrance, grabbing a ticket and we'd be on our way. Good in theory, in practice it failed. She ran over and hit the ticket button and was told "No ticket without a vehicle"

So plan A failed.

We went to the customer service desk for assistance and she paid for another ticket. She gave it to me and told me not to lose this one. I put the ticket in my pocket, and as I did, I felt something familiar. Something not disimilar to what was in my hand. That's right ladies and gentlemen.. it was the first ticket. Can I make a lasting first impression or what?

From there we travelled back up the road to my place so she could unload her bags. About 40 minutes into the hour long trip she began asking questions about my plans for the future, and would they include living in the city. Apparently she doesn't appreciate long car rides or trees and paddocks.

After unloading the bags, we turned the car around and went back to the city. More trees, more paddocks.

When we got there I hadn't really planned what to do next (I'm such a bad tour guide, if there's a next time I'll be better) so we just wandered the streets aimlessley.

Whilst doing so, we saw through the window of a station wagon what looked to be several boxes of "Fresh bidet wipes". There was at least one box of the suckers anyway. It amused us both greatly.

We went up the Rialto (the tallest building in the city) and had a look around. I looked through the binoculars and noticed some action a few blocks away. Note to self- make that our next stop.

And our next stop it was. There was a street performer there who was rather entertaining. He had exceptional coordination. His final trick however was a beauty.

He pulled out a 10 foot high unicycle and was going to juggle knives on it, and kick a plastic goldfish into the bowl on his head. He would of course, need help for this trick.

He pointed out a "volunteer" from the audience to hold the unicycle in place for him. He went on and did a few other tricks, checked that our "volunteer" had a decent grip on the unicycle and decided it was unsafe. Enter "volunteer" number two to hold the other side.

But these two volunteers were not enough. No, he would need one more. I have a psychic moment, and I know what's about to happen. He points at me.
"You sir, you look non threatening, come over here and give me a hand"

My role in the masterpiece was to stand with a hand on each of the first two volunteers shoulders, facing away from the action, and pray that he knew he was doing.

I could hear him playing with his knives behind me, and I was trying to work out what was about to happen, and thinking to myself "I am going to stuff this up and the four of us are going to end up with broken bones"

After a period, he announced it was now time to start the finale. He asked the audience to clap each time he took a step. This only built up the fear inside me.

Where is he?
What's going on?
I see him out of the corner of my eye
Ok, he's running in front of me
If he stays out there I'm safe
Oh no, he's heading back around the other side
If he tries to use me as a stepping stone, we're all in trouble
He's behind me now
I know, I'll scan the audience to try and gauge what he's doing from their faces
Oh, a girl sticking her tongue out at me, lovely

"Jesus christ!" I heard him scream as he landed on my back with his hands around my face.

"He didn't look this big in the catalogue"

With the assitance of another audience member, he was able to climb up my back and onto his unicycle. The feat was, eventually, a success.

From there we went to the aquarium and had a look around, which was quite interesting, but nothing too exciting happened there (except she got quite a fright.. hehe..)

We then travelled on back to my place, and on the way we acutally saw the end of a rainbow. A new experience for both of us, but there was no pot of gold.

And that, dear readers, concludes day one of the weekend.

Monday, December 1, 2008

S and D do Victoria (or parts thereof) - Part I - The Girl

If you want to see this story from her point of view, keep an eye out over here. Even if she doesn't write her side, it is still a blog worth reading.

I'll just start by saying it feels weird writing about someone I know will be reading this.

I have been friends with this girl for about 7 years, however until last weekend it had always been an Internet friendship. She asked a few weeks ago if she could come down and visit me, and, as you may have worked out, I readily agreed.

She was very excited about coming down and seeing what Melbourne and Victoria had to offer, and I was just excited about having her here. She is one of the nicest, loveliest, kindest (sure, they might mean the same thing, but I'm making a point here) girls I know, and I've always been able to count on her as someone to make me laugh or just have a talk about life in general.

I won't go into the weekends events too much (they'll be saved for the next three blogs), instead I'll focus on just the girl this time around. I'm sure she'll enjoy that.

As I said, I was looking forward to having her here and taking our friendship beyond just what we had on the Internet. I knew if I was able to utilize the wit, charm and humor that has made me popular with my coworkers and made so many of my clients leave the office moist (around their eyes, from laughing so hard) then when it came time for her to leave on Sunday, we'd be much closer than we were when she arrived on Friday.

Almost immediately, I felt very comfortable around her. Normally I'm nervous with new people, but I guess the familiarity with her helped and it felt (to me at least) like we'd been hanging out for years.

However, I do not think she felt the same way. I don't know whether it's because she was out of her comfort zone, and I was at home or whether it's because she's just a much more open person whereas I tend to keep people at a distance, but either way she was not as comfortable with me as I was with her.

I doubt it helped that all weekend I struggled to find the wit, charm and humor that she would have got through our internet conversations (and you dear reader, have no doubt seen in my blogs.. I love you all, really) and I really don't know where it went. After three days I don't think I made one fifth of the impression on her that I have made on clients during a 25 minute interview.

It probably didn't help that we spent a lot of the weekend on the road, and neither of us are "car talkers", and it also probably didn't help that when we were here.. I put the TV on (my bad, sorry gorgeous) and other than that, I don't know why I wasn't me.

But she was definately her. I loved her to death before she came down here, and after the weekend if anything I love her all the more. As I'm writing this in the spare room I can still smell her here, and I miss her a little, but I know that she is definately glad to be home.

It's very weird for me to miss someone when they're gone. I think there are probably only a handful of other people on the planet I could spend as much time with as I spent with her and still want to see more of them. Most of my coworkers would have to fall into that category I guess, because I do spend way too much time with them.

I felt bad for sending her home disappointed, she was so excited before coming down here and she had spent quite a bit of money, so I thought to myself last night I'd send her some flowers to where she worked. Good idea, right? I thought so. Anyway, I sent her the flowers, just not to where she worked. Not even close. I can't even apologise properly.

Normally in this situation, I would just give up and ruin the friendship we had. Last night, I was very seriously considering doing just that. But I don't want to do that, she is still in my top five girls (and that includes Amelia and my mother- tough competition there) so instead, this time, I'll try my hardest to not only keep what we had, but make it better.

I want to be able to spend time with her and make her laugh and enjoy spending time with me as much as other people enjoy my company, and as much as I enjoyed hers.

I'm a man with a plan, and dear reader, I always win.

"Things have changed. Everything has changed. I've always prided myself on being an outsider, but now.. I feel the need to connect with someone" - Dexter Morgan, Dexter, Series 1 Episode 7