Welcome everybody to my commentary

I've got so much talent, it's a little scary

Is my every random thought insightful? Very

Not just entertaining- I'm a luminary

Neil Patrick Harris- Commentary! The Musical

Sunday, August 30, 2009

And you thought football was boring

Hello ScoFans!

Remember a week or so ago when I posted something I said I would discuss later? I did get a few people concerned after that post, and thank you for that, but the post was actually originally written in October 2006 so I'm all good (all of the time)

For those of you who have already forgotten, first of all shame on you, and secondly this was the post...

Awake. Groggy. Eyes open. There he stands. His outstretched arm beckons me. I begin to move towards his dark silhouette. He looks as tales have always described with his black cloak and scythe. I know this can not be my hour. He will never take me! I offer exchanges. Sadness overwhelms. Acceptance. Darkness.

So what could that post possibly be a prelude to? A post about death? A post about loss? No.. a post about math.

That's right, today and today only I'm going to be your own personal (but shared among my other readers) Professor Charlie Eppes.. because I'm not bad ass enough to be Don

So.. math and death.. how did I manage to relate the two (at least in my mind.)

Well, it started with the Tool song "Lateralus", which I realized one day contains an extra layer to what I had previously thought. It's all in the opening lyrics...


White are
All I see
In my in-fan-cy.
Red and yel-low then came to be,
Reach-ing out to me.
Lets me see.

As be-low, so a-bove and bey-ond, I im-a-gine
Drawn bey-ond the lines of rea-son.

Push the env-el-ope.
Watch it bend.

Do you see it? I've broken it down into syllables so that should help. (Oh, and I bolded the last bit because that was the title of the post) Anyway, let's have a look through the syllables in each line..

Black (1)
Then (1)

White are (2)
All I see (3)
In my in-fan-cy. (5)
Red and yel-low then came to be, (8)
Reach-ing out to me. (5)

Lets me see. (3)

As be-low, so a-bove and bey-ond, I im-a-gine (13)
Drawn bey-ond the lines of rea-son. (8)

Push the env-el-ope. (5)

Watch it bend. (3)

Anyone who is as obsessed with the Fibonnaci sequence as I am should spot it there very clearly now. For those of you who have forgotten it's joys, I won't go into too much detail about it here (if you want to do that click the link above to Wikipedia) other than to say it is a very simple mathematic sequence where each number equals the two numbers that came before it (ie 0+1 = 1, 1+1=2, 1+2=3, 2+3=5, 3+5=8 and so on)

So inspired was I when I first realized that layer in the song, I decided to try and bring it to a blog. Don't worry about scrolling up to check it now.. I'll put it below..

Eyes open.
There he stands.
His outstretched arm beckons me.
I begin to move towards his dark silhouette.
He looks as tales have always described with his black cloak and scythe.
I know this can not be my hour.
He will never take me!
I offer exchanges.
Sadness overwhelms.


So why did I write the post about death? Well, because I saw a show about the five stages of grief at about the same time I wrote this and wanted to take on the additional challenge of fitting a third layer in there.

I know this can not be my hour. Denial
He will never take me! Anger
I offer exchanges. Bargaining
Sadness overwhelms. Depression
Acceptance. Acceptance (Duh!)

So, I guess for me those 53 words were a simple tribute to a fantastic song, and a nice creative challenge (I know what you're thinking.. a tad complex for a creative challenge, why couldn't I have simply done more backwards blogging?). My own way of saying that while on the surface you might see one thing, often in life if you look deeper there could be three or four layers.

If you take the time to stop and appreciate the little things in life, you might find a whole deeper meaning which blows your mind more than what you discovered on the surface had (at least that's what I found with the song)

Anyone who wants to check out the song or learn more about Fibonacci and how it relates to the song (and has a spare nine and a half minutes on their hands) should take a look at hte video below.

For those of you who didn't check out the video, I'll share with you just a small piece of what it says..

The song suggests living life much like the Fibonacci spiral. Constantly growing and spiraling out; exploring and reaching toward the unknown."

And that concludes today's lesson on Fibonacci.

But I'm not finished yet...

What kind of a teacher would I be if I didn't leave you with some humor? And what kind of humor is better than Venn Diagram humor? That's right, no humor.

Krystal posted this on her blog a few weeks back and I've been enjoying it ever since. It tickles me in all the right place.

Since then I have been enjoying the Venn Diagram and I have told a few of you that I would be preparing some.. most of which I've now forgotten, but I do remember telling SleepyJane I would be doing one.

She posted a few weeks ago saying that anyone who has never thought about murder has never been in love. I agreed with her that that was true, but I also argued that love was not necessary for thoughts of murder. I said anyone who has been to high school would have thought about murder.. but then I realised even people who hadn't been to high school would have also considered it.


Then let me make things clear through the magic that is the Venn Diagram.

If I owe you a venn diagram let me know and I will right the wrong.

Anyway, I'll leave it to Weird Al and the boys from "The Big Bang Theory" to let you know what the extra layer under this weeks post was.

For anyone who hasn't seen the show, check it out.. really. It's hilarious. For anyone who has checked out the show I've often wondered which character I have the most in common with and after much thought I've decided my intelligence lies somewhere between Howard and Penny's and my social skills somewhere between Sheldon and Raj's.

Leonard: We need to widen our circle.
Sheldon: I have a very wide circle. I have 212 friends on myspace.
Leonard: Yes, and you’ve never met one of them.
Sheldon: That’s the beauty of it.
(The Big Bang Theory- Pilot)

Oh wait! Just to show you how white and nerdy I really am, as anyone who took the opportunity to add me to Facebook or Twitter will have noticed, I was recently scolded for being such a rebel..

Sunday, August 23, 2009

England Strikes Back

Hello ScoFans!

For those of you who missed it, PickNic asked me to write a guest post for her which was posted at her blog yesterday. It was a lot of fun and I thank Nic again for giving me the opportunity to entertain the Nicolytes.

Now, for those of you who haven't read the post, click the link above and travel there now. I took the opportunity to write a letter to the Motherland (England), and I may have been a little not nice to them (but it was all in fun)

However, all in fun or not what kind of a person would I be if I didn't give England the opportunity to reply? I think it's only fair. So now, all the way from England, Nic responds to my post...

G'day Mates!

How are things Down Under? Incidentally, how does it feel to be standing upside down your whole life? Don't you get a head rush?

This letter is a response to the one your beloved ScoMan sent to my country. That's England, by the way, for those of you who don't know. So let me start by responding to some of the issues he addressed in his letter.

Firstly...yeah, we're shit at cricket. But so what? If it wasn't for us you wouldn't even have it. We invented the damn game so surely we can play it how we like! And football, we invented that too. Real football. What the hell is 'Aussie Rules Football'? What, you couldn't grasp the actual rules so you made up your own? Do it properly, for Heaven's sake!

And so what if we can't be bothered to have sex all the time? Ok, we may not be able to claim to have invented that, and maybe we do just prefer to have a nice cup of tea and a sit down now and then. But when we bother to do it, we're good at it. Unfortunately I couldn't find anything online to back this statement up, but according to a recent survey (by me) among English women (my friends), British men are the best in the world when it comes to getting jiggy with it. Admittedly, most of us have only slept with British men, but that's not the point. We enjoyed it. For the most part.

Anyway, you love us really. You can't get enough of us. You even use our flag to make up part of yours. So every time you look at it you're reminded that you used to be British. And probably wish you still were.

So you may have better weather and sit around on the beach all day wearing those hats with the corks hanging down while playing a digeridoo, drinking Fosters and cooking shrimps on the barbie (ok, I know that's just a stereotype). But you have to celebrate Christmas during the summer and that's just plain weird. What the hell does Santa wear over there? Shorts and flip-flops? Does he arrive on a surfboard? And the carols...you can't be singing Let it Snow. I'm guessing the weather outside is far from frightful.

And you know what else? You've got some strange animals down there. A duck-billed platypus? What the hell is that thing? It looks like it's come straight out the pages of a fantasy novel. And I wouldn't like to have to check under the bed for stray possums every night before I went to sleep. You've got kangaroos that kick the shit out of each other and creatures that'll kill you as soon as look at you. Deadly snakes and spiders, scorpions, crocodiles, the lot. Even the cute, innocent-looking koalas have chlamydia.

And all those sheep...oh wait, that's New Zealand, not Australia. Not that there's any difference. And that's probably the most offensive thing I've said in the whole of this letter, so I think I'll just stop typing now.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Push the Envelope, Watch it bend

Awake. Groggy. Eyes open. There he stands. His outstretched arm beckons me. I begin to move towards his dark silhouette. He looks as tales have always described with his black cloak and scythe. I know this can not be my hour. He will never take me! I offer exchanges. Sadness overwhelms. Acceptance. Darkness.

Discussion to come during the regular weekly post.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Because right now, nothing else matters

Hello ScoFans!

I wasn't sure if I was going to post tonight. Some of you noticed on Twitter that I mentioned I had a letter to write (which has been done and forwarded) and I wasn't sure if I had the energy or the motivation to continue to write.

And so I crashed on Sunday evening, flicked on the Football to watch the Mighty Bombers who were sitting 9th on the ladder and taking on the top of the ladder, hadn't dropped a game this year, won 19 in a row St Kilda.

I know that none of you care about this, but do you know what? Right now, that doesn't matter.

There's no point stalling here, we all know I wouldn't be posting about this if the result hadn't gone my way.

I don't know how well you can read that, but Essendon managed to win it by 2 points after being 29 points in front at 3 quarter time. St Kilda came hard in the last quarter and their gun forward had a shot at goal after the siren to win them the game, it was an incredibly nervous moment for Essendon fans around the country (and I imagine for the gun forward as well) but unfortunately for him (and fortunately for me) he missed. They lose, we win. Yay!

Of course, I had to go to LAST week's game. I had to go to the game where a kick after the siren from the opposition bought them to a draw (it was still exciting to be at a draw, but crushing to see a game Essendon had won slip away from them after the buzzer) I couldn't be at THIS WEEK's game when they managed to hold on to their slim lead.

The atmosphere during the final 10 minutes last week at the ground was electric, and I imagine it would have been much the same today. But the difference being, last week everyone went home disappointed because a draw is as good as a loss, this week one side would have been cheering and singing the club song while the others left with their shoulders slumped (last week there was no club song, a guy just came over the PA and said "That's it. It's a draw. Everyone go home".. maybe not in quite those words, but that's how it felt)

Oh, and what also made this week fun is that my brother is a St Kilda supporter, so I got to send him fun text messages. Here's some of the exchanges that took place:
ScoMan- Don't know if you're aware. Just keeping you in the loop.
Ess 66
Stk 33
CraMan- I'll loop you if you're not careful.

Okay, so from 66 to 33 they probably shouldn't have won by only 2 points. Especially seeing as I had a $5 flutter on them to win by more than 39.5 which paid out at something like $21.50 (I still won on my flutter for them to win which paid out at $6.00) but hey, a win is a win (you're learning today and that's good. You've learned a win is a win and a draw is a loss)

Then after the game.

ScoMan - 19-1
CraMan - 9-11
ScoMan - Excuse me, you forgot our draw. But all that matters is we're in the finals now. And guess what? We'll beat you then too.
CraMan - Excuse me but we're just throwing games to get extra draft picks. You won't beat shit.

It's funny because his team is set on top of the ladder and can't get any more draft picks now no matter what happens.

From the start of the weekend where playing finals football was unlikely, Essendon now sit in the 8, so from here it's theirs to lose.

Anyway, sorry to bore you all with Football talk this week. Next week I have something great planned, rest assured. And as I said, this week it was either football or nothing. Be glad the result fell the way it did and I felt the need to brag to anyone who would listen (you were listening, right?)

I'm going to give you the opportunity now to sing along to their theme song with me.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Suck me dry

Suckin up all you can, suckin up all you can suck.
Workin up under my patience like a little tick.
Fat little parasite.
Hello ScoFans!
Well, after having my Internet down for most of the night and starting to think this post wasn't going to happen, we are back online and order is back in the world.
So, this week, story not quite ready, instead I'm going to do something many of you have done before. I'm going to take a wander through some of the keyword searches that have bought people here.. to ScoMan's land.
My blood is bruised and borrowed.
You thieving bastards.
You have turned my blood cold and bitter,
beat my compassion black and blue.
I'm going to put the first two together...
Hello I want to play a game You are a perfectly healthy, sane and middle-class citizen yet last month, "SAW: What would your 'Play Me' tape say?" quiz
Both have bought multiple people here. Perhaps I need to start paying royalties to the Saw movies. I might be a tad obsessed with them.. but do you know what else I'm obsessed with? Dexter. And how many people have found me searching for Dexter? Nada.
I hope you're choking.
I hope you choke on this.
Again, throwing another few together
shotgun betty stoppin dead at my shoes, damned alphabet, WHAT COME BEFORE M in the alphabet, I Comes Before You In The Alphabet
Ah.. Puscifer fans. Searching for information on the Vagina Mine as well I see. Well, good on you. Never give up hope. Also, I hope I was of some use to you in your search.
I hope you're choking.
I hope you choke on this.
And while we're discussing music.. do you know what else was a keyword to find me? You don't? That's okay, because I was going to tell you anyway.
They say there's only six degrees of separation between all of us. In the world of blogging I'm wondering if there is even less than that. Anyway, you're only one degree out. Where you wanted to be was over here.
I hope you're choking.
I hope you choke on
Am I the only one who never realised how musically focussed this blog is? Because it's not until I'm looking through the keyword list and starting to realise how a lot of people that made there way here, did so for the music. Next on the list...
uh oh back in the lab again
I'm not sure which is more famous, Eminems music or the time I took him on. I'm thinking it's probably the former.. but only just.
Hope this is what you wanted.
Hope this is what you had in mind.
Cuz this is what you're getting.
Now for some strange ones that threw me a little bit.
"here's your learners permit. go away"
It took me a long time to work out what you wanted. Then it hit me. You found the scene I painstakingly wrote out word for word of "The Big Bang Theory". The one where Sheldon gets his learners permit. Still one of the funniest things I've seen on television. I hope you appreciate the effort I went to.
I hope you're choking.
I hope you choke on this.
your like my favourite seasons thats why im missing you like an incompletion
I don't even know what you mean, much less how you found me. Also, I hate to be a gramma nazi (no I don't) but I think you meant "you're". The line to me seems sappy and romantic, and those are two things I am not. Nonetheless, enjoy your stay and I hope you come again.
I hope you're choking.
I hope you choke on
And finally...
scomen us online adventure
First of all.. scoMEN? No, sorry. There is only one ScoMan, and I am he. US? Never been. Online adventure? There I can help you. My existence is online, so if I'm going to take an adventure, it would be.. yup, online.
Taken all I can, taken you like can, you can take.
Taken all you can, Taken all you can fuckin' take
Got nothing left to give to you.
Blood suckin parasitic little tick/blood suckin parasitic little tick
Take what you want and then go.
Well, that is our first journey though the keywords that have enlightened and enriched peoples lives. I wonder if any of the people who found me through keywords have ever returned. If you're one of them, leave a comment and let me know. You don't have to let me know which one was you.
Until next week, this is The Sco over and out.
Is this what you wanted?
Is this what you had in mind?
Cuz this this is what you're getting.
Tool- Ticks and Leeches

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Stuff that didn't fit anywhere else

Hello ScoFans!

It's day three of the horoscope thing and I give up already. Blogging every day for a month suddenly seemed like such a huge task, and I was really not into the spirit of the game (energy levels are low at this time of year). Keep following Daisy's adventure though, she is making it happen and making it interesting.

However, it is Sunday night and that means it's time to do my regular weekly post. Because I didn't have you vote for anything last week, this week I'm just throwing together things that didn't fit anywhere else.

First on the list, is thanking you all for your comments during the Seven Sins posts. They were all fantastic. I really enjoyed writing those posts and the fact you all got into it as much as you did and left the wonderful comments you did made the experience all the more enjoyable.

Second, I recently received an award from the Gula in the Stiletto.

This award is to honor bloggers that are kindhearted individuals who regularly take part in my blog and always leave comments. This award is to thank those individuals for their growing friendships through the blog world.

Rather than list everyone I'm giving this award to, I'm just going to give it to the people who commented during the Seven Sins week. It was all my regular commentors, it was the people I have formed friendships with and it means I don't write a huge long list right now.

A special mention does go out to Catt for this award though for her post about Buckley. For those who don't know Buckley is a dog who was attacked by some unbelievably cruel people, and Catt's post about the incident was very passionate and spread the story to her international readers. Instead of spreading it to my international readers, I recommend reading Catt's post as I agree with her views on the action we need to take when it comes to animal cruelty, however the post is not for people with a weak stomach.

I've also wanted to let you all know that I've been working for awhile now (since before my 100th post as part of the 100th post celebration) with my three most loyal readers on a bit of a story. All of them have now been following me for over 100 posts, and I consider them all friends outside of the bloggosphere as well. The three bloggers I've been working with are..

Badriyyah - who has co-written a story with me before. Although our last Project kind of disappeared, we are working together again and I am a big fan of her blog and her writing so it's always an honour to work with her.

She has also been a great friend because we are both moody Scorpios who try to hide our moods behind our masks, but we can see right through each other, so we know when the other is having a bad day. She's been there for me a lot when I've been down, and I'm glad to have her as a friend.

touchingjoy who also threw me an award last week where I had to mention seven things about myself (and I cheated and I declare that the seven sins were the seven things) She is a very intelligent blogger and has taught me a lot about politics (in particular South African politics) that I would otherwise not have known about.

Through the magic of Twitter we have recently formed a strong friendship, and there is a lot of mutual respect and laughing at sitcoms that not a lot of other people watch going on. Although she's been far too busy to tweet to me lately (or so she says), I hope she remains a long term friend.

Finally D*, who hasn't written very much lately but when she does she lays it all on the line. She usually (always) writes about boys or some other juiciness in her life, and it is always an interesting read.

Not only has she been a follower since post one, as I've said before she is the reason I started this blog. She's been a friend for.. umm.. 7.. 8(?).. years now, and I know she has said before just that she would like to be the exception rather than the rule. In my life she is definetely the exception. It's no secret I struggle to make friends, and those I do make don't seem to last very long, so for someone to remain my friend for as long as she has is a rare feat indeed. Maybe someday I need to bring her in to write a guest blog.. "Dealing with ScoMan".

Hopefully next week we'll start bringing you the story. In the mean time, start following these ladies, add them to your readers or whatever it is you do to keep up with your favourite blogs.

They are only three friends in the bloggosphere, there are many more and you know who you are. Because today is (apparently) international friendship day I would like to thank all of you today for being such amazing people.

And so I'll finish on International Friends Day by saying I was recently asked (on twitter, by a blogger, so it includes all of you) how come all of my friends are beautiful women. I hadn't thought about it before that, but other than a few exceptions (being the beautiful men) I realised the person who asked the question (who shall remain nameless) had a point.

So how come all of my friends are beautiful people? Is it because I'm shallow and I'll only be friends with attractive people? Hardly. I couldn't tell you why it is.. and then I was listening to a song on the way home today, which gave an answer as good as any I could come up with..

Live free, and beauty surrounds you

The world still astounds you

Each time you look at a star

Andy Williams- Born Free

Until next week, beautiful people...

Saturday, August 1, 2009

August 2nd

Hello ScoFans!

Day two of the great horoscope project as started by Daisy.

Let's start by reviewing what today's horoscope was.

Saturday, Aug 1st, 2009 -- You are feeling the stresses and strains of an emotional conflict that can almost reach an eruption point today. But expressions of jealousy and envy are probably based on unrealistic fears and insecurities, so don't give in to them too quickly. Shifting your thinking from a model based on scarcity to one built on abundance can loosen the tangled knot that is preventing you from taking the next big step in your life

Well, I can't say I recognise anything that happened today in any of what is written there. No eruption points. No fears or insecurities. No jealousy or envy.

The morning was spent on Twitter in my PJs. Then I got the Internet working again on my phone (so I can use Twitter from it) and then this afternoon I met my brothers girlfriend. Nothing exciting. No tangled knots or big steps taken.

Let's see what tomorrow holds.

Sunday, Aug 2nd, 2009 -- You might feel as if you are finally receiving the emotional support that's long overdue. Don't resist the positive change, whether others actually come forward to offer their personal assistance today or if you just believe that your world has somehow become a friendlier place. You may have to set aside a relationship issue that's not yet completely resolved, but don't waste time worrying about it. Let the current stabilizing energy play through instead of unsuccessfully forcing something to happen

I really think these are from like a month ago because for the last little bit I have been feeling the world is a friendlier place, which is in part due to you. Anyway, let's see how accurate it is this time.