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Friday, January 23, 2009

Lights On, Noone's Home

Been here before couldn't say I liked it
Do I start writing all this down?
Just let me plug you into my world
Can't you help me be uncrazy?

Metallica- The Unnamed Feeling


ScoMan left a few days ago now and Matt wasn't interested in taking over. I've been empty.

Uninspired. Unmotivated. Unwilling to do anything outside of what is absolutely necessary to ensure the surival of my being and my job. I force a smile. I'm glad I have my masks.

Perhaps it's my time to shuffle off this mortal coil, and whilst it is honorable for the Captain to go down with the ship, there seems to be some difference of opinion as to who exactly that is.

I look forward to going to bed. And when I'm there, I don't want to leave. Why is it we always seek out the comfort of our beds when we're down, but don't appreciate it when we're not? No matter what you told me now, I would feel nothing.

Perhaps one of Georgia's reaper friends popped my soul out well before my time, and all that's left for me to do is spiral towards my violent, untimely demise.

I've stumbled through every conversation I've had over the last few days, just doing enough to avoid being asked "What's wrong?". I hate that question. I've done everything I can over the last few years to avoid it. What's wrong? I'm dead inside.

Perhaps it's just been a long week, and resting ScoMan and Matt over the long weekend will make one of them ready to control this vessel again. I think that's the most likely scenario.

3 comments:

  1. Ugh! I hate feeling that way. And I've definetly had those days. They never seem to last one or two either, those days engulf you for about a week or more. Blech. I'm sorry you feel empty and blah.

    You could always try standing on your head and sticking your elbow in your ear. Could be a good time...:) lol

    ReplyDelete
  2. Aw, my Scon...when I'm down, you're down, but now I'm up, so...get literally and metaphorically up so that we are even! I miss you :(
    Fuck Scon and Matt, create a new one so that you have three people to rely on during hard moments :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hillbilly Duhn- Thanks for the advice, but I am unable to stand on my head. I haven't been able to get close for about 15 years.

    Thrice- There's nobody here at the moment. Nobody to be named. Just a shell. Hmmm... Maybe Sheldon?

    ReplyDelete

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