Post #49

For the past few weeks I have been struggling to think of something to write about. I've put it down to the fact I have been looking forward to the 50th post and answering some of your questions.

Because I can't think of anything to write for the 49th post, and because I received two sets of questions, I decided to split it over two posts.

The first set of questions are provided by Random Hiccups. I still remember the first post of hers I read way back here which encouraged people to question their morals. It has been interesting reading her posts for the last few months as she makes her way towards her wedding day, and I'm sure the upcoming tales of a Newlywed will be just as good.

Anyway, question time!

1. What three people annoy you the most?
Andrew G. Anyone outside Australia probably doesn’t know who he is (so I put in a handy Wikipedia link for you), but I have been driven to start a Facebook group “Let’s hunt and kill Andrew G” (and I think you should all join it =p) so the guy must annoy me quite a bit. He is just so phoney. I try not to watch shows with him on them, but then there’s ads as well.

Next would be Bindi Irwin. I haven’t seen much of her lately, but that little runt is just so happy all the time. I find small comfort in the fact that she will probably one day turn to drugs and disappear like all child stars.

Will Ferrell is the last one. I can NOT watch a movie with that man in it. He is just not at all funny, and his attempts at humor make me cringe, and want to break things (like his legs). His jokes often make me feel like doing as Stewie does in Family Guy and flying to his house, punching him in the face and yelling “It’s not funny!”

2. List two pet hates of yours and your reaction to them
People “popping in” unannounced. Time to plug another Facebook group I started.. “I HATE the pop in!” (which was as much a tribute to Seinfeld as it was an anti pop in statement) My general reaction to that is to not answer the door. If I’m not expecting anyone, the door does not get opened. But, I live over an hour away from almost anyone who would visit me, so it is in their best interests to make sure I’m home anyway.

Second, the telemarketer calling when I'm eating. Normally with them I will say “Yes! I am very interested. Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? Are you there? Hello?” *put the phone down and wander away leaving them to talk to themselves thinking there is a problem with the line*

3. Why do you do what you do for a living?
I am an Accountant in a public practice firm. Now you know why I have never revealed that. People just tend to think “This guy must be boring” and wander off. (It was difficult not to mention something on your recent Taxation post Endless Radmoness, but I would be much like your tax counsultant)

4. What will make you pee your pants with laughter?
Can’t go past people falling over. As bad as this sounds, the older the person, the funnier it is (unless they hurt themselves of course)

I remember at a train station with a friend about two years ago, we were walking down a long flight of stairs and this woman, who must have been in her fifties, slipped and fell. I had a quiet chuckle to myself, and his first instinct was to run down and see if she was okay.

He is a much better person than I am.

5. When was the last time you told someone that you cared about them?
Recently (within the last week or two), because I thought they needed to hear it and because I do care a lot about them.

6. Share your best joke.
It was hard to pick just one. But, I thought I would honour George Bush by sharing a joke I was emailed recently that I quite enjoyed.

Donald Rumfield briefed the president this morning. He told Bush that three Brazillian soldiers had been killed in Iraq. To everyone’s amazement, all the colour ran from Bush’s face, then he collapsed on his desk, head in his hands visibly shaken, almost whimpering. Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumfield “Just exactly how many is a brazillion?”

I might as well share with you an old accounting joke too.

Three contestants were asked to answer a simple question. “What is 1 plus 1?”

The first contenstant, a teacher, approached the podium and said “Two. One plus one is two.”

The second contestant, a mathematician, took the stage and through a series or formulas and charts argued that while it was probable that one plus one does equal two, you could not discount the fact that one plus one may equal four.

Finally, it was the accountants turn. He was asked the question “What does one plus one equal?” He winked, smiled and said “What do you want it to be?”

7. What is your best "I was drunk and..." story?
Being that I don’t drink I don’t have many of these. In fact, I think I’ve only ever really been drunk once, and that was for the end of high school break up thing.

When I was drunk, I just said “fuck” a lot. And I still had enough wits about me to vomit on my left when I realised my friend was passed out beside me on my right (only just though, I turned right first and was able to make the correction just in time) Not a great story, but it’s the only one I have.

8. Complete this sentence: One time at band camp...
everybody played their instruments beautifully and kept perfect timing, and a really wonderful time was had by all.

And then there was an orgy. With a moose.

9. What are your top 10 ways to waste time
At work.
- hit “refresh” on the browser with Hotmail open.
- Check how the Australian Stock exchange is tracking
- Visit ninemsn.com.au to see if there is anything interesting happening in the world of news
- Make a comment that I know will get a particular coworker on his soap box and have him
lecture me for 20 minutes to an hour
- Plotting my escape
- Rearrange my filing system
At home
- Looking at things on eBay I will never buy
- planning world domination
- bobbing the bobblehead
- rearrange my CDs

10. What the heck are you having for supper?
I think I still have some of my Christmas chocolate in the fridge. I’m not a big chocolate eater, but I seem to get a lot of Christmas every year. So, the plan is to eat that whilst sitting down to watch the first episode of series 3 of Dexter (I had to get extra channels on my pay-TV to watch it. I know, I’m obsessed.)

11. Can I stay with you until the heat dies down?
Sure. Breakfast is at 8, lunch at 1, dinner at 7 and lights out at 11. You should also be aware there has been a flower truck with a satellite parked opposite my flat for about a week now.

Hope you enjoyed this part of the question asking. There'll be part two tomorrow. Thanks again to Random Hiccups for taking the time to put the list together! Especially the last question, how do you come up with these things? =p

I have been slowly putting these together since they were emailed, so whilst the answers may have been correct at the time of answering, they may be different at the time of posting. In particular, I refer to question 10.