Welcome everybody to my commentary

I've got so much talent, it's a little scary

Is my every random thought insightful? Very

Not just entertaining- I'm a luminary

Neil Patrick Harris- Commentary! The Musical

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Stay out of the kitchen.. bathroom.. bedroom.. study..

I'm typing this to you now from my parents place.

This state is experiencing its worst heatwave in over 100 years. 3 days in a row have hit 43 degrees or more (110 degrees Farenheit), and that is in the city, it's much worse in the country towns.

Today is up there again. I haven't heard the official temperatures, but I know it's over 40. As it will be tomorrow, as it will be Monday.

A lot of animals are finding it hard to live. I've heard stories on the radio about possums falling out of trees, some will drink water offered by people, others won't, and sadly end up dying. I've seen a pigeon saved by a coworker that was struggling in the street outside our office when he went to lunch. He gave it plenty of water and left it in the shade out the back of the office with a water dish. I've seen the ants that flocked to that dish within the space of a few hours. And my parents dog would have met it's end yesterday had my mum not come home from work early.

And my little flat, bless it, is an oven (hence a visit to the parents was in order). A big window in the study which catches the morning sun and big windows in the lounge and bedroom which catch the afternoon sun (but at least they have awnings- stupid study) The only comfortable place is right in front of the air conditioner reading, watching TV or trying to sleep. The bedroom, the study, the bathroom, if you go there, you don't want to stay for long. As I type this I remember that I have left the door to the study closed. With the morning sun that room will be hot tomorrow, maybe I'll just leave the door closed until winter.

So, if I haven't been commenting on your blogs, now you know why. I'm avoiding the study as best I can. It's not that I don't love you my pets, because I do, but I'm just not willing to suffer for you.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Post #52 ... More questions

Well, these are the last questions I have been asked (for now), and I think the most interesting questions have been saved for last.

Today's questions come from Hillbilly Duhn. You can read her blog at "Hillbilly Duhn's Times & Tribulations". As some of today's questions indicate, she definately thinks outside the box and is incredibly creative. If you enjoy those things, then read her blog!

Question time..

1. A very ugly woman was stalking you at the store. She finally decided stalking just wasn't enough, and came up to you, and said, "You are beautiful, and I can't keep my eyes off you and would like to ask you out." Then she smiled and uncovered snarly, rotten teeth. What would you say and or do?
I'd smile, muster all the charm I could and tell her how flattered I was, but that I'm the sort of person who has become accustomed to and enjoys the emptiness of a life alone. Were it not for the fact that I was born with no libido, I would be delighted to take her up on her offer, but unfortunately the life of eternal singledom chose me, and as a result females everywhere must suffer.

2. If you could describe yourself in one word, what would it be?

3. You're having a drink with a friend, and half way through the conversation, you notice that they have a big angry booger waving at you. Would you tell them or would you continue staring at the waving booger?
First of all, for me to notice it would have to be a HUGE booger. I'm not exactly observant.

I think I'd just ignore it. I wouldn't want to upset the flow of our conversation so that they could clean themselves up. They can do that on their own time.

4. If you were abducted by a mob of Amazon woman, with only one boob per chest, but amazingly beautiful, and said that you had to repopulate their culture and that they would let you be king of all their tribe, but you had to leave what you currently know and like, would you do it?
So long as I didn't have to spend too much of my time repopulating their tribe. I think that would be a good life, free of the responsibilites of work and all the other burdens modern life brings. And I don't think I'd really be leaving much behind.

For those of you thinking back to yesterday's post and thinking "That's a tad hypocritical, you said one person shouldn't wield that sort of power", well as I would be the King it would be monarchy, not a dictatorship, and a monarchy is okay.

5. What if the Amazon woman later turned out to be big green aliens with bobble heads that sprouted unusual tenticles in all the wrong places?
Bobble heads are fun. Would the unusual tentacles make it difficult or painful to repopulate their tribe? If I'd be okay with it, for all the reasons listed above. It's always good to be the King.

6. Do you believe in Karma?
I did. Once. But I've seen too many good people suffer. Now I believe life's a bitch and then you die.

7. Dogs or Cats?
Dogs all the way. I'm so tired of cats judging me all the time. Bastards.

8. Stand on your head and walk on your elbows or moon passer byers on the road?
Standing on my head and walking on my elbows sounds like a difficult feat. I guess I'm mooning people.

9. Water or Wine?
Water. It's healthy, refreshing and non-alcoholic.

10. Tell us a story invovling you and another person that turned out to be either horrifically embarassing, freaky, or just down right wierd. Or simply "It just wasn't right."

I guess this one falls between "wierd" and "not right".

After Uni one day I was at the food place across the road with my friend waiting for her brother (who was also my friend) to get there, when this car pulled up. Being the paranoid observer of people that I am, I watch the guy and girl get out of the car.

Half way to the door, the guy sees me looking at him and just says "What the fuck are you looking at?" I shrug and look away, not one to partake in random acts of violence. And then my friends sister, all five foot four 60 kilos soaking wet calm little thing she was, just lost it. I have no idea where it came from. I'd never seen her raise her voice before, let alone carry on like this. The guy and his girlfriend hurried inside. He might have had 30 kilos and 6 inches on her, but he didn't want any piece of that.

When he was inside she apologised, and told me she was just having a bad day. I shrugged again "I guess so" I said. "But if you had of started something with him you were on your own, you know that?" I said with a grin. She laughed.

We were still there when they came back out. This time his girlfriend started swearing at my friend. Me and the guy just looked at each other, realising that we had started this whole thing, and that this was unlikely to end well for any parties involved. Somehow, we calmed them down.

I hope that story suits your criteria! I was thinking about this for a long time (several hours whilst eating dinner and watching TV) and that's the story that kept coming back to my memory!

Thanks again to Hillbilly Duhn for today's questions. I had a lot of fun answering them. Some were quite challenging. And thanks to everyone who has asked questions so far. I hope it's allowed you all to learn a little more about me.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Post #51.. The questions continue

After seeing how wonderfully I answered the questions I have been asked so far, two more of my pets decided to email me further questions they would like to see me ask. I'll answer one set today, the other tomorrow.

Today's questions come from my blog sister (my blister? =p) yourstruly100 from "Every day is a little life!!" If you haven't checked out her blog yet, do so. Her ideas and thoughts are quite similar to my own, so if you like my blog, you'll like hers as well right? Logic, it's a wonderful thing. The one thing that may set us apart is her heart of gold. She seems to think very much about ways to improve community around her, and I could probably stand to do more of that.

She wanted them answered spontaneously, and they will be answered as spontaneously as they can be considering I checked my email before work it's just before dinner time (but this was my first chance to blog)

Q1.One wish you pray never comes true for anybody

At first I thought about this trying to think of negative things, but then I looked at it from another angle.

I pray nobody ever gets ultimate and unquestioned control over the world (such as a dictator of the world) Dictatorships lead to death and suffering of the people, and for someone to have that kind of control over the world would make most of the rest of the population miserable. I know a lot of people wish for, or would like to have that sort of power, but I don't think it would be a good thing.

Q2. How do you define smartness??

I think an ability to discuss a lot of different topics or tell stories in an entertaining matter indicate intelligence. It's not so much about what someone can memorise from a book, anyone can re-read a page until it is imprinted into their mind. It's about being able to grasp the concepts of a conversation and valueably contribute.

Q3. Who is your best buddy and what gesture by that person made him or her the best??

I've never had a "best buddy" in the sense of someone I can call just to talk to, or someone I share my deepest and darkest thoughts with. I'm a fairly private person.

I guess my best buddy, purely as a reward for the amount of time he's had to deal with my shit, would be a friend I've known since kinder, which was about 20 years ago now. We hang out together about every four to six weeks, and just have a laugh about life in general. He got also got a posting of an officer role in my newest Facebook group (any excuse to share the name of this one with you..)

Dexter Morgan is an acceptable role model

Q4. If you had a chance and the funds to do some kind of charity work what would it be?

I'm trying to think of a group in need who doesn't already get serviced by another charity or institution. I did like your idea, but I won't steal that (and I won't discuss what it was so people are intrigued and follow the link)

I'm trying to think of something where I could put my existing skill set to use, but numbers can't help the needy.

Even though there are people out there already doing this service, I can't think of a new one, so I'd have to help the kids. The kids who never had a chance because their parents never gave them one.

The kids who come from the homes where the parents are either drunk or drugged most of the day, and make them feel like they can never amount to anything. I'd want to give those kids a chance to be all they can be, and not be held back by their parents negligence.

I guess the best way to do that would be through education centres.

Q5. One memory that hurt you most back then but you laugh about it today.

The one that springs to mind is back in high school some of my friends were doing the thing with a group of girls where "you go out with my friends and I'll go out with your friends." One day, two of my friends were talking about the girls and one of them said "I don't get what she's doing there though. She's like Scotty with us, she just doesn't belong"

At the time I thought "Wow, and here I was thinking I belonged" Now though I look back and realise I didn't fit in there. I don't fit in anywhere. I'm just an entertainer with no serious connections.

Thanks again to yourstruly100 for the questions. I had fun answering them. Remember to check out her blog. It will make me happy. Don't you want to make me happy?

I have another set of questions lined up for tomorrow. I've had a sneak peek and I am really looking forward to answering them.

Because we have discussed spontaneity and intelligence today I'm going to share some quotes from a book I'm reading. The following is from an interview between a Psychiatrist (Irvine) and a prisoner (Blake)

Blake: We assume we control our minds when we don't. They're so easily manipulated. Make a man destitute and you make him envious. Make him wealthy and you make him proud. Saints and sinners are the only free thinkers in a governed society.
Irvine: Which are you?
Blake: Neither. I'm incapable of free thought. My mind is bound.
Irvine: By what?
Blake: By the same thing as yours, doctor. By intellect. You're too sensible to act against your own interests, therefore your life lacks spontaneity. You will die in the chains you've made for yourself.
Irvine: You were arrested for stealing. Wasn't that acting against your own interests?
Blake: I was hungry
Irvine: You think it's sensible to be in prison?
Blake: It's cold outside
Irvine: Tell me about these chains I've made for myself
Blake: They're in your mind. You conform to the patterns of behaviour that others have prescribed for you. You will never do what you want because the tribe's will is stronger than yours.


Irvine: It's a very bleak philosophy, Billy. Is there no room for happiness in your life?
Blake: I get drunk whenever I can
Irvine: Does that make you happy?
Blake: Of course, but then I define happiness as intellectual absence. Your definition is probably different.

The Echo- Minette Walters

Two days in a row of long quotes. I hope they were read after the effort I went to to type them!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Post #50

I finally made it to post 50. Today series of questions come from Thrice, you can read her blog "From the STUPIDEST corner of my mind" here. She is a great blogger, and she is very passionate. She makes the reader feel every bump on the journey that is her life.

On a personal note, she has also become a fantastic friend. Who would have thought from a conversation about a corpse's nose in her mouth such a bond would from? I guess, it's more than just a friendship... she's my family now...

Love you Nilla!

1) What do you think about evil/demonic possesions?
I can’t deny thier existence. For all I know Matt is my own personal demon, I’ve just embraced him (because I don’t want to be locked away from all of you my pets. I don’t know what you’d do without my guiding influence)

I think that possessions can make an otherwise good person do bad things, but I think sometimes people do use it as an excuse for doing bad things.

2) What do you think of average people? Do you like them?
I don’t believe there is such thing as an “average” person. Everyone is different. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses, qualities and failings.

As for the types of people I like, I generally get along better with people of above average intelligence and below average fitness (ie. Not “jocks”) =D

3) What do you think of psychologists and psychiatrists?
I think psychologists can provide valueable insight into human behaviour, but it is certainly not an exact science. They can tell you why you believe you did something after you’ve done it, but not tell you what you’re going to do before you do it (I guess that would make them a psychic)

Psychiatrists are certainly useful. They’ve helped some of my friends through dark times (why does everyone I know need to see a shrink?) I’m scared of seeing one myself though. I think they’d fix me, and maybe get rid of Matt. But I like who I am. I like Matt. I’m damaged. I’m perfect.

4) Who's your idol? (is it Dexter?)
I don’t think I have an idol per se. There is nobody I look at and think “I wish I was exactly like them”, but there are certainly people with qualities I admire.

Yes, Dexter certainly has some traits I’d like. He’s incredibly intelligent, focused and manages to work around his social shortcomings. I think those are all things I could do with some work on.

Maynard James Keenan is another. Again, he is smart and he has an amazing way of looking at the world around him, seeing what others don’t see and putting it into words. I also admire his principles.

Thirdly, my boss. Again, he is intelligent, he is dedicated, he is loyal and he has a way of being brutally honest with people that makes them smile and thank him. Working in the industry I work in, I find it difficult to be honest with people without them blowing up at me, but somehow he has mastered it.

I also like the way Obama (I’m not here to get into a big political thing) is able to hear a question, take a pause to think about the answer and then give his arguments or state the facts in detail. When someone asks me a question, I tend to answer straight away and end up waffling on and even though I know the answer, it doesn’t give the other person a lot of confidence in my response.

And lastly, Sheldon Cooper from "The Big Bang Theory". The guy is a genius and doesn't care about the people around him, because he knows he is smarter than they are. I'll leave you with my favourite Sheldon moment today.

But before I do, thanks again to Thrice for asking these questions. I hope you all enjoyed the answers, and learned a little more about me. By popular demand (okay, one person asked) I will answer any more asked of me. The email address to send them to is askscoman@gmail.com

DMV Lady: Application?
Sheldon: I'm actually more of a theorist.

Howard: The application in your hand, give it to her.
DMN Lady: Take this to the testing area. Put your name at the top, sign the bottom, answer the questions then bring it back. Next!
Sheldon: Excuse me, but I have some concerns about these questions.
DMV Lady: Look at that sign up there.
Sheldon: Yes?
DMV Lady: Does it say "I give a damn"
Sheldon: No
DMV Lady: That's because I don't

Sheldon: Just look, see this first question makes no sense. "How many car lengths should you leave in front of you when driving?" There's no possible way to answer that. A "car length" is not a standardized unit of measure.
DMV Lady: Look at the sign
Penny: Sheldon, it's "c" just put down "c"
Sheldon: I don't need your help Penny
DMV Lady: Listen to that little girl honey, put "c", next!
Sheldon: No wait, now hang on! Look at this next question.
Howard: Sheldon, why are you arguing with the DMV?
Sheldon: How else are they going to learn? Look, question two. When are roadways most slippery? Now, ok, there are three answers, none of which are correct. The correct answer is "when covered by sufficient to reduce to coefficient of static friction between the tyre and the road to essentially zero. But not so deep as to introduce a new source of friction"

DMV Lady: Here's your learners permit, go away!
Sheldon: But I'm not done. I have many additional concerns about these questions.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Post #49

For the past few weeks I have been struggling to think of something to write about. I've put it down to the fact I have been looking forward to the 50th post and answering some of your questions.

Because I can't think of anything to write for the 49th post, and because I received two sets of questions, I decided to split it over two posts.

The first set of questions are provided by Random Hiccups. I still remember the first post of hers I read way back here which encouraged people to question their morals. It has been interesting reading her posts for the last few months as she makes her way towards her wedding day, and I'm sure the upcoming tales of a Newlywed will be just as good.

Anyway, question time!

1. What three people annoy you the most?
Andrew G. Anyone outside Australia probably doesn’t know who he is (so I put in a handy Wikipedia link for you), but I have been driven to start a Facebook group “Let’s hunt and kill Andrew G” (and I think you should all join it =p) so the guy must annoy me quite a bit. He is just so phoney. I try not to watch shows with him on them, but then there’s ads as well.

Next would be Bindi Irwin. I haven’t seen much of her lately, but that little runt is just so happy all the time. I find small comfort in the fact that she will probably one day turn to drugs and disappear like all child stars.

Will Ferrell is the last one. I can NOT watch a movie with that man in it. He is just not at all funny, and his attempts at humor make me cringe, and want to break things (like his legs). His jokes often make me feel like doing as Stewie does in Family Guy and flying to his house, punching him in the face and yelling “It’s not funny!”

2. List two pet hates of yours and your reaction to them
People “popping in” unannounced. Time to plug another Facebook group I started.. “I HATE the pop in!” (which was as much a tribute to Seinfeld as it was an anti pop in statement) My general reaction to that is to not answer the door. If I’m not expecting anyone, the door does not get opened. But, I live over an hour away from almost anyone who would visit me, so it is in their best interests to make sure I’m home anyway.

Second, the telemarketer calling when I'm eating. Normally with them I will say “Yes! I am very interested. Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? Are you there? Hello?” *put the phone down and wander away leaving them to talk to themselves thinking there is a problem with the line*

3. Why do you do what you do for a living?
I am an Accountant in a public practice firm. Now you know why I have never revealed that. People just tend to think “This guy must be boring” and wander off. (It was difficult not to mention something on your recent Taxation post Endless Radmoness, but I would be much like your tax counsultant)

4. What will make you pee your pants with laughter?
Can’t go past people falling over. As bad as this sounds, the older the person, the funnier it is (unless they hurt themselves of course)

I remember at a train station with a friend about two years ago, we were walking down a long flight of stairs and this woman, who must have been in her fifties, slipped and fell. I had a quiet chuckle to myself, and his first instinct was to run down and see if she was okay.

He is a much better person than I am.

5. When was the last time you told someone that you cared about them?
Recently (within the last week or two), because I thought they needed to hear it and because I do care a lot about them.

6. Share your best joke.
It was hard to pick just one. But, I thought I would honour George Bush by sharing a joke I was emailed recently that I quite enjoyed.

Donald Rumfield briefed the president this morning. He told Bush that three Brazillian soldiers had been killed in Iraq. To everyone’s amazement, all the colour ran from Bush’s face, then he collapsed on his desk, head in his hands visibly shaken, almost whimpering. Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumfield “Just exactly how many is a brazillion?”

I might as well share with you an old accounting joke too.

Three contestants were asked to answer a simple question. “What is 1 plus 1?”

The first contenstant, a teacher, approached the podium and said “Two. One plus one is two.”

The second contestant, a mathematician, took the stage and through a series or formulas and charts argued that while it was probable that one plus one does equal two, you could not discount the fact that one plus one may equal four.

Finally, it was the accountants turn. He was asked the question “What does one plus one equal?” He winked, smiled and said “What do you want it to be?”

7. What is your best "I was drunk and..." story?
Being that I don’t drink I don’t have many of these. In fact, I think I’ve only ever really been drunk once, and that was for the end of high school break up thing.

When I was drunk, I just said “fuck” a lot. And I still had enough wits about me to vomit on my left when I realised my friend was passed out beside me on my right (only just though, I turned right first and was able to make the correction just in time) Not a great story, but it’s the only one I have.

8. Complete this sentence: One time at band camp...
everybody played their instruments beautifully and kept perfect timing, and a really wonderful time was had by all.

And then there was an orgy. With a moose.

9. What are your top 10 ways to waste time
At work.
- hit “refresh” on the browser with Hotmail open.
- Check how the Australian Stock exchange is tracking
- Visit ninemsn.com.au to see if there is anything interesting happening in the world of news
- Make a comment that I know will get a particular coworker on his soap box and have him
lecture me for 20 minutes to an hour
- Plotting my escape
- Rearrange my filing system
At home
- Looking at things on eBay I will never buy
- planning world domination
- bobbing the bobblehead
- rearrange my CDs

10. What the heck are you having for supper?
I think I still have some of my Christmas chocolate in the fridge. I’m not a big chocolate eater, but I seem to get a lot of Christmas every year. So, the plan is to eat that whilst sitting down to watch the first episode of series 3 of Dexter (I had to get extra channels on my pay-TV to watch it. I know, I’m obsessed.)

11. Can I stay with you until the heat dies down?
Sure. Breakfast is at 8, lunch at 1, dinner at 7 and lights out at 11. You should also be aware there has been a flower truck with a satellite parked opposite my flat for about a week now.

Hope you enjoyed this part of the question asking. There'll be part two tomorrow. Thanks again to Random Hiccups for taking the time to put the list together! Especially the last question, how do you come up with these things? =p

I have been slowly putting these together since they were emailed, so whilst the answers may have been correct at the time of answering, they may be different at the time of posting. In particular, I refer to question 10.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Lights On, Noone's Home

Been here before couldn't say I liked it
Do I start writing all this down?
Just let me plug you into my world
Can't you help me be uncrazy?

Metallica- The Unnamed Feeling

ScoMan left a few days ago now and Matt wasn't interested in taking over. I've been empty.

Uninspired. Unmotivated. Unwilling to do anything outside of what is absolutely necessary to ensure the surival of my being and my job. I force a smile. I'm glad I have my masks.

Perhaps it's my time to shuffle off this mortal coil, and whilst it is honorable for the Captain to go down with the ship, there seems to be some difference of opinion as to who exactly that is.

I look forward to going to bed. And when I'm there, I don't want to leave. Why is it we always seek out the comfort of our beds when we're down, but don't appreciate it when we're not? No matter what you told me now, I would feel nothing.

Perhaps one of Georgia's reaper friends popped my soul out well before my time, and all that's left for me to do is spiral towards my violent, untimely demise.

I've stumbled through every conversation I've had over the last few days, just doing enough to avoid being asked "What's wrong?". I hate that question. I've done everything I can over the last few years to avoid it. What's wrong? I'm dead inside.

Perhaps it's just been a long week, and resting ScoMan and Matt over the long weekend will make one of them ready to control this vessel again. I think that's the most likely scenario.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

With what life gave me, it's no wonder I'm a fertilizer salesman

Just when I think I'm running out of things to write about, one of you, my lovely pets, gives me something. Whether it be inspiration, an idea, or as in this case, an award.

The lovely Thrice was kind enough to select me for the "Lemonade Award" (no, it is not tradeable for a Pepsi award, I asked). These are the rules. In order to accept this award, I must...

1. Thank the person who was so thoughtful for giving you this award by linking their blog to this post. - Thanks Ace! Luv you!

2. Put the logo on your blog or post. - It's above. Isn't it pretty?

3. Nominate 10 blogs which show great attitude/gratitude. - See below

4. Link your nominees to your post. - See below

5. Comment them to tell them about the award they've won. - No. They will have to read this post to see they won.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I'll do all ten. I'll just go through as many as I want to. (Oh dear, how ever will I plug these blogs when I've had so little practice?)

Firstly, my long lost little sister (you are going to regret ever saying that) yourstruly100 from "Everyday is a little life". You've given me some ideas for some great posts, and I have returned the favour. I also love your idea for the "Peace Centers"

Next, Stephanie from "Breathing up the Oxygen" I always love reading your blog to see what you and your smelly dog are up to.

Badriyyah at "Life Through My Eyes", my partner on the tandem story. I've mentioned before how great your blog is, I don't need to do it again (but it is great)

Patti Ann and your tales of an Actor in New York told at "i love this city always" are always interesting. You also get an award.

Random Hiccups at "Slave to the Ordinary", yours is one of the first blogs I stumbled on to and I enjoyed it so much I stuck around.

And Hillbilly Duhn, although I only recently stumbled on to your blog, "Hillbilly Duhn's Trials & Tribulations", I am enjoying it so much I know I will stick around.

EcK from "Somethings Wrong With This Guy", your blog is often loaded with useful information, or if not that, interesting tales.

And finally D* from "I'm having a moment", you may never read this so you may not ever know you won, but you did introduce me to the blogger site and to 20 something bloggers. Without her influence none of you would be here, enjoying my wonderful blog as much as you do. You have her to thank (or blame).

That's enough. I think I got eight. Near enough to 10, yes? I don't think I missed anyone, but I probably did. Well, if I'm ever giving out these things again, you might get one next time.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Wait... loss?

Sometime last year I was told that people who weigh over 100kgs would definately have some sort of a sleeping disorder. Being that I was tired all the time and tipped the scales at just over that mark, I thought perhaps I should do something about it.

So, I changed my diet. Cut out all the bad things. I really couldn't be bothered with excercise though (other than the 10mins walk to and from work, including walking home for lunch and back afterwards each day). I wasn't out to be an athlete here, just to be healthy.

I monitored my progress over about 2 months, and my weight somehow managed to increase. So I gave up.

I stayed with my parents this weekend and noticed the scales on their bathroom floor. I hadn't checked the weight for at least 6 months, but it never changed, so why would it this time?

It did change. Somewhere, somehow, 12 kilograms disappeared. I checked three times over the weekend. Gone.

There is so much loss in my weight loss tale.

I'm at a loss to explain how those kilograms disappeared.
I discussed this with mum, and I thought chances are I have a terminal illness. Those guys lose weight for no reason all the time. Her theory was that if I had a terminal illness, I would probably be ill. She had a point.

I'm at a loss to explain why the kilograms stayed with me when I was eating healthy.
I don't even have a theory on that one.

I'm at a loss to explain where exactly the kilograms disappeared from
The face and stomach all still look the same. The only thing I'm thinking is it's disappeared from my legs because they do all the hard work holding the rest of me up. *Sigh* If I lose another twelve kilograms I won't be able to make those jokes any more, and that would be society's loss.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Imagine that

I don't have much to say lately. I'll share a story from this evening, which normally, if I had a head full of wonderful ideas, wouldn't get a look in.

I came up to visit my family for the weekend, and this is a conversation I had with my brother.

Him "I think you'd like the book I'm reading at the moment. It's about a serial killer who calls people and leaves them riddles and gives them 3 minutes to work them out, or they die"
Me "Sounds a lot like the movie I watched last night"
Him "What was the name of the movie?"
Me "Thr3e" (yes, I managed to pronounce it that way)
Him "Also the name of the book, which has been turned into a movie"

There I go with those serial killers again.

"Look down on me, you will see a fool. Look up at me, you will see your Lord. Look straight at me, you will see yourself."

Charles Manson

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Frogs and dogs

Some of you may have now realised I do, on a regular basis, steal an idea from my "long lost little sister" yourstruly100. Some of you probably feel a plug coming up. First, I will say that this is a two way street, I steal her ideas and she steals mine. If you like the blog I wrote about what my Christmas presents said about me, check out her blog about what her birthday presents say about her here.

I think that's all the plug she needs. The fact I steal her ideas shows that I like the concepts of her blogs, the fact that she steals mine shows that she is intelligent.

Lately I've felt like I needed to say something. Anything. I needed to express myself and get a blog down, but I couldn't find any words. Then I read her post here about the frog in the well.

It started with a comment on her blog. But, then I thought, I love that comment so much, I would love to expand it into a blog. First, I'll share the story for those who don't know it.

There was a frog that lived in a shallow well.

" Look how well off I am here ! " he told a big turtle from the Eastern Ocean. " I can hop along the coping of the well when I go out, and rest by a crevice in the bricks on my return. I can wallow to my heart's content with only my head above water, or stroll ankle deep through soft mud. No crabs or tadpoles can compare with me. I am master of the water and lord of this shallow well, What more can a fellow ask ? Why don't you come here more often to have a good time ? "

Before the turtle from the Eastern Ocean could get his left foot into the well, however, he caught his right claw on something. So he halted and stepped back then began to describe the ocean to the frog.

"It's more than a thousand miles across and more than ten thousand feet deep. In ancient times there were floods nine years out of ten yet the water in the ocean never increased.

And later there were droughts seven years out of eight yet the water in the ocean never grew less. It has remained quite constant throughout the ages. That is why I like to live in the Eastern Ocean. "

Then the frog in the shallow well was silent and felt a little abashed.

She admitted, like I do, that we are the frog.

I know that my flat is my well. I know there is an ocean out there. Personally though, I am not really interested.

Because, my pets, I am a transformer. At this point in my blog I make the transition from frog, to dog, and I share with you a quote from a Metallica song, "Low Man's Lyric"

"So you bring this poor dog in from the rain, but he just wants right back out again.."

People look at me in my rainy well and feel sorry for me. "This poor frog dog, how can it be happy in circumstances that I might find uncomfortable? No, what it needs is a life exactly like mine"

So they invite me to their warm ocean where there are lots of other creatures, and, on occassions, I have even visited this ocean.

But in all its vastness, for all its creatures, the ocean just felt.. empty. The ocean holds nothing of interest for me. The experiences always leave me longing for my well.

The tortoises will never understand.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The next stage of the Project (Featuring Sweet'n'Elite)

This is part three of a tandem story written by myself and the fantastic Badriyyah. I know I keep pointing you in the direction of her blog, but it really is a great read and if you haven't checked it out, do so now.
Part one of our story is here.
Part two is here.
Part three is below.

He looked back over his shoulder to get the licence plate of the other man. It was a vanity plate and not hard to remember - "THEONE".
"Sorry I lost my cool" he said to her as they approached the car. It was then he heard his phone was still ringing. He hurried back inside and answered it.
"Hello" he said.
"Hello, are you at the airport?" he heard his brothers voice respond.
"Just on my way now. It's been a rough morning"
"Yeah, I just heard on the radio there was an accident on the freeway, could take them awhile to clear it"
That was the hold up he thought.
"Well we're just starting to crawl again now, so they must have cleared at least a few lanes. I'll call you when we've got mum and are heading to the restaurant."
"Okay, should I call ahead and let them know we might be late?"
"Sure, sounds like a good idea. Call me back when you've spoken to them, bye"
"Bye"He put the phone down and turned to her.
"That was my brother. He's calling the restaurant to let them know we might be a little late. Would you like to call your parents?" he asked, offering her the phone.

She shook her head. "Thanks, but I just spoke to them last night. I told them all about today. Besides, it'll be pretty pricey calling all the way to South Africa at this time, peak rates and all that." She smiled. Her parents were celebrating retirement by traveling around the world. So far, they had gone to Athens, Florence, Madrid, Washington and were now traveling around South Africa. They were really enjoying themselves. She herself was looking forward to her trip to Phuket in a few months' time. However, she hadn't gotten around to telling him about her little trip yet. It was a holiday to celebrate the upcoming wedding.

"Fair enough" he said, sliding his phone back into his pocket. He was glad she had refused. Every time she talked to her mother she was worried his surprise would be ruined. Her mother was a lovely lady, but found it difficult to keep a secret. Especially one this big. He had called her parents one night and organised with them to fly to London with them after her sisters wedding. There, her parents would return to their world tour, and he would propose to her. There was something about London and it's old style buildings. To him they held a certain romance and charm. Although he had worked out the way he wanted to propose to her, he had not yet worked out how to get her on the plane without making her suspicious.

She glanced at him. He had been acting rather out-of-character lately, practically jumping for his phone every time it rang. She wondered if something was wrong with him and had thought to ask him a few times. But he'd always been the type to talk when he was ready and she didn't want to push. The traffic was clearing up rather nicely, and it looked like they just might make it to the airport on time. "I'm going to order the chicken pesto pasta later, I think. And loads of garlic bread. I'm so hungry! And nervous. I hope your mum will like me." She started fidgeting in her seat, as she always did when she was nervous. Perhaps she should tell him about Phuket now? Or wait until they reached the airport. He can't yell at her in front of his mother. Hah. She decided to do just that. But first, she should prepare him. "So, mum and dad are having such a fantastic time traveling. I'm so jealous. I really want to go on a trip too, get a change of scenery." She glanced at him to see his reaction

The fun continued through this section. First she throws me a phone call from an unknown caller, then we finish with both of our characters planning secret trips. Communication, it's the key to any good relationship. If you learn one thing from our story, make sure it's that.

I had also planned on making having both families at the restaurant that evening, lovely isn't it? But apparently Badriyyah didn't want a part of that, and placed one family on another continent. It would have probably become pretty messy though, having that many characters to keep track of.

We still have plenty more of the project to share with you. There are plenty more twists and turns yet to come. As I said, be sure to check out Badriyyah's blog as well. It's a chance for you to hear both side of the story, and see how innocent I was the whole time she was frustrating me with little tests =p


I would also like to take this chance to say that everyone's favourite person was mentioned in Patti Ann's blog here. If you haven't checked out her blog yet (I'm all plugs this evening- but she did call me sweet, so she earned a plug) have a look. It is the most creative layout I have seen, and the entries are always entertaining. (See how sweet I am? Even after she calls me an elitist. But because she called herself an elitist apparently that makes it okay to call me one as well. The thing I think really makes it okay however is that I am an elitist.)

She also gave me a few further ideas for my list, like "I don't dance, but that doesn't mean you can't. You go, have fun, and I'll wait in the car. You'll be gone what?.. Ten minutes?"

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I shall call him...

Remember a few months ago when some psychopath showed up and posted a few entries on my blog? Sure you do, he posted here and here.

These entries are obviously the work of a deranged individual. A real sociopath. And emptiness that dwells within me.

I call him Matt. Matt Cangson. Yes Thrice like you have Ace, Anto and Antonella and Random Hiccups like you have Bertha, I have Matt.

Matt is evil. Matt destroys anyone and anything around him. I'm no shrink but I'm pretty sure Matt has Dissocial Personality Disorder. And that's not all Matt has. Matt has a Facebook. I'm pretty sure that makes him a person in his own right, and me not responsible for his actions.

And I'm glad I'm no longer responsible for his actions. I have a feeling he'll be back soon though. Last night he was screaming, but I was able to control it. Tonight, I hear him whispering, and that's when he's his most dangerous.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Twenty steps to a working relationship

As some of you may now by now, myself and yourstruly100 (whose blog you can read here) share a similar point of view on the concept of love. Sometimes, I'm reading her blog, and I think "I could have written that myself.. if I could write that good.. either way, I was certainly thinking that"

When the first post I read of hers (which is here) contained this quote

"1. If you say everyday you like a guy. Eventually you will be in love with him!
[ yep! I don't believe in love! And maybe that's the reason I never feel it!]"

I knew I would enjoy hanging out at her blog.

And so, when she did her list of 20 things her ideal guy would need (which is here), I thought I might as well copy, because I've been struggling for ideas lately, and do the 20 rules of any relationship I would stand a chance in.
  1. the most important of all, must understand my incredible introversion. If I'm quiet, I'm reflecting, it's what I need to do to recharge so that I can be social at another point in time. If I'd rather stay in and read a book on a Saturday night than hang out with you and your friends, it's the introversion... honest...
  2. intelligence is important. I like to be challenged.
  3. must enjoy my music. Not only that, must be aware that Maynard James Keenan is a brilliant man, and should know and understand each and every one of his lyrics.
  4. Sometimes I will set myself a challenge which will definately be more important than anything you're doing, and so I will be unavailable until that challenge has been completed. Sometimes, that challenge might be something like watching the entire series 2 of Dexter back to back over one day.
  5. If I fall asleep whilst watching Test cricket, I am not to be woken up and the channel is not to be changed. Test Cricket is supposed to be watched like that.
  6. must understand all of my jokes, even if you don't think they're funny. I will not explain them to you.
  7. Not only that, I may be a vastly different person from one day to the next. One day I may be affectionate, the next I may be distant. You will respect and be ready for whichever mood I take (I think this is the same rule cats live by).
  8. On that subject, I am not a cat person. There will be no cats.
  9. I will not argue with you. That doesn't mean you win every argument, it just means I didn't think what we were arguing about was important.
  10. Here comes my favourite phrase again.. I do not like irrational social rituals. This means Valentines day and New Years eve and my birthday will not be celebrated by me (except for perhaps the having of "brinner"). If you're good, we might celebrate your birthday.
  11. My family is important to me and I will always take thier side. I am sick of a lot of my "friends" though, so if you could get rid of them I would be grateful (and we would celebrate your next three birthdays)
  12. I will not be available to do anything during Bathurst weekend.
  13. whilst I don't display emotion myself, I think they good things. They allow me to know what you're thinking, and they fascinate me
  14. Not a rule, but older is usually better. I tend to get along better with older girls (there are certainly a few exceptions. You know who you are. Let's just make it easy, if you're a female who is younger than me and you're currently a follower of this blog, you are one of the exceptions)
  15. If you want to do something, do it. If you feel I need to be informed, inform me. You don't need to ask for my approval (especially if me saying "No" would lead to me being yelled at)
  16. I will worry about the future. I will not always share these worries with you. Don't be concerned.
  17. I do not like the beach, or anywhere outdoors really. Or anywhere that there's people.
  18. if you're upset, I won't be able to offer you advice to help you through the situation. The best I can offer you bad jokes.
  19. I do not trust excitement and I do not know how to deal with over the top happiness.
  20. Sex is messy. I would only be in a relationship for the companionship. Maybe I should just get a rabbit.
There you have it. Possibly an explanation for why I'm single. With some of them, I did go over the top (I tried to build some humor into it). But amongst it all I think the 20 points are there. It's like, there's a 20 piece jigsaw puzzle and I just gave you 50 pieces, you have to work out what's important and put it together.

Unfortunately, as I was writing the points, I was thinking of a girl I knew who probably would have been able to live with most of them. She's gone now. Fuck.

I hope you enjoyed learning a little more about me. Remember pets, if there is anything you want to ask email askscoman@gmail.com before post 50 (this was 41). So far, I have been asked about 15 questions, so I may need to spill the answers over a few posts (or you might need to block out a weekend to read them.)

"But I like kids. I could never have them, since the idea of sex is no idea at all. Imagine doing those things- How can you? Where's your sense of dignity?"
"Darkly Dreaming Dexter"- Jeff Lindsay

Thursday, January 8, 2009

You've got some catching up to do (The Project Part II)

This is part two of a tandem blog written by myself and Badriyyah. You can read the first part here.

Because we left you waiting so long for the first part of our project, we decided to give you another dose almost straight away.

Before I give you any comments or thoughts, have a read.

He smiled. She looked at him in that way that let him know she knew he was up to something. "It's a good thing you're sitting beside a former boy scout," he said "because they always taught me to be prepared." He enjoyed playing with her. She was so cute when she knew she was being played with. He motioned towards the glove compartment and she opened it. He knew she wouldn't have had time for breakfast, so he'd made her a sandwhich before he left. She smiled and he melted.

It was her favourite sandwich too, roast turkey on rye with mayonnaise and black olives. She hated green olives for some unknown reason. She was just about the bite into it when the car in front of them braked suddenly, causing him to brake suddenly as well. She cried out as the sandwich flew out of her hand and watched as the olives fell on her shoes. He started cursing the driver of the car. She started picking up the sandwich from her shoes and dress.

He looked at her dress. "Don't worry, it's fine" he said. He wondered why traffic had stopped ahead. Perhaps there'd be an accident. He certainly hadn't been expecting it. The squeal of brakes behind him woke him from his thoughts and he checked his mirror, just as the car behind slammed into the back of them. The impact shook the car violently, causing her to drop what she had recovered of her sandwich. He couldn't believe their bad luck.

She gasped loudly and turned to look behind. Traffic was at a complete standstill. The driver behind started honking at them, which made her seriously angry. First, she had turkey flung all over her dress and now the jerk behind them was honking at them when it wasn't their fault. That was it. She wound down the window and started yelling at the driver. He replied by honking again. She nearly jumped out of the car to go punch the guy.

While she was yelling at the other driver, he got out of the car to check the damage. The car still looked driveable, but there was a bit of damage to the bodywork at the back end. The other driver was still honking and yelling at her. He normally was not a violent man, but today he was being pushed to his limits. He took ten deep breaths, and walked towards the other car. As calmly as he could, he walked over to the other car to try and get the other drivers insurance information.

Meanwhile, she realised how silly she was acting and popped her head back in the car to pick up the sandwich. Her stomach was rumbling loudly now, from the effort she had spent yelling at the jerk. She tossed the remainder of the poor sandwich out the window and took out some wet wipes to try to get the grease out of her dress. At the rate they were going, they might not reach the airport. His mobile started ringing and she glanced at the incoming number. It was a private number. She looked behind and saw that he was still exchanging information with the other driver, who saw her looking and glared at her. She gave him the finger and smiled sweetly. The phone was still ringing. Should she answer? But she hated answering other people's calls. It felt like an invasion of privacy to her.

He couldn't see what she was doing now, but he just knew she'd upset the other driver because the guy started yelling and screaming at the car again. He gave the guy a shove and said "Leave her out of this. Let's just get this sorted before the traffic starts moving again" The guy shoved him back. He threw his hands up in surrender. He was already likely to be turning up late, his date with food all over her dress and with damage to the back of his car. The last thing he needed was a black eye and a bleeding lip on top of all that. "You're even more of a bitch than she is" the guy said. Today that was all the provocation he needed. He threw the first punch he'd thrown since he used to fight with his brothers as a child.

The phone had stopped ringing. She heard loud voices coming from outside and turned to look. The phone started ringing again, but she ignored it. She stared at the scene outside in disbelief before jumping out of the car and running towards the two men. By the time she reached them, the other driver had a split lip and a bruise was forming on his cheek. Luckily, her guy was unharmed. She pulled on his arm and urged him to get back in the car with her. The other driver started cursing at her, which didn't bode well with her. She kicked him in the stomach, which shut him up. It was her guy's turn to pull on her arm and coax her back into their car. Traffic was beginning to move as well by now.

We started to get a little bit braver here I think. The feeling out stage ended and it became a case of "The story won't progress unless we make it happen"

This is where I think the tandem blogging aspect started to show itself. We never knew what to expect when the other one took control of the story for their input, although and I always eagerly awaited Badriyyah's emails to see where our characters were heading next.

Just a reminder, you can read Badriyyah's blog, "Life, through my eyes..." here

Further comments on the first post

Here's a few further comments from each of us on starting out on the project.

She said:

Well, he wrote the first paragraph. I thought we were going to a wedding or a graduation, since it sounded like a really big event. That's why I decided to put her in a dress.At this point, we were both going in blind. I had no idea where this story would take us, and in fact still don't. Curve balls keep popping up. =DThen I found out we were actually meeting his mother and picking her up at the airport.But as ScoMan said in his post, we were still feeling out each other. It's good fun, though, not knowing which direction we were going. A cyber adventure.

He said:

I wrote the first paragraph thinking "Right, he's all dressed up nice and ready to go out, I don't know where he's going, hopefully Badriyyah decides that with her bit" Well, she thought I had something in mind, but I didn't, so I decided to think of something as unexpected as I could. Something where there was the potential for excitement and a few laughs along the way (you don't think meeting a mother is exciting? You haven't met my mother)I have really been enjoying working on this with Badriyyah. It is hard to plan ahead at all, because you don't know what is going to happen in the next paragraph. And time after time, she leaves me with a challenge to answer.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

The project unveiled!

You may remember me announcing I was working on a "Project" way back here. I'm sure some of you have been on the edge of your seat with anticipation since then. Others are probably thinking "Oh yeah. That thing" And more still will be going "Dude, it's my second day here, I'm still trying to work out where the bathroom is"

Well, whichever category you fall into, the time has come to share the start of the project with you. The project is...

a tandem story with Badriyyah, author of the blog "Life, through my eyes..."

We decided to tackle this task when she wrote a blog titled "Clash of the Two Planets: Venus vs Mars" which featured a humorous tandem story as written for a school assignment. This blog is a must read. You can't help but crack up.

I don't know what we expected when we set out on this task, however as we are now well over the 5,000 word mark and the end is not in sight we are going to share the story with you in instalments.

If you haven't checked out Badriyyah's blog yet it is definately worth a look. She has amazing talent as a writer, and I particularly like this recent entry of hers. I can really relate to that one. Anyway, without further ado, the start of our story!

He straightened his tie and looked in the mirror. He'd known for months this day was coming, but the reality that it had finally arrived had not yet sunk in. Even as he was preparing for the days events, he could not fully comprehend what was ahead of him. He didn't realize what it meant for any of them. October 18th would be a day none of them would ever forget.

She looked at the photograph of him on her dresser. She wondered what he was doing and thinking right now. Was he as excited as she was? He was smiling in the photo, caught in a moment of candid happiness. She loved his smile. She loved his laugh. She glanced at the dress waiting for her on the bed. She should really start getting ready.

He checked his watch. He knew she wouldn't be ready yet. She always got ready in a frantic rush at the last minute, and always managed to take his breath away. Her beauty was effortless. He checked his watch again. If he was going to be at the airport when his mothers plane landed he'd have to leave soon. She'd never taken much interest in meeting his girlfriends in the past. Maybe after 18 months, she knew how serious he was this time.

She picked up the dress, then hesitated. Was it right for this special occasion? It was important to her that everything was perfect today. She checked her watch. Ooops, she thought. She was running a bit behind. If she was late it wouldn't matter how perfect the dress was. She slipped it on and hoped it wouldn't clash with what he was wearing. If he were here, he'd probably nag at her to hurry up. And people thought women were nags.

He got in his car and started heading towards her place. He hoped she was ready. He knew if they were late to the airport, his mother would never let them hear the end of it. Today had to be perfect. It was the day the two most important people in his life would finally meet. He fiddled with the radio. He needed to find something to take his mind off today. "If I don't think about it, I won't stress about it" he thought to himself.

She heard the car approaching. She grabbed her bag and shoes and ran down the stairs. She hated to keep anyone waiting. When the car stopped, she was already at the door, slipping her shoes on. She waved and climbed into the car, noting happily that his tie and shirt didn't clash with her dress. He looked wonderful.

He was pleased she was ready for him when he arrived. She looked perfect. He loved the dress she had chosen for today. If she had let him select the outfit for her (he had volunteered to do so in a moment of panic), that is the dress he would have picked. He scolded himself for being so worried. She'd never let him down before, and she knew how important today was to him. Though it wasn't just important to him he thought, it was her day too.

"I'm so nervous," she told him. "And I'm absolutely starving! I missed breakfast because I was too nervous to eat. Oh gosh, when I meet her the first thing she'll hear is my stomach rumbling!" She began rummaging through her purse but all she found was some lozenges. "Lasagna would be so good right now, " she sighed. She knew she should have listened to her friends and just forced herself to have a few bites before she left.

There you have it. The first eight paragraphs of our story. I think this was sort of a "feeling out" phase. None of us were sure were the story was going and we didn't want to take it there too quickly (a problem we have since overcome. She has been mean to me at times, and left me quite difficult tasks =p) Hope you enjoyed the first instalment!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

My little brother

My brother works for a place I will not name. They succeed by taking advantage of those already in tough situations.

There are two parts to the business. One where they buy your stuff for resale. Two where you bring in your item, they give you cash for it and hold it until you come back in 30 days and either pay the interest, or pay the lot and get your item back.

The interest rate? Thirty percent.

Of course, the aim of the game for them is to buy your item for as little as they can. Being that most of the people here are desperate for cash (or else, why would they be there?) they argue very little.

The formula they try to stick to is:
- work out what the item would be worth brand new
- take two thirds of that, that's what they aim to sell it for
- give the seller one third of that

So if you come in with an item worth $1,000 brand new, you're walking away with about $220 and whatever you sold goes in the shop for $660 (I rounded)

Anyway, this is all background. I want to tell you about one customer in particular.

A woman came into the store a few weeks ago. Her mother had just passed away, and she was left a ring which she was selling. My brother has quickly learned how to value all manner of things, jewelery included, and had a look at it. He quickly realised, this was an expensive ring.

But, because she kept talking about how desperate she was, and how she just really wanted "a few hundred dollars", he decided to be the store hero. He offered her $500, which she graciously accepted.

He and his boss had a closer look at it, and decided they could easily put then ring on the shelves for $7,000 and sell it. Profit to the business, $6,500. My brother was loved.

Not long after though, the phone rang. It was the woman's brother. He found out she had sold the ring to "go to the city and buy shoes" and he was not impressed. He wondered if there was any way he could buy it back.

Someone at the store must have got something that resembled a conscience, because they sold it back to him for $550.

So that's one of the many stories he has told me from his line of work. And, because the whole post has been about him, I'll finish with another story about him.

When he was organizing his wedding, they had to decide what music they wanted played in the limousines. His selection (which was not very popular and was rejected) - "Highway to Hell"

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Me in 20 words

I first read about this challenge at yourstruly100's blog "Everyday is a little life" (the exact post is here) The challenge is to describe yourself in just twenty words (a good thing for those of you who were sick of my rambling posts.)

The challenge hits me on two levels.
1/ I hate describing myself
2/ the aforementioned rambling

So, without further ado, my twenty words.

Cold. Warm. Considerate. Uncaring. Witty. Slow. I can't be who you want me to be, so I wear my masks.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Prior preparation prevents piss poor performance

Is that just an Aussie saying? Or do people use it world wide? Either way, it makes sense.

Anyway, this is blog number #35. I decided that for blog number 50 (assuming we make it that far) I would use an idea I first spotted on Thrice's Blog and give my pets the chance to ask me anything about me. I will try to answer every question as honestly (and entertaingly) as possible.

Ask as many questions as you like.

Email the questions to askscoman@gmail.com and look out for blog #50.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Years Day

Ten and a half hours
I've been here before
But not like this
Not for such an extended period of time
I'm excited
It's all new
I'm vulnerable
And I like it
Ten and a half hours
Some old friends didn't make it back
Some new friends arrived on the scene
Breaking only to eat
To go to the bathroom
The longest break of six minutes was to do the dishes
Other than that
I sat
His name is Dexter Morgan
And I journeyed through his world again

And because I like to end on a quote, I chose one from the show. This one is especially for Eck and Thrice

"I am Switzerland"
Dexter Morgan - "Dexter" Series 2 Episode 8